Living to Suffer

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And his life had been but a prelude to these three things – a summer shower, a glimpse of inky reeds and one man.

Shen Liangsheng is lying in the dirt bleeding away when a doctor, Ch’in Ching, discovers the wounded man. This sets off a series of events, some the doctor expected and others that catches him off guard but are nonetheless all a part of destiny’s plans to pit these two men’s desires against their principles.

Associated Names
One entry per line
Huo Shou Zui
活受罪
Related Series
Till Death Do Us Part (Sequel)
Recommendations
Cold Sands (5)
The Husky and His White Cat Shizun (4)
The Decade of Deep Love (3)
Gaze at the Scenes of Debauchery (2)
Sect Master and Psycho (2)
Encountering a Snake (2)
Recommendation Lists
  1. Want to read
  2. Short date with my gong
  3. Completed reading
  4. Takame's favourite DOG BLOOD and CREMATORIUM BL
  5. Completed BL good to read based on rev Second 100 ...

Latest Release

Date Group Release
09/20/17 Chinese BL Translations c20 (end)
09/13/17 Chinese BL Translations c19
09/07/17 Chinese BL Translations c18
08/30/17 Chinese BL Translations c17
08/23/17 Chinese BL Translations c16
08/18/17 Chinese BL Translations c15
08/10/17 Chinese BL Translations c14
08/02/17 Chinese BL Translations c13
07/26/17 Chinese BL Translations c12
07/19/17 Chinese BL Translations c11
07/12/17 Chinese BL Translations c10
07/05/17 Chinese BL Translations c9
06/28/17 Chinese BL Translations c8
06/21/17 Chinese BL Translations c7
06/14/17 Chinese BL Translations c6
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Review
37 Reviews


namio
namio
Feb 12, 2020
Status: Completed
"In that moment, Shen Liangsheng was hit with the realization that it was all written in fate.

And his entire life had been but a prelude to three things -- a summer shower, a glimpse of inky reeds, and one man.

For that man's earnest gaze to find him, for his hand to reach towards him, and for the wheels of destiny to fall into place."

... more>> In the end, who wronged who?

Living to Suffer is a whirlwind rush into lust, as two people tread the veneer of love they've both committed themselves to, knowing full well nothing will end well. One rainy summer day, Ch'in Ching saves a dying man-- the man who would inevitably bring him, atop a galloping horse, to his death.

From the very beginning, Living to Suffer is beautiful in its prose. The work of the translator here cannot be understated, because it all would've fallen apart without the equally gorgeous translation-- the author only gives us 20 chapters primarily consisting of smut, but it hits emotional beats through the use of simple but painful poetic passages, and it wouldn't be the same if the translation wasn't up to par. I honestly could quote so many segments of this novel; this is, in a sense, a hallmark of a good entry into this genre of short, hard hitting tragedy.

Living to Suffer doesn't spend much time developing the main leads' bond through domesticity. This, however, makes sense-- neither of them truly believe the farce they're entertaining. Ch'in Ching plays the idea of love at first sight like it would become true if he believed hard enough-- Shen Liangsheng does not have feelings, until the day he realizes he does. There is an almost unbelievable, fairytale-like feel to the development of their relationship, as if we're gliding across unnaturally serene waters. It's not real. Is it?

And that's what made Living to Suffer truly sticks out to me. It's not quite like what is commonly seen in the novels of this site, but I don't think it's doing its thing badly. It does so fantastically: it's just that it's a very passionate tragedy, meant to appeal to emotions without a delving in too deep into its world. It helps that the smuts are all great. Tangstory truly is a gift that keeps on giving, and so is the translator (who also translated Brother). If you are of age and can spare some time for a tragedy or two, I really recommend this one. There is something delicious about knowing it all will fall apart as both leads lie to each other-- and themselves.

On that note, Living to Suffer has a theme song now. The full version has Shen Liangsheng narrate a number of lines, while in the background Ch'in Ching calls out to him, saying "Shen Liangsheng, I like you!" over and over again. The last line Shen Liangsheng says, to me, encapsulates the push-and-pull of their relationship:

"But do you really?"

