There Were Times When I Wished You Were Dead


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The Emperor of Croisen hated Empress Yvonne. Enough that he’d wish for her to disappear three times a day.

I don’t like the face of someone who looks just like the Duke of Delois, my enemy, but no matter how much I insulted her, her indifferent and aloof character stayed the same, which made me feel even more terrible.

I didn’t care whether or not she disappears or dies. I was fine with anything as long as I didn’t see her face.

The wish came true.

When he no longer wished for it to happen.

Associated Names
One entry per line
네가 죽기를 바랄때가 있었다
Related Series
I Should Have Just Died (2)
How to Tame My Beastly Husband (2)
Remarried Empress (1)
1st Kiss Was Intentional (1)
Daddy, I Don’t Want to Marry! (1)
Forgotten Juliet (1)
Recommendation Lists
  1. Guilty Pleasure
  2. Female Leads
  3. Tear jerker challenge- k novels edition
  4. Bucket List
  5. novels i think about on a day to day basis because...

Latest Release

Date Group Release
03/25/21 Mystical Series c21
03/18/21 Mystical Series c20
03/12/21 Mystical Series c19
03/04/21 Mystical Series c18
02/25/21 Mystical Series c17
02/18/21 Mystical Series c16
02/11/21 Mystical Series c15
02/04/21 Mystical Series c14
01/28/21 Mystical Series c13
01/21/21 Mystical Series c12
01/15/21 Mystical Series c11
01/08/21 Mystical Series c10
01/07/21 Mystical Series c9
12/24/20 Mystical Series c8
12/17/20 Mystical Series c7
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14 Reviews sorted by

New Ruby_078 rated it
November 18, 2021
Status: c21
Y'all making ML such an unreasonable and an a'hole but it does not even last 15 chapters before it's started to subdue. Of course not immediately. I admit I am mad at ML but MC herself is feeding the doubt to ML. It was completely unreasonable for ML to act on certain action and I also won't forgive him but that does not mean it's held no meaning, there is a reason briefly explain tho not in dept and I won't spoil anything. No one is good at communication because... more>> of their own trauma and I bet the one review said he is a forgiven to tr*sh ML but this is unforgivable yadah yadah~ had never experienced the real suffering. I had read worse that lasted more than 100 chapters but that what's entertaining. Your own taste and feeling so I won't judge but I think it's was a harsh judgment for a novel that barely have 20 chapters which are roughly around 13% of the novel. <<less
2 Likes · Like Permalink | Report
December 20, 2020
Status: v4
There are 5 books with approximately 7 chapters each. The raws are completed. It’s very similar to Remarried Empress in a way that the ML is being a complete douche to the MC for no good reason. I this case the ML just hates the MC for being related to the her father whom he hates. MC literally does nth to harm him n just takes all his verbal abuse without reacting. The reason why she’s behaving this way is extremely heart breaking and you’ll get a glimpse of her... more>> reason for acting emotionless in book 2 n 3.

It is similar to the Remmaried Empress premise where the ML actually loves the MC n didn’t know it during his time of abusing him (Goddamn ret*rds). So you’ll definitely see those “I regret hurting you” movements towards the end of the novel.

