Gaze at the Scenes of Debauchery


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They’ve been entangled together for 12 years. A gong whose affairs had become second nature, and a shou who was depressed and liked to torment himself. Cracks cannot be mended, one can only intentionally choose to either ignore or endure it.

Associated Names
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Related Series
The Decade of Deep Love (4)
Xia Niangniang (2)
Love in Another Life: My Gentle Tyrant (1)
Friends with Benefits (1)
Yesterday (1)
Recommendation Lists
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Latest Release

Date Group Release
11/27/18 Exiled Rebels Scanlations extras
10/01/18 Exiled Rebels Scanlations c50-53 (end)
09/23/18 Exiled Rebels Scanlations c47-49
09/16/18 Exiled Rebels Scanlations c43-46
09/05/18 Exiled Rebels Scanlations c38-42
08/31/18 Exiled Rebels Scanlations c34-37
08/23/18 Exiled Rebels Scanlations c32-33
08/17/18 Exiled Rebels Scanlations c29-30
08/13/18 Exiled Rebels Scanlations c25-28
08/08/18 Exiled Rebels Scanlations c21-24
08/04/18 Exiled Rebels Scanlations c18-20
07/30/18 Exiled Rebels Scanlations c14-17
07/26/18 Exiled Rebels Scanlations c11-13
07/21/18 Exiled Rebels Scanlations c7-10
07/17/18 Exiled Rebels Scanlations c4-6
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31 Reviews sorted by

New anye11
August 2, 2020
Status: Completed
I'm a sucker for tragic stories. One look at the summary and I was already sold. I'm used to the pain. I like sad endings but this ending is one of the things I don't like. That's the only reason why I gave this a 4/5 instead of 5/5.

The writing is above other Chinese novels but definitely not the best. The writer did say she still had the 8th grader syndrome when she wrote this. But it was still beautiful. It managed to moved me but not turn me into... more>> a crying mess.

I picked up some life lessons from this book. One of them is impulsive decisions can really ruin you. This resonated with me because I'm like that.

YanHan's impulsive decisions is what ultimately ruined them. He kept on thinking of what could choice could satisfy his "now" and that lead them to this abyss.

Also WenQing's stubborness in staying with Yanhan. Maybe his life could have been better if he chose to move instead of get cheated on countless of times. Learn to know when to walk away. It's an act of self love and he seemed to lack that. And when he finally did regain it, Yanhan traps him which lead him to his final choice.

All in all. YanHan doesn't deserve any sort of happiness. I don't car eif I'm being a bit*h but he just doesn't. Not after everything he's done.


Also folks. Pls see a therapist <<less
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New Nora233
July 29, 2020
Status: Completed
Though I am a crybaby, I didn't cry at this one.I came here after reading 10 years when I loved you the most wanting to torment my heart. But I feel nothing. (_ _|||)

After reading this story, I came to know why people can't let go of toxic relationships.I was anxious in what way this novel gonna end but I feel relieved and a bit of unwilling at the same time in the end.

I'm afraid what if my future partner turn out like that?And still going on this kind of... more>> relationship suffering everyday. Divorce is easy to say but not easy to do I think. As my mom used to say she didn't divorce because of us (PaPa didn't cheat my mom is just dissatisfied with sth else) . Welp I have never been in a RS and probably will never be XD as I have a very bad temper (・`ω´・). <<less
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Alta rated it
November 18, 2018
Status: Completed
Beautifully written and well translated.

This short novel will make you feel so very deeply if you even just slightly understand what it means to love someone even if it breaks you. Otherwise, you'd probably just think the MC is s*upid for sticking for so long. It requires that maturity to appreciate, I guess.

Give it a chance.

Play a sad playlist on the side if you want.

It's a definite must-read.

P.S. I gained a whole new appreciation for the cover after I read it. It's amazing.

... more>>

Only one hand has a red string, doesn't it?

