Heiner stood by the window and watched the small figure in the distance. Even after she had disappeared, he stood still in place for a long time.

Gradually the sun went down. His shadow on the wall hung long.

'Where did it all go wrong?'

Heiner thought vacantly.

At first, it was just a feeling of infatuation. All he wanted was to touch her just once. He dared not want her.

So, with persistence, he became the marquis' dog. To gain a higher position, to gain more power, to become a "suitable" person.

To get a little closer to her.

Because there was no way she would pay attention to a soldier who was an orphan and all he knew was to kill people...

Heiner looked down at his hand on the window pane. He could still smell the blood that had long since been washed away.

He tightened his fists.

I know that I am a dirtier and lower human being than you if I am to blame for wrongdoing.

I know that I am more of a sinner, having killed countless people and sent my colleagues to their deaths.

He didn't want to admit it.

He wanted to put all the blame on her.

You are so happy being noble while I rolled through the mud to bring you peace. You have no idea whose blood was shed and whose lives were sacrificed.

The hardest and saddest thing in your life is not improving your piano skills, that's all.

So...

I hated you for it.

A wave of every dirty, inferior emotion flooded his chest. Heiner's body slowly collapsed. She alone was the reason he struggled so much, but in the end, it turned out like this.

Heiner cradled his head in his hands. His breath came in gulps. He eventually couldn't hold it in and let it out. The man crouched in the corner sobbed quietly.

From far away, the sound of a piano carried on the wind.

He cried for a very long time.

WHAT IN THE ACTUAL FCK BRO LIEK WHAT DJEDJHEVVHE UR TELLING ME HE JOINED THE FCKING FORCES BECUS OF HER??!!! LIKE MY LOVE HATE RELATIONSHIP WITH THIS MAN ISTG

***

He could see the girl's shiny blond hair up close, her soft cheeks, her fingers swimming over the keys. There, he was the girl's only audience.

Just as she was his only pianist.

Heiner awoke from his dream.'

WHAT IN THE ACTUAL f*ck. THE AUTHOR DESERVES JAIL TIME FOR THIS JAIL

***

Like Saint Marianne in the dining room mural at the Rosenberg residence... If someone asked him about religion, he would think of this girl.
AGHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH

***

"If you can't hide it perfectly.......... you might as well break it. So that it is no longer precious to others." (HEINER)

"What the heck, then it won't be precious to you either."

"Well..."

"Yes, thank you for your psychopathic reply."

Many may thought that they shouldn't end up together considering all ML' actions to FL in the past. I also don't justify his actions and even at some points throughout the story, he's still a tr*sh for meddling too much into her personal live. But at the same time, I understand his reasoning and where it came from.

at least in the mid story, he was really ready to let her go by trying to not meet her at the hospital. But Anette in the other hand, after learning the truth, persist on meeting him. They even go separate ways after Anette's being discharged. But somehow, Anette choose him again. He regrets his past actions after learning that the FL isn't someone he always thought to be. He assumed that she couldn't do anything because of her upbringing, he has prejudice on her that she's just a weak noble. But she proves it wrong. He came to learn that she's noble because she's naturally that way, no matter how harsh the environment would be, she choose to be 'right' and 'strong'. I really like her conversation with Elliot/Jackson, it also highlight Anette' personality.

in the end, he came to realization that there were better choices that he could make in the past, especially regarding his actions toward the FL. And he also recognize that it's because of his twisted mind that he was like that. He didn't push his feeling toward her at the end, but the FL once again, after thinking that they might be better to go separate ways, still choose to be with him. He's the sole reason of her broken live, but at the same the driven force of her growth. And they choose to focus in living the present&future moment and believe that they would be better as person going forward together.