Why I gave it a good rating is because the MC’s POV was just so heart breaking, it gave me physical pain. She’s not influential or particular smart. She’s someone who went through so much n has no choice but to keep suffering in order to protect her only family (not talking about the douche Emperor n Duke). The angst in this story is “My fiancé loves my little sister” level. It’s almost like reading a person going back n forth btw sanity n insanity because of the emotional trauma. It’s very well written, that’s why it’s popular in Korea. <<less
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Goldenxman33 rated it
July 28, 2021
Status: --
This is the only novel that the ML abuse his wife so much that the corupted nobles, spys and second wife are trying to stop him. Even the people who should hate the MC pity her because of the unhuman amount of aduse by her husband.
16 Likes · Like Permalink | Report
whyneji rated it
July 29, 2021
Status: c17
When did difficult childhood's become an excuse to publicly humiliate your wife and treat her like garbage. Regardless of the political situation and background, the ML's treatment of the FL is beyond cruel and uncalled for, there's a difference between being cold and being outright sadistic to try and draw reactions from the FL. The fact that it is all going to be glossed over with misunderstandings and 'love equals forgiveness' just makes this an uncomfortable and frankly disappointing read.
14 Likes · Like Permalink | Report
Skite rated it
November 24, 2020
Status: c20
So far, the Emperor is a petty, moronic child who pitches s*upid fits and is actively endangering his rule as he publicly abuses his wife. Like, if he were a real ruler who behaved this way, he would be quickly corrected of his (lack of) importance, or overthrown. I sincerely hope he gets overthrown. I honestly don't know how to take a character from his current state of behavior and redeem him sufficiently that we'll like him and want him to reconcile with the Empress.

The Empress is largely stoic, unless... more>> she is in a rare moment of pleading. Which is pathetic. I want her to, you know, step up and be an awesome Empress, not this unmoving mannequin in a crown making split-second sad eyes and doing nothing else, not even ruling.

It is like "I Don't Want to Be Loved" but if we were watching the terrible, abusive bits from the couple's first marriage before they were reborn. <<less
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ugochiii rated it
November 6, 2020
Status: c5
Okay so I'll try to update this as I read. The description (?) of the novel really drew my attention.

The prologue really grabs ones attention

... more>>

So he never slept with the FL and than later brought another woman claiming she's his possession and also wanting to make her empress. He does this because him and the FL been married for a year, but haven't had a child (mind you this happened on the first year anniversary and he never slept with her). He later leaves to sleep with the woman and the FL is still indifferent.


I can't wait till see disappears I wanna see how his bit*h ass will act <<less
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ireaditall rated it
September 2, 2021
Status: --
I can't take this anymore...

The author seems to be lacking in political acuity, as the political world building is all over the place and the actions the characters take are completely inconsistent with the environment they are in.

Now I will try to justify my views a bit below,

... more>>

So the setting is that the FL's father is a extremely powerful duke who basically controls the country and has deprived the Emperor ML of power and forced both the MCs to get married so that their child aka his grandson will become the emperor and the duke can get more power.

Now I will explain the holes in this setting below:-

    • Acc. to what I understand the duke holds a lot of power, so much so that if he so wishes he can overthrow the royal family. And it wouldn't really be hard in a world that follows the settings of Medieval Europe, i.e., the nobles hold a lot of power and there is even a noble council that works on governing the country with the emperor. The duke here has already taken over governing the country from the emperor and the emperor lacks supporters in the council and even in his own palace (I remember an aide telling the ML to be careful of the duke in his own study). So all the duke has to do is kill the emperor (who it seems is an only child) and the throne will lack an legitimate heir and the duke, with the help of his supporters can take the throne and become the emperor or place a obedient puppet on the throne.
    • So this brings us to the question why the duke would rather marry a daughter to a powerless emperor and create an alliance that gets him virtually no benefit??? this is hole no. 1
    • Ok, now its clear that ML can't compare to the duke at all, but for some reason the duke marries his daughter to him as form of marriage alliance, and instead of making the best of it to form his own forces and supporters, what does the ML do?
      Insults, humiliates and isolates her, in public many times, aka tries to get pleasure of stepping on duke's face through her. This is something that would effectively push most of the neutral and royalist nobles to the duke's side, as who would want to help a emperor that tramples upon nobles' pride and dignity. (Its seen that most nobles are on the FL's side and quite look down on the ML)
    • As if that wasn't enough, we see that in a flashback, the duke's threatening ML that he wanted his life but the ML couldn't do anything to him; it once again speaks volumes of the duke's power and ML's lack thereof; however the ML keeps humiliating the duke in front of the public as if he wants to die early and duke does nothing about it. This is hole no. 2.
    • Adding another block to this shitty building, is when he takes a mistress and proclaims her as a queen IN FRONT OF THE ENTIRE NOBILITY.
      Its as if he's worried that he will have too many supporters among nobles (which he doesn't btw) and wants to reduce their nos. drastically.
    • And then there's the mistress, a daughter of a Marquis, a real lady. Who, I really can't see getting any benefit from joining this fiasco. I mean the setting of the world is such that she really won't get any benefits and it may even be harmful instead.
    • So her father's a marquis, who obviously isn't as powerful as the FL's father, so why isn't she worried about the duke's retaliation on her family, it isn't as if the ML can protect them. And as long as the duke's around she and her child (if she has one) will probably not survive or live in dire states as the emperor doesn't have the power to depose the most powerful dukes daughter, they won't have a legitimate status either. Next, we also see that the status of illegitimate children are not good and mistress are despised, so after the contract is over and done with, how will she continue to mingle with the nobility, and who will dare to marry someone who is considered the emperor's woman??? Not to mention that the ML is a powerless emperor who can't bring any benefit to her or her family. This is hole no. 3
    • Another absurd thing is when the ML asks the mistress to spy on FL, and I was thinking that why the hell would FL allow a mistress to get close to her, it would have been better to buy out a close maid of FL instead.