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eveitis rated it
September 6, 2018
Status: c40
Note-I only read up to chap 40 of this story
Warning-spoiler ahead

I totally misunderstood this story. Because of the author wrote this in beautiful word (I am based on the translation) I thought this is not like your typical 'one partner cheated on another' but it's totally cliche'. I also misunderstood on who the actual ML is. The MC being portrayed as someone who is strong in emotion but the truth is he got typical Stockholm Syndrome. He leaves everything that's good in his life to be with his partner... more>> (this is the actual ML I believe), he leave his good life to became a full time house partner in name of love. He turn blind eyes on his partner who cheated on him (FOR MULTIPLE TIMES) and stay with him for more than 10 years.


Another character show up (this is the one that I misunderstood as the ML). He's younger and the MC reject him saying he remind the MC for younger version of his partner and he can't waste another 10 years of the same relationship to repeat again (being cheated on).

I thought the turning point is when the MC have the courage to go out and work (MC and partner still together) but NO!. This is when MC meet one of his partner 'affair' but still no break up!. The partner feels insecure with his potential rival and request for MC to stop working and MC said OK. Stop working.

Instead of leaving his partner after he's sure his partner is cheated on him (this is not the same 'affair' as mention above), he let them be and only when they were caught in their bed (MC and partner) then he request for a break up.

MC goes MIA for 3 years and when he show up, the partner beg for them to be together. Typical 'you never know the real worth until you lose it'. But, MC refuse (at this point I am still excited reading this novel). Something matter happen and MC meet up with the rival (now a big shot CEO replacing his dad), rival request for MC to give them a try and MC said sure (but it was somehow sarcastically done in MC part. Totally no respect of the rival feeling).

Afterward, MC get a phone call saying that matter is resolved by his 10 years friend (the partner obviously). MC meet up with the rival and tell him to find someone who is worthy of his love (The MC does not worthy of his devotion and love at all) and call the partner for whatever.


Now I stop reading this novel. I gave it 3 star because it's beautifully written by the author. I can't accept character that's does not move on especially from cheating partner. The MC is somewhat portrayed as a victim of love but I disagree. The only character I love in this is the rival, he's innocent and under appreciated.

I don't know where the story will go. There might be a twist on this but I'm going to stop reading this.

I might come back after the story is finished and read the last chapter just to know on how the ending is. <<less
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Tsubakinon rated it
November 5, 2018
Status: Completed
The novel is painstakingly beautiful.

I think that 'beautiful' is still a shallow word to describe it.

There are so many love stories that are one of a kind but this...

It's tragic at the same time thought provoking.

You can feel the pang of the words straight at the heart, you will realize that the 'love' that's shallowly described is different.

It's sad, you will feel heartbroken (I literally sat down for quite a while and ponder about my life) prepare yourself if you're gonna read this.

One of my favourite lines is..

"... more>>

In the moment of freedom, he felt as though he embraced the entire world.

The world he so deeply loved.

He buried himself in a riot of colours, as if he had returned to the gentlest home in his dreams. Beneath the sunlight, a smile spread on his delicate face."

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lynnie rated it
August 5, 2018
Status: Completed
The author of this story provides somewhat depth to his/her characters. So far, I'm really enjoying this novel and also props to translators, they put out really good translation.

Also, even though there is a tragedy tag, it depends on how you view the ending... it may be a good ending or a bad one depending on your own perspective on what denotes a good/bad ending. So hope that you won't get deterred by the tags and give this novel a chance c:
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holachica rated it
January 12, 2020
Status: --
you know, the end is really sad, but also a sort of catharsis.

Note: All you dumbasses going "omg I'm so sad why couldn't they live a happy life together T^T" need some f*cking sense knocked into your heads. Some of the stuff I saw in the Exiled Rebels comment section really sickened me, like, goddamn. Y'all really weren't reading between the lines.

A so-called "HE" would probably be the cruellest thing the author could do to the MC.