+ the story always remind us that Anette has unconditional love to Heiner from the start. It's like what she want the most. What I still question about this story is the period after the revolutionary arc, like how she still become his wife even after her parents death. I know that she asked for divorce, but it seems like there's not significant hatred from FL toward the ML (even when she didn't learn the truth about her family' actions). That's why I think, her love for ML is THAT BIG to the point that later in the end of the story, after Heiner confessed his true feeling, she choose to be with him again regardless of everything happen in the past

Annette is a victim. She is merely a victim caught in the crossfire of monarchical and revolutionary forces. Ignorance is not a sin but refusing to learn is; Annette just simply enjoyed her position or privilege, devoid of the other side where poverty-stricken people suffer at the hands of the monarchical society and harbor such animosity towards aristocrats, especially Annette who has royal blood. Although Annette may not have known what her father was doing, she didn't merit such severe criticism or psychological abuse because Annette is not accountable for her father's actions, although it's really evident that she was too ignorant like a princess being pampered or a damsel stuck in a tower. Heiner is currently beyond comprehension, and because of this, I find it impossible to empathize with him atm. He is also a victim but he shouldn't have put all the blame on Annette! I also find it difficult to comprehend why he is holding onto Annette; is it simply out of revenge? I doubt that. He harbor such hatred to her yet he also can't resist to show his care for her, though in an indifferent way.

Although you may have a better understanding of Heiner's mental instability by the middle of the novel, it is still difficult to empathize with him after what he did. But, to be completely honest, I can't despise him completely; given the life he endured and the fact that he made it this far because of her—the way he portrayed her and then blamed her for how f*cked he is. You can see from this how unstable he is, how drowned he is to insanity, how starved of freedom he is to the point of delirium, how he once revered her as a holy saint but that image was quickly destroyed, and how he cannot believe someone will love him just the way he is. We can't deny the complexity of his character, it is hard to fathom what was really going on in his head; the way how a person's love for another can be like a spark of light at first but eventually burn to the ground due to how they were raised in different evironments and social standing. Even still, he was truly terrible; how could he blame her for all of his misery when, at this point, he was the one to blame? Who brought it to himself?

he played the victim. Tossing out the uno reverse card on her and I almost flipped the table. The audacity of this asshat! *Shakes fist in the air* got my blood boiling lol

From the beginning of the story until in the middle I really want to drop because I can't handle the sadness and frustrated when Annete (FL) trying to commit su*cide eveytime and I decide to pickup again when she finally got divorce. But as I keep reading later on, the plot and the story keep making me draw in and the character development between Annete and Heiner (ML) tragic backstory are really done pretty well. The author know how to write the emotion especially Annete, she make me smile and cry. She's one of my fav FL and want to be better person and redeem herself eventho that's not her fault. But the causes of being ignorant to what her tr*sh father done and all the nobles, she willing to change and that's what make me like her so much. Her charater growth develop well and together with the pacing and the story whenever she face crisis. Eventhough I really hate terrible ML who keep torturing his FL mentally, but Heiner kind of somewhat I understand how he behave like that after reading his tragic backstory. But it didn't excuse him for blaming Annete and mistreat her for what her tr*sh father did to him. Both of them really are broken people and have their own flaw.

The ending, some of the reader didn't like but for me I like and satisfy about it. They don't necessary rekindled their realtionship quickly but willing to be close and give time for each other to heal. Their relationship is what I love about them and it's not necessary for the couple to profound affection and love by just getting marry and happy together. You need time to heal emotionally and it takes a little steps to be able to break free from your broken soul.

So the entire novel starts out with the typical Romeo/Juliet-esque trope of star-crossed lovers. We understand that the ML 'betrayed' the FL and basically made her life sheer misery to the point where she wants to commit su*cide. For reasons unknown, ML wants to keep her alive and his attitude towards her is mixed which confuses the audience. If he truly hated her, then why keep her alive? If he loved her, then why did he choose to do what he did?