Who wronged who? <<less
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yuukine
yuukine
Apr 11, 2020
Status: Completed
Rating: 4.25

"Only the hearts of those who love you wholeheartedly would ache for you."

This is the type of the story that is read differently by different people. To those who suffered oppression by their parents and had been dictated whole their lives... they will understand the core of the main characters in this book.

If you are not the type of person who thinks outside of the box, then this book is not for you. If you need everything spelled out and fleshed out to believe in good characterization, then that's... more>> your choice. But if you sit and wait for a while and digest this story - you will slowly understand motives and actions of main characters and will in general understand them better. They are well fleshed out. You just need to think about it and digest this book before you condemn or praise it.

Translation is top notch and fantastic - with all those notes that help so much with understanding!

This is a story that has very obvious outcome from the moment you start reading.

Once upon a time, Chi'in Ching (CC) - a doctor - saved Shen Liangsheng (SLS), an executive officer of his demonic sect. And CC knows that one day, SLS will be the one who will deliver him to death. And yet, he gives injured SLS a choice.

To live or to die?

This choice leads to them being entangled for the rest of their lives.

At first, it's just a gamble for CC, and an exploration of feelings for SLS.

CC is someone who is raised knowing that he will die and how he will die.

SLS is like a newborn child - he doesn't understand emotions and he's just begun discovering them. After all, he's a weapon of his sect and he's fiercely loyal to them.

Here is the short SPOILERISH summary for those who want to read it.

Spoiler

Chi'in Ching is a member of a sect that fights against Shen Liangsheng's demonic sect that wants to revive a "demon". For it to be revived it needs written scrolls and they need blood trigger, which is Chi'in Ching himself.

CC knows he's gonna die because of sls's sect, but he saves sls anyway because he tries gambling his life on fact whether sls will save him or not. Cc has a way out to destroy his sect, but he wants to live. He doesn't want sls's love. Too bad both are too duty bound to abandon their morals.

Sls is a weapon of his sect, and he was raised as such, so he doesn't do emotions. Too bad, those emotions hit him like a train when it's too late and when he lost what he wanted to protect. Sls only understood what love means when his aunt said that she rather left love of her life alive and well, than kill him or make him suffer.

Meanwhile cc fell on his own sword by falling in love with sls.

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And here are my final opinions on the story.

Spoiler

in the end, sls understood that if he could turn back time, he would ask cc to grant him death, because that would be the only way to truly let him go.

Cc is someone whose life is determined by his PARENTS while sls is someone who lived in a household where he had to abide by rules.

Sls is like a newborn baby, he doesn't understand emotions yet. But he started - and if given enough time, I'm sure sls would kill his own sect to be with cc.

That's what I saw in it - both were victims of their circumstances and their upbringing.

Cc is someone who has a cancer, and sls is a doctor that will not save him because he's hopeless case.

Cc knows he will die, but he wants to live. But if he lives, they will hunt him for the rest of their lives and the world will suffer for it. If cc let sls die, someone else would come, and he wouldn't be able to control his life till his death. In other words, whatever cc chose, it would be bad choice. One would take his life, the other would save his life - but at what cost?

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"If you'll do that, then I will care for you from now on."

The utterance made Ch'in Ching freeze. This was too absurd.

"Shen Liangsheng"

And perhaps a bit dismal, as well.

"I love you, Shen Liangsheng."

He felt no gratitude of revenge but nevertheless earnestly locked eyes with the man and enunciated each syllable.

"So forget not your words today."

After the night is over, when the water lowers and the rocksappear, I pray that you will recall your every word today. And I pray you will remember forever what you feel in that moment.

Join their next life in Till Death do us Part, where their reincarnations struggle through years to finally be together and get what they have been denied.

Also be warned, the smut is very kinky in this one. Might not be for everyone.

Warnings (includes spoilers) :

Spoiler

r*pe - in context that SLS discovered CC knew who he was, and r*ped him - even though CC consented to it, he didn't consent to the pain SLS caused him during that s*x. CC gets over it and forgives because he knows it's no use to be angry over it, since he's the one who consented to it. It doesn't get romanticized. Their relationship gets better. Major character death.

