Bye-Bye

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“I was in a one-sided love.”

On a rainy night, Seo-yu was standing on the Mapo Bridge to die.

Unlicensed high school student Sung-hyun, who was passing by, was surprised to see him and causes an accident.

Sung-hyun proposes a deal to Seo-yu, saying that his brother is going to kill him.

“You, I will give you money, so please help me tell my brother.”

Seo-yu decides to receive 3 million won and lies to Sung-hyun’s older brother, Sung-hoon.

But Sung-hoon, who is familiar with Sung-hyun’s personality, doesn’t believe it.

“How much did you get?”

“….”

“I’m asking you how much he paid you.”

“Ahaha. You really don’t trust people. I didn’t take it.”

Sung-hoon seems to believe only when Seo-yu shows his determination.

He finally received 3 million won on the day the work was completed.

He secretly contacted Sung-hyun first and told him the promised price, but the person changed and Sung-hoon appeared instead of Sung-hyun.

“It’s been a while, Seo-yu-ssi.”

Why is his older brother here?

Will Seo-yu be able to overcome this crisis well?

Associated Names
One entry per line
바이바이
Related Series
N/A
Recommendations
Tensegrity (2)
Dear Benjamin (1)
The Consequence of Judging Others by Appearance (1)
Reverse Approach (1)
Love Delusion (1)
Lovely Allergen (1)
Recommendation Lists
  1. Might read
  2. Completed Novels 1
  3. a bunch of gays lmao
  4. BL novels worth binge-reading (3 stars - 5 stars)
  5. Book that i like

Latest Release

Date Group Release
03/29/22 Spring Of Romance c62
03/26/22 Spring Of Romance c61
03/22/22 Spring Of Romance c60
03/19/22 Spring Of Romance c59
03/15/22 Spring Of Romance c58
03/12/22 Spring Of Romance c57
03/08/22 Spring Of Romance c56
03/05/22 Spring Of Romance c55
03/01/22 Spring Of Romance c54
02/26/22 Spring Of Romance c53
02/22/22 Spring Of Romance c52
02/18/22 Spring Of Romance c51
02/15/22 Spring Of Romance c50
02/11/22 Spring Of Romance c49
02/08/22 Spring Of Romance c48
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35 Reviews sorted by


Poplora
New Poplora rated it
April 7, 2024
Status: c1
I think I'm going to be in a minority for my opinion after finishing this story.... It was decent until the end. Even then, if you stop at the end without reading the bonus chapters you could say it's still a decent love story. You could even squint and ignore the faint red flags in the background. If you want to keep a good impression, do not read the bonus chapters.

If you did, then you might understand why this book ended up upsetting me so much. ... more>>
Spoiler

It's revealed that the ML has ASPD, in a formation that leaves him unable to feel empathy. The author optimistically states he's able to feel love and fear after meeting the MC.... but to what capacity? It says directly he doesn't feel sad about the miscarriage, instead goes to a therapy to learn to fake the emotion for the MC. It's hinted his own mother is the same. It further states that the relationship the ML has with his own son is stilted/forced but the MC doesn't care since the son seems to be growing up fine. The family treats the ML very differently, and he refers to them as "those people." Because again, he cannot feel or develop full emotional bonds with people around him. It's also strange that as the older sibling he has almost no childhood photos or affection while the younger has all of it.

So what are we left with? We have someone who's desperate dream was to be loved and have a loving family. Instead, we have someone who in a way, has unknowingly been given a knock off. Maybe that's enough for some people, but to me it's just a tragedy.

If this was a psychological thriller, it would have been 4 stars. Instead it markets itself as a romance and I feel cheated : (

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yuukiouji
yuukiouji rated it
January 31, 2022
Status: c45
This is pretty angsty in the sense that you can really feel the depression and struggle in the main character’s voice and train of thought. It’s fluffy in their relationship but angsty in MC’s misunderstanding. ML really loves MC so that’s where it’s fluffy - he takes good care of him and makes the external tribulations and such better.

