run away

.. how the there was a turn table and the ML fell hard first cus he kinda an as*hole at first hahahaha

From the very beginning, you can see how this novel is a smut novel when the MC starts his collection of pen*s drawings from the pigeon mails.

Anyhow, my first favorite scene of the novel is the s*x scene between MC and ML. Yes, it does indeed look like ML is forcing himself into MC, but rest assured that the MC was completely consensual. MC places no emotional attachment to their s*x and that is my favorite part about the beginning s*x. Despite how handsome and rich the ML, MC does not waver his choices and will always stick with his reasons. At the same time, you will also find out that MC is really...a lonely person.

Moving on, my next favorite part of the novel is when ML basically “kidnaps” MC to Bastion City despite knowing that MC does not have any wishes of moving out of his county. Although, if this did happen to me, personally, I would be very pissed. However, with the experiences of MC, he gives no care and basically just allows ML to do whatever he wants as MC really does not care about what goes on in his life. All MC cares about is how to save up enough money for a good enough coffin for when he dies (angering ML to who knows what level). This is my favorite part due to the fact that we learn a little more about the past of MC and why he loves to remain ignorant of the sarcasm in the world. At the same time, this is a good romance development between MC and ML as ML starts becoming more possessive over MC without knowing why. Although, I do admit that I hate Mr. Lu.

My next favorite scene is when MC realizes that he lives ML, but behaves no different than when he was not in love. At the same time, he also gives up on his love as he believes that ML is in love with Mr. Lu and only using him as a substitute since ML could not get Mr. Lu’s love. Knowing all of this, MC once again leaves the city without knowing during the wedding of Mr. Lu and the Yue daughter. When ML finds out, he was so angry that he spat out blood. However, I do not feel bad for the ML and I also feel good for the MC.

Yes, it is sad having to leave the person you love. However, if you know that your love would be a failure, it is better to let go sooner than later because the longer you stay together, the more pain it breeds between you two. MC made a mature choice with the information he had on hand as the ML was keeping secrets from him. In the end, the ML brought upon his own suffering. ML never confessed his love to MC, so MC never believed that he loved him. At the same time, ML was always sweet and caring towards Mr. Lu, so naturally MC would believe that ML lives Mr. Lu, not him. This is the reason why I love this part of the novel. The angst is emotionally deep as MC has his own traumas of the past, different from the ML. What ML faces is a trauma of having no one who could make him feel like home despite having an entire family. However, MC has a trauma of loving and trusting people due to the fact that he had been betrayed before. MC is an orphan and so with no one who loves him, MC forces himself to look at everything with face value.

Next, the ML finally knows how to communicate properly with MC. As I have said, I really like how the ML had to suffer a bit when MC left. Communication is key in a relationship and all their relationship was, was mostly physical. With this, it is reasonable that MC would leave with the belief that he was unworthy of ML and also only a substitute.

In the end, this is a good novel as the characters learn to grow together. MC becomes more open and shows more of a greedy side compared to the past. He also no longer has suicidal thoughts which is probably the greatest thing out of the entire novel. I do not advocate for su*cide, but if I was MC who lived a repeating cycle of loneliness, I would also want to die. As humans, we cannot bear a burden by ourselves and partners are needed. Without one, we basically have no one to rely on when we are struggling. MC had no family, no close friends, and no romance. It was understandable that he would want to kill himself on his 40th birthday.

ML also learns to love people. He who was originally uncaring of others learned how to care. Not only that, he also learned what the emotions in his heart were. Confused between love and simply yearning, ML had long set up a line where he got lost, causing a misunderstanding between him and MC. However, the moment that he learned how to read his own heart was the moment that the novel flourished even more if I could put it that way.

While it seems like the MC is rather carefree and obsessed with dicks, it's also pretty clear that in the beginning, he's actually very depressed. He latches onto the art of dicks (lol) because it's the first thing in a very long time that gives him pleasure and which is solely just for him.

The ML shows character progression and I love that ending with what he does for MC. And while on the surface ML and all of ML's friends blame the ML for spoiling his first love into becoming a useless parasite, I really appreciate the glimpse we're shown from the ML's first love's POV, where we find that his first love has actually been angling to be the ML's white moonlight since the ML was 12 (!!!), just so he can live a luxurious life. It rather explains why ML has such a warped, obsessive view of his first love for so long.

When the ML promised to tend to MC's parents' graves once MC has passed on (even though it would hurt ML to outlive MC)...... that was such a big moment for me. It shows how much ML's feelings have changed for MC. It was a very moving promise. Although of course, MC didn't believe him and merrily skipped off, which was exactly what ML deserved. :D

I hated the ML at times when he was negligent of the MC and went to his white moonlight but that’s the premise of the novel and I also understand that the ML loved that other person for years and he can’t forget him instantly that’s why it was even more satisfying when he started chasing the MC

• • Mr. Lu - who needs some serious face slapping and reality check Yup

• • The powerful owners behind the Peng Society

• • If Rancui and Hei'er ever get together.... hehehehe