It definitely hurt to realize that the ML had a secret love (unreciprocated) in his heart while it seemed like he was getting serious with the MC, only to discover that the MC was like a rebound for his broken heart. I feel like people won't like ML for that but I find that part of him to be human, a weak heart that desires companionship in tough times.

MC has a strong heart, refusing to play anything less than a lead, and ends their foster relationship. Both take it really maturely and are grateful for each other's companionship through the years.

I loved how the ML started learning how to cook to pursue MC (MC is a really good cook and his dreams involved him cooking). Meanwhile, the MC is eating all his badly cooked food and even giving him pointers back; one director tasted a dumpling and said he finally knew what love was. Haha.

I loved that MC definitely waited for him. At one point I was thinking if he was playing some 4-d chess after his conversation with his doctor. Like damn is the MC really forward in pursuing his dream, in both his careers and his love, that I too felt relief when he's finally got it all in his grasp.

The MC dreams to be a chef. He protects the ML during a car accident and his hand is ruined, and his dream to become a chef is also ruined. When the ML finally learns about it and finally starts kinda chasing the MC, he does it by letting him taste some unpalatable dishes he cooks. For one thing, I really don't like this kind of thing in books and movies. Like, taste your own cooking - if it is disgusting, don't force your loved one to eat it, do you think your loved one is a pig who will eat swill?

For the other thing, the MC wanted to be a chef. His dream is ruined. In which way should it console him that the ML can cook badly? Let's imagine the MC was a musician and injured his hand and can't play anymore. Will it comfort him if the ML learns to strum Three Little Birds on guitar?

The way the author makes the MC feel touched with it make the MC extremely unrelatable to me.

And while the ML does ostensibly "scummy" things such as picking up other sugar babies (with the narrative implying obliquely that he's slept with them off-screen), this kind of "straying" is actually within the parameters of their relationship (which is defined by the ML giving the MC industry support in exchange for s*x, essentially), so the MC is neither very surprised about it nor very hung up over it. (I think there's the implication that this has happened before, and the MC has always managed to capture back his attention.)

I think this kind of contractual relationship is a lot more palatable to me, even as the scum is still kind of scummy, than other scum gong/cheap shou relationships I've read. Especially because there was no coercion (at least on ML's part) regarding the contract in the first place -- and the MC himself isn't really super attached to his acting job. In this case, the two parties both know where they stand, and there's no subterfuge or lying going on, which is already miles better than most other scum ab*se novels.

But the turning point really comes when, after an almost-incident between the MC and ML's brother, the ML suddenly starts treating MC as a genuine lover, to the point that, while still wary, the MC begins to believe that he can settle down in this new state of affairs. Of course, things come crashing down -- literally! -- in a car accident, of all places, when the MC realizes that the ML has a man (a mutual acquaintance) that he has been in love with since his school years, and the only reason that the ML begins treating MC as a lover is that this man is 1) 100% straight and 2) getting married! And in treating MC as a lover even when he wasn't being genuine, the ML completely breaks the unspoken rules of the contract -- because while the ML actually does genuinely want to forget his old love, he was still just using MC to try and forget his own pain, without actually caring about MC himself.

And! The great part is that the MC recognizes this the moment he realizes and breaks up with ML almost immediately. While he can accept a contractual relationship with the other person, he refuses to be used as a substitute or second best -- which is pretty fantastic all around.

I personally really liked the ML's slow realization that he likes MC more than as just a bed partner, and that he genuinely misses the other because of all the time they spent together. There's no super dramatic chase scenes or abject begging to be taken back either! The ML and the MC slowly go back to being normal friends before the ML then slowly begins to try and show MC how much he's valued.

For instance, during the car accident, the MC damaged his hand in an effort to protect ML and so the MC can no longer pursue his dream of being a chef. When the ML finds out, he not only tries to support MC through the PT for his hand but also tries to learn how to cook! I was genuinely bowled over by how charming I found the descriptions of ML spending basically months trying to learn how to cook something even slightly edible and then being critiqued to heck and back when the MC actually tastes one of his dishes, haha.

In general, I found that the whole repentance bits are done really well and are actually pretty sweet, and I have to say, this is honestly the first scum ML I've ever rooted for.

