Turns Out I’m Crazy


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Lu Zhengfei personally killed Chen Qianqing with his abuse.

He cut off Chen Qianqing’s legs, and blinded his eyes, locking him up with chains in his house. Then, he watched with his eyes wide as he died. Injuries inflicted in the name of love would always end in a tragedy.

Did Lu Zhengfei regret it? Of course he did. And so, God gave him a chance to be reborn.

But this time, he found that he himself——became Chen Qianqing.

Associated Names
One entry per line
Related Series
Sickly Tyrannical (2)
Quick Transmigration: Fate Trading System (1)
Kill the Lights (1)
Quickly Wear the Face of the Devil (1)
A Smile from the Villain (1)
I Am My Wife (1)
Recommendation Lists
  1. Crazy for the MC - Male Yanderes List - BL
  2. Special Horror-ish BL
  3. To be read
  4. yandere
  5. No Weaklings here!

Latest Release

Date Group Release
08/08/20 Chrysanthemum Bud c32
01/21/20 Crazy Moonlight c31
06/11/19 Helli Translations c30
06/08/19 Helli Translations c29
06/04/19 Helli Translations c28
06/01/19 Helli Translations c27
05/29/19 Helli Translations c26
05/26/19 Helli Translations c25
05/23/19 Helli Translations c24
05/20/19 Helli Translations c23
05/17/19 Helli Translations c22
05/14/19 Helli Translations c21
04/15/19 Helli Translations c20
04/10/19 Helli Translations c19
04/07/19 Helli Translations c18
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13 Reviews sorted by

New AngelsFall rated it
July 24, 2020
Status: Completed
This is maybe one of the books where you are not sure if you want to give it a try, so you start reading the reviews. I hope I can explain some of the points you want to know and why you should or shouldn't read it. I'll try to avoid spoilers so don't worry about me ruining your fun.

First of all a warning: This book contains r*pe, imprisonment, abusive characters, mentions of self-harming and suicide and is able to influence the readers mental wellbeing. Please do not read... more>> if you are uncomfortable with any of the taggs in the description.

In my opinion is this one of the best dark bl novels I have ever read. I didn't need to pause between the 78 chapters at all and it was interesting until the very end. The writing and the translation are also very good, even the mtl chapters (after ch 30) are relatively easy to understand. So if you're still not scared of from this warning, let's look at the plot.

The protagonist is Lu Zhengfei the hair of a big family. He fell in love with a younger college student named Chen Qianqing. Unfortunately Chen was straight and had no interest in Lu. After Lu realised that Chen didn't want to be together with him at all, he used force to imprison him by his side. With the influence of Lu family, Chen lost every chance of freedom and couldn't even talk to his friends and family about his situation.
Chen hated Lu for the things he had done to him and died after almost 10 years of mental torture. Lu was devastated after the death of his loved one and followed him soon after.
Chapter 1:
Lu awakens in a hospital and quickly realises that he has become Chen. He only wishes to die but doesn't want to to harm the body of his most important person, so he decides to live Chens life as a form of retribution.


Lu is the protagonist/ MC. He is also the gong/seme/top/... (however you want to name it). His character is very controlling, headstrong and he is very intelligent. He is very cold and cruel to everyone outside a smal bunch of family and friends. His greatest fear is that Chen somehow manages to escape and leave him. He basically wants to give him everything he asks for, except his freedom.
Chen is the victim of Lus abusive love. He is stubborn, kind and positive but also prideful and wants to carry everything on his own. During his imprisonment he sinks into depression and wants nothing more than to hurt his tormentor as much as he hurt him.

The both of them were stubborn, insecure and not willing to negotiate so their relationship got worse with the time. It was not possible to hold a serious conversation without an argument. After he got reborn Lu realises many things about Chen and their relationship he didn't knew before.

The ending:


The ending isn't a typical happy ending (I don't think many expected one 🤷‍♀‍) but it is very beautiful. It's a bit rushed but the four bonus chapters softened the impact a bit. I'm sure there could have been more without making it boring and repetitive and some questions aren't really explained. But in the end the ending fits the story and the overall atmosphere.


I'm sure you all know what I'm talking about (if you read my warning at the beginning 😉). This book is not for children. It contains smut (short and not in detail but it is there), abuse, depression and other dark issues.

All in all it is a really great book. The balance between the toxic relationship and the happy elements like Chens family, his friends and his will to live is beautiful and doesn't exhaust the reader. It is a really unique gem and I am grateful that I gave it a chance. <<less
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New ishrocks18 rated it
July 21, 2020
Status: c31
It is a devastating good read. Sometimes I like the ML, sometimes I hate him for what he has done. The author has really done a good job in portraying the emotion of an yandere including the translator. Great read.
Why he reincarnated?


