I Don’t Want to Be Loved
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5 | 57% (317 votes) |
4 | 12% (68 votes) |
3 | 10% (54 votes) |
2 | 8% (44 votes) |
1 | 14% (77 votes) |
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228 Chapters
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Weekly Rank: #7165Monthly Rank: #8769
All Time Rank: #484
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Description
Links are NOT allowed. Format your description nicely so people can easily read them. Please use proper spacing and paragraphs.Rihannan Alessin, a queen rotting in prison.
Despaired and without hope, she drank poison and died. But… unbeknownst to her, the deity gave her a second chance at life. She was twelve again. And this time, she would live life differently.
Six years later, she chooses to become Arundell’s queen…
“If you’re asking me to step down from the marriage proposal, I can’t.”
“Marry me and let us divorce after a year.”
And this time, the time limit of their marriage would last a year.
A husband she knew who was different than before… she tried not to love him again, but each time, her heart kept shaking.
Associated Names
One entry per lineIDWTBL
Sarangbadgi Wonhaji Anhneunda
사랑받기 원하지 않는다
Sarangbadgi Wonhaji Anhneunda
사랑받기 원하지 않는다
Related Series
Please Answer Me (Shared Universe)Recommendations
Living As the Villainess Queen (12)Under the Oak Tree (9)
Predatory Marriage (8)
Shadowless Night (8)
The Duke’s Imposter Sister (8)
Your Majesty, I Want You (7)
Recommendation Lists
- smut (BG, 1v1, completed)
- My Favorite Korean Romance Novels
- revenge is best served hot
- my fav grovel novels
- Read!!!!
Date | Group | Release |
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06/28/23 | Hades House | c34 |
06/28/23 | Hades House | c33 |
06/27/23 | Hades House | c20 |
06/27/23 | Hades House | c19 |
06/27/23 | Hades House | c18 |
06/27/23 | Hades House | c17 |
06/27/23 | Hades House | c16 |
06/27/23 | Hades House | c15 |
06/27/23 | Hades House | c14 |
06/26/23 | Hades House | c13 |
06/26/23 | Hades House | c12 |
06/26/23 | Hades House | c11 |
06/26/23 | Hades House | c10 |
06/26/23 | Hades House | c9 |
06/25/23 | Hades House | c8 |
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FL - Weak/pathetic/passive/selfish/naive. PRIME example of wilful ignorance/inaction. If you want a good FL, this is NOT the novel for you. She is the BIGGEST woe-is-me/victim mentality character I have ever encountered. Everyone is "out to get her" while she sits around and DOES NOTHING to save herself or anyone else apparently. Summed up: this selfish character was: "take/take/take" from everyone and "whine/whine/whine" about why her life never gets better. She twists her "sacrifices" into sainthood (until you find out the REAL reason why she acts how she does). She withholds info/misleads readers in her beginning POV to TWIST blame onto Igor "the villain". [She will only be honest/give more info as you progress through the novel. THE WORLD'S BIGGEST VICTIM.] She will NEVER think critically unless someone (and yes, that includes actual villains) knocks some sense into her. She ASSUMES everything is Igor's fault/responsibility. DOES NOTHING. NEVER TALKS. NO BRAINS. TWICE. The novel was a cautionary tale about the dangers of WILLFUL miscommunication/ignorance/selfishness. If she was a real person, Rhia would be the bigger menace to society out of the two leads. Rhia CANNOT FOREVER be a victim - at some point, the misery she inflicts on herself & others is her own fault. She was so selfish to SO MANY GOOD people that I wouldn't even know WHO I want to inflict Rhia on. The others in the beginning were right - she truly is like a pretty doll. Alluring on the outside, only to be empty on the inside.
ML - The ONLY reason this novel gets a decent rating. He isn't perfect, but he shows unconditional love AND has an understandable reason for ALL his actions (even if I can understand why others don't agree with him). His reasons make sense in context, moreso than via spoilers, but most are missing the author's point of this novel by jumping to conclusions/reading spoilers. I read this novel chronologically without spoilers, so I just kept an open-mind and waited for his POV. I had NO QUALMS with his "misdeeds", even on my first reading, since I knew Mrs. Unreliable Narrator has a knack of retreating into her victimhood while missing the big picture (I was right). This dude was carrying both the couple and the novel on his back. His chapters are responsible for conveying the message of this novel. At least he puts in SOME effort... both times. He adequately suffers and rightfully gets punished for his willful ignorance and miscommunication, unlike "I'm never to blame" Rhia.