Spoiler if you are concerned about certain triggering topics, I will include them here: ... more>>
Spoiler

Some triggering things to note: Depression, suicidal ideation, suicidal thoughts - As someone with depression for almost 15 years, I cried A LOT while reading because I found I had echoed thoughts and sentiments. This may be triggering for those who have depression. Negative thought cycles - Please be fully aware that MC displays a lot of the negative thought cycles typically experienced by depressed folks (or folks with anxiety). This is a maladaptive method of thinking and can also be triggering. I once thought similarly but I always reframe my thoughts with learned/taught techniques. If you’ve had depression, trauma, or anxiety, you may have to constantly remind yourself to use adaptive coping strategies. (Thanks therapy lol). Previous abuse from exes - Another thing to consider. MC has a lot of thought patterns that were caused by his former relationships with abusive exes. His thoughts echo a lot of the abusive language directed at himself. PTSD - Self-explanatory. He also has a lot of grief related to the death of his family members. Anxiety/Anxiety Attacks - You see smidgeons of this.
Finally, what I want to say is this - if in the course of reading this novel, you find yourself relating to the protagonist, I would like to encourage you to seek professional help, whether from a therapist, psychologist, or psychiatrist. I give this advice from both a personal perspective (as someone who has suffered from depression, anxiety, trauma, suicidal thoughts, maladaptive thinking, etc. For more than 15 years) and from a professional point of view (I’m in a better place now AND I became a psychologist to help others.) Please take care of yourselves lovely readers.

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Main story seems to be about 46-50 chapters + side stories, not sure how many side stories. I really enjoyed this book, it was just painful to read (see spoilers, painful as in emotional hurt). The story is good and I feel the author may know what such sorrow truly is like. I can’t wait to see more fluff. It was so satisfying to read when ML took care of things for MC lol and also took care of him. Smut was good too hehe. Anyway, I’d suggest it, if you are stable (no negative meaning intended, see spoiler) and can handle the crying LOLLL. I am soft for MC and ML I just want to see all the happy side stories and ending. I want and need to see at least 40 chapters of fluff and warmth or more. PLEASE AUTHOR 😭

Finally, thank you translator for your hard work!! Super appreciated. <<less
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DragonDreams
DragonDreams rated it
November 21, 2021
Status: c26
I am currently OBSESSED. Every week I'm counting the hours until the next chapter releases. The translator is doing an amazing job. This story does have a manhwa adaptation, but I feel like it is only mediocre in comparison to the novel.
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Fuuta
Fuuta rated it
November 9, 2021
Status: c23
Quite a typical story of ABO but has more in depth background that makes it enjoyable.

The MC is a recessive Omega, harassed at his workplace, and has suicidal tendency. MC has a lot of ex-es lol and he still keep in touch with some of them

ML is an extremely dominant alpha especially in bed, typical cold to everyone but his omega. It makes my heart melt!!! Literally my perfect ideal of fictional character 😩😩💛

... more>> They got smutty pretty quickly which is my most favorite scene.

Really love how the their love story is unfolding!!!! <<less
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hideyoshis
hideyoshis rated it
April 25, 2022
Status: Completed
The beginning of the novel is the MC attempting to kill himself. From then on you learn about how hopeless he feels in his life and what’s led him down this path.

MC temperamental and kinda b*tchy but I love his personality, because it shows he's human. He has lots of one night stands and ex lovers. He's 27yo omega that’s terrified of being alone and is desperate for a lover. He’s suicidal and has PTSD (has frequent hallucinations and panic attacks). The novel is told mainly from MCs perspective, so... more>> you can often see his warped sense of reality and how he perceives himself/the world around him that is very common in suicidal mentalities. He’s an unreliable narrator and it’s important to know that. He’s pathetic and sometimes snarky but he’s also aware of his own charms.

