Gaze at the Scenes of Debauchery


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They’ve been entangled together for 12 years. A gong whose affairs had become second nature, and a shou who was depressed and liked to torment himself. Cracks cannot be mended, one can only intentionally choose to either ignore or endure it.

Associated Names
One entry per line
Related Series
The Decade of Deep Love (3)
Love in Another Life: My Gentle Tyrant (1)
Friends with Benefits (1)
Xia Niangniang (1)
Yesterday (1)
The Ten Years When I Loved You So (1)
Recommendation Lists
  1. Danmei/BL recs
  2. Angsty f*cked-up Danmei
  3. BL Novels
  4. My most fav. novels (mostly BL)
  5. my goddamn collection (BL only, duh)

Latest Release

Date Group Release
11/27/18 Exiled Rebels Scanlations extras
10/01/18 Exiled Rebels Scanlations c50-53 (end)
09/23/18 Exiled Rebels Scanlations c47-49
09/16/18 Exiled Rebels Scanlations c43-46
09/05/18 Exiled Rebels Scanlations c38-42
08/31/18 Exiled Rebels Scanlations c34-37
08/23/18 Exiled Rebels Scanlations c32-33
08/17/18 Exiled Rebels Scanlations c29-30
08/13/18 Exiled Rebels Scanlations c25-28
08/08/18 Exiled Rebels Scanlations c21-24
08/04/18 Exiled Rebels Scanlations c18-20
07/30/18 Exiled Rebels Scanlations c14-17
07/26/18 Exiled Rebels Scanlations c11-13
07/21/18 Exiled Rebels Scanlations c7-10
07/17/18 Exiled Rebels Scanlations c4-6
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18 Reviews sorted by

New Ferroh rated it
November 4, 2019
Status: Completed
Holy hell, for a short novel this one can hit you hard. Even though the novel was said to have a bad ending. I don't think it was one. It depends on how you view it. Personally, I think it was a bittersweet ending. I'm glad that MC finally found his freedom.

Of course, I never wanted to see him die but honestly? It was a better ending than him ending up with the cheating hoe again. Yes, I still want to murder the cheating hoe.


For someone who doesn't like angst, this one was great. It's scarily realistic, nothing too edgy. I highly recommend this even if you hate angst.
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eveitis rated it
September 6, 2018
Status: c40
Note-I only read up to chap 40 of this story
Warning-spoiler ahead

I totally misunderstood this story. Because of the author wrote this in beautiful word (I am based on the translation) I thought this is not like your typical 'one partner cheated on another' but it's totally cliche'. I also misunderstood on who the actual ML is. The MC being portrayed as someone who is strong in emotion but the truth is he got typical Stockholm Syndrome. He leaves everything that's good in his life to be with his partner... more>> (this is the actual ML I believe), he leave his good life to became a full time house partner in name of love. He turn blind eyes on his partner who cheated on him (FOR MULTIPLE TIMES) and stay with him for more than 10 years.


Another character show up (this is the one that I misunderstood as the ML). He's younger and the MC reject him saying he remind the MC for younger version of his partner and he can't waste another 10 years of the same relationship to repeat again (being cheated on).

I thought the turning point is when the MC have the courage to go out and work (MC and partner still together) but NO!. This is when MC meet one of his partner 'affair' but still no break up!. The partner feels insecure with his potential rival and request for MC to stop working and MC said OK. Stop working.

Instead of leaving his partner after he's sure his partner is cheated on him (this is not the same 'affair' as mention above), he let them be and only when they were caught in their bed (MC and partner) then he request for a break up.

MC goes MIA for 3 years and when he show up, the partner beg for them to be together. Typical 'you never know the real worth until you lose it'. But, MC refuse (at this point I am still excited reading this novel). Something matter happen and MC meet up with the rival (now a big shot CEO replacing his dad), rival request for MC to give them a try and MC said sure (but it was somehow sarcastically done in MC part. Totally no respect of the rival feeling).

Afterward, MC get a phone call saying that matter is resolved by his 10 years friend (the partner obviously). MC meet up with the rival and tell him to find someone who is worthy of his love (The MC does not worthy of his devotion and love at all) and call the partner for whatever.


Now I stop reading this novel. I gave it 3 star because it's beautifully written by the author. I can't accept character that's does not move on especially from cheating partner. The MC is somewhat portrayed as a victim of love but I disagree. The only character I love in this is the rival, he's innocent and under appreciated.

I don't know where the story will go. There might be a twist on this but I'm going to stop reading this.

I might come back after the story is finished and read the last chapter just to know on how the ending is. <<less
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lynnie rated it
August 5, 2018
Status: Completed
The author of this story provides somewhat depth to his/her characters. So far, I'm really enjoying this novel and also props to translators, they put out really good translation.