The reason of his reincarnation was because the original MC wants him to feel the pain he felt.

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jadelin rated it
December 17, 2018
Status: Completed
There are warnings on the darkness of this story, so people who don't like this genre should hold back from automatically giving it a one-star. The plot is actually is about redemption, though there's psychological abuse (and some physical abuse -- though the worst of that is in the beginning), but there is a lot of hilarious irony in the story at the same time. I'm not the translator, but I've read many works from this author, and the author's stories are often complex, darkly funny, and layered and actually... more>> NOT reader-emotional-manipulation stories. This is also not a tragedy, but has a pretty cool ending.

The author's works: https://www. Novelupdates. Com/nauthor/%E8%A5%BF%E5%AD%90%E7%BB%AA/


The story has a happy ending.

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OHtheNovelty rated it
April 6, 2019
Status: Completed
In a weird and morbid way, this story is really interesting. I didn't really know what to feel when I first plunged into this but after MTLing the whole story, I've got to say, this was a really good read.

To call this selfcest........ is not wrong. But at the same time....... it doesn't feel like it.

It's more like, the author wrote the story in a way that one's nature can change from their life experience, so because past!ML went through a different love life than current!ML, past!ML is no longer... more>> the current!ML. The two are now two different entities.

Which is weird, because not a lot of people believe in this. But I can see the reasoning so....I'm not too bothered.

The reason I'm not too bothered is because the personalities can be described as this: naiive, impulsive, stubborn and possessive ML x depressed, elegant, calm and cunning MC.

Two totally different people.

Also, the romance is definitely not as passionate as other stories. I figured it would go down like this, and I guess I'm not too sad about it. The romance isn't big between the MC and the ML because MC is trying to find forgiveness for his sins so there's a lot of angst and little feelings between them. And even when feelings begin, it's a calm love. Like a friendship between two broken people.

This story is definitely crazy, and I would have written things differently, but I appreciate what the author did and find it remarkable how their writing style can keep a sane person hooked on an insane novel like this one. <<less
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GrimmyAF rated it
July 9, 2019
Status: Completed
Is this a love story? Maybe. Is this a tragedy? No.

Does this have a happy ending?

... more>>



This isn't a happy story, and the warnings on the novel probably isn't enough. There's rape, emotional manipulation, mental and physical abuse, you name a creepy yandere act, it's probably here, and not in a romantic yandere love interest way either.

Personally, I feel it showcases mental illness quite well, albeit dramaticised because book, but not "Oh, mental illness?! Well here's some love and you're cured!" Same with the dissociation, and that absolute lethargicness that comes with depression.

Furthermore, there's an explanation for why MC went through this reincarnation, and why certain scenarios that happened in the past happened again in the new timeline.

Is it narcissism?

No, I don't think so.

MC and ML are really two different people by the end up of the book. Towards the end, this fact is reiterated, that even with some similarities, the current MC isn't the same as the ML. Butterfly wings or otherwise, a person is made up of the sum of their experiences, even with the same childhood, their adult life was very different, and the actions taken changed everything.


Does MC and up loving ML?

Who knows? My personal opinion, but I don't think MC loves ML in the way the previous him loved Original CQQ. But is it love? Probably.


As the Original CQQ said, the only one that could love LZF was probably LZF. The readers know that what LZF feels for both CQQs is love, a twisted, seriously yandere version of love, but still love. But the original CQQ didn't think so, and didn't believe him. For good reason.

But the LZF in CQQ's body knows what LZF feels, knows that this obsession is love, knows what LZF thinks when acting in a certain manner, and that changed everything.



Dog blood! Dog blood everywhere!

I didn't like how some of the relatives were made to be horrid creatures, and all the mentions of breaking legs was breaking my suspension of disbelief.

Also, the ending seemed a little rushed, there probably could have been a couple chapters more before diving straight into the last bit. It still wrapped up everything nicely.


And loose ends! What happened to ZM???


Probably more, but I'm still on the high from reading it.


I really liked how the MC went with a you do me no harm, I won't go against you policy. Too many times, Reincarnated MCs act as if they can't live if they don't face slap every other day.

This book does have face slapping, but the people that MC hated in his past life weren't harmed, but instead, everything was based on the acts against him (or more accurately, the acts and CQQ in this this life).


