Before My Withering


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“Nobody likes an old plaything.”

“It’s not like, it’s love.”

Associated Names
One entry per line
Before It Shrivels
Related Series
Surrender (2)
Flickering (1)
Quick Transmigration: I’m Almost Dead (1)
Break Up, Next (1)
Everyone Loves Pei JiYu (1)
Muted (1)
Recommendation Lists
  1. Scum Gong Danmei
  2. Modern BL Novels
  4. first-person pov [danmei/bl]
  5. Scum Gong, ASSEMBLE

Latest Release

Date Group Release
01/03/22 Abo Dammen extra 2
01/03/22 Abo Dammen extra 1
12/30/21 Abo Dammen c44
12/30/21 Abo Dammen c43
12/24/21 Abo Dammen c42
12/24/21 Abo Dammen c41
12/24/21 Chrysanthemum Garden c39
12/24/21 Abo Dammen c40
12/24/21 Abo Dammen c39
12/18/21 Abo Dammen c38
12/18/21 Abo Dammen c37
12/18/21 Abo Dammen c36
12/09/21 Abo Dammen c35
12/09/21 Abo Dammen c34
12/09/21 Abo Dammen c33
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32 Reviews sorted by

New Vanlatte rated it
June 5, 2022
Status: Completed
First of all, the translation is top notch. Thank you so much, translator.

As for the story itself, at first I thought only Qi Shu is mentally ill. But around chapter 20s, I realized all of them are (except side chars who aren't related to plot). Although subtle and not as extreme as Qi Shu. Why I said that? Because as I read, I sense a kind of incongruity with the characters' actions.

... more>>

Imo, MC is not lovable at all. But ML has this kind of patience and willing to hurt himself because of MC. It's too sudden and the author fails to make me understand / see why ML did so until the end. That's why I said there's a sense of incongruity.

MC is also weird. He came back to Qi Shu, then suddenly grow an unprecedented courage that never happen before to fool Qi Shu and he succeeded. My question is, 'Really, MC? What're you doing this whole time even though you can actually use your brain?'

But then again, this hurt ML and actually not a wise decision. Also, OOC. Author never mentions this again btw so I think ML never knows that MC is actually deliberate.

When you read this novel and get to know the characters, I think you'll sense the oddity of their actions and choices.


** Minus one star because of MC.

The author fails to make me see what's so good about MC. Everyone loves him and takes care of him (except Qi Shu, of course), but why? I don't even feel pity towards MC (sounds cold, but MC made his own choices soberly. No one force nor fool him).

As other reviewers before me said, MC has no back bone. He got ML but dangled him with every reason that's just reason (yeah, he had trauma but his behaviour really really really made ML hopeful). And those behaviour in turn also hurt ML. Then when ML backed-off, MC suddenly realized he loved him after he found ML's secrets. MC is too fickle imo.

** minus the other star because too much (unnecessary) drama

Can't say much because it's too big of spoilers. It's cliche. And makes me more sure that almost all of them are mentally deranged.

To be honest most of the story doesn't make me feel much. It's only the part of Qi Shu and MC's interactions that made me ache.

The rest has a feeling of 'unreal-ness' that's too glaring in my eyes. Maybe you can call it plot holes. Especially when MC and ML got together. It's not like I don't accept they become a couple, but... *sigh, I feels like I'd be attacked if I said "..., but it's questionable".

Anyway, maybe it's because there's no built-up interactions between MC and ML as ML's love is too sudden and MC's acceptance is questionable even though there's this line in MC's mind, "Is this love?" (might not be the exact words). Or maybe it's because their personalities (in my wording: 'not right in the head' as I mentioned before). Or maybe it's just my subjective stance.

That's why I don't minus the star for this case. Because it's kinda too subjective.

All in all, it's an okay read. Most of the time my expression was._. (no feeling, can't connect/relate with the characters). High chance I won't re-read. <<less
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New aoikotoba rated it
June 5, 2022
Status: c33
Salute to the translators for the translation. Just that... I came here for an immense amount of the scum gong groveling and going to hell and back to win the MC but I didn't get that. The story is good but I love hurting myself. And I'm not really that fond of MC's ending up with the second male leads so yup. And I agree with that one review, the MC is somewhat a Mary Sue.
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June 16, 2021
Status: Completed
Oof, I have mixed feelings on this.

On one hand, as others have mentioned, this is a scum abuse novel where...

... more>>

The MC ends up with an actual nice guy and not the scum, which is a huge plus.


However, on the other hand, it's still very much a scum abuse novel, and there is a whole lot of dogblood melodrama that abounds here, in a way that I think kind of overpowers some of its better themes.

Namely, I really enjoyed the early middle half of this (after the initial chapters of complete pain of course) before the tone then kind of completely changes for a while, veering into straight melodrama again, which left me more frustrated than sad for our MC.