At this point, it is clear that the author is trying to make the ML some sort of anti-hero/villian type lead which then turns into someone deserving of FL's love. The tricky part of writing such a character is that there must be a redemption arc and that the readers must perceive ML as a suitable match for the FL. Of course, as with redemption arcs, there must be a point where the readers absolutely hate the ML. ML needs to hit rock bottom before he has character growth and thus his redemption arc.

Personally, I found the ~20 chapters dedicated to ML's backstory a little longwinded and unnecessary. It could have been shortened and there there was a lot of passive voice which made it a little boring. Coupled with the fact that the author was trying their best to justify ML's actions towards FL, it made it a little unbelievable. ML was obsessed with FL and she was his only reason for survival. The moment she unknowingly said something insensitive, it triggered ML to overthrow the monarchy, kill FL's entire family, then make her life hell for three years.

In the case of trauma, the response to a certain stimulus is sometimes not proportional, yet this should happen without conscious knowledge. The fact that ML was reasoning things out as he was doing all this points to the fact that all this is done consciously. That's probably why some of the previous reviews point out that ML is one of the tr*shiest MLs ever.

The second point that made me kind of iffy was how they portrayed FL's sin. Initially it was because she was an aristocrat, then it was because she was the daughter of Marquis Dietrich. Then it was because she was ignorant of the world and the atrocities commited by her father. The reason for FL's sin was ever changing and often times didn't make sense. It seemed like a whole lot of guilt by association. While that is a valid plot device to use to justify the actions of the people around FL and make her life miserable, it was also a tool that the author used to redeem ML and make him a worthy match for FL. Otherwise, how could the readers accept that she and ML deserve to be together? ML's sin was killing her family and making her entire life miserable while FL's sin was just being born as the Marquis's daughter? If she agreed to be with ML after suffering all that while not deserving any of it, then it would be a little Stockholm Syndrome-y.

The war arc in which FL has tremendous character growth and ML 'redeems' himself was well written. The descriptions of war and its effect on people were poignant and the imagery used was beautiful as much as it was haunting. For me, the fact that they were both able to be so concerned of the other person whislt in the midst of war was enough for me believe that they belonged together.

The following progression would have been fine:

ML kills FL's father --> FL finds out it was a hoax --> ML doesn't let her leave --> FL commits su*cide but ML stops her (not out of love, but because he recognizes that maybe he went a little too far) --> continue to war arc

The reason I emphasize that is because ML divorcing FL was not out of regret or even love. It was more that he was afraid of breaking something that he'd coveted for so long. In a sense, while they had strong emotions for the other, neither was truly in love with the other person. In the war arc, they both learn things about the other person that allow them to fall in love with the other person as they are and not as they are portrayed to be. We see the natural progression of their relationship and understand that the love they had before was more superficial and closer to obsession than love.

I think the author does recognize all the points I've mentioned since chapters 92+ are the true redemption arc for both leads (ML more deservingly than FL). Even though they did a spectacular job at tying up the emotional loose ends, I do think that cutting back a bit on ML's justification for what he did would have made it better (albeit less angsty). The author did a fantastic job at capturing human emotions like Catherine's forgiveness, Hans not wanting to go back and becoming a burden, Jackson's 'late' forgiveness towards FL and his apology towards ML.

Let's go back to start how everything, their love and hate relationship, ML is basically obsessed with her since he is young, not love her just obsessed with her and in his mind she is like a goddess, he saw her and thought how angelic and how pure she look while he has to go through hell. While he goes through torture he always thought her saying "Annette" and the love slowly became hate, he thinks everything happened because of how she lived, happy and not knowing others suffering, and he really, really HATES her.

And his hate is not gone until they start to date and eventually marry. He not realizing his feelings and mentality torturing her for 4 years, made her believe, because how she raised she is actually not a good person, not caring about others, but I do not agreed with that. Anyway.

This sound not bad right but no. She goes war because of this thought. And I am saying author right her so damn lucky like, they could throw her a bomb and author probably write...but bomb was not working... funny anyway.

