33 - 35, they come together

55, breakup

56, distancing... literally, like in another country.

57 ten years later

59-60 meeting again

66, MC openly states to want to have another chance. From here on out "chasing".

76, NSFW

94, finally explaining the past

like when ML misunderstood that MC knows he's gay so he thought MC was purposefully getting flirty with him

she is engaged to LM (ML's best friend). She calls him to break off the engagement and forget her😂😂

chapter 54 to 57

Then in last chapters of the novel.

story is divided 50/50 between their adolescence and adulthood ten years later. MC first meets ML when he was forced to move away due to his public coming out. they befriend each other and hit it off. at first, ML wanted to date MC just to piss his parents off, but he genuinely falls in love later. they get into a misunderstanding where MC believes ML to be straight and missing his ex-gf, whereas ML belives MC knows of his s*xual orientation and is subtly offering himself to him. when the truth comes out, ML didnt give up and fervently pursues MC and finally wins him over. they spent a school term together, promising each other a beautiful future, but it wasnt meant to be. MC had a family emergency and had to emigrate to the states urgently, without time to prepare nor time to say a proper goodbye. later, MC cuts off all contact with ML and his former friends.

ten years later, MC returns from the states for work. he meets ML by chance and MC tries to pursue ML again, on account of an old flame undying. over the ten years, neither forgot the other, the feelings are still there, but their reconciliation was strained as their forceful separation left both parties scarred. they both kept secrets during their courtship, and ML learns that MC battled through depression and attempted su*cide, and that the source of mc's trauma had followed him from the states back to china, ready to smear him once again. MC and ML worked together to fight him off, and once the hurdles has been overcome there are no more secrets between them, only a new chapter of their life together :')

the knives were brilliant. I know the general tone of the story is light hearted and healing, but the author really doesnt pull back any punches. the scene that absolutely devastated me was the final reveal, when zhuoyan finally understood the pain fanxin had faced during his ten years abroad. his depression and attempted su*cides, and how he managed to pull himself back out of darkness only by thinking of zhuoyan. on the off chance that they might meet in the future, fanxin wanted to leave a shining first impression again, and he could only do that if he worked hard to become a person again. to think that he staked all of that energy, motivation, and passion on zhuoyan... he knew there was a good chance he might fail, but the chance is there and he was willing to take it :')

(and when zhuoyan broke down in the hospital thinking how close he was to losing fanxin twice that absolutely shattered my heart)

It surprised me how emotional I felt during the airport kiss scene, even thinking about it now makes me feel a little weepy.

Some further thoughts about ZFX's incident. I understand he underwent trauma, but it is strange to me that he was completely avoidant and mum on the topic (as if that isn't super fishy in itself) instead of just straight up saying hey, bad things happened and I don't like to talk about it. It felt at odds with his age, maturity, and the counseling he probably had, and it felt more like a tool for creating suspense/drama that I didn't find believable.

Surprisingly, h*mophobia doesn't really play a role as much as the beginning of the story leads you to think, which is kind of nice.