Specifically, I really liked when the MC moves in with Zhou Chen, the doctor, and basically learns to love himself and the world again. This part consisted of several really nice chapters where the MC was basically an abuse victim recovering from abuse, and I think it was relatively well-written, and the MC and Zhou Chen felt really natural and great together! At a certain point, this story almost tricked me into thinking it wasn't going to be a dogblood melodrama and was instead going to be about MC's recovery (which I was really excited for).

... But then it reverted back to dogblood melodrama, and I got extremely frustrated, mainly with the author and the narrative. Because, at this point, I would've 100% preferred that the story focuses entirely on MC trying to find a new life for himself and just completely forget about the scum as if the scum had never existed (because he didn't deserve more screentime). But, nope, of course in this kind of story, we had to make the scum suffer!! Unfortunately, this time, the suffering was really at the expense of the MC's mental health AND the story's previously built-upon themes.

Basically, the scumbag ends up threatening MC's estranged (and a**hole) father into selling out his son, and the MC ends up making a deal with his father to return his other father's ashes to him if he goes back to the scumbag. Now, instead of telling Zhou Chen ANY OF THIS (even though they had previously agreed to be honest with one another), MC just says that he's too lowly etc. and couldn't help but want to get back together with the ML.

And while I had really liked how accepting Zhou Chen was prior to this, I still did a complete double-take when Zhou Chen just... accepted this explanation?? He does ask a few times to make sure, but he doesn't like... try to stop the MC at all, which completely baffled me because, yes, you need to show him that his choices matter, but this is an abuse victim who's going back to his abuser!! And who had, prior to this, shown no signs of wanting to go back at all; how could he not sense that something else was going on??!!

Honestly, more than the MC not coming clean, the ML's lack of resistance to all this was what annoyed me the most. Like, come on!!

And of course what followed were classic dogblood melodrama -- including a forced wedding! [eyeroll] -- and the MC slowly withering away until the scumbag realizes that he's actually a piece of sh*t so he lets MC go.


Of course, if the whole thing was just dogblood melodrama followed by denouement, I would probably have thrown in the towel long before that and called this story painfully mediocre bordering on bad, but this story actually had yet another twist for me, and I'm also of two minds about that. (Though I feel a bit more positively about it than the melodrama, that's for sure, but it still left me a bit... confused about what exactly this story wanted to be.)


So once MC goes back to Zhou Chen, it's actually revealed that MC had actually planned out this whole thing. He hadn't just returned to scumbag in order to get his father's ashes back; he had gone back in order to cut all ties with the scumbag, because he knew the only way the scumbag would let him go completely would be if the scumbag himself decides to. So he purposely went on hunger strikes, looked as pitiful as possible, kept referencing Zhou Chen, etc.

And I'm just so... baffled about this decision? Both as a writing choice, and as a decision a person would make in his actual life?? Like the MC even said he was risking his life (and, boy, was he) in order to do this. Like... there are so many better ways to achieve the same goals?? This is complete melodrama logic?? But I also kind of enjoy it more than the previous melodrama moments because it gave the MC a lot more agency.


Honestly, I'm, like, two thirds of the way through this story and I still don't know what to think about it. It definitely plays with the emotions -- and not entirely in a good way. It honestly feels a bit unfocused, and unfortunately, less strong emotionally because of it. It's not as bad as other scum abuse stories I've read, but I don't know if I'd call it good either. It's certainly... unique.

I'll come back with more coherent thoughts once I finally finish it, I guess.

EDIT: Oh, jeez, this is like a liveblog-worthy (not entirely a compliment) rollercoaster of dogblood melodrama. I didn't expect the chapter right after I posted the first part of my review to give me yet another twist, and one I didn't even much like at all.


So after the initial (very cute) reunion between the MC and Zhou Chen, of course the author needs to shoehorn in more melodrama to remind the readers that THIS IS A DOGBLOOD. So we get some family conflict! Whoo? It barely lasts like a chapter and consists of Zhou Chen's grandfather coming in and doing the typical spiel about a hussy seducing his grandchild, etc. Then Zhou Chen kicks the bodyguards' asses, threatens his grandfather, and then chases them out of the house. The end.

This sequence was actually such a rote dogblood moment that it left me wondering what even was the point in including it when all it did was interrupt my good time watching MC and Zhou Chen together. Like, is she just going down a list of melodrama tropes and applying them willy-nilly?

Anyway, then there's the reveal I didn't like that followed all this: that Zhou Chen knew all along that MC agreed to go with his scumbag ex because MC wanted his father's ashes back. WHAT. This makes it even MORE BAFFLING that Zhou Chen just lets him leave! Like, Zhou Chen says that he had wished for MC to trust him enough to tell him, but you do not risk letting MC return to his abuser for that kind of thing!! That is a jerkass thing to do!! Holy shit. I mean, I'd probably be even angrier if MC hadn't had that whole plan of getting his scumbag ex to throw him away for good, but since Zhou Chen didn't know about that plan, Zhou Chen still ends up looking terrible here!

