The romantic entanglement becomes an issue only in the last 10 chapters. The rest is more about the MC coming to age and really understanding herself. That part is brilliant. Then the kind-of-in*est stuff comes in- and honestly, simply because this is fictional, it works. In real life, it would be creepy af but here, it's almost like character growth.

The sweetness of having a new family and four attractive older brothers, MC 's life became a bliss. She was treated like a princess and those cute moments with her brothers was really enjoyable.

but you see everything was ruined when ML confessed, ML is a perfect older brother there's no doubt but as a boyfriend he is possessive, yandaree also that age gap is really big. Well ML is more handsome & powerful than her ex boyfriend but still I cant accept this ship. She was better with her ex boyfriend.

being bis*xual was considered weird but not falling for your sister wtf

the reason why I read this story because of my compulsive OCD, preventing me from erasing the book from my reading list entirely. the reviews were damning, and I always hated novels whose romance consisted of red-flag abuse. and yet, this novel was relatively calm. the male lead, in the beginning, was a source of denial for me, where I'd bemoan and grumble about the fact that that guy was the ML, but deeper into the story, I kinda got over it ignored it completely.

in the reviews, there have been many, many people who wanted the SML to end up with the FL (Xia Rou). the SML shows up in like the last twenty chapters, short enough to tell you the ending. and to be entirely honest, I wasn't surprised when she ended up with the ML. other than the fact it was "written in the stars" SML and Xia Rou were in the blossoming stages of like, not love. if the ML hadn't made a move, she truly might've married the SML. and that's where I tell you how bad of an idea it would be.

first off, rebirth. no one would be in their right mind. you literally see Xia Rou cut herself with a fruit knife to make sure she's not dreaming. while reading, I felt that her mental health and images of people, especially with the Cao family, was entirely built on her previous memories. the moment something would change, she freak out a bit and space out from conversations, dinner, anything really. (note: the spacing out was frequently mentioned by the author, an up-and-coming sign of her delusion disorder. we'll get to that later.) Xia Rou steadily matures, placing the ML (and her "big brother") on a pedestal higher than Buddha himself. something mentioned is that Xia Rou is averse to human touch, a trauma from her childhood, but the ML and the Cao Fam are the only ones whose touch she does not reject (until SML). so, then she meets him. the man, that in her previous life, was the man that her big brother (read: ML) wanted her to get married to. so she decides her fate. marry SML.

she doesn't start dating him for love, and not really for the attraction (although there is some) but because her big brother, her mentor, her parent, said that he'd be a good marriage partner. the new Xia Rou of the Cao Family is obedient, she listens to what her big brother says. every. single. time. it's kinda terrifying how mindlessly Xia Rou follows his words, because of such a deep trust from her previous life. so when the ML reaches out screws that all over in just a moment, that trust, that image, that big brother, is gone. queue in delusion disorder. and I know what you're thinking, "no. there's a past life, she's not crazy they're the crazy ones..."

well, you're wrong. and also, right. I don't wanna get into the specifics, but if someone told you they'd died in a world just like this one, except the choices are different and so is everyone else, you'd get one h*ll of a headache trying to figure it all out. was it just a dream? is this world just a brief, seven-second dream before the final end? was Xia Rou's world just a dream, a dream so real she'd carry grudges into real life? what is true, is that humans are the crazy ones, trying to figure it all out. why should it matter? you have a life, a second one or the first, but live it. it may be a dream, but it'll be one h*ll of a dream to write about.

and so, here we are. Xia Rou ended up with the ML, a man who she knows a version of, and that stability she yearns for sits on his shoulders, just out of reach. while the SML is a bit of a variable. Xia Rou knew SML, but not all of him, not his whole personality, just pieces. Xia Rou's personality recovered too, after a bout of depression, insomnia, and delusion, a c*cktail mix like no other that I drink on Sundays.

so, my final verdict is: storyline as a whole, four stars. some plotholes had accumulated by the ending, so an epilogue to tie all that up would be great. the romance was progress, and the final chapters only really show the ML's perspective, a twist that I didn't really want. the personalities of the characters are... realistic to say the least, and self-aware. not something that readers adore, but I appreciate the... honesty. finally, the author is someone who wrote a message inside the book. what kind of message it is, figure it out yourself.

xoxo, MiRA

currently listening to: Smile, Nat King Cole