Chi'in Ching is a member of a sect that fights against Shen Liangsheng's demonic sect that wants to revive a "demon". For it to be revived it needs written scrolls and they need blood trigger, which is Chi'in Ching himself.

CC knows he's gonna die because of sls's sect, but he saves sls anyway because he tries gambling his life on fact whether sls will save him or not. Cc has a way out to destroy his sect, but he wants to live. He doesn't want sls's love. Too bad both are too duty bound to abandon their morals.

Sls is a weapon of his sect, and he was raised as such, so he doesn't do emotions. Too bad, those emotions hit him like a train when it's too late and when he lost what he wanted to protect. Sls only understood what love means when his aunt said that she rather left love of her life alive and well, than kill him or make him suffer.

Meanwhile cc fell on his own sword by falling in love with sls.

in the end, sls understood that if he could turn back time, he would ask cc to grant him death, because that would be the only way to truly let him go.

Cc is someone whose life is determined by his PARENTS while sls is someone who lived in a household where he had to abide by rules.

Sls is like a newborn baby, he doesn't understand emotions yet. But he started - and if given enough time, I'm sure sls would kill his own sect to be with cc.

That's what I saw in it - both were victims of their circumstances and their upbringing.

Cc is someone who has a cancer, and sls is a doctor that will not save him because he's hopeless case.

Cc knows he will die, but he wants to live. But if he lives, they will hunt him for the rest of their lives and the world will suffer for it. If cc let sls die, someone else would come, and he wouldn't be able to control his life till his death. In other words, whatever cc chose, it would be bad choice. One would take his life, the other would save his life - but at what cost?

r*pe - in context that SLS discovered CC knew who he was, and r*ped him - even though CC consented to it, he didn't consent to the pain SLS caused him during that s*x. CC gets over it and forgives because he knows it's no use to be angry over it, since he's the one who consented to it. It doesn't get romanticized. Their relationship gets better. Major character death.

I will not spoil too much. But BOTH ML and MC literally and metaphorically were living to suffer. Their existences were fated to end horribly. For one, you know from the start MC was born and raised to die, causing him inner grief and near insanity at times. It also gave him a careless attitude where he doesn't even care for his own health. ML finds the love of his life but cannot help the MC as it would mean betraying his entire sect, leading to his companion's demise, oh, and also his purpose for existing also would have disappeared.

I was terrified and charmed by the MC's inner mind, both happy (in a twisted way) that ML would suffer like he while also doing so that he could have a taste of happiness before his death, but also feeling guilt weighing upon his shoulders like a mountain.

I know it might be hard to understand why the characters act as they do, but it actually makes sense with the way the author frames it. The MC wants to experience even a tiny bit of something good before he dies, and so hooks up with the ML. He is also bitter about his fate, which is why he meets up with the ML until the ML falls for him, too. The ML likes the MC because those of his sect are rather heartless (hence the 'evil sect'), so he becomes attached to the reclusive painter MC who acts as though he doesn't know the real identity of the ML. ML probably also likes the sex, as it is not impossible for lust to spark love. But the ML still has responsibilities towards those in his sect who are like family to him, which is why he doesn't betray everyone in order to save the MC in the end.

"After you die, I will live on.

Every bit of pain you suffer now was given unto you by me.

And I have witnessed it with my very eyes and memorized every bit of it.

From this day on, I shall remember it every day and dream of it every night.

So that I may live in pain every single day for the rest of my life."

The ending seemed inevitable, ill fated from the start only to hurt each other more deeply than expected. Although I was not surprised because from around chapter 5 I really could not see them being together and I felt a bit conflicted as to whether they were in love or just in a weirdly desperate situation. As much as the ending cleared it up, they had a dubious beginning. It never bode well from the start.

The reveal that he was the blood vessel and how he was living to suffer (hur) was so well done and sad. Reading his journey of acceptance at his fate was bittersweet, and I really liked how he wasn't a selfless hero who was completely willing to sacrifice himself painfully for the good of the world. He didn't wallow in self-pity, but the fact that he had to constantly lie to himself was heartbreaking to read as well. He spun not only a web of lies for Shen Liangsheng but for himself as well. His love of gambling was bittersweet as well where you couldn't guess the outcome (unless you were as powerful as Shen Liangsheng :/), such a stark contrast to his life in which Ch'in Ching knew exactly how it would end.

You can't really blame him for being such a blockhead/one-track mind when he was raised to be exactly that. He was brainwashed since he was born to live and die for the Hsing Sect, and the only encounter he had with love prior was seeing the look of love in Miao Jan's eyes as a child. His realization that he saw the same look in Ch'in Ching's eyes and wanted to stare into them forever was moving and hard to read. You can see how much he had grown and the hopelessness of that wish T_T.

There is a scene of r*pe in the story. I think it's important to note that this isn't romanticized or written in a way that says "this is ok!". The author doesn't try to justify the actions. The r*pe occurs after Shen Liangsheng sees the disgust Ch'in Ching holds towards him murdering, and I think it shows his anger towards that disgust as well as the fact that he does care how Ch'in Ching thinks of him. Ch'in Ching forgives him, but it's not written in as just there for being there's sake.

The wedding NSFW was so good! The emotions, how Ch'in Ching and Shen Liangsheng were feeling and acting were so tender :'). When Shen Liangsheng calls out Su-er and the fact that he tells Ch'in Ching to call him husband made me melt. Ahhh so many feels.

MC f*cking dies and ML stops being a d*ck and THEN f*cking dies. On a serious note, I loved it. It was tragic, inescapable, but redeeming.