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OVERALL:

  • Characters: 5 - fantastic.
  • Side characters: / - almost noexistent
  • Story: 4.5 - easy to follow, gives hints everytime. Top notch translation and beautiful dialogues.
  • emotional impact: 5 - I cried a lot. This book is a journey of hopeless love.
  • humor: 4 - CC is shameless enough for everyone.
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Celissiye
Celissiye
Feb 12, 2019
Status: Completed
Tragedy at its finest. One thing I despise when I read tragedy is if it feels forced, as though another easy solution is lying nearby but these dumb asses refuse to take it. This is NOT one such story. No, this is not forced, it is shoved down our throats as harsh reality (or should I say fantasy in Wuxia world?). The way it was set up was beautiful and inevitable. Lines spoken early on carried relevance later at the very end, plenty of symbolism thrown in.

Another thing I despise... more>> is the inevitability of fate and one's own end. This novel was going strong on this, and naturally, I felt extreme hatred about it. I didn't even intend to read this novel (I'm not usually such an M that I enjoy to make myself sad by reading tragedy) but skimmed it one day, the first chapter. Just like that, I was addicted, so caught up in the prose and thoughtfulness of the author that I couldn't put it down.

Spoiler

I will not spoil too much. But BOTH ML and MC literally and metaphorically were living to suffer. Their existences were fated to end horribly. For one, you know from the start MC was born and raised to die, causing him inner grief and near insanity at times. It also gave him a careless attitude where he doesn't even care for his own health. ML finds the love of his life but cannot help the MC as it would mean betraying his entire sect, leading to his companion's demise, oh, and also his purpose for existing also would have disappeared.

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The vivid smut scenes are like some sort of horrifying bait of guilty pleasure delivered to us by the author so that we may ease our suffering just as the characters do during their interc**rse. Of course, each one is valuable because of the MC's condition and shows how the cold and distant ML slowly descends more and more into love. The reason why the MC wants to have s*x right away is because he knows his life is sh*t and that the end is nigh, which makes him crave a connection with somebody else before then. However, being the depressed dumbasses they are with a multitude of secrets, both MC and ML are unable to interact and communicate with each other as 'normal' couples do.

Spoiler

I was terrified and charmed by the MC's inner mind, both happy (in a twisted way) that ML would suffer like he while also doing so that he could have a taste of happiness before his death, but also feeling guilt weighing upon his shoulders like a mountain.

I know it might be hard to understand why the characters act as they do, but it actually makes sense with the way the author frames it. The MC wants to experience even a tiny bit of something good before he dies, and so hooks up with the ML. He is also bitter about his fate, which is why he meets up with the ML until the ML falls for him, too. The ML likes the MC because those of his sect are rather heartless (hence the 'evil sect'), so he becomes attached to the reclusive painter MC who acts as though he doesn't know the real identity of the ML. ML probably also likes the sex, as it is not impossible for lust to spark love. But the ML still has responsibilities towards those in his sect who are like family to him, which is why he doesn't betray everyone in order to save the MC in the end.

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If you read this, then you might as well read the equally heart-wrenching sequel (but not nearly as sad), you can make it through with a tumultuous amount of bittersweet emotions and at least feel ever so slightly more at rest...

Your pain shall not last long, it is merely 20 chapters... <<less
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alexfilia
alexfilia
Aug 09, 2017
Status: c13
From the first chapter you get this feeling this novel is going to have a not so happy ending Q.Q

The ml's motives for being with the MC are never made clear (or they will in later chapters?)

There is also the mc's vague illness along with that vague villain plan.... The only saving factor on this novel is the smut >.>
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btsdynamiteAUG21
btsdynamiteA
Sep 03, 2020
Status: Completed
Spoiler

They both have cruel fates bestowed upon them and neither they can escape it without great retribution. I'm speechless. CC wanted the grass from LS in return of saving LS' life, but LS didn't know that the grass is the only ingredient missing for the 'Mantra of Extortion' - which CC recited so that it can give himself death.