Objectively... their first marriage:
I don't understand why Rhia gets so much sympathy. She really didn't deserve a better marriage, just like Igor didn't deserve one. Neither did the right thing for the other. Both had the freedom to make better choices, but both acted like the emotional teenagers (16-19 year old) they were. They both had a hard time trusting the other because of their past (which NEITHER of the other knew about). The only thing you can objectively judge is their actions to one another (since neither are mindreaders or will talk).
Rhia - All she did was backstab Igor by choosing the mom, who Igor clearly didn't like (she SAW with her own eyes). I can't even name one brave thing she did for his benefit. If Rhia wants to "survive" by siding with the mom, stick to her choice. If she wants Igor's help... she has to ASK for it. Who cares if she "stayed neutral" in her mind? At the end of the day, all objective observers in court saw that Rhia undermined Igor's authority as a weak, young king. How can he even protect her if all she did was make him weaker in court? If she doesn't want to be "abandoned"... can she stop pushing him away with her uncaring actions? This character was WHIPLASH. I'm in her mind, and I don't even know WHAT she wanted out of him with her actions - she flip flops between love/hate like it's going out of fashion. I don't know if she wanted a husband or a mind-reading servant. She even treated her own crap father (and did more for his sake) better than Igor (who she does nothing for).
Igor - All Rhia did for him was push him away and refuse to talk. He tried his best to help Rhia, but he had no trust in her and was quick to emotion, refusing to listen to her. Did he pick an award-winning method? Fk no. Terrible idea.
Also, people crying about "rape" should pick up a history book - historical political marriages demanded an heir, and unfortunately that means the king/queen in the novel are expected to step up. If not, I guess off with the FL's head. The ML (king) would have been fine without an heir since the FL (a political nobody) was the disposable one in this political marriage (like real life political marriages). ML didn't want their 1st marriage (and tries to stop it), but he had no choice since FL naively just walks into the marriage without realizing the consequences. She should have FOUGHT HARDER to escape the marriage if she didn't want the responsibilities of being queen. But no, like she admits in literally the first chapter, she CLUNG ONTO IT, with zero self-respect for herself, because she "loved" him and wanted whatever tr*sh marriage she could have beside him (Rhia's mom 2.0).
The correct solution for both is to OPEN UP and TALK. NEITHER chose it.
They both "loved" one another, but NEITHER tried in the first life to make things better (Igor does TRY more than she ever does). Why is their marriage only Igor's fault when Rhia NEVER did anything right either? Igor AND Rhia are both toxic partners. Rhia always thinks her actions are "right/justified" or "has no choice." She was upset that her status as his wife didn't net 101% effort, but she saw nothing wrong with how little she did as his wife?
I wouldn't want to be in a relationship with either in the first life, but the entitlement and victim mentality that was ingrained in Rhia was more toxic than anything Igor thought of this marriage. Igor doesn't think Rhia owed him services, happiness, or anything. While the amount of mind-reading and work Rhia expected was astronomical in relation to her barebone contributions. This marriage was so garbage that NEITHER owed the other anything, but one is still trying to salvage a marriage both wanted to save.
If Rhia is too weak to work for the things she wants, she hasn't earned it. That's life. It shouldn't be anyone's responsibility to (1) read her mind (2) chase after her life goals. This is especially true if she doesn't try to return the favour to others. Besides, Igor still worked to save himself and her with his talking-handicap.
Honestly, Rhia annoyed me not because of how crap she was in this relationship (it was a terrible relationship not worth saving). I needed her to attempt somewhere. Instead, she just acted like she was being swept up by "inescapable" circumstances in her 1st life... while she made ZERO effort to escape them. [And she did a lot of self-harm in the actions she DID pick since she never thinks and just blames Igor.] If she can't help herself... who IS responsible for her life? But that inaction is always defended by deflecting blame on everyone else but the person most responsible for her life... Then we do this again in the 2nd.
Minor spoiler about the ML and his "faults".