Also, even though there is a tragedy tag, it depends on how you view the ending... it may be a good ending or a bad one depending on your own perspective on what denotes a good/bad ending. So hope that you won't get deterred by the tags and give this novel a chance c:
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Alta rated it
November 18, 2018
Status: Completed
Beautifully written and well translated.

This short novel will make you feel so very deeply if you even just slightly understand what it means to love someone even if it breaks you. Otherwise, you'd probably just think the MC is stupid for sticking for so long. It requires that maturity to appreciate, I guess.

Give it a chance.

Play a sad playlist on the side if you want.

It's a definite must-read.

P.S. I gained a whole new appreciation for the cover after I read it. It's amazing.

... more>>

Only one hand has a red string, doesn't it?

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JohnnyCakes rated it
March 22, 2019
Status: Completed
This novel really touched me in the feels. If you enjoy tragedy, sadness despair and painful heart palpitations (me) this book is for you! It was enjoyable to read whilst being painfully heart-wrenching. I am extremely thankful for the extras.

It left me with an empty feeling I usually get when finishing a novel, but a different kind of empty feeling.

This seems like the type of novel I’ll just randomly think about while trying to go to sleep at night.

I actually really enjoyed the ending. It was good. Sad, but good... more>> never the less.

I hate the ML :’D. <<less
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Tsubakinon rated it
November 5, 2018
Status: Completed
The novel is painstakingly beautiful.

I think that 'beautiful' is still a shallow word to describe it.

There are so many love stories that are one of a kind but this...

It's tragic at the same time thought provoking.

You can feel the pang of the words straight at the heart, you will realize that the 'love' that's shallowly described is different.

It's sad, you will feel heartbroken (I literally sat down for quite a while and ponder about my life) prepare yourself if you're gonna read this.

One of my favourite lines is..

"... more>>

In the moment of freedom, he felt as though he embraced the entire world.

The world he so deeply loved.

He buried himself in a riot of colours, as if he had returned to the gentlest home in his dreams. Beneath the sunlight, a smile spread on his delicate face."

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October 29, 2018
Status: Completed
This novel is actually a short story. Every chapter is short but the feelings and emotions delivered will blow you. It's tag as tragedy so those who have a weak heart and mind may not read this BUT I want you to give this story a chance, maybe just to get out of the norm of reading all those fluffy bl novels. The translator really did a good job on this novel. As for the ending, I have mixed emotions for it, I feel sad that things had to end... more>> like that at the same time I feel that it was for the best. *Sigh* *tears falling* I wish in the next life, Wen Qing could have a fulfilling and a very happy life.


Perepare lots of tissue when reading this and a fluffly novel with lots of sweetness to read next!

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April 20, 2019
Status: --
Great! The author really painted a realistic picture here. I almost never read tragedy novels because I can't stand angst/drama/s a d n e s s but the reviews pushed me to read this and I definitely don't regret it. Some might hate the MC because he's still with the ML in this but how long are twelve years really? MC's life has revolved around ML and being a housewife/husband for so many years... he hopes and believes that there's a chance that the ML will change his ways so... more>> he stays. The author really captures his optimism and overall strength of character, MC isn't weak - he's just willing to lower himself for ML in hopes that he'll change his behaviour. You can really feel the helplessness of the situation and the despair MC feels as he gradually gives up all hope - trapped in this toxic relationship.

Overall, it's a pretty short read. If you have an hour or two to spare, I'd highly recommend it. (Make sure you're somewhere private - with tissues... because you're going to cry.) + the authors writing style is pretty unique, really fits. 4/5 <<less
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LivingNB00ks rated it
February 1, 2019
Status: c50
Why did it only allow me to vote 4.0?!

Anyways, I have always wearily passed this off whenever I see it because of its synopsis. I felt it was a pretty bad novel not in a sense that the author was a terrible amateur writer but that it was an author that was sadistic. 12 years of a lifetime with a gong who had affairs and a shou that was tormenting himself into depression it seems be something I cannot swallow and in addtion to the words affair depression and self... more>> torment the visual cover: a red thread but how come I don’t see where the end is and why is it that those hands did not at all comfortingly clasp each other instead they hung around eachother not meeting at all.

I dont know what got into me to reading it. I was too curious.

First chapter was a spike of agony.

second chapter and the chapter after made me writhe in pain like an insane mentally ill patient.

I hate affairs and even more I hate it when the character endures in pain because I have also endured in pain.

I hate how I was reading such familiar things. I wanted something like a reborn to quickly dull the pain but I fell too deep into the main character’s feelings and thoughts.

To sum it up: I didn’t regret. It was quite good. <<less
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December 2, 2018
Status: Completed

So heart-wrenching....