And then, just when I thought we could finally forget about scumbag ex for good, scumbag ex shows up again!! It's a very quick meeting -- and not actually as dogblood as I expected other than the usual groveling by the scumbag -- but I actually... really fail to see the point in this? Why do we need to keep returning to show how remorseful this scumbag is? I know it's a usual scum abuse trope, but come on! Scum abuse is definitely not this story's strength, and it just takes away from what is -- the MC finding himself again with the help of Zhou Chen.


In short: I AM SO CONFLICTED WITH THIS STORY. The fluffy healing moments are actually really excellent, and the highlight of this story, but the melodrama is just... so much. It's more frustrating than sad (but then again I have a heart of stone) since it keeps interrupting the things I really care about, which is the fluffy slice-of-life moments!! And they feel actually pretty out-of-place when taken together with all the nice healing moments, so much so that it feels like the author is just shoehorning them in because she has to meet a quota or something.

I... guess I'll update again later with my final thoughts when I reach the end (or reach a spot that I have to keysmash about again), but man oh man, is this story uneven or what?

EDIT2: I am, like... six chapters from finishing ahaha, but I am this close to throwing in the towel. All my previous criticisms stand, because this story is really just one long rollercoaster of fluffy healing moments interspersed with sudden and intense dogblood melodrama. Like, any soap opera-esque plot you see on television? Yeah, it's going to make its way into this thing, somehow, someway.

And I wasn't even that fond of the fluffy healing moments this time, unfortunately, because of the way it came about.


So it's revealed that Zhou Chen actually knew MC as a kid (of course he did -- all these stories seem to take that tract) and I wouldn't take such an issue with it if Zhou Chen wasn't... nine years older and fell in love with the MC when MC reached high school. Like, the author makes vague allusions to how kind of f*cked this is, but ultimately it still becomes a turning point for the MC to become willing to admit his feelings to Zhou Chen. Which, OK, I guess, but shit. Zhou Chen kept a diary full of MC's pictures starting from when he was like 5, as well as a CD of all his performances. Like, if they were mutual friends, it'd be kind of understandable, but MC didn't even know Zhou Chen existed until they met at the beginning of this story, so... yeah, definitely stalker vibes.

And then, right when MC was going to meet Zhou Chen at the airport to confess his love, something happens -- I'll give you a moment to guess what, no points for correct answers. Did you guess "car accident"? Because, yes, you got it right! And then it turned out that the car accident was actually a cover for [drumrolls] a kidnapping! By MC's scumbag of an ex's fiancee of all things. And of course the kidnapping ends with scumbag and Zhou Chen being lured into an abandoned building and then it being set on fire because of course we have to have "escape from a burning building" in our soap opera!

And then, during this harrowing moment, just like a scene straight out of a cheesy melodrama (which this is), Zhou Chen and MC confess their love for each other! And then scumbag ends up caught in the burning building (LMAO). I was excited for a split second, but he ends up surviving (bummer). [Though, real talk: I do like that he survived, since if he had died, it would've felt like the story was setting him up for a martyr moment since he was saving the MC. At least he's alive to continue beating himself up over his own mistakes.]

And I'm not a super big fan of how the author seems to be trying to excuse his actions after this because it's then revealed in a (hopefully final) conversation between him and MC that he's actually loved MC all along, but he thought the MC loved his old classmate (who MC thought was his white moonlight) ! Ah, the most soap opera of reveals. But at least this scumbag isn't the ML, so I'll accept this, even if it's trite and overplayed. (And I'm still not over the fact that scumbag almost killed our MC accidentally-on-purpose, so... Can't believe this dude is getting a last minute sympathy play; he should be rotting in jail instead.) Well, the upside to all this feeling infodumping is that hopefully we'll never see scumbag again! (Please, author, have mercy on me just this once.)


Anyway, I was actually thinking of giving this a decently good rating, since from where I left off last time, it felt like the melodrama was ending and the good stuff was getting here, but, uh, nope. This author really wants to hit every melodrama trope there is, in record speed. It's miles better in its main relationship than most other scum abuse drama where the MC doesn't end up with scum (as in, the MC and ML actually have a lot of chemistry together), but it keeps shooting itself in the foot with its storytelling decisions. It's, as I said before, honestly more frustrating than anything.

EDIT3: I FINISHED! I FINISHED!! And, the long and short of it is: the ending was good and sweet, since (thank god) we'd finally gotten the melodrama out of the way. While the two extras were... Not Great.


The author, unfortunately, did not have mercy on me, and one of the extras is a quick diary-esque run-through of scumbag's perspective on the whole string of events. It honestly reminded me of the diary entries from the extras in the original Like Love But Not: vaguely interesting, but largely disposable and frustrating, especially since the scumbag was the most annoying part of the narrative for me. (And I didn't see why we needed to give him more screentime to push forth his excuses; I don't feel sorry for him, and he deserves everything he gets, and then some.)