(BLESS his POV, a break from the woe-is-me)
It is ironic how everyone distrusts him because of their Rhia-bias, but he was the correct narrator all along... Everything he says is true (except the extent of his guilt/blame. He took on way too much blame in comparison to his "crimes") - which by the end, even Rhia states in plain text that he wasn't responsible for 90% of her problems.
No, he was never a "power-hungry" king since even he admits early that he would live under his mother's thumb forever if he had a good marriage. This fact is later reinforced MANY times in the novel that he (a) was not a warmonger/tyrant (b) valued Rhia more than the throne.
Igor was totally wrong/selfish to bring her back in the 2nd life and mislead her. He should have left her to her own devices in Crichton (guaranteed she would have killed herself or someone else. She was already on the verge of it before he intervened), but alas, there wouldn't be a story without his actions.
Upon reflection, you know what his biggest mistake is? CARING SO MUCH ABOUT SUCH A PATHETIC WOMAN. He tried too hard to help SUCH an undeserving person, who doesn't even want the responsibility of saving herself... TWICE.
Don't know why he worked so hard to "plead for her forgiveness". Objectively, she was JUST AS MUCH AT FAULT. Unconditional (obsessive) love makes you blind.
My grievances with the FL and how she behaves (if you want to know what you are signing yourself up for with the FL) :
This novel is about misunderstandings and miscommunication, NOT about "whitewashing/excusing" an "abuser". However, the FL had A LOT more problems than the ML in that department because she CHOOSES to be dumb and stick her head in the ground.
She did ONE thing right both lives - kick out the dad in the 2nd life. However, that "smartness" went into the dumpster fire when she starts harming everyone else to "protect herself" the minute she lands on Crichton. The same problem she had in the first life. :)
Even if she does grow up, I didn't think FL deserved anything by the end. She got rewarded with everything despite the NOTHING she did in this novel. ML did everything for her (BOTH LIVES). She was given MANY opportunities to make better choices (BOTH LIVES) - but she keeps choosing the wrong one REPEATEDLY. She is a character who NEVER LEARNS because in her mind (and the minds of her "can-do-no-wrong" supporters), she is perfect and "above" blame/responsibility. If she wants to stab herself, go nuts. I swear, she was trying to kill herself with her s*upidity in this novel (there are about 3-4 almost deaths that she ran into headfirst, each of which the ML had to bail her out of). However, I draw the line when she starts stabbing everyone else and then crying a river about how her actions are justified. My sympathies ran out after the 3rd? almost death/trusting of OBVIOUS villains or traps. :)
Everyone argues that Igor "should educate" her since she is a dumb idiot... Pointless. She doesn't want to use her brain. MANY characters will drop hints (and Rhia herself also knows some information), but she doesn't use her brain in either lives so I have nothing left to say for willful ignorance. If she wants to stay clueless, she deserves whatever happens for poorly informed choices. She dismisses ANY facts that contradicts her "worldview" that "Igor is a villain" (MANY will talk to her about this, both lives). Even the actual villain (one of the first chapters) will try to discourage Rhia from thinking like this... so... what can one say to change her mind?
Hints are RAINING DOWN from the sky about the "bigger villain" (BOTH LIVES). It's STILL Igor's fault when she CRAWLS to the villain. Even the reader will know what the other characters/Rhia herself is trying to allude to... everyone knows it, except Rhia. [Rhia literally GIVES THE READER this knowledge as "ponderings" about why her palace life sucks... NEVER THINKS.]
SHE REFUSES TO LISTEN. Because "she is scared of the unknown"/she "already knows" the truth. Unlike Igor, I don't care about her wellbeing, so he should have just HELD HER DOWN and forcibly word vomited the truth because WHO CARES.
She NEVER gives a chance to the ML, trusts the villains (multiple in both lives), and then blames her poor life choices on ML. How far does having a "sad past" give forgiveness for hurting herself and other people? Because clearly, this passive woman got hella far in life with all the nothing/self-harm she did because the ML is cleaning up after her.
NEVER in the novel does ANYONE take precedence over her own feelings/fears. She will throw everyone - ML, family, friends, country - under the bus to "protect" her feelings.
In summary:
ML's actions were tragically dumb, but ultimately selfless. [This guy was way too good for her, in both lives, especially the 2nd life.]. Flaws: He was impulsive and doesn't talk (his reason for silence is WAY BETTER than Rhia's "I am too scared of the truth...")