Terribly realistic..

I think this is a perfect novel when you're heart-broken and need to cry your heart out.

The ending was satisfying for me, although I for sure hoped for a different end. Kind of suspected it from the beginning.

The extras also complement the main story very well..

Totally worth your time!
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SilverSerenity rated it
November 28, 2018
Status: Completed
I don't know how I feel about this novel. The helplessness, the obsessions, the lack of willingness to open oneself up to the possibilities of something better, and resigning oneself to suffering until breaking...... it takes all kinds of people to make this world work I suppose.

Overall, very well written with a thought provoking topic. I dislike the ending, there was nothing 'happy' about it.

ExiledRebels translates beautifully and always manages to capture the words and feelings within the works they select.... very well done y'all.
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VioletC rated it
March 18, 2019
Status: extras

You'll die while reading this book!

It'll kill you gutless and you're unable to stop reading Midway through the story!

... more>> If you did you're gutless already so you better just continue reading!

And to me this book is one of the most heart wrenching and only book that I cried since the first chapter till the extra chapters...

It'll basically be a part of your life once you read through this unless you're not very emotional (like me).

Anyways, I won't forget it this whole year...

I started reading this book in January, hoping for a tear jerking love story, and I finished reading it in one night but hey I wrote this comment in March and all that happened in the book is still vivid to me so yeah


SUFFER WITH ME!!! <<less
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Acidelia rated it
February 23, 2019
Status: extras
A really heart-wrenching story. The story leaves you with a sense of melancholy, perhaps from the realism of the toxic relationship the characters have with each other. The title is really fitting, for readers are merely left to helplessly observe the lives of the characters in the story, unable to do anything but trudge on and continue to read as the MC continues to maintain his unhealthy relationship with the scum of a person ML. To this end, this helplessness as observers to the relationship of the MC and ML... more>> adds to the sense of realistic tragedy, as you develop the understanding that the inability to change the course of others' life and their relationship with others maintains itself in real life.

Warning! I find that the feelings the MC has towards the ML can really resonate to people who've experienced it in their lives, whether personally or not. If I had to describe it, it would be that the MC undergoes this chosen self-torture with the inner expectation of the ML being better (or at least making better choices) and it clashing with the understanding of the cruel reality of how humans rarely change. Try as the MC may, he ultimately cannot escape the torturous cycle with ML, trapped by other's reluctance to let go of the long investment of their relationship.

But I think it was written best in the novel, that the relationship of the two can be described as dragging each other down into hell. <<less
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Dipu rated it
February 15, 2019
Status: --
This one is a really very good story. l like the MC so much. He is strong and sensible but he loves the ML too much, which I don't like. I rarely find this kind of MC in BL novels. You'll understand how deep is love is as the story goes on. I don't like tragedy, but this one is an exception. The characters are very well written, I don't really understand the ML but MC and the other ML is just too good. The translator did a fantastic job,... more>> you can literally feel the depth of the story. You'll understand the helplessness that MC felt at times, you'll want to hug him and say everything will be alright. Even if you don't like tragedy, give this a chance.🤗 <<less
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Boba rated it
February 14, 2019
Status: Completed
This novel by far is the best that recite a toxic relationship without romanticizing the end. The author use flowery sentences wrapping this tragedy into a bittersweet reality in fiction. Telling this is beautiful is a big blasphemy. This is exteremly beautiful.

Some may think the ending is so unsatisfactory, but imo the ending is superb. Everything come, literally, to end.

As someone said, a happy ending isn't necessarily a good ending.
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LiliChan rated it
December 10, 2018
Status: Completed
Definitely one of the most tragic and heart-aching yaoi novel I've ever read. I already know that it's tragic but it still came crashing my emotion.

And yep, it's realistic and that's why it hurts. I just hated the ML til the end. I hope he was the one suffered more than the MC.
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K99MY rated it
November 28, 2018
Status: Completed
I can't stop crying. It's so beautiful and painful but worth the read. I definitely recommend it to everyone who likes angst. I'm emotionally devastated after reading this short novel. 50 chapters may look a lil bit long for some of you guys but every chapter is shorter than your usual chapters, so it's not a lot to read at all.
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otomezone rated it
August 19, 2019
Status: Completed
I cried T.T but it got a little weird around ... more>>

when he was back with ML... I guess he had some mental disorder at that point when he kept thinking he can't escape ML... because when he escaped before, all he wanted was to LIVE (ranting it to Wen Bai, and Wen Bai accepting his decision), I think the last line when he left the MLs place was "This time I'm going to be happy" and I can't believe he committed suicide after that... though I'm glad Wen Bai moved on, kinda disappointed ML didn't die from lung cancer or smth

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