... more>> ANYWAYS, here's my tidbit:

Before the MC ended up in the hospital because he mutilated his feet, it could be argued that even with the circumstances the way they were, the ML wasn't truly sorry. Sure, he probably apologized at some point, but he said it more to placate than in true feeling. He claimed to be sorry for all the pain he'd caused, but he wasn't truly sorry. If he was truly sorry, he wouldn't have acted the way he did. If he wanted to keep the MC at his side, then sure. But saying "You came back. Don't be pretentious" when the MC refused to have sex? That's not being sorry. Also, when he clearly saw how in pain the MC was, when the MC finally screamed out all his feelings? ML simply told him that "You're tired. Go to bed." And sending the person you cheated on MC with (Yan ZiChen) to hang out with the MC "and make desserts"? Not cool, man.

You can say that before the MC truly snapped, and purposefully mutilated his feet, the ML didn't feel true regret. He claimed to, and perhaps at some subconscious level he did, but in the end, he still didn't believe himself to have truly been in the wrong. There were many other paths that he could've taken, that perhaps, over the long term, would've allowed time to heal the MC's wounds. But the path he took was one of 'there are obvious problems that should be addressed and discussed, but I'm just going to pretend everything is fine and move on" and that path was the one that ultimately doomed the MC. In a sense, you could say the MC was still holding on hope, for a while at least, but what little hope that was there slowly began to wither away as he realized the ML's flippant I-did-no-wrong-its-all-in-the-past-let-it-go-already-dude attitude, that was really the final nail on the coffin.

Before the hospital chapters, you can almost feel that the ML really still took the MC for granted. He thought that now that he had the MC back, he could once again do whatever he wanted, albeit in a more subdued away, and didn't think MC would ever leave him again. He 'loved' the MC, yet to some degree, still failed to treat the MC in the way he deserved. Everything still had to go his way, and if it didn't, it would always be implicitly the MC's wrong. He hadn't truly changed.

It was only during the hospital stint that perhaps he finally realized, on some subconscious to conscious level, that yeah, the MC might really leave him. The bits of dialogue in chapters 47-49 were perhaps the most heartfelt on the ML's part in the face of all the precedents, because it was in those hospital moments that he got the feeling that the MC really would leave him. And that manifested on a subconscious level when he gripped a corner MC's shirt as he fell asleep.

It's just too bad the change came too late. The moment he realized that the MC truly could leave him, was the moment MC had decided to finally leave him for good. <<less
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April 20, 2019
Status: --
Great! The author really painted a realistic picture here. I almost never read tragedy novels because I can't stand angst/drama/s a d n e s s but the reviews pushed me to read this and I definitely don't regret it. Some might hate the MC because he's still with the ML in this but how long are twelve years really? MC's life has revolved around ML and being a housewife/husband for so many years... he hopes and believes that there's a chance that the ML will change his ways so... more>> he stays. The author really captures his optimism and overall strength of character, MC isn't weak - he's just willing to lower himself for ML in hopes that he'll change his behaviour. You can really feel the helplessness of the situation and the despair MC feels as he gradually gives up all hope - trapped in this toxic relationship.

Overall, it's a pretty short read. If you have an hour or two to spare, I'd highly recommend it. (Make sure you're somewhere private - with tissues... because you're going to cry.) + the authors writing style is pretty unique, really fits. 4/5 <<less
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JohnnyCakes rated it
March 22, 2019
Status: Completed
This novel really touched me in the feels. If you enjoy tragedy, sadness despair and painful heart palpitations (me) this book is for you! It was enjoyable to read whilst being painfully heart-wrenching. I am extremely thankful for the extras.

It left me with an empty feeling I usually get when finishing a novel, but a different kind of empty feeling.

This seems like the type of novel I’ll just randomly think about while trying to go to sleep at night.

I actually really enjoyed the ending. It was good. Sad, but good... more>> never the less.

I hate the ML :’D. <<less
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qpzmal rated it
April 26, 2020
Status: Completed
Beautiful, angst, tear jerker, heartbreak, suicides, depression, sad, bad for your emotional levels, all that good stuff. Its beautiful in a broken and painful way and I feel mentally scarred but I don't regret it one bit.