This is a good read, different from the standard reincarnation books with an interesting premise. Despite the dark premise, it doesn't have a tragedy tag for good reason. Give it a whirl if you don't mind the warnings in the tags, and don't mind a slower paced love (?) story. <<less
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rhianirory rated it
April 12, 2019
Status: Completed
this was very different from what I expected (in a good way). I enjoyed it but this isn't a novel for everyone and it covers some really dark subject matter. And I didn't find any of the comedy that's promised by the tags. It was, however, very thought provoking at times; it certainly made me think about the nature of mental illness, and the way love is expressed, among other things.

... more>>

for a while I thought his rebirth might really be the split personality disorder they suspected, which would have made this story unique in the rebirth genre. Sadly they went the usual supernatural route in the end.


it is a HE but I still find it a little unsettling, which is, I suspect, partly what the author was aiming for. Now here's the question; is it still self-love and narcissism if the person you fall in love with is another version of yourself, or is it different when your in a different body and the two of you have different life experiences, even if you were the same person up to the moment of divergence? Things to ponder. All in all, this novel interesting and squicky in turns and well worth the read.

i found his making out with his own reflection and getting off on it disturbing. It's not even close to the worst scenes in the book but it's the one that really stands out in my head and will squick me out the longest

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Hilyantomi rated it
August 9, 2019
Status: Completed
To be honest, I don't know how to rate this novel. Personally I consider it as the WORST WRITTEN novel of the author (the plot is worth to know QAQ). Like everyone said, Mary Sue ahem dog blood is everywhere :D

I'd only recommend the novel for those who want to try to have a heavier taste of physical maltreatment. Any white lotus are warned to stop giving low rating please :D and those who are both experienced in reading "sadomasochism" might get bored easily :D
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Lahell rated it
March 22, 2019
Status: Completed
The story is suited to people who like angst, bitter irony and crying... it is really cathartic.

The novel is well written and worth the read.

The MC and the ML are technically the same person, so if you know this is not your cup of tea don't read this. Although I have to admit that it didn't disturb me as much as I thought it would. (Especially because the focus is not the "romance" but the psychological aspects of the MC)
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BaiYihan rated it
April 8, 2020
Status: c51
I've been following this story for 2 years now and I just couldn't wait for more updates so I started to MTL it. It's one of my favorite novels and if you stick with it, I guarantee you won't be let down! The way the MCs thoughts are shown and hide it switches POV so you can see what the ML is thinking is great. And how the MC reacts when faced with himself is amazing!
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dona rated it
March 23, 2019
Status: c13
Seeing the pitiful few reviews, I decided to leave one as well in hope more people will give this novel a chance. Now usually (99% of times) I´m very harsh and stingy when it comes to giving 4-5 stars, so it´s been a while I´ve been generous with my reviews. I actually got hooked and read all 13 chapters in one hour.

It´s about obsessive, unhealthy love-which I love reading about, but the author has done a twist. There are plenty of novels about body swaps, but what´s unique about this... more>> one is that the abuser, ML, enters the body of his captive, the one whom he longed for and tortured for so many years. And now he has to suffer for all that he had done by his own hands.

Truthfully this deserves at best 4 stars because the story was a little bit unrealistic (in modern times it´s near impossible to torture someone to THAT extent without receiving help), if the author had set it in ancient times then it would be more real. Also the writing itself leaves much to be desired, it´s amateurish and not as descriptive as I wish it was, however the plot really hooked me, I don´t think I´ve ever seen a plot similar to this one. Really excited for future updates! <<less
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summerspring rated it
June 12, 2020
Status: Completed
I actually really really liked this story. It was painful but I felt that the story was well written and didn't have any boring extra stuff that wasn't necessary to the plot development. So the shortness was accomplished in what some novels try to do in 100+ chapters. It is a novel full of mystery and leaves you thinking. Translation on point and for the rest of the chappies I read original through google translate. Truly a novel worth supporting!
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Mafios01 rated it
July 8, 2020
Status: c1
This novel is strange in a good way. But I do not recommend it if you feel sensitive to issues such as sexual abuse, physical abuse, psychological problems, among other dubious issues.

I know it is difficult to say that a novel with those themes can be... Good? (somehow)

I still don't know how I feel, which makes me recognize this novel more.

... more>> A curious fact is that despite everything, this novel doesn't spill dog blood in exaggeration. I think it is quite realistic in the story.

There are some things that I would have liked to see develop but it doesn't feel bad.

If you have doubts, I recommend you give it a try. In mtl it's easy to read the rest of the chapters not yet translated. <<less
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etsuhun rated it
June 24, 2020
Status: Completed
This novel had all of the tags that I would normally steer away from, but the summary reeled me in. I mean who wouldn't? The first chapter hooked me in, and just a series of dogblood and face slap on the ML's side afterwards.

One of the best transmigration novels I've read, and I mostly read soft danmeis. Would reread this in the future. Highly recommended!
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