The second extra is a diary-esque run-through of the cat that MC and Zhou Chen picked up at the end of the story. It vaguely covers what happened afterwards and ends with MC and Zhou Chen getting married. I don't mind animal perspectives, but I'm not a huge fan of "animal in love with human" narratives, which this kind of was, where the cat was in love with MC and saw Zhou Chen as a love rival (in a lowkey comedy way of course). It was kind of cute to see how MC and Zhou Chen's relationship had changed since the ending, but I would've liked seeing it from maybe Zhou Chen's perspective or something instead, since we didn't really get much from the cat. Still overall better than the first extra though.


So, uh, in brief (not really spoilery, but spoiler tagged for space reasons) :



  • Great ML who's not possessive or overbearing, said to be "black-bellied" but only insofar as he's harsh to his enemies. He treats MC like the sun and moon (and knows that love is also about the willingness to let the one you love choose for himself), but he's also polite/kind to others even though he does kind of keep them at a distance.
  • Some really wonderful healing moments between MC and ML, who have a lot of chemistry together.
  • Sweet ending.


  • Author literally went down a list of melodrama tropes and hit every, single, one.
  • "Villains" were annoying and one-note. (But also mercifully quick to disappear.) Again, largely due to the melodrama, and the sheer deluge of tropes being used.
  • Melodrama actively detracts from the pros of the series, and is more frustrating than painful in the latter half since the events are so rote.
  • Extras aren't very good, in my opinion, and doesn't focus on the story's strengths (which is the MC and ML's relationship).
And I was originally going to clean up this review after I completed this story, but honestly? At this point, I'm so burned out on this that I don't really want to think about it again lmao. So I'm just going to leave this review as-is: a complete convoluted mess, just like the story it's reviewing. <<less
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abodammen rated it
August 10, 2021
Status: Completed
Hello, I'm Abo Dammen, the actual translator of Before My Withering (now titled as Before It Shrivels on CG).

To start off, I'd like to give 月昼, the author, credit for this short yet packed with drama novel. To all those who were seeking for face-slapping angst with minimal yet realistic plot twists, this story isn't for you. This story is mixed with all kinds of drama and just dishing out angst here and there. The writing isn't brilliant, but the emotions it brought existed, centered around Xiao Yu.

Xiao Yu is... more>> the protagonist of this novel. He is a very flawed character; a masochist who willingly offered himself on a silver platter, silently wishing for this selfless offering to be reciprocated but was instead given an empty plate. He's a hypocrite with self-conflicting thoughts, yet a person whose heart was so fragile that a single affection no matter how small, was enough to make him happy. He's superficial, callous, unyielding, and surprisingly scheming. But that's what made him a somehow relatable character. As someone who had personal experience in abusive relationships, I could understand his hesitance, despite being f*cked over right in the face, in breaking off their relationship. He was gaslit, emotionally manipulated, and was slowly trained to be dependent on the other. Honestly, his character is good, it's just the story that shaped him was a bit...

Honestly, the story was off to a great start, and the drama ensued was good for awhile, but the further the chapter, there would be unexpected scenarios, twists, and etc. that seemed a bit over the top. If you want spoilers, head off to emiliers's review, I have the same viewpoint as hers.

Now, I'm not discouraging you. I would like to read more of your feedbacks so I sincerely hope you give this novel a try. Maybe you saw something in this novel that I, and the others, didn't manage to see before. 🌸🎐 <<less
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Neollle rated it
May 26, 2021
Status: Completed
This omegaverse pairing is Beta (shou) x Alpha (gong). MC had a transplant gland that greatly affects his body and health. The guy he’s in love with doesn’t care at all. (Typical jerk at the start and regrets his actions at the end where everything is too late)

Don’t worry it’s a happy ending but I won’t spoil too much!


The ML is the Doctor :)

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_-Cosmos-_ rated it
October 3, 2021
Status: c25
First off I think this is the best depiction of abuse I've seen yet I was able to experience Xiao Yu's fear and despair while also sympathizing with him, the author really understands how abuse works and they're able to clearly depict how it happens too,

on that note don't listen to lady henitsu that person is clearly ignorant.

this novel is definitely worth a try if you want some angst though definitely wouldn't recommend reading it if these matters are triggering for you
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crownprince rated it
June 9, 2021
Status: Completed
Angst lovers gather here!! This is so angsty that my heart ached so much while reading this wonderful piece. The MC went through a lot at such a tender age, going through and reading the ups and down he went through has quite a tug on my heartstrings.

Nevertheless, it's still a great read, the way the plot and characters developed is not superb but it is good.

Yes, it's HE but I'm still debating whether I will reread this piece as the angst is so so so heavy. But it is... more>> not a very long novel so I still recommend you to read it!