LS realized too late of his emotions and before he knew, his love is already lifeless. It's such a cruel thing!

I just finished reading the sequel to this, and thankfully they got a happy ending (It's a happy ending but I still cried and totally worth reading) :)

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Achiless
Achiless
Dec 30, 2019
Status: Completed
2.5 stars, 3 is a bit too positive.

This story is very quick-paced in a bad way. So much time passes in 20 ch, and everytime the two meet it's basically to f*ck. The feelings-development/attraction of the MC happened when the ML stayed at his hut after being saved by MC. That time however is skipped through very quickly. If only the the ML's first stay is more detailed, it would've been so much better. Everything is kind of rushed and abrubt now.
The writer actually began writing it on impulse... more>> or something (can't remember what she said exactly) and didn't intend on continuing so that might be the reason.

The plot is actually really interesting, but it isn't delivered well in my opinion. Again due to the fast pacing. Also it is kind of shortnovel-like, so you as a reader keep on discovering more about "the truth" behind the MC while reading every chapter, which isn't a bad thing. The downside however, is that we mainly discover the truth without (clear) warnings through dialogues between the MC and his shifu, and our speculations are further confirmed by explanations afterwards that are pretty vague.
It could also be because of the style, which is pretty complex and even complexer in the translation for western audiences. I sometimes have to read twice; it is really a novel that you have to read while concentrated. I think the style is actually really beautiful, even the translation, but the usage of the complex style while explaining important things is just too much for me.

Also, it is supposed to be a tragedy, yet I didn't shed a single tear. My eyes didn't even get wet, while I cry easily bc of novels. If I think about the storyline I will find it tragic and painfully beautiful, but I didn't get a single feeling of that while reading it. So again great story, but not well delivered.

I didn't regret reading it tho. Also the s*x scenes wow even mdzs can't top that. <<less
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Ppkk85
Ppkk85
Nov 17, 2021
Status: Completed
Ok, I do love a tragic love story, but this novel was just plain weird, it’s nothing but s*x. There’s no sweet moments to build into love. They barely know each other and the MC is already saying I love you. Everything felt forced and weird. I didn’t feel sad or moved at all when MC was suffering bc I feel no connection to MC. I can’t even tell if their feelings for each other is genuine or real.
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aujnbr
aujnbr
Sep 19, 2020
Status: Completed
The translation and the original writing is so good it's almost like I'm reading a published book by an actual author. This novel has such a beautiful prose, full of metaphors and allusions to poems — and the translator's footnotes really helped in understanding the beauty of this work. Really.

There was also one NSFW scene that was so romantic I almost teared up.

I appreciated the characters a lot because they resonated with me, and isn't that mostly what a book is supposed to do? To resonate with the reader.

The MC... more>> is tired of living, the ML is unfeeling; and they both have to stick to their principles and go along their fates — but somehow they meet and suddenly life isn't so terrible after all. Life is still bad, but they found the speck of good in it within each other. Let them be selfish for once.

I'm still too uncultured and uneducated to continue commenting on this novel, but TL;DR if you're miserable but feel like you aren't miserable enough, then read this. <<less
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kiraluvst
kiraluvst
Aug 28, 2018
Status: Completed
It's. So. F*cking. Good.

And heart-wrenching.

T0T

First of all, the novel is beautifully written and the translation is superb. Every word is carefully chosen.

Second, the MC who couldn't escape his cruel fate and faced it with his unique characters. Couldn't help but empathize with him but still kept questioning the truth behind his words and his original intention.

Third, the ML who suffered no less. I was so struck by his words at the last chapters:

... more>>
Spoiler

"After you die, I will live on.

Every bit of pain you suffer now was given unto you by me.

And I have witnessed it with my very eyes and memorized every bit of it.

From this day on, I shall remember it every day and dream of it every night.

So that I may live in pain every single day for the rest of my life."

[collapse]

Oh, God.