MC... he has a LOT OF EXES... people at his work call him a sl*t and his exes belittle him. He has an extremely warped understanding of relationships because his ex-lovers would often abuse him and he expected it was normal because he’s a recessive omega. This means physical, emotional, and s*xual abuse.

Like most modern BLs it’s fueled mainly by misunderstandings (some HUGE misunderstandings) but the romance here is really endearing and I find that MCs struggles with depression and the depiction of it to be 1000000000/10 even if I have some other minor faults with the series. The ML is also probably the most caring ML ive seen in a long long time...

Opinion on ML with some spoilers for second half of novel:

Spoiler

One thing I think is interesting about the ML... The ML has an extreme lack of empathy (this is stated by everyone around him) and he cares only for the MC after they meet and ML falls in love. It starts out as a s*x relationship after a one night stand, but the ML starts to pine extremely hard and do whatever he can to make MC happy and comfortable (even as MC struggles with his depression). This novel starts off with sex/adult topics and then you get to see the relationship blossom from those moments. The MLs lack of empathy and how they touch on it is actually... really interesting? The MC does get pregnant (yes, there is mpreg in this novel, I was surprised at first lol) and there are complications w his first pregnancy and he miscarries. The ML starts going to counseling to try and learn how to empathize with the MC over losing their first child (ML only cares for MCs well-being first and foremost). It’s... interesting. But I think the fact that they even address it instead of leaving it as “stone-cold yandere overbearing possessive alpha who is borderline a psychopath” like so many other series do

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This novel is a happy ending and frankly I don’t think there was anything about it that left me unsatisfied??? Man, is it depressing though. The MC goes through so much and you sympathize with him greatly. I was reading the reviews and so many people said they cried within the first 5 chapters... I understand why.

I feel a bit weird about giving it 5*, but I can’t really find anything faults that would need me to rank it way lower... I think your enjoyment of this purely depends on the tastes you have already.

The smut is really well written too! <<less
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znukhsoc
znukhsoc rated it
April 8, 2022
Status: Completed
Ah, the guilty pleasure of reading this and giving it a 3.

Felt like the drama caused by MC's past trauma and s*upidity was harshly/overly used. I've seen many ridiculous misunderstandings and this one just newly added to the list. HOWEVER. I enjoyed this story because I like CHEAP DRAMA/tragedy with overly protective MLs. This book presented the perfect conditions to create what I like.
Yeah, it was entertaining but that doesn't change it overly petty moments. In my heart it's a 2-star story, I just can't turn a blind eye to the bullshitty moves that the MC did.
Also, don't read the manhwa! It skips so many chapters and sweet moments from the book + ML's V shape body is a damn square in the comic. LMAO.
Anyway, thanks for the translation! :&Gt;
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NovelenthusiastIDK
NovelenthusiastIDK rated it
February 21, 2022
Status: c37
Spoiler

I could relate to MC's struggles with mental health but I feel like his IQ is really lacking. He easily misunderstands, doesn’t communicate with ML properly (It’s ML's fault too, It’s actually his fault in like 80%) and doesn’t notice obvious signs of pregnancy. It isn’t that hard to buy a pregnancy test, especially If you know you forgot to take a pill and have symptoms. What does MC do tho? He drinks alcohol and takes medicine. He gets over It in like 5 minutes (after a frustrating talk with ML) in hospital tho and names the Fetus ignoring the doctor that tries to delicately tell him that the Fetus may not survive

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Smtha
Smtha rated it
March 29, 2022
Status: Completed
Ah my heart! This story will makes your cry bucket. And it’s really touch the subject of depression and the struggle ones make to give up or try to survive another day.
MC are really pitiful, he has a very low self esteem and believe he’s worthless. His struggle with his loneliness and seeking love with the wrong people, but his kindness almost kills him. But at last he meet ML, who will love him and protect him.
ML is really almost perfect (in a fictional way) but he also lack something in an emotional way. (It’s kinda sad author doesn’t give ML a detailed background story regarding ML mostly it’s just focus more on MC, but give the ML brother more extras chapters on his pov!) But ML is really sweet and smoothly always covertly protect MC and getting rid of his troubles!