If you are uncomfortable with ML changes this is not for you,

This is a 换攻 novel meaning it's a change in gong/top. The ML is not the scum "ML", neither is this a story focused on the scummy "ML" trying to redeem and change himself to reclaim the MC.

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Lady Henituse
Lady Henituse rated it
September 19, 2021
Status: --
What can I say? Umm... Actually the ML is too good for MC. At the first place MC is dumb enough to hold at that scum Qi Shu for the sake of f*cking love.

I'm sorry but seriously, ML deserve better.

If I became ML's mother, I will help MC with money, protection, etc. But marrying my son is a No.
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RickyTracy rated it
June 11, 2021
Status: Completed
Well.....I skipped ten chapters from starting c30 bcuz I'm impatient and well....... the unexpected things happened.


Unlike other scum gong abuse, this one will not end up with scum and I'm still amazed by this!


Not brilliant enought tho...... but for the ending I still think it's a worth read!
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FrostyDragon rated it
April 13, 2022
Status: Completed
This had both good and bad parts, but my overall impression was that the story and plot was very uneven. It's a novel that seems to both want to have a crematorium plot, but also wants to punish the scum gong for being scum (which is totally deserved, his actions are appalling from beginning to end), and have a nice second love interest provide an actual healthy relationship for the MC. Which is also fine, 'changing the gong' is also a trope and can be the best decision for a... more>> MC and overall story. But here it seemed like the author wanted too many things at once.

So the story is trying to be:

    • A sweet tale about healing through love, care and getting into a healthy relationship with an unselfish and doting love interest and move on from a past abusive relationship.
But at the same time it shoves in:

    • A side-plot about misunderstanding your lover and turning to abuse as a 'love language' when you can't figure out how to properly express and deal with your feelings.
And also making it:

    • A story about an abusive relationship where a person with a tragic background and low self-esteem falls into a contract relationship that becomes a cycle of abuse.
And on top of that we get:

    • Dogblood drama and infighting and schemes in rich families and crazy characters in melodramatic side plots that come out of nowhere (on prominent side plot towards the end almost had me drop the novel, it was so s*upid and cartoonish).
The MC isn't bad as first-person narrators go, but I did get a little annoyed with his constant thoughts of self-loathing and lack of self-love. Logically it makes sense that he's like this, but he also seemed like a kind of dumb person. The one bit he revealed about himself that was supposed to mean he was actually a bit devious and clever seemed to come out of the blue. I couldn't help thinking "If you were smart enough to do that, why didn't you make smarter decisions for yourself previously?" I would have loved it if the MC had turned out to be actually manipulative in his former relationship, or anything else that would have made him interesting. Instead I just wondered why two hot guys were both so infatuated with him to the point of obsession, since he was such an uninteresting character.

I think my expectations for these kind of dogblood crematorium novels are too high due to reading the 188 series. In that series it always makes sense that the MC has a lot of admirers even if he's not the hottest or most charismatic guy around - because he's always brave, kind, and has a distinct personality that makes him likable or at least fascinating. The MC in this novel is simply defined by the fact that he's a victim who suffers a lot. Which gets boring really fast.

The truth about the two alpha gongs also gets revealed too late. I felt some pity for Qu Shi, but then we've seen him being absolutely horrible to the MC right from chapter 1. I got annoyed when Wen Ziqing revealed that


Qu Shi was supposedly 'nicer' or 'better' to the MC than his other lovers, because holy sh*t was Qu Shi over the top abusive to the MC. So he was actually worse to Wen Ziqing? And then why in the world was WZ upset that the guy who abused him horribly didn't want to marry him? Why would you want to marry a violent abusive a*hole when you're from a rich family and you don't love him, and you obviously would have other options? It wasn't explained and there was no logic to it.

Just reminded me of 'Alpha Predator', which is ABO dogblood setting done right.

And WZ's reveal just highlighted how absolutely awful Qu Shi treated the MC - and all his other lovers.


Which brings me to what I found unrealistic about the abusive relationship between the MC and Qu Shi. We later find out that


Qu Shi did in fact fall for the MC, but pushed him away and abused him because he was absolutely clueless about love. I get that a long term abusive relationship can chip away a person's self-esteem and make them co-dependent so it's harder to leave their lover. But it doesn't make sense that the MC stays with Qu Shi in the beginning when he's basically r*ped during their first time, and QS proceeds to treat him like sh*t for the whole time they're together. Wouldn't that make any sane person leave the relationship in the early stages? Realistically, for the MC to stay, QS should have had periods where he's actually nice to the MC, or at least the s*x should be good. But QS is all-around horrible to him.

Of course the MC might be biased and we see the relationship from his perspective when it's coming to an end and the abuse has gotten worse, but even when we finally get QS's perspective he reveals that he was actually never nice to the MC at any point in time.