Prepare a lot of tissues, this story will leave a deep mark in your heart. You've been warned. <<less
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BeeShelf
BeeShelf
Nov 20, 2017
Status: c20
This story will definitely break your heart, therefor prepare extra napkins in case you need one. I'm still not over the story, and how it ended it was really sad. I'm feeling really emotional right now and I rarely do and that's saying something....

Read it with your own will. Sigh*

I wont spoiler anything. As fore the translation it was good. No problem in that area.
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Rinmoyi
Rinmoyi
Jun 03, 2021
Status: Completed
I don't, absolutely don't like tragedy genres. *_* but still it's a Masterpiece!!!!

Fate was pre-determined. Even if they wanted to they couldn't have happy ending. As if the Havens had made up it's mind to let them suffer. In author's writing I felt haven was unfair truly unfair. MC would die no matter what and won't even have a change to reborn as it said. @[email protected]

I choked up at the last conversations between MC & ML. Till death of MC what ML felt about him was still ambiguous. He realized... more>> what's on his mind only after death but the man was already gone. Only regret remained!!

Ahhh !!! That's why don't like tragedy, life already has many things to feel sad about, why do we have to feel sad over a novel again?! +_+ <<less
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Michelle-08
Michelle-08
May 30, 2021
Status: Completed
Shen Liangsheng stepped out of his dark corner for the first time and approached the metal coffin. Looking up at the hanging man, he enunciated each word slowly,

"After you die, I will live on."

"..."

... more>> "Every bit of pain you suffer now was given unto you by me."

"..."

"And I have witnessed it with my very eyes and memorized every bit of it."

"..."

"From this day on, I shall remember it every day and dream of it every night."

"..."

"So that I may live in pain every single day for the rest of my life."

Me: *sobbing* I need one more box of kleenex!!!! waaaaaaaaaa!!!!

Story 9.5/100 Sensuality- 10/10. <<less
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Reyleisha
Reyleisha
Feb 03, 2021
Status: Completed
Rating: 4.5/5- I cried is all I’m going to say.

I felt really glad with how this book ended, without giving too much away.

The novel is very well written and packs quite the punch of emotions in a mere 20 chapters.

SPOILER ALERT!!!

... more>>
Spoiler

The ending seemed inevitable, ill fated from the start only to hurt each other more deeply than expected. Although I was not surprised because from around chapter 5 I really could not see them being together and I felt a bit conflicted as to whether they were in love or just in a weirdly desperate situation. As much as the ending cleared it up, they had a dubious beginning. It never bode well from the start.

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I didn’t really form much attachments for the characters which I was disappointed with, perhaps I expected to feel more for them. I did however like their characters- I thought they were well written and very realistic.

When it comes to good tragedy, this one is definitely an excellent choice.

I will now read the sequel and hope that the characters redeem their dreary past lives. Otherwise, this was a very enjoyable, angsty, romantic short read.

Excellent writing and storytelling! <<less
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Mochibite
Mochibite
Nov 26, 2020
Status: Completed
This story is a tragedy done right. At 20 chapters nothing is drawn out, and the pacing of the story is really nice. It isn't just tragedy for tragedy's sake. Everything has a reason, and every word, silence, decision and action counts. Before the story even happened, the wheels of fate had already turned.

I really do think that Living to Suffer is a turn-on-your-brain kind of novel. The details matter, and both the author and translator made sure of that. Rereading is essential, and you'll pick up on things you... more>> didn't notice the first time. I've read the story twice now, and I think there's still new things I can pick up on and aspects of the story I can think deeper on. It's poetic, but doesn't feel stuffy and instead adds to the quality of the story.

I ended up really liking all the characters, although the story mainly focuses on the main characters Ch'in Ching and Shen Liangsheng. None of them are strictly black or white, everyone is shades of gray. Honesty, Shen Liangsheng did more bad than good for the world. But this only adds dimension to them and makes the story more grounded because just like in the real world, no one is going to be completely good or bad. And that's what makes life complex.

I loved Ch'in Ching. His personality, his quirks, his sadness, his guilt, they were all distinctly him and made him such a unique character. I loved how he cracked jokes and it was so poetic and moving when you learned the reason he chose to save everything he could, regardless if they were "good" or "bad".

