• • I never knew if you truly loved me. Unfortunately, in this lifetime, perhaps I'll never get the chance to find out. I've left you enough to live on. Be strong from now on, and live well."

• • Huo Niansheng's Last Letter to Chen Wengang

• • "I hope you know, you will forever be the ultimate dream nestled deep within the recesses of my soul."

• • Chen Wegang's Love Letter to Huo Niansheng

From the modest beginnings as the son of a driver for the prestigious Zheng family to becoming a ward under the family's care following his father's heroic sacrifice. Growing alongside the Zheng's young master, Chen Wengang becomes an extension of his shadow, his life a series of concessions born of indebtedness. His ingrained sense of gratitude, however, morphs into chains of bondage, ensnaring him in a web of tragedy he nobly accepts without resentment. Yet, as fate's cruel machinations unfold, what was intended as a redeemable punishment spirals into an abyss of despair, leaving him broken. In his darkest hour, he encounters Huo Niansheng, who offers sanctuary.

Two scenes, in particular, remain etched in my memory: a phone number dialled in moments of longing, though its owner has long vanished. The meticulously prepared memorial meal that grows cold, its flavors as hollow as the night wind whispering through long-open windows, echoing the absence of a spirit that will never return.

Their initial life's trajectory was destined for sorrow, with Huo Niansheng's demise becoming a catalyst for Wengang's awakening, to fulfil his last wish: to persevere and live on.

And he did. With Niansheng's legacy, Wengang dedicates his renewed life to philanthropy, aiding those less fortunate, embodying the resilience and compassion that define his character.

The core of his character lies in his complex relationships, most notably with Huo Niansheng, the Zhengs, his neighbours, his old classmates and to our beloved boi, Halley and the inner conflicts that stem from these connections. His love for Niansheng is a beacon that guides him through his darkest moments, yet it is also a source of profound vulnerability. Wengang's struggle to reconcile his past with his present, and his fear of losing Niansheng again, add layers of emotional depth to his character, making his journey all the more compelling.

One of the most compelling aspects of him is his embodiment of contradictions. He navigates the world with a sardonic wit and an air of disdain for those around him, yet in moments of solitude or in the company of Chen Wengang, his gentler, more reflective side comes to the fore. These shifts reveal a man who is acutely aware of the expectations placed upon him by society and his family, yet yearns for a simplicity and authenticity that his public life denies him.

Chen Wengang, the MC, is a particular standout - his depression and trauma are depicted with insightful detail. The rebirth was not a cure all for his depression. Watching his descent to memories and fall into trauma gripped my heart throughout the novel.

I like the complexities of Huo Niansheng. Till the very end he remains an enigma to me. The last two side stories in particular will make you wonder, could he have rebirthed?

"My life was once far from perfect, " Chen Wengang glanced at Huo Niansheng, a gentle smile curved at the edge of his lips. "I've made many mistakes, and became a total mess - it was painful and unbearable, as if I had lost everything. Worse still, it was right at this moment that I encountered someone with unclear intentions, unsure if it's good or bad."

"But I soon confirmed that he at least didn't mind my imperfections. Speaking of which, he'll be swearing later to love me, comfort me, respect me and protect me - for better or worse, in sickness and health alike. I actually feel it's unnecessary because he's already fulfilled all that. I understand him and he understands me. No need for excessive sweet nothings. Only after living this long did I grasp that past regrets are unimportant, because he's given me abundant love. So much that no matter what happens, there's no reason left to complain."

MC was adopted into Zheng family and was well-fed, well-clothed, and well-educated. He was even allowed to call father Zheng "Yifu". That's why his situation was a bit more complicated; he was treated as well as zheng's biological children on the surface. He even got along really well with his adopted younger sister. Huo niansheng was this sister's maternal cousin.

After rebirth, MC directly broke up with zheng's eldest son, zheng yucheng. In his previous life, he stayed with zyc even though it was a losing battle. Zyc still dated MC but was also afraid to seriously refuse his arranged marriage partner. His arranged marriage partner, he wanxin, was a cruel woman who was an illegitimate child (so she had to get married to zyc since he was her biggest chance to marry well. She blackmailed MC and zyc. Then when MC sacrificed himself to be sent to prison instead of zyc, she paid people to abuse MC in prison. Once MC was released, she paid people to ruin mc's face with acid. MC didn't have money so his injury festered and he could only live in a very shabby place and work as a cashier in a small store. This was when ML met him and took him in.

ML forcefully gave him a place to stay and medical treatments. MC lost his right eye, got very sickly, had depression, severe ptsd, and was suicidal. ML didn't mention anything but he tracked down the inmates who abused MC and most likely killed them (MC only got to know this after ml's death). He also did something to hwx so she became insignificant in their social circle (it was only mentioned in passing). You see why I said quite unsatisfying? Everything was done by ML behind the scene ahhhh. I at least want to know how ML dealt with hwx. Most of mc's sufferings were caused by her.

Mc's love for zyc was used up after he went to prison and zyc only sent money and people to pick him up once he was released from prison. Then it turned into disgust when they accidentally met again. MC never told ML this and never told he loved him either since he felt inferior. After ml's death, MC inherited all of his wealth and became a philanthropist.

After rebirth, he stayed in the zheng family and made his stance clear. He broke up with zyc, did volunteer works whenever he could. He also accidentally met ML who didn't remember his past life. ML started pursuing him but he felt hesitant. He wanted to make up for his mistakes and love ML wholeheartedly, bit he still felt that this rebirth was unreal, the ML who sincerely loved him was still dead in the other timeline, and the ML in this tl knew nothing about this so this making up thing felt a bit misdirected. This is also why ML was hesitant about going into a long-term relationship with MC since he felt that MC was looking at another person through him. But MC slowly learned to let go and properly love the current ml. Then ML finally got the memories of his past life too after a near-death experience. Their reunion felt so sweet and well-earned.

They also got married twice: first getting a certificate in las vegas, then a wedding reception in china a year/a few years later (?). Mc's adoptive father once said that it was okay for two men of their status to fool around but not to take it seriously. Then years later MC informed his adoptive father about his wedding with ML while his son (zyc) had to cancel his engagement and the cooperation broken because MC and ml's lawyer worked hard and succeeded sending hwx to prison (she kept targeting MC and put him in danger even though she knew MC was dating ML and no longer had any relationship with zyc). ML didn't hide his relationship with MC among their circle (he never disclosed mc's identity to the public since MC didn't want to) and always stood up for MC. It was clear he never wronged mc; worlds apart from zyc. What's more entertaining than rubbing it in his adoptive father's face that MC found such a good and devoted lover in ML (a.k.a. A man of their status) while his biological son was just not brave and good enough to live without a secure marriage to help him keep his position?

Be it in the previous tl or in this one the face-slapping left me feeling unsatisfied. It was only mentioned in passing that years after ml's death, zyc divorced his wife and was seen chasing after MC then later was explained that he wanted to get back with MC and promised to treat him well. Hwx in both timeline was dealt with behind the scene. I want more detailllsss. Yea I know this is a love story, but isn't face-slapping cathartic?