Why is Qu Shi such a terrible person? The author doesn't develop his character, there's no real depth to him and he comes off flat and uninteresting. Only an extra reveals when and how he changed his mind, but it's too late - the author should have integrated this reveal in the story.

This is where the first person narrator turns out to be a bad decision, because we lack the perspective of the other characters.

If it had just been a story about the abused MC being picked up by a nice, doting new lover, it would have maybe worked better. The parts with MC and Zhou Chen falling in love where fine, although Zhou Chen is kind of a boring character. But then we find out that


Zhou Chen has been obsessed with the MC since before he was born?! And sure, it's a point that Zhou Chen doesn't try to take advantage of the MC when he's young and struggles with his feelings, which could have been interesting if it had been developed more (recently read an untranslated novel by Ka Biqiu that handled this trope much better and made the gong an interesting character). But it's just thrown into the story to 'prove' how loving, kind and selfless Zhou Chen is. Which... I guess is okay, but it just doesn't make him more interesting.

And also the fact that he forged over a 100 letters and pretended the MC's deceased beta mother had written them was just weird and ethically wrong. Also why watch over a lonely child instead of actively providing love and care for him? Why was ZC so passive when the MC could have obviously needed him in his life at an earlier date?


All in all this novel suffers wrong the author wanting the story to be too many things at the same time, and not developing the characters enough to make them truly interesting. <<less
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kissingrain rated it
August 6, 2021
Status: Completed
Don't be scared fellas, it is HE! With sprinkles of angst here and there 😉😉

... more>>

Call me crazy or whatever but at first I read this novel purely because I expected this novel to be a redemption story of the scum gong. But, I liked Zhou Chen the more I read into the story and AM VERY HAPPY AND GLAD THE MC ENDS UP WITH HIM wohoo it is kinda rare for shou in scum gong novel like this to end up with someone else who is truly kind and care about the shou. Though, I wish the author would focus on the MC's recovery rather than all those dogblood drama in the later half of the novel.


All in all, this is a good novel to pass the time 👍 <<less
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dee_ism rated it
January 6, 2022
Status: --
I put an extra star just for our beloved ML, who is so caring and loving to our MC.

It's angsty but it shows us the healing process, how happy I am when I read that our MC keep getting better and no redemption arc for the tr*shy guy.

It's a HE.
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Psychoutre rated it
December 29, 2021
Status: c42
I can't believe I lost sleep because of this novel, this is literally a soap opera. Non-stop drama. When you thought it was finally over and the MC finally goes to the path of recovery - BAM! Another over-the-top event happens, and I could never comprehend how the author managed to insert it in the story.

Maybe I'm not as empathetic as I thought I'd be but man...

... more>>

MC really needs a backbone. He also needs to stop leading the ML on! But I get it, the author is only intentionally doing this to add more angst. MC was so eager to please his scumbag of a lover but suddenly it doesn't apply to the ML? Why is he so hesitant and pretending to be so oblivious to the signs that the ML obviously had romantic intentions! ML also worked so hard to return MC to their original state through recuperation, but one threatening move from his lover, MC immediately follows back to his lover's bidding - without consulting with the ML who had spent so much time and effort on him! UGH the one-sided treatment is real!!


I only read up to the latest chapter to have some peace in my mind and go to sleep. At this point it was near 4am. But I still have a bitter taste left in my mouth when I think of this novel. Learnt my lesson and should've stopped when I first saw the warning bells. <<less
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April 5, 2022
Status: Completed
I’ve read it...

Honesty after finishing this novel I don’t feel much... quite bland...

Was it bad... not really...

... more>> Was it good... just so so...

I do get what they’re trying to portray but I don’t think I can appreciate it really. The story is from a perspective of the MC and he is one strange man... you say he’s strong - but he’s not, you say he’s weak- then he does something brave, or becomes strong minded, you say he’s heartbroken- but it’s too weak, and that’s the case with everything. There’s one thing that’s for sure and it’s that he’s a Mery Sue type... but confused and confusing AF!
If this novel wasn’t 44 ch long I would have dropped it... I’ve kept reading because is was so short so I wanted to finish. <<less
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Jelly Belly
Jelly Belly rated it
March 18, 2022
Status: Completed
Angsty and HE. Usually I hated this combination simply because

... more>>

The MC usually forgive and goes back to the scum ML no matter the abuse and hardships they went through. Most of the novels I read ended up like this and I grew my dislike for it. As bad as it sounds, I actually preferred a BE for the MC (simply because I lost all hope of MC actually turning a new leaf over and left the ML for good), aka them dying, leaving those scumbags to wallow in regret all their life.


BUT NO! This is the first to actually exceeded my expectation! I can't tell you, I simply leapt with joy when I read the ending.


THE MC ENDED UP WITH A GOOD DESERVING MAN! Finally! A MC who actually value himself enough to leave the toxic partner for good and stayed with the good man until end! That part is important because most MC I've seen left the tr*sh for a while, only to end up with them anyway. WHERE IS YOUR SELF-WORTH, MAH DEARIE?!