FL's actions were tragically dumb, but fundamentally selfish. [It was all about me-me-me and her feelings/need to protect herself]. Literally ALL of ML's mistakes could be traced back to her since she "set the stage" that needed to be cleaned up. Flaws: She ALSO doesn't talk, but she will ALSO never TRY or THINK. Her feelings ALWAYS come first, even if it risks actually killing people -_-
The ONLY defense for the FL's actions is the assumption that relationships are a one-man job. She expected a perfect, mind-reading servant as a husband since she NEVER holds herself accountable for any of her mistakes (a lot of her suffering in court has nothing to do with the ML, she just twists it onto him in her POV). This applied to her other relationships too (friends, family). I couldn't even pick a "better suitor" for Rhia since Rhia proved herself to be a sh*tter partner to every candidate she met. She was surrounded by SO MUCH genuine, unconditional love in the 2nd life - in Crichton and Arundel, and she took them all for granted.
The amount of self-reflection by this woman was truly pathetic since it was crammed all within a few chapters near the end. She will never have to prove anything to anyone since Igor planned for her selfishness 10 steps in advance. All she does is TAKE other people's generosity. EVEN AT THE VERY END. Igor (and a bunch of others) deserved much better than Rhia.
In BOTH lives, whatever crap Rhia had to endure because of Igor; Igor had to endure as much (if not MORE) from Rhia.
To those crying of "victim shaming" - the author was criticizing the type of person Rhia is, but then awards her with everything despite ZERO effort. If anything, the author is whitewashing Rhia by excessively punishing Igor into doing all the work and getting all the hate. Regardless of how pathetic her upbringing is, Rhia's actions crossed the line of excusable. Especially since Igor had an even crappier upbringing, and he doesn't whine/deflect blame/pull some of the selfish stunts that she does (there are a few...).
To all those who says "Igor accepts fault/blame/guilt" so thus he must be responsible - WRONG. Hard to feel guilty/responsible when Rhia is just ignorant. Once Rhia stops being stubborn and opens herself up to the truth, she blames herself since 90% of her misfortunes is her doing herself in. She also acknowledges that Igor cannot be blamed since he was just as much of a victim as her.
Before everyone is at my throat for "defending" an "abuser" (a label that I don't even agree with), I thought both were dumb (even if their actions made total sense in the context of their pasts). But if Igor can't (and doesn't) use "mommy" problems as justification, Rhia shouldn't be allowed to use "daddy" problems. One of these character takes responsibility and tries to improve; the other spends the entire novel deflecting blame, caring only about herself, and dragging everyone else down with her. AGAIN. How many chances do you NEED in life?
If they never met, I would trust Igor to survive by himself. I cannot say the same for Rhia. The woman was a walking menace to herself and everyone around her. She wasn't a good character OR human being. At least the villains were proactive and complex, even if they were all tr*sh humans. Rhia gave me nothing but headaches with her whining. There were many parallels between Rhia and both female villains... but the story frames Rhia as the heroine. Only difference.
No doubt that this couple is frustrating. Both had moments that were unlikeable, but Rhia was responsible for 80% of my frustration since she KEEPS WHINING but DOES NOTHING to improve her life (I mean, besides deflect blame onto Igor and telepathically expecting him to clean up after her).
I can even 100% understand why people who FINISHED would disagree with the ML (but most of the hate here is BLIND hate...), but I have a hard time defending the FL and her attitude as ok behavior in relationships. BOTH are at fault for their crap lives, but frankly, it should be a 75% Rhia's fault-25% Igor's fault split. Rhia's performance in the 2nd life definitely tipped the scale in her favor for being the bigger mess. At least Igor improves dramatically in the 2nd life; Rhia is still over there stumbling and harming herself/others with ignorance and inaction.
After this novel, I felt that doing nothing was WORSE than doing wrong. Since you can improve/learn from your failed attempts. Whereas nothing but further/repeated harm results from inaction and ignorance.
WHOSE MISTAKES ARE EVEN GETTING "WHITEWASHED" IN THIS NOVEL?
Personal rambling (so skip it) about the hypocrisy Rhia promotes in people:
This is NOT about readers relating to "understandable" context/circumstances... this is about how some will do mental gymnastics to excuse objectively wrong actions.
Understand =/= justify.