But it’s quite a healing story as from MC pov on why, how his struggle to live to healing and to love. Good read. Thank you translator for your hardwork. Thank you
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Somefoolishgirl
Somefoolishgirl rated it
January 17, 2022
Status: Completed
update: I'm a sucker for an ABO but still, I thought it was really good. I liked the characters, it was engaging, the couple have a non toxic relationship, and I didn't feel stressed out reading it. Thank you to the translator for all your hard work!
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kkam
kkam rated it
November 5, 2021
Status: c12
It is not your typical ABO story where there is love at first sight or first pheremone smell. The characters have depth, maturity and interesting backgrounds attached to them.

Looking forward to the updates and to see the characters grow.
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Aisha01
Aisha01 rated it
October 1, 2022
Status: c46
I've been fooled by the reviews. If you want to read an extremely s*upid and suicidal MC with a bunch of misunderstandings happening almost every chapter then go ahead and give this a try.

Of the hundreds of books I've read, this is the only one I considered dropping.

The MC played a big role in causing two deadly incidents. The first one..I can somewhat understood. But the second time was just plain s*upidity.

Idk if it's because of the bad translation that some of context are lost or because it's an mtl... more>> that cause some parts to be completely mistranslated but this novel is just frustrating and not worth the time at all. <<less
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Sabby
Sabby rated it
August 2, 2022
Status: c62
This novel really is incredible. Seo-yu's struggle with depression are painfully and realistically written, and I found myself tearing up at multiple times. I'm not one to cry with movies are books, but this one got me multiple times. Seo-yu's pain was just super visceral and really hits you where it hurts sometimes.

I will say that there are multiple misunderstandings in this novel on Seo-yu's side, and usually I hate the misunderstanding trope, but when you learn more about his character, his past, and the people around him who treated... more>> him so badly, it made his misunderstandings make sense.

Spoiler

What I mean by that is that Seo-yu has an extremely low self-esteem, to the point where he literally sees himself as absolutely worthless. He doesn't think he deserves happiness, he doesn't think he deserves anything good in the world, and he doesn't think anyone could ever love him. These thoughts are cemented by a slew of abusive ex-boyfriends who treated him horribly, his uncle who started pimping him out to business relations from the time he was sixteen (though I feel like this situation was never fully explained or properly talked about), his uncle also stole the money left to Seo-yu by his parents, Seo-yu's only friend tells him to never expect much, he is sexually harassed by his boss at work, one of the ML's bodyguards derates and degrades Seo-yu as well.

When Seo-yu meets the ML, nearly everyone Seo-yu knows tells him it won't last and that he doesn't deserve someone like the ML and that he will be used and dumped and he should remember his place. It's really, really awful. Seo-yu has faced constant emotional, mental, and sometimes physical abuse since his family died. Add on top of that his extreme guilt over his brother's death, and his isolation and loneliness, and it makes sense that he constantly misunderstands the ML's intentions.

The ML himself though is ALWAYS extremely sweet to Seo-yu and has genuinely loved him pretty soon after they meet, but his communication skills aren't great so he never thought to discuss with Seo-yu about their relationship (ML thought they were dating, Seo-yu thought he was just a s*x partner who the ML would someday abandon). But he never hurts, degrades, or treats Seo-yu poorly. He puts Seo-yu's well-being above pretty much everything, but poor Seo-yu has such a low self esteem that he can't even imagine that ML would ever actually be in love with him.

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If I have any complaint, it's that I think the novel needed to be a little longer. There were certain things that were brought up, but eventually glossed over without being fully fleshed out. All the biggest issues of course were resolved, but there were definitely a few smaller issues that never got much of a resolution. But the novel is really good anyways. It definitely has a very happy ending, and the younger brother's perspective in the extras was super interesting to read.