Spoiler

The reveal that he was the blood vessel and how he was living to suffer (hur) was so well done and sad. Reading his journey of acceptance at his fate was bittersweet, and I really liked how he wasn't a selfless hero who was completely willing to sacrifice himself painfully for the good of the world. He didn't wallow in self-pity, but the fact that he had to constantly lie to himself was heartbreaking to read as well. He spun not only a web of lies for Shen Liangsheng but for himself as well. His love of gambling was bittersweet as well where you couldn't guess the outcome (unless you were as powerful as Shen Liangsheng :/), such a stark contrast to his life in which Ch'in Ching knew exactly how it would end.

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I ended up liking Shen Liangsheng as well. Normally I'm pretty neutral on quiet, ice-block characters, however, the author gave him dimension with every word, silence and inner thought that he had throughout the story. As the story progressed you could see him learning emotions and learning that he did love Ch'in Ching. Living to Suffer showed the impact of how we were raised on who we become.

Spoiler

You can't really blame him for being such a blockhead/one-track mind when he was raised to be exactly that. He was brainwashed since he was born to live and die for the Hsing Sect, and the only encounter he had with love prior was seeing the look of love in Miao Jan's eyes as a child. His realization that he saw the same look in Ch'in Ching's eyes and wanted to stare into them forever was moving and hard to read. You can see how much he had grown and the hopelessness of that wish T_T.

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The only other major characters Miao Jan and Ch'in Ching's shifu were also given dimension. Miao Jan brought some light-heartedness to the story, yet her own story was so sad as well. Her care for Shen Liangsheng, her love for the love of her life, and her humor in such dire situations really highlighted how you don't have to necessarily be a good person and still be a good character. Yay for well-written female characters! I resented shifu in the beginning for being so harsh towards Ch'in Ching and refusing to let him escape from the tragedy, however, he grew on me by the end. Regardless of his shortcomings, he did truly care for Ch'in Ching like a son and regretted being so harsh on him in childhood.

Warnings:

Spoiler

There is a scene of r*pe in the story. I think it's important to note that this isn't romanticized or written in a way that says "this is ok!". The author doesn't try to justify the actions. The r*pe occurs after Shen Liangsheng sees the disgust Ch'in Ching holds towards him murdering, and I think it shows his anger towards that disgust as well as the fact that he does care how Ch'in Ching thinks of him. Ch'in Ching forgives him, but it's not written in as just there for being there's sake.

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On a lighter note, the smut is really well done! Tangstory really writes in an appealing way that makes it nice to read not just for the actions, but the emotions behind the NSFW as well. Personally, I always feel like emotions and a good story makes smut much better :).

Spoiler

The wedding NSFW was so good! The emotions, how Ch'in Ching and Shen Liangsheng were feeling and acting were so tender :'). When Shen Liangsheng calls out Su-er and the fact that he tells Ch'in Ching to call him husband made me melt. Ahhh so many feels.

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Thank you so much Tangstory for writing such a beautiful story with moving characters!! You truly have a way with words, and I wish there was more of your work on NU. Thank you thank you ayszhang for your amazing translation! Reading the story wouldn't have been the same without your awesome translating you talented human being! <<less
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Chuki Yuuki
Chuki Yuuki
Aug 10, 2020
Status: Completed
GOSH, FATE IS REALLY CRUEL.

This is a heart rendering story about, well obv, two men who unexpectedly found love in each other... but as I have said, fate is really too cruel. In the time they have lived, they have experienced their joys, their sorrows, their doubts, their trust broken and earned again and again, and most importantly, both of them took their own time to love each other.

In that span of time, really only two questions are worth mentioning:

... more>> "Do you want to live?"

"Do you really love me?"

Only two answers are needed to be said:

"I love you, truly I do."

And...

"Grant me death." <<less
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Cherry tomatoes
Cherry tomat
Jul 23, 2020
Status: Completed
Overall: 4.5 of 5

This is the prequel to "Til Death Do Us Part". First of, not a whole lot of details or complicated backstory or world building.