There is a difference between the two.
The FL's mistakes are always "justified" by her past even if those actions lead to harming herself/others/killing people... but all of that is brushed under the rug, AND it is STILL expected that the ML/others clean up after her. Not only that... SHE REPEATS THEM AGAIN (this is where I LOST my patience with her "circumstances"). EVERYONE (not just Igor... EVERYONE) was bending their back for this passive woman who couldn't even reciprocate to ANYONE. Meanwhile, the ML isn't even allowed to mistrust a woman who literally DOES NOTHING BUT HARM him, considering his past of being used by his mom. PLUS, he NEVER even tries to deflect blame with a woe-is-me sob story in his POVs like Rhia does about ALL her mistakes in her POVs. I am NOT justifying Igor either because he was ALSO dumb. But does he ever blame her or expect her to clean up after his BS with his past and mom? Even when he has
justifiedunderstandable reason to be frustrated with how Rhia never seems to care about him or want to help him. No. He doesn't. Since Igor never justifies with the victim-card or accuses his wife of zero communication or contributions, he was more tolerable of the two. Only difference. If he had Rhia's victim mentality too, I'd hate everyone.There is too much bias about "whitewashing/excusing" FL versus ML. Even if I "understand" their reasoning, neither of their actions were objectively "excusable". Both brought a lot of harm to one another... but Rhia's brought on EVEN MORE harm to MORE INNOCENT BYSTANDERS. But all her mistakes are ok because she is weak/helpless? Can you imagine if Igor never reincarnated too? RIP Crichton. It is even MORE ironic considering the current global landscape because it is like A SINGLE PERSON saying "nah" to stopping the COVID19 outbreak. [Yes, before Rhia tries to whitewash her way out of this, she had all the resources to stop the plague, but doesn't do anything because "she was scared." Sigh.] This was my tipping point. It is not even about Igor. Dimitri deserved better than the cousin who spit all over his dreams/freedom and wanted him to go to WAR for her "safety/feelings." (Not just that, this WISE, SAINTLY hypocrite told Dimitri to "grow up" and "endure hardships
(of bloody war)"... then you see her performance in BOTH lives. FML.) And yet Dimitri is still expected to suffer to help this self-serving wimp? Even Igor did more for Dimitri than Rhia. Rhia must be relieved that Dimitri never discovered her true thoughts. When does the Igor-clean up crew stop in this novel? Will Rhia ever be punished for her own mistakes? Who knows...The author really hit it out of the ballpark with her disapproval of Rhia in this novel after I see the biased reader comments. Rhia fought for a total of NOTHING and NO ONE in this novel... so that was the ending I wanted for her. Is she looking for servants or partners/friends? This woman really was born a queen. She might have lacked the competence for that role, but she sure had the entitlement down.
Rhia's "deserving-ness" (Both the primary plot driving force and the primary plot hole)
If you are reading this novel for Rhia and how she "deserved" better, you should drop this novel. She wasn't some sacrificial saint... not even close. A good test of this is: During this entire novel... WHAT ACTION did she do that was good for someone else? The most she offers are words of "wanting" to do good things. Doesn't do it herself. Doesn't value it when someone else does it for her. She doesn't think to care about another human most time. She is busy thinking of herself. If you can't answer this question, why should ANYONE be obligated to be nice to her? Start to near end, the same selfish person did nothing to help anyone but expects everything hand delivered to her. When it is NOT, the author is accused of "victim shaming" since Rhia doesn't get babied with enough love from everyone who must read her mind about her past trauma. -_-; The character who DOES understand and tries to help gets trampled over in both lives. The excuse for this behavior is her childhood... but does that mean the hurt of repeated trampling doesn't hurt the loser getting trampled anymore? Especially when the person doesn't even know about her problems... (Igor in the first life). People always give Igor flack for "knowing more"... but where is this info supposed to come from? Rhia can't even use her eyes to help her struggling husband, who she allegedly cares for very much, with mending the bond between his mother. Igor has a better reason to misunderstand Rhia than the reverse.