Now I can't deny that some of my justifications may overturn as story progresses but at least now they exist.

In all honesty, the cast of characters don't seem very smart. I thought that the Marquess at least had some IQ but her actions don't show it.

The 2 stars are me being my most generous towards a FL I found to better than most pathetic groveling and submissive tr*sh FLs. Compared to other characters, the FL seems to have a sober working mind and decisions that actually makes sense given her position and environment.

She hates the duke and hence is unwilling to ask for his help and she pities the ML and hence is unwilling to fight with him over something she didn't want willingly. I feel that the FL has low amount of feelings for the ML and her decision to die in his place was made due to her not wanting to continue being a pawn in the duke's schemes.

Oh and one of the reviewers above wrote that ML's actions are understandable, which they aren't because its really not understandable to go against an extremely powerful foe with a little bit of power. which is exactly what the ML does by acting this way with the FL <<less
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Glutton idiot
Glutton idiot rated it
July 27, 2021
Status: --
My blood boiled a lot of time why?

here's why

... more>>

The emperor hate and despise the empress as you can see in the description but what more blood boiling is that he the emperor himself brought back a f*cking woman!? And declared she will be the empress and he will make a f*cking successor with her THE f*ck IM ANGRY and of course the bastard emperor is the ML 😤 the empress drank the poison meant for the mistress (the one who the emperor spent the night with or idk tldr) the emperor knows that and make her drank the antidote and then BAM 💥 the emperor didn't know the reason why he always come to the empress room 3 day straight and try to told him a good reason and my f*cking god the FL is also f*cked she's his childhood friend and want him to favor her


i swear to god I don't like this sh*t but I will give a 5 cuz it's good the ML is s*upid a lot if f*cking misunderstanding but


the father is the villain so he's sh*t I know the ML need to be wary of her or smth Idk the duke want his grandchild to be a emperor or smth and in order to do that he the duke took the illegitimate child (our fl) and magic her to look like him so can't blame the ML too much


great sh*t if u like misunderstandings novel like these

i hate this type of shits <<less
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mitji rated it
March 20, 2021
Status: c20
This will definitely be added to my tear-jerker list. I've been shedding tears in every chapter and I can't wait for a role reversal to happen. That would be so satisfying.

Oddly enough, I don't see the ML negatively. His actions were rather justifiable as he have to be wary of the Duke and anyone related to him, including the FL. Instead, I am curious as to how the FL will be able to leave the clutches of the Duke and make the Emperor chase after her.
3 Likes · Like Permalink | Report
ivanlyw7 rated it
September 26, 2021
Status: v4
So I decided to give this book a chance after reading the reviews.

Oh boy. These 5 star reviews are so misleading.

Sypnosis is misleading. Nobody dies.