It's definitely different from most angsty novels out there. I can say this is truly the HE I'm looking for. <<less
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angstywuxian rated it
August 30, 2021
Status: Completed

Alright guy, first of all, READ THE TAGS. Don't leave negative reviews just after reading a few chapters because this book deserves so much! It shows us the journey of the MC going from being in an abusive relationship to finding himself and his happiness. It's a dogblood novel, yes but it's not the one without logic. I can't say anymore without spoiling the story but I just wanna say, please give this a chance. It's freaking wonderful!
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tenchaan rated it
August 5, 2021
Status: Completed
Angst. Angst. Angst. It's just pain, with a bit of domestic happiness, and then pain once again. Just when you think the story's taking turn for the better, it will suddenly plunge you into another pit of drama. Bad decisions, scheming, and other stuff just thrown in one pot.

The course of events isn't exactly realistic, but the faceslapping was somehow sarisfying. It's just...
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Nao Otosaka
Nao Otosaka rated it
February 9, 2022
Status: Completed
A perspective of a used person, it truly was a well-portrayed read. It's an untrodden topic in usual novels and it's highly appreciated that the author took upon this perspective of things and let this character learn to love and cherish himself, let him grow and mature and finally be strong enough to leave the person who hurt him the most. Usually, it's the other way around with the main character returning back to the person/the culprit who tortured him. But here, not only did the MC leave, the ML... more>> too learnt his lesson that repentance can't always turn back time and erase those crimes you committed. They can't heal the victim only time can scab those wounds but the past shall remain. Also, love doesn't need you to force your other half to remain together with you w/o their freedom. That's sheer selfishness and obsession. But sometimes letting go and being a well-wisher from afar is enough proof that you truly love that person. The scene I loved the most is around ch.40 when both decided to talk it out and let go. They moved forward with their lives, the used person with his beloved who cherishes him and the one who used his lover with his lessons and repentance.

It teaches such a valuable lesson of self-love and self-appreciation which is not a well-presented or grazed over in most CN novels. It's even rarer to find an MC prioritising his own self-esteem and self-importance above all. In this case, the MC learnt to grow and cherish himself, find his passions and never look back again, March straight ahead with self-confidence and self-love. A wonderful and rare thing to see in novels and couldn't be more grateful for covering this topic. <<less
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Xiu_er rated it
January 24, 2022
Status: Completed
F***ing gosh. I cried so much I got a headache as a result of it. So much dog blood... So much dog blood compressed into such a short story...

There is not any real world-building or descriptions of surroundings so you are free to make up your own background images. The novel is more plot and character driven so you don't necessarily notice the lack of descriptive details. Well, at least I barely noticed it since I was busy bawling my eyes out.

There are some minor inconsistencies that bothered me a... more>> bit which is not really important perse, just a bit confusing. It might also just be a translation mistake. I mean, in the beginning it is mentioned that the MC majored in the qin, but then ended up playing cello for an orchestra? Both may be string instruments, but are far from being the same thing.

I was also confused about his roommate's major after that, especially when the roommate sang during that New Year performance thingy. But the still went back to painting so the singing bit is still excusable as a hobby, I guess.

Either way, I am glad that the MC got together with the gentle and doting ML. The broken MC really needed someone like him to help recover from all the past trauma and physical problems.

As for the ex... Qi Shu... My feelings are complicated. While I understand his reasoning and motives after getting his pov, I still don't like his actions. His reasons were never and will never be a good excuse for being abusive. So his ending is quite fitting imo. He got to experience mental and physical pain. Karma did him good.

Summing up, if you are into experiencing a dog blood festival and/or a masochist, you are at the right address. <<less
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CrossMyHeart rated it
January 12, 2022
Status: Completed
This is a story of knives so if you're looking for an easy, smooth ride, this story definitely isn't for you. However, if you like angst and can handle triggers (including gaslighting and manipulation, abuse, r*pe, miscarriage) I would consider reading this.

Summary: Xiao Yu (MC) is a beta who fell in love with a rich boy at a young age but knows that this person is in love with an omega. As a result, he allows himself to be a physical body for this person to have s*x with which... more>> eventually turns into abuse. He spends years with this scumdog and even undergoes surgery to become an omega. However, it turns out he is not compatible with the omega glands and his body is rejecting it so he is slowly dying. Regardless, he decides to stay by this person's side and he even becomes pregnant and wants to have this child as proof of his love. During this time, he meets a doctor, Zhou Chen, (ML) who turns out to be the abuser's cousin but wants him to get better. The CP heal while dealing with the abuser and other people who don't want them to be together.

But even with the abuse, things get even more dogblooded and dramatic throughout the novel which is why I would only give this story a 4/5. There were certainly many moments that are sweet between the CP, particularly with the ML taking care of the MC's feelings and the MC growing a backbone (even if it doesn't seem like it at times).