Spoiler

I saw some other comments speculating that the ML's younger brother was in love with Seo-yu, but I don't really see it like that. Sung-hyun (the younger brother), definitely has some complex feelings about Seo-yu, especially considering that it was him who drove past Seo-yu when he was about to take his own life by jumping off a bridge. Add on to that, in the extras Seo-yu nearly died saving Sung-hyun's life. He saw Seo-yu at some of the very lowest points in his life, and while I do think he loves Seo-yu, I wouldn't say that his love is romantic. I think he desperately wants Seo-yu to be happy, and constantly worries that he's not. Seo-yu's suicidal actions I think left a really deep psychological scar in Sung-hyun, and the ML for that matter. But I truly do not believe Sung-hyun has any romantic feelings towards Seo-yu.

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I highly recommend giving this novel a shot. It's well worth it. <<less
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iamblair
iamblair rated it
May 20, 2022
Status: Completed
I really like this a lot. There were numerous emotional ups and downs. There were some chapters that I can't help but tear up or cry because it made me so emotional. This novel also shows the different face of depression - that people who experience this don't always look gloomy and sad, which has been a common misconception.
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Karou
Karou rated it
February 15, 2022
Status: Completed
4.6 stars or so. Nothing major to complain about. Would recommend even to someone who already read the manhwa (since the novel has more MC characterization).

Well written MC: independent, survival guilt, drowns loneliness with s*x and relationships, isn't serious about counseling, self-despreciating, lonely, on medication, wants a family (after deciding to try living a bit more, ch1). Wish we had gotten the MC telling the ML about his struggles with past relationships tho it's kinda shown that happens a bit... idk if in detail tho.

Pretty nice ML: respectful, supportive, devoted,... more>> doesn't handle emotions well (which doesn't show with MC) so proactively tries to change for MC. Wish his life had a bit more depth since we know how he lived and how his relationship with his family is... but it's never talked in detail.

The writting doesn't have problems. There isn't dog blood. It isn't angsty but you will cry a bit. There are some trigger warnings which are shown at the start of the chapters, nothing really explicit. A few side characters exist but aren't important at all and the plot is really just the MC's journey to finally click on "play" in his life after being in "pause" after his family's death.

I would like it if this became a short c-drama or a movie, actually. But only if it's done seriously since otherwise it would romanticize depression. <<less
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Endofighter
Endofighter rated it
April 11, 2023
Status: Completed
I will start off saying to please pay attention to trigger warnings. This novel does reference traumas/su*cide attempts/su*cide ideations/anxiety/and depression. If you do read this and are triggered do be sure to reach out for help, don't suffer alone/in silence.

Now, I will sate that I did love this novel. As a person who could relate to the MC, with exception to death of whole family, I could understand MC's negative thinking and understand why he had the misunderstandings he did. This is a healing type of novel, granted it is... more>> not fully evident until near the end. I truly wish I had someone like ML who could make people disappear. LOL But, I am lucky enough to have my current husband who accepts me and has help me heal much like the ML helps MC in other ways. <<less
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SavingRemedy94
SavingRemedy94
June 21, 2022
Status: Completed
I really loved this work. It had a lot of difficult parts to read through, but the author did a very good job developing showing what depression looks like. The negative thinking and self-talk become a habit and you just don't even realize how normal it becomes.

I will say that if you are someone who suffers from depression, thoughts of su*cide, or anxiety, please be cautious and take care of yourself. I've got a history of these issues and while I am in a good place now, there were parts... more>> that hit me pretty hard. It gets dark in several places. This is not a fluffy story.
Spoiler

Just some TWs—besides the mentioned su*cide attempts, the ML abuses over the counter drugs, gets drunk and has s*x with the ML (so lack of proper consent issue there), miscarries, and is emotionally and verbally abused by his friend and ex's. The issues aren't all resolved, apologies aren't given for most of the incidents, and there isn't a very clear and concise resolution to these problems.

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If any of theses things bother you, you might want to give it a pass.