I love the MC, he's beautiful, calm, slightly bad ass, and I hate the ML because of how he treated the MC.

... more>>

The ML directly hurt the MC so much that he caused him to leave, then the ML dragged the MC back and the MC couldn't take it anymore and didn't want to exist anymore.


The ending is happy yet bittersweet since


it would have been evil to let the MC to continue living after all he went through.

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SilverSerenity rated it
November 28, 2018
Status: Completed
I don't know how I feel about this novel. The helplessness, the obsessions, the lack of willingness to open oneself up to the possibilities of something better, and resigning oneself to suffering until breaking...... it takes all kinds of people to make this world work I suppose.

Overall, very well written with a thought provoking topic. I dislike the ending, there was nothing 'happy' about it.

ExiledRebels translates beautifully and always manages to capture the words and feelings within the works they select.... very well done y'all.
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October 29, 2018
Status: Completed
This novel is actually a short story. Every chapter is short but the feelings and emotions delivered will blow you. It's tag as tragedy so those who have a weak heart and mind may not read this BUT I want you to give this story a chance, maybe just to get out of the norm of reading all those fluffy bl novels. The translator really did a good job on this novel. As for the ending, I have mixed emotions for it, I feel sad that things had to end... more>> like that at the same time I feel that it was for the best. *Sigh* *tears falling* I wish in the next life, Wen Qing could have a fulfilling and a very happy life.


Perepare lots of tissue when reading this and a fluffly novel with lots of sweetness to read next!

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VioletC rated it
March 18, 2019
Status: extras

You'll die while reading this book!

It'll kill you gutless and you're unable to stop reading Midway through the story!

... more>> If you did you're gutless already so you better just continue reading!

And to me this book is one of the most heart wrenching and only book that I cried since the first chapter till the extra chapters...

It'll basically be a part of your life once you read through this unless you're not very emotional (like me).

Anyways, I won't forget it this whole year...

I started reading this book in January, hoping for a tear jerking love story, and I finished reading it in one night but hey I wrote this comment in March and all that happened in the book is still vivid to me so yeah


SUFFER WITH ME!!! <<less
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Acidelia rated it
February 23, 2019
Status: extras
A really heart-wrenching story. The story leaves you with a sense of melancholy, perhaps from the realism of the toxic relationship the characters have with each other. The title is really fitting, for readers are merely left to helplessly observe the lives of the characters in the story, unable to do anything but trudge on and continue to read as the MC continues to maintain his unhealthy relationship with the scum of a person ML. To this end, this helplessness as observers to the relationship of the MC and ML... more>> adds to the sense of realistic tragedy, as you develop the understanding that the inability to change the course of others' life and their relationship with others maintains itself in real life.

Warning! I find that the feelings the MC has towards the ML can really resonate to people who've experienced it in their lives, whether personally or not. If I had to describe it, it would be that the MC undergoes this chosen self-torture with the inner expectation of the ML being better (or at least making better choices) and it clashing with the understanding of the cruel reality of how humans rarely change. Try as the MC may, he ultimately cannot escape the torturous cycle with ML, trapped by other's reluctance to let go of the long investment of their relationship.

But I think it was written best in the novel, that the relationship of the two can be described as dragging each other down into hell. <<less
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LivingNB00ks rated it
February 1, 2019
Status: c50
Why did it only allow me to vote 4.0?!

Anyways, I have always wearily passed this off whenever I see it because of its synopsis. I felt it was a pretty bad novel not in a sense that the author was a terrible amateur writer but that it was an author that was sadistic. 12 years of a lifetime with a gong who had affairs and a shou that was tormenting himself into depression it seems be something I cannot swallow and in addtion to the words affair depression and self... more>> torment the visual cover: a red thread but how come I don’t see where the end is and why is it that those hands did not at all comfortingly clasp each other instead they hung around eachother not meeting at all.