Furthermore, only Rhia relies on the abuse-excuse. She had a hard life, but no one can drag an unwilling person, kicking and screaming to their recovery. The victim must take some responsibility (She and Igor has chances to change, even back in their first life. Only Igor cares to). This victim mentality is why people like Rhia are very unpopular and often ostracized in real life. Because everyone eventually gets tired of helping someone who cannot value their help or doesn't wish to change. Just because she is depressed, doesn't mean she is allowed endless forgiveness for acting like the same selfish person. Understanding reaches a point where it becomes enabling bad habits. I don't even extend that forgiveness to Igor or the villains. Why should Rhia get that luxury for the ENTIRE novel when the others also had psychological issues that they rightfully have to amend with THEIR OWN WILLPOWER? Rhia needed someone to take initiative and provide the solution FOR HER. The double standard of what Rhia needs to do versus what other characters need to do to "prove" their worth... Others put in the effort and paid their price, Rhia wanted Igor to pay the price to heal her. She couldn't and wouldn't have done it for his or her own sake. Even then, she is still greedy for more? Sometimes I wonder if she has enough "niceness" to be cooperative with Igor if he didn't give a peace offering first (Every. Single. Time). She parrots her vast love for him, but does she do anything first for him (besides breathe and exist) to prove her love? I couldn't follow her thought process. She feels one thing; her actions suggest another. Am I being baited with hard to get?! (What a sh*t game. 0/10 Would not play again).
The reason for Rhia's "deserving-ness" was the BIGGEST plot hole. Everyone loved Rhia for her mere existence, but where or when does she contribute to anyone's life? Story made it seem like Rhia "deserved" all these rewards ONLY because she was pitiful. It kept telling me how "nice" Rhia was, but there are feeble examples of it. And no amount of "niceness" she does warranted this much laborious effort by the others. Promotes this idea that if someone (especially female) has a pitiful enough childhood.... people are REQUIRED to help that person. When those people get tired of offering their futile support, they are "heartless" because they "victim shame" the victim for never getting better (the victim DOESN'T wish to change). When people DON'T know about her abuse and cannot win against her lose-lose victim mentality, they are "justifiably" punished with Rhia's following selfishness because they didn't help enough (Helena, the fk you to Crichton, Dimitri & war, the Duchess after Leticia returns, Igor in the first life).
With the barebone contributions and communication Rhia gave, none of the good guys owed her a lick of kindness. People are nice to her because they are good people, but they shouldn't be shamed if they give up on an uncooperative, self-caring person. Igor doesn't abuse the woe-is-me to make others feel guilty and s*ave for him to get stuff done. He always knew how to work when the going gets tough to right his wrongs, even in the first marriage - Rhia doesn't care enough about another human to see the value in mutual relationships. If I had as much (zero) contextual info as the good guys (since Rhia never communicates), I would've given up a long time ago in this subservient relationship. I don't have that much altruism in me to keep giving to someone who only knows how to take to get what she wants. And I'll bet the same attitude goes for most of the Rhia supporters who encounter severe victim mentality people like Rhia in real life. Like the saying goes: Talk is cheap, actions are expensive. Don't talk until you are ready to put your money where you mouth is. Applies perfectly to Rhia's "I want to help people" emptiness and those who say Igor should do more. Rhia gives self-proclaimed pious lip service; Igor knows how to work to earn, even if his actions were half-brained.
Rhia chooses to live in naivety because she is weak and lacks the care for those outside of her pain. She feels consoled by her victim status. She is never wrong if she remains the victim to some intangible force. Same when she re-lives. The victim-excuse gets pulled every time.
Didn't make sense the expectation the story (and Rhia) has of others to sweat for her to gain.
Ignoring the Rhia-deserves-everything-just-because-pity, this tragedy demonstrates the WORK and TALK needed to form the foundations of a relationship. Igor only lacked TALKING. Rhia lacked BOTH. Author did well in showing the importance of both.
She finally stops pulling the victim card after Igor s*aved and sacrificed to gift her everything she could ever possibly want. For those glorious 15%, I was comforted by the fact that no sudden problems could arise from her victim mentality.
I only cheered for this couple because they already drained too much of my emotional investment and time into this tragedy. I clung onto that hope of happiness, no matter how much toxic behavior I had to trudge through. Sunk cost fallacy. I pretended the HEA meant everything was butterflies and rainbows, and all their individual emotional issues went into a puff of smoke.