I laughed and I cried reading this. It was lovely watching the MC get pampered by the ML. I enjoyed all of the main cast of characters. The only annoyance I had was the translation site kept not loading properly so I spent half the time trying to reload the page. It got to be very frustrating, but the story was worth the frustration.

Also, the story is in first person. That usually bothers me, but it was necessary for the story so I didn't mind it

All in all, if you're in a safe mental space, I highly recommend this story. It's very character driven, so don't expect an intricate plot. I prefer character driven stories though so I really enjoyed it. <<less
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hardpeanut
hardpeanut rated it
June 6, 2023
Status: Completed
I read this story in one go, enjoyed it quite a lot too. Story is written in a somewhat reserved vibe, almost sadly so —- like holding in confused tears behind a smile. That kind of mood is prevalemt in the story but not enough to be depressive in my standpoint.

There’s a lot of unreliable narration going on in most of the MC’s POV, mainly because he got into a habit of belitling his bad experiences. Not to the part where it got annoying to be honest, but you do... more>> get the sense of a person forced to grow up alone and missing out on things because he had to endure and got guidance from the wrong people. When he gets really sad though, it does show how strong he was.

Overall though, I couldn’t give 5/5 star because I don’t feel like the story would stick inside my mind but it was a solid read. Translation was good with very little mistakes (English wise I mean since I dont read korean) <<less
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switbluangel
switbluangel rated it
February 4, 2023
Status: c62
First, let me say that I read the manhwa before actually reading the novel, and let me tell you, the novel hit me differently. The story was the same, even the words were mostly verbatim but Mc's depression felt too real in the novel.

The story was well written to the point that I felt the MC's pain in losing his family as well as the trauma he felt. I guess the emotional parts were magnified in the novel because they were words unlike with the manhwa where there was a... more>> bit of visual point in it.

It was fun reading through how MC's journey to fight with his depression as well the ML's fight to change himself to cater to MC. It was well written that you can actually relate to MC in a way.

It's funny how both MC and ML are always almost not on the same page but still managed to understand each other. The cuteness or MC acting cute cut the emotional part by half which is good because who the heck want to read a depressing book right but still you can feel the pain he had to go through for loosing his family as well the instigation of the people around him aka his scum uncle and scummy friend.

All in all, it's a good read and I would definitely recommend it. <<less
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AethIcamen
AethIcamen rated it
June 28, 2022
Status: Completed
If you want to get HURT, read this!

Oh my gosh. Almost every chapter, I did not do anything but cry! I hate the MC's friend, I hate how I couldn't enter the story and hug the MC, and I hate everyone who made MC's life so sad and depressing (of course, except for his family.)

This story will surely won't let you sleep because if it hurts like hell. Lol.

As for the MC, he surely don't talk with other people and creates misunderstanding with everything. I just want to... more>> say that it is not his fault, it is his mental problem kicking in. His self-doubt and everything. Please don't blame him too much because of this. It is really hard to open up immediately after some sessions, even to your lover, if you have a mental problem.

On the pregnancy part:

Spoiler

MC didn't know, even if he is experiencing the symptoms of pregnancy. Why? Because he thought that it is his illness that's kicking in (if I remember it correctly). When he knew that he was pregnant, even if he has a vague idea that the child may not survive because he keeps on drinking alcohol, he still gave the baby a name and tried to be a good parent towards it, even if it's too late. For the ML not saying it to the MC... do you think that the doctor will call ML outside to talk to him if the doctor wants the MC to know it? If MC knows it, he may be depressed again. When the baby died... his POV looks like he moved on after a few minutes but... well, if you read the story, you know how MC's thought is like. When he talked about his brother, when he contemplates about his relationship with the ML, everything, he always fakes it. I can feel the sadness, even if he is "well" after the talk with ML. He is not, but he is trying to because he doesn't want others to worry about him.