I dont know what got into me to reading it. I was too curious.

First chapter was a spike of agony.

second chapter and the chapter after made me writhe in pain like an insane mentally ill patient.

I hate affairs and even more I hate it when the character endures in pain because I have also endured in pain.

I hate how I was reading such familiar things. I wanted something like a reborn to quickly dull the pain but I fell too deep into the main character’s feelings and thoughts.

To sum it up: I didn’t regret. It was quite good. <<less
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December 2, 2018
Status: Completed

So heart-wrenching....

Terribly realistic..

I think this is a perfect novel when you're heart-broken and need to cry your heart out.

The ending was satisfying for me, although I for sure hoped for a different end. Kind of suspected it from the beginning.

The extras also complement the main story very well..

Totally worth your time!
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bellek rated it
May 22, 2020
Status: Completed
An absolutely beautiful and tragic story. If you're looking for a tearjerking story, you've come to the right place. The author is an absolute genius. The way she describes the MC's emotions is so detailed and brimming with emotions, that I could even put myself in the MC's shoes. I honestly can't 100% love the MC because

he did nothing to stop the ML or fight to protect their relationship, he chose to cheat on the ML as revenge, created a misunderstanding that caused the ML to cheat again.

but the ML is still the ultimate scum and harbringer. He's an absolute ahole. But that goes to show how good this story is... that it manages to evoke such strong emotions in its reader.

I still rate this story a 5/5. Please give it a go!!
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olive_bl_garden rated it
January 15, 2020
Status: Completed
Beautiful and tragic... the story is realistically written and now I just feel like dying. The MC needs help, okay. He is suffering from depression and succumbs to this unhealthy relationship of codependence with the ML because he feels like he already wasted more than a decade with the ML so he just have to keep enduring it but no...I just wished Wenbai would've care enough to realize that MC suffers from depression and finds him the right help. The ending was inevitable.
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Salt turtle
Salt turtle rated it
December 19, 2019
Status: Completed
I made an account just to write a review on this story. I went in the story in a happy mood trying to read some good bl and ignoring the tragedy tag because I am an idiot, I left in tears. It's because of this story that I got into angsty novels, I really love the characters. And I ugly cried from the beginning to the end.

It's really unfortunate how everything turned out and MC's fate. I'm still annoyed but at least our MC got a good ending (kind... more>> of) I honestly wouldn't want him to end up with both of the guys. Still, I feel bad for the second guy but the first one can absolutely suck it. He can die in regret forever (but honestly the last part made me feel kind of bad for him).

I 100% recommend this story if you want to cry and feel angry. It was a nice experience and the author is really good! <<less
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Dipu rated it
February 15, 2019
Status: --
This one is a really very good story. l like the MC so much. He is strong and sensible but he loves the ML too much, which I don't like. I rarely find this kind of MC in BL novels. You'll understand how deep is love is as the story goes on. I don't like tragedy, but this one is an exception. The characters are very well written, I don't really understand the ML but MC and the other ML is just too good. The translator did a fantastic job,... more>> you can literally feel the depth of the story. You'll understand the helplessness that MC felt at times, you'll want to hug him and say everything will be alright. Even if you don't like tragedy, give this a chance.🤗 <<less
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Boba rated it
February 14, 2019
Status: Completed
This novel by far is the best that recite a toxic relationship without romanticizing the end. The author use flowery sentences wrapping this tragedy into a bittersweet reality in fiction. Telling this is beautiful is a big blasphemy. This is exteremly beautiful.

Some may think the ending is so unsatisfactory, but imo the ending is superb. Everything come, literally, to end.

As someone said, a happy ending isn't necessarily a good ending.
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LiliChan rated it
December 10, 2018
Status: Completed
Definitely one of the most tragic and heart-aching yaoi novel I've ever read. I already know that it's tragic but it still came crashing my emotion.

And yep, it's realistic and that's why it hurts. I just hated the ML til the end. I hope he was the one suffered more than the MC.
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