...I did facepalm quite a bit in the ML's initial few chapters, though, since he spent literally three chapters missing MC and acting like he had no idea why.

Like the MC says, the genre suddenly changed from a romantic drama to a gangster thriller lmao! But all-in-all, it was solved fairly realistically (even if ML does end up in the hospital with a cracked bone -- from falling off the stairs, not even from being beaten up) and the whole dramatic moment feels like just an excuse for more sweetness.

Even the previous moments before that, with "cliche" (author/MC's words) drama of the father trying to warn away his son's "boyfriend" just ended up really sweetening the MC and ML's relationship. So, yeah, 10/10 would recommend.

MC first met ML because MC was drugged, I wasn't certain if he's r*ped or not but people took embarrassing photos of him.

MC's dad got into huge debts from failure in business, they leave the country and left MC. Originally MC was gonna be a chef but he need to pay debt so he signed to sketchy/pimp manager. I wasn't sure if MC sold his body or not but he ended up being humiliated.

His father has mistresses and even got an actress pregnant. So he always feel love isn't reliable and it's better to pay people for companionship.

He wear a mask because he's a coward, and he know he's weak and cowardly. But He's shrewd.

He also didn't realise how deeply MC love him because to him love is cheap. And he regretted a lot. He tried making it up tho. Trying to cook, beginning to truly care about MC, Offending and Owing a lot of people because MC's photos, opening his heart to love and moving on from his white moonlight.

MC first fall for ML in his twenties so it's around 5-9 years they're together and that's also how long MC love ML. ML also realized that MC spent his best years with him.

I feel like ML's first love was kind of a "safe love". He find love unreliable, he like men and knew his love would be unreciprocated. It's easy to fall for your childhood friend. It's "safe". Not to mention he's married. That's why it's easier to move on.

Compared to MC's love where ML appeared to be the light when he's in the dark. Ofc MC tried to move on but if you love someone and be patient for his love for years, it's not easy to move on. So when he sees ML's dedication he finally decided that they can try. And most importantly MC still decided ML is worth it.

Some people might think there's not enough groveling but it spans around 1-2 years. ML didn't pressure MC and just quietly do his own thing. MC is also decisive and I'm glad because they make each other happy

theres this part where the ML invites MC to eat with him and his new lover but holds the MCs hand underneath the table so the MC thought the ML wanted to do a 3some and started thinking of appropriate positions that had me laughing for dayss (i mtl so I might've gotten something wrong but I think that was the gist of that part lol)

MC was young and naive and entered the entertainment industry but ended up getting drugged and almost assaulted. ML saves MC and MC conspires to climb onto ML's bed. ML is a gentle and generous lover and they carry on in a transactional relationship for almost a decade.

Note that ML also has other bed partners.

MC finds out ML was in love with ML's straight best friend all along and MC decides to kind of back off. BUT NOT COMPLETELY GIVE UP BECAUSE ML'S BESTIE IS GETTING MARRIED AND ML IS TORN UP ABOUT IT AND STUCK IN HIS OWN UNREQUITED LOVE.

I honestly couldn't see the appeal of MC still waiting for the ML to finally return MC's feelings so I ended up dropping it. It hurt too much and felt so s*upid.

MC (Gu Yan) is the most beautiful creature I've met til now in danmeis but as much as I'm worshiping his elegance I'm feeling an indifference to his what-so-ever love, the relationship for which he endured years of an unprofessional career, humiliation and lies but could end it in one second after finding there's not much space in his beloved's heart for him, it feels like he (MC) doesn't treasure himself enough... I dropped it in half (as I'm both lazy to mtl and unwilling to have another set of MC's dumb love), so as for ML, all I can say is that he's a cannon fodder, at least in the first half, like a tool for author just to introduce and show off MC to us...

As for readers and MC, both sympathizing to ML for his unrequited love, I don't hold such feelings, an unrequited love ending in silence as well as leading to a third person's broken heart, no human does the same heartbreak he's feeling to another person just to fill his empty heart... I liked the objective tone the author has as I'm even more motivated to express my disgust with such love,

was surprised that he was the one who sent the dvd of his cut confession scene, not sure what about the ML was so great for the MC to stubbornly stick to him, even after everything. Made the MLs redemption seem even more meh since it was basically the MCs manipulation