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And oh. For the extra part, I want to share my theory. Do not read this if you haven't read the story yet HAHAHAHAH!:

Spoiler

I really think that ML's brother likes the MC. I have a vague feeling of this at first then BOOM! The extra appeared. When he was asked what kind of person does he likes, even if he said that "someone like my sister-in-law", he should not describe his appearance, right? RIIGGHHTT? IF THIS IS NOT HIM SUBTLY ADMITTING HIS FEELINGS, THEN WHAT IS THIIISS?!?!

Cough, cough, I lost my calmness.

Anyway, what do you guys think? I really think that he loves the MC, but he thinks he doesn't deserve him so he let him go and let his brother pursue MC because he thinks that they matched each other

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AppleIsForYou
AppleIsForYou rated it
December 27, 2023
Status: Completed
Please read story and the manhwa. It is lovely. People already have spoilt it with quite the details. But I tell you. It is really good manhwa and novel to read. The ML is so green flag. I can wave it to you all 🥰
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HuangDoudou
HuangDoudou rated it
October 24, 2023
Status: c62
This novel is one of the best representations of suicidality I've seen. With that in mind, obviously don't read this if suicidality or depression is a trigger. Anyway, this story captures the weird and conflicting emotions of wanting to die, or rather, feeling as though you don't deserve to live, all while going about daily life and seeming fine on the outside. Its like sinking in a sea of depression while no one around you notices. Yet this novel isn't a tragedy or some love conquers all fairy tale. It... more>> balances those emotions beautifully. Its also something of a comedy, despite all the suicidal/depression stuff.

MC is a deeply traumatized person with a bad case of survivors guilt, whose entire family died in a horrific crash. He has spent his years post that accident desperate for love, yet feeling as though he doesn't really deserve it. He dates losers, puts up with shitty coworkers, and has one friend who constantly puts him down. Why? Because that what depression does. It tricks you into believing that this is all you are good for.

He treats his body like crap and doesn't even notice symptoms of pregnancy because when you are in the throws of depression and suicidal thoughts, there is nothing in you to take care of yourself. You feel like crap and think that it's what you deserve. Not necessarily directly, but at least subconsciously. In the story, he belittles himself constantly because that has become natural for him. His mind has become programmed to that, and now he is kind of stuck.

In suicidal episodes, almost every part of your mind is telling you every insecurity and fear you have about yourself is true and that you should just die because you don't deserve to live. The novel does a great job of portraying how minor inconveniences can throw his already unstable mind back into that place of simply wanting to die.

But this novel isn't strictly about depression and suicidality. It is a BL smut romance. While some others seem to find the misunderstandings unrealistic, I find them painfully realistic.

MC meets someone through a convoluted series of steps and this person is his absolute ideal. But he doesn't believe that he and this person could every be together. He feels like he is worth nothing, especially compared to this person.

So when this person starts showing interest, MC keeps assuming that it's a fling, or a one night stand. His mind can't even imagine that this person wants to date him, wants to love him, or wants to marry him.

Therefore, I believe the misunderstandings in this novel. MC simply cannot believe that this seemingly perfect person could really be interested in him for any reason other than his body, while ML is largely unempathetic to the world around him.

Of course they would misunderstand. They don't know how to communicate since they are on such different wavelengths.

ML is someone with very little empathy, and almost no understanding of suicidal ideation. He doesn't understand the MC really wanted to die, and at first, he doesn't even believe him. He becomes fascinated by MC and slowly falls in love but he doesn't outright tell MC and MC is never going to figure it out on his own.

Yet in spite of this, they fall in love and slowly make it work. Eventually they talk out their differences and come together. While MC isn't in perfect mental heath by the end, he has grown a lot with the help of his love. (But keep in mind that love doesn't solve all problems and seeing a licensed mental health professional is also incredibly helpful).

All in all, its a well written novel about someone who has been deeply traumatized finding s*x and then love and then happiness. Great novel, highly recommend, especially if you want a better understanding of suicidal thoughts and ideation, and dont mind a lot of fun smut. <<less
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