Without the other characters propping her up, I saw nothing attractive about Rhia. Period. Her defining quality was her woe-is-me and that got stale when I saw how much her selfishness and passiveness caused her problems. Plus, unlike Igor, she always tries to pawn the work and blame onto others instead of having the empathy for another to invest in a mirror and look at her own inadequacies, without needing someone to take action and telling her to stop being so self-centered.
My issues with her were not because of her passiveness or weakness (normal in depression). It was her utter lack of ability to empathize (common between her and the villains) → makes a conscious selfish actions to make herself happier or safer but it just hurts herself and others. Doesn't try to mature out of this mentality. The cause and solution to her selfishness is pushed onto someone else since she's self-serving and doesn't want to see to her own choices. Overbearing character flaw that persists for 85% of the novel. If she didn't just coincidentally happen to be the female main, no one (readers or the rest of the characters) would have bestowed this selfish/unempathetic person with this much unconditional love and support to ensure her success in life.
It is pathetic to summarize, but Rhia was: blame others, cry, sit around ruminating in her depression, and expecting telepathy. So exist as an entity and react to plot changes. Other than her fundamental presence, every other plot advancement was done by another character.... Not a great main POV for storytelling. Rhia was just along for the ride. I have too high of expectations of my plot and character... I gave Igor the decent rating because Igor acted for both the plot to move and for both characters to develop (he basically developed to compensate for Rhia. Rhia only developed as a by-product/reaction to his development. All for his love of her and her "deserving-ness"). Unlike the other characters who have Rhia-fever, I don't give an automatic good mark just because Rhia has the "endurance" to exist/breathe/react in this novel (and do not much else besides that) - what barebone requirements the story had of their FL.
She really didn't deserve any better; she deserved WORSE/NOTHING. She was tr*sh for 85% of this novel (I checked my progress bar on my ereader. That was how long it took for her to get her sh*t together). It is unfortunate that the release is serialization because if someone sat down to read this novel from in one go, their opinion of Rhia would PLUMMET. The author deliberately wrote most of this novel with a biased, unreliable narrator, otherwise people would realize EARLY that Rhia is a walking joke.
As much as I want to drop my rating because of Rhia, I can't ding the author on it. Rhia perfectly presents victim mentality - it is always other people's fault, never the "victim's." And if evidence is to the contrary? Shove her head back in the ground. Rhia's steadfast resistance to mutual effort and understanding was the deliberate force that drove the lesson of the story, so why would I penalize the author when she told it so perfectly? If I rated this book only on my enjoyment of Rhia as a human or character? Zero stars.
I need to stop reading miscommunication/misunderstanding novels. 99% of them is the main narrator being unreliable and having SEVERE victim mentality, whereas the other lead is TRYING (but FAILING because they suck equally at communication OR the main narrator refuses to give them a chance). I prefer WHICHEVER lead is NOT the main narrator just because I don't have to listen to endless do-nothing but woe-is-me drivel. Passive whining is NOT entertaining to read, and it doesn't advance the plot. A double negative against Rhia being the main narrator. WTF are these relationships?!? ONLY reason I could stomach this was because of Igor's herculean efforts to make this work & enough "cute" moments of them being back in love.
You may ask, why did I re-read? Because I am a masochist like Igor. I got so desensitized to the woe-is-me that Rhia became background noise to the actual story, which was carried by other characters. The author dropped many early hints about Rhia's unreliability upon re-reading. I did skip most of Rhia's solo parts on subsequent readings since they added nothing to the plot besides more droning on about "I am scared/mad/sad." Otherwise, story was well done.
You find out much later that most of Igor's "crimes" weren't even his crimes. Like he literally DID NOT DO THEM. Example, he didn't imprison or kill Rhia. Someone else ordered it. Rhia just assumes it was Igor based off her naive belief in a known compulsive liar (Leticia). Igor has his reasons he could not help Rhia. Those reasons were genuinely out of his control.
That's not to say Igor was blameless or not s*upid. No, both were equally s*upid and mistrustful of the other. They both had preconceived notions of who the other was based off their first impressions. But it would be hypocritical to blame Igor of his poor communication skills if you don't also plan on blaming Rhia.
Their mistrust in other people are both understandable in the context of their abusive childhoods.
The person who shows TRUE SELFLESS LOVE is Igor. Rhia causes the majority of the frustration in this novel.
And I will suggest to keep reading till the end to know the whole story, some already judge it by half of the chapters.
