The Guide to Conquering Earthlings

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Lan Xi made a mistake during her interstellar travel and landed on Earth.

As the princess of Planet Moyi, she decided to save herself. First, solve the money problem.

So she took out the “Guide to Conquering Earthlings 2003 Edition” that experts from Planet Moyi had carefully compiled years ago –

“Chapter 1 How to Elegantly Make Money”:

“Beginner’s Guide: Find a high-end building, take a broken bowl, and sit there for a day to elegantly make enough money to spend for one day.”

However, after sitting bitterly for a day, Lan Xi didn’t make a penny and was driven away by security guards –

“Don’t sit here begging, President Xie already criticized us for negligence! Besides, it’s not that era anymore, beggars use QR codes now!”

No problem, there’s still –

“Intermediate Guide: Find a luxury car, pretend to be hit by it, lie on the ground paralyzed, and you can elegantly make enough money to spend for three months.”

However, before Lan Xi could lie down, a driver got out of the car –

“We have dash cams installed! Move away quickly, President Xie is in a hurry. I’ll sue you if you try this scam again!”

This tactic also failed. But no worries, there’s still –

“Ultimate Guide: Find a rich Earthling, conquer him, marry him, and you can elegantly make enough money to spend for a lifetime.”

Very well, might as well go all out and get it done once and for all!

Lan Xi already had a perfect candidate in