The aspects I really enjoyed about this novel include the discussion of the MC being a beta and becoming okay with the idea of that. He spends so much time longing to be an omega thinking that's what he needs to be loved and his time with the ML allows him to realize that he deserves love regardless of that. I also think that the author did a good job of exploring many of the MC's thoughts. The gaslighting and emotional manipulation he went through affected many of his actions and while I wouldn't make those same choices, it gave me insight into someone with this kind of mindset. He's really tragic and doing his best. But the ML is pretty great! He's probably the best character in the entire novel.

Plot spoilers:

  • The MC has a miscarriage (caused by the ex) and the ML is super sweet in that he saves the fetus' ashes and keeps it in a locket for the MC. But the scumdog ex actually has the audacity to throw it away in a fit of jealousy! This part made me cry a lot because although the MC didn't love the ex anymore, he loved that child and he couldn't even keep the ashes. This was actually the part of the story that hurt me the most
  • Something that doesn't quite sit well with me: the scumdog ex seems to actually like the MC despite the absolutely awful way he treats him? The 'moonlight' he had was actually just a friend who didn't want him at all and the scumdog truly always wanted the MC but in an obsessive manner. The author tries to give him a redemption with the ending as well as some diary entries in the extras but it left a bitter taste in my mouth because I just couldn't see him in a positive light. Still, it gave him some emotional depth. My biggest issue with him is that he's actually surprised that the MC wants to leave him when it's pretty clear that he treats the MC like less than a human being. He has no EQ and is a very selfish person (though he kinda improves)
  • ML has actually always been in love with the MC and went away years ago because he couldn't bear to see the MC with his cousin (knowing that the MC was madly in love with him). He's very considerate and always tries to allow the MC to do what he wants, supporting him in his decisions. However, I did notice that despite him being a doctor, he doesn't actually do that many medical things in this? There's more issues with him inheriting the company so he's more like a businessman for the majority of the novel which threw me off considering how he is supposed to heal the MC.

I had very mixed feelings while reading this novel as it's very dramatic and dogblooded, but I did enjoy looking at the MC's mind throughout everything. And of course the CP are great (though in reality, we don't actually see them together for very long with all that happens) and I enjoyed seeing the trust grow between them. This story is not for everyone, but if you're into angst, you should check it out and gather your own thoughts. Also much thanks to the translator! <<less
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Give.Me.A.Piece.Of.Cake rated it
May 31, 2022
Status: c33
1 Star for the translator doing a good job at translating. The only toxic person in this novel is the MC. I don't know what is wrong with him but he's pretty much a hypocrite:

He sold himself to the scum gong (scum ml) in hope that this scum will fall in love with him but after many years he never got the love he wanted so he called it quit. HOWEVER, he met the second ML and refused to accept second ML feelings at first because he kept complaining about... more>> not being "clean" anymore. He acts like woman who got gangbang for many years, lol. The scum gong didn't even sold him off the only person he had s*x with was scum gong but he kept complaining about being "clean" after he had a second love. I was like b*tch, you gonna wanna be clean when you have a third love and fourth love or what? Overall, the MC acts like a little girl who want to be "clean" again after falling in love a second time as if he was not the one who sold himself to the scum gong. I mean, if he cared so much about being "clean" why did he bothered to sell himself to the scum gong (nothing force the MC he willingly do it himself) and now he's complaining about wanting to be "clean"? What a hypocrite.

Like I said, the only toxic person in this story is the MC.... he made all the decision himself but still blame his misfortunate on his fate of not meeting the second ML first like b*tch you met him a long time ago but you were lusting after the scum gong and even sold yourself so what are you complaining about. All your sufferings and withering are just a façade you put on to pretend to be a pitiful MC (what a white lotus). I totally do not recommend this novel. <<less
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shuulys rated it
March 24, 2022
Status: Completed
phew... Thank god that the angst wasn't too long and that there were many cute scenes between ... more>>

XiaoYu and ZhouChen! Also, the HE is between XiaoYu and ZhouChen so worry not, QiShu is not going to be XiaoYu's bf.

Glad that XiaoYu 'forgave' QiShu and decided to move on to start a new relationship with ZhouChen because that a**hole QiShu don't deserve any spot in his heart!!

Lastly, I can't understand how people can feel bad for QiShu. He claims that he love XiaoYu but all he did was enact violence on him and abuse him both mentally and physically. What kind of love is that even????? His inability to communicate, understand and love is what caused him to end up like that. For 4 years he did not bother to reflect on himself and constantly abuse XiaoYu, I seriously can't see in which way does he love him. Serves him right. Plus WenYan claims to be a close (?) senior to XiaoYu and also knows QiShu well. Why didn't he say anything or help XiaoYu even after he saw XiaoYu in such a bad state???? Gosh so pissed ://

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