And after 4 years of mentality torture, no she did not s@uicide because her parents died, one of them is in front of her while she playing piano, or losing everything she actually do it because he tells her he hates her, she feels nothing left for her and then bum....

And him actually regretting what he did was after 4 years when she off herself, he still thinks she couldn't do that. And I am saying she is damn like she survived 2 attempted suuicade, war, burning house, a gun shot and kidnapping (?) what else you tell me. After a while I thought damn she can't be this lucky maybe he is dreaming all this and she died at rebellion or maybe after first sucisade?

Now I remember she was weird, she acted like nothing happened after the rebellion, going in his room to became pregnant... she was probably not okay even those times too...

Anyway I will get to the point about what I think about their relationship because this novel is basically about them right. The ending is suck especially the last ten chapters... what was that??? As far as saw he played, pretend loving you for 6 years (and that would give me trust issues) and what you did. Marring with him AGAIN. s*upid and ridiculous. SHE WAS SAYING TEN CHAPTERS BEFORE THEY CAN NEVER BE TOGETHER AND THAT WOULD NEVER WORK but what... they married after ten chapter. EVEN if he became the sweetest, the most loving and caring person (he is not he is normal man) but how she can marry him. She was actually smart saying I know I could never trust him again I LOVE WHEN SHE THOUGHT LIKE THIS but I was so disappointed with her when they got together and worse married. WHY WOULD YOU OR HOW could YOU MARRY HIM AGAIN?...

If I was her I would be overthinking about Is he loving me, or pretend like he did before because girl he did this for 6 years. She should have at least some thoughts about this maybe she had but author did not say that in the end. Just they got married and it happened in side stories ig.

I am so angry after what he did...

killing her parents, (author never mentioned about mother only father but her mother is off herself and Heiner basically killed her too. I don't know but I think author especially did not write about her because making her dad evil, what Heiner did was justified, understood but her mother offing herself is should have at least mentioned more or we could have what Annette thought about her.)

making everyone hate her (this was his actual porpoise, making everyone hate her, broke her so that he can have her and it did actually happen she did go back being with him and in my opinion because no one was left for her. He saw her in her worst so she felt like only he would be with her.)

made her think that living a luxurious and comfortable life, having a happy childhood is something she shouldn't have. she stopped enjoying everything, she can't play piano, not like dressing herself and probably when ever she but anything out of basic need she either won't buy or feel guilty buying it. She only wanted to be a mother but even that could not happen.

believing she is not a nice, good person and made her guilt about her father's doings. I am not saying shouldn't feel anything about her father's actions but their to different person and why would she take the blame for him. She did not know what her fathers did, she was young at that time and I am saying again she did not know a thing, she did not live a absurd life, she did live like how a normal person should life, and he and probably most people she meet hated her for that, they made her feeling guilty for being happy childhood. Now she have anxiety, PSTD from war, Panic attack, eating disorder, insomnia.

... he actually get what he wants.

Ughh... after suffering for so long war (almost got r@ped and killed), su||icades, lies, hating by everyone I kinda understand why she did get back together with that monster he destroyed her self-conscious so she probably thinks no one will love her but him and she was tired, she wanted to felt loved and believe only he could give her. Even it means pretending or maybe not. But what they have is definitely Trauma-Bonding. And not a healthy relationship and that is why they should have find other people.

She need someone can make her happy and love her, she need new start, far away from all those suffering and far from that man. He is too.

I wonder about their married love, did she actually trust her? Are they living like nothing happened? She said I don't hate you but I wonder is that really true or is she a saint. Why did she not at least dislike him? Just because his past? What he go through because of her father? She still feel guilty? Will she forget what he and live like nothing happened?

Anyway this is a well- written novel and Fl, Annette is actually a strong woman. Her thoughts and actions made sense (most of the time).

I love when she said...even though they love each other they can't be together... I know right I thought the same ughh...I wish they did not ended up together I feel like he get away with what he done so far.