The MC character is simple and easy to understand. I love that he admits he's a shameless pervert and low-key gambling addict. The ML is... stale. I mean I get his character archtype, but I was hoping for more developments so I could also understand him a little more as individual and be invested in him emotionally. But, I still understand him. If giving... more>> enough time, I think his character development would be apparent. Unfortunately, the story is meant to be short and partial.

Anyway, lots of smuts. There's not much plot. It's actually very simple. There's barely any drama too. And to be quite honest, I feel the ending was a little rushed.

You ask why the high rating then? Because it's have high potential, still a good read, plus the abundant of smut. And, I did get a little attached to the MC. His devotion and love did moved my heart a bit. <<less
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BlackLoveInSpace
BlackLoveInS
Jan 07, 2022
Status: Completed
"Hey, there's a story in this smut", that's what you keep telling yourself while you salvage through this sea of shamelessly explicit scenes to find the actual motif behind this title.

The dynamic seems interesting at first, cold doctor living his life in vice, versus ice-cold killer raised to erase. The problem is, every time they meet it's just to do the naughties. They don't do any other bonding activities, they don't go fishing or play go or meet at chinese starbucks, it's just f*ck f*ck f*ck, more than 50% of... more>> the story. Every time a chapter begins without a s*x scene, I wondered "so how is it gonna transition into one". Even with a good premise I couldn't care less about their relationship as it was solely built on lust. And MC has the audacity to say "I love you" again and again. No darling, you like dick.

I liked the stages of grief MC went through to accept his fate, and his shizun that loved him very much. MC is an extremely broken person with nothing to lose, with a life long ticket to horny jail, (and from his choice of partners he might have daddy issues), and that's an interesting character.

ML never pays attention to him, he doesn't stop when even when MC is suffering, never compromises, never listens to his pleas, he just comes off as unlikeable. Even after raping him (MC) , MC is still anxiously attached to him. I just can't comprehend what goes through both of their minds.

The actual part when it got interesting was three quarters in, when the author was probably out of ideas for smut and actually drove the plot forward, and it was actually good. The last two chapters were brilliant and got you through all the feelings one could get.
Spoiler

MC f*cking dies and ML stops being a d*ck and THEN f*cking dies. On a serious note, I loved it. It was tragic, inescapable, but redeeming.

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The situations, the wordbuilding, the questions... this would be at least 9/10 story-wise, if there was a version when it cut out on the naughty stuff that is too much and does too little to help the plot anyway. I would actually read it again to clarify on some things, but going through the pain of finding nemo in that plastic filled ocean would be in itself living to suffer... <<less
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MeineMeow
MeineMeow
Nov 20, 2020
Status: Completed
I honestly warn you. THIS IS A SAD ENDING.

Gosh, I know.. It was my own risk to read.. But the smut tag brings me here. And let me assure you, this is one of the best poetic smut I ever read.

But the angst.. For God Sake!!! I love the author, the story is short but not seems short at all. The words is beautiful, the character is well portrayed, the story also wonderful.

But.. The sad separation in the end.. God, I can’t stop my tears. And the author even put... more>> a statement to distinguish any possibility for us secretly hoping that they will happy together in somewhere else at another time.

Ah.. Truly a beautiful love story. Yet because they’re beautiful, it was hurts so much. <<less
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Lovelies
Lovelies
Nov 30, 2019
Status: Completed
Really compelling and complex characters that you can't help but root for them and try to understand them. The story is beautifully tragic and the actual writing style is absolutely vivid and gorgeous. Even the summary itself is art.

It's short but does not feel rushed at all (a lot of other short stories fail to do this). It won't take too much of your time and this is definitely one of the better BL/Yaoi novels out there.

Smut is very well-written and interesting too :)
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srrrahim
srrrahim
Sep 04, 2018
Status: Completed
Don`t understimate the tragedy tag

wuwuwu this CN is too much. MC died without knowing that ML actually love him. Well, he give some clue to MC, but ML didn`t bluntly said that he love him. WHYYYY

hahhh, , overall, this novel is good. Not my favorite, but this is a good novel to spend time
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