Everyone except for the FL is tr*sh. Simple, utter tr*sh.

... more>>

A abusive ML who immediately resorts to suicide when he learns the truth from a third party about FL origins. Makes no effort to reach out after dealing FL years of abuse because he's a piece of sh*t who doesnt have guts to deal with FL father so he takes it out on her instead. as*hole drowns in self pity saying that he doesnt deserve to live for what he has done to her instead of making amends.

Also, I get that you hate FL's father, but holy sh*t how dumb must you be to constantly antagonise someone who is much stronger than you in every way possible just because.

How dumb must the palace be to not even do a background check on the QUEEN OF THE COUNTRY BEFORE LETTING HER INTO THE PALACE?! How do you not even know a shred of info of your prospective queen and still be ok with marrying her, political reasons or not?

Palace maids and doctor who "symphatise" with her but do jack sh*t to help FL out

Queen who doesnt even GAF about what's happening to FL even though there is blantant abuse happening in front of her

Aide who obviously should be able to invedtigate everything thats going on but not GAF until the last book


The romance portion is basically BS.

FL and ML loved each other way back when they met once. FL, for some reason, continues to hold this flame even throughout the abuse.

ML likes past FL but doesnt know its current FL.

So.... BS happens that makes FL prevent ML from dying and some time later ML does the same and then all is well and they love each other (wtf) <<less
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Drenlith rated it
September 2, 2021
Status: --
I would rate it lower if I could, this ML is like the Jerry from Rick and Morty, he makes everyone feel sorry for him because that's the only way he can thrive. On top of that he's got big enough of an ego to pick on the weak and cower in front of the strong. His whole agenda was: the duke hurt me so I'll start to throw a tantrum around me because I'm powerless.

MC will and is thoroughly messed up directly and indirectly by this guy, the source... more>> of all of her unhappiness. The fact alone that he's picking on her for the sake that she is seemingly unshaken by his verbal harassments bugs him enough to keep looking more ways to make her hurt.

There was no reason why he had to be like that to someone who never hurt him in the first place and that alone makes him a weak, feeble and worthless guy that belongs straight into the garbage.

Blood dog drama over nothing, really. MC should've walked out and find someone better. ML should've been nothing more than a cannon fodder. It's just a relief that

the contractual lover, the Queen, ML brought in had a sensible and compassionate soul and didn't walk the villainess path.


Other than that to gain MC's forgiveness

we gotta threaten her with suicide man, ofc how else should he be redeemed *eye roll*

Yay, excessive unnecessary emotional abuse from the beginning til end for everyone involved.

I've read angst novels but they gotta make proper sense here, you can't just write bs drama and expect people to buy into it for the sake of feeling angsty. <<less
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Changingchangie rated it
February 25, 2021
Status: --
Okay first off. If you're not into drama, wherein; the ML is emotionally hurting the FL. Click out.

But for those who are looking for a novel where you want your heart to break you can read this. For me, it is quite entertaining to read since our ML emotionally tortures the FL, but is unknowingly falling for her (I meeaaan hello bb? The way he reacted when THAT happened was a clear sign for me)

... more>>

Though I'm waiting on what would happen when he would realize our baby Yve is that girl, right? I'm just hoping that the ML would suffer because Yve is going through too much pain.

2 Likes · Like Permalink | Report
Irenesbride rated it
September 22, 2021
Status: --
I really can't support novels with such toxic, disgusting MLs. He has the EQ equivalent to a child - which is an insult to children considering how they have basic empathy and logical thinking skills.

Not to mention, the ML seems to lack a lot of power in a political sense, yet all his actions only create more enemies, and worsen his position as a whole. This ML is like the side tr*sh characters you see in other novels
1 Likes · Like Permalink | Report
Aspiration rated it
June 10, 2021
Status: c21
This novel is great. I feel bad for the main character. It's a shame that translations have stopped. It looks like I'll have to learn Korean to read the rest.
0 Likes · Like Permalink | Report
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