[/To] To those saying that the ML is a bastard read through the whole story and you all will eat your words, ML is the most selfless character here in the story. He give everything, and did everything just for the fl.
FL is a villain in disguised, he always victimize herself and sell herself as the poor little girl who have been cheated and has been traumatized. She is the most toxic person/ character in the story, always just taking and not giving, a typical person who uses their weakness to as a reason for their behavior and blame others, she is Selfish: she always think of herself she never ask the ML and just presumes things and mostly the cause of their feud.
She is irresponsible, she never care of her responsibilities as Queen, " she was made a hostage queen" (okay yes)
"she's only a contract queen" (okay fine) however she is still queen, she thinks lightly of her role and does always want to leave, and always says hate the place, don't like their but for pete sake she is the mother of the country she is not just the individual but a representation of a nation. She even want to abandoned her child, she knows thinking too much will affect the baby but she doesn't care all she wants was to leave the palace. She never tried to understand the ML all she just care about is her own pain, (how about the pain of the others?)
She always reject the things people say about the ML because she only believe what she believed and is always contradict every good things they say about ML, and all those actions the ML does she always think negatively.
She loves her Trauma: It's not easy to recover from trauma, however if you already knew you have those fears why take at least any small actions to heal yourself, she is afraid of things will turn same thing as the first timeline however she hast done anything. The only thing she did was Run, Run and Run.
She is ungreatful: even though the ML did everything for her past and present, even those side characters cared for her, she didn't bat an eye to leave them and pursue her own selfishness. Then she will still keep asking herself why someone doesn't care for her, why people leave her, or even betray her, I mean their are people who clearly care for her but since she is selfish and s*upid she always reject those people who are genuine with her.
She always complains and blame her husband but never her faults, she knew she need to do something to prevent her demise but she did nothing, all she think was escape and then everything is over, but take note after six year of running away she is still suffering from her trauma, she thought if she escape it will help but clearly not.
She is the typical childish person who only wants the guy to do the move first, always want's to be pampered and spoiled, and she will just do nothing but she will cry if the guy misunderstand her. (He is not a mind reader)
[/All]All The ML had done is for her, and everything for her, but she still blames him accused him of something he didn't really do and judge without confrontation. ML's fault is having his feelings not conveyed all his plans and intentions to FL and they don't have communication which lead to all the misunderstandings. But I get where the ML is coming from, he doesn't have a choice and all the women around him pushed him to the decisions he made. His wife is very oblivious and naive in past, her mother wants to satisfy her greed, and the antagonist wants to destroy FL and conspire to win the ML's heart.
[/He]He thinks what he done is the best choice but ended up ruining everything, but all for the FL.
The first timeline was a great blow to him and made him also broken, but since FL is selfish she didn't know that.
He did everything again for the second timeline to win her, all for naught after some revelations coz' FL is stubborn and doesn't want explanation, but cries 'cause ML hide things from her.
He also did get ptsd after first timeline and it get worst on the second timeline because FL keeps adding fire that leads to ML keep blaming himself. He is the most sensible character in the novel every time I got to read the fl's POV, I want to grab my hair and keep understanding where is she coming from, what kind of thinking she has, why she keep doing the opposite? (I mean WHY?) people giving her the right path but she always wanted to go left.
All three ladies have same common denominator and it's constant blaming ML (LOL) all their weakness they blame it on ML. Even the father of FL and Villain put the blame on his daughters, guess it runs in the blood (LOL)
[/All]All in all this a great novel which has great resemblance from what is really happening in reality, that relationship are not all cuddles and romance and being a hero, this depicts what if couple doesn't have communication.
what happens if problems are all unresolved and just jumping to conclusions without knowing the other parties explanation before judging. The author did a good job in making all the ugliness and biases of the world into her novel, people really believed easily that who is at fault is the ML based on what the Narrator says, and judge the character and the story poorly. In our society it is always like that people easily believed women because they are fragile and they are women, whereas men are judge automatically with unreasonable doubt. If the characters have switch people will less care because it was the man and he deserved it without even some evidence that he really is evil. Honestly I feel bad for the ML, even his readers judge and blame him at the end he really did not totally cope up with his trauma. Which I think the author purposefully write it that way. He also deserved to be happy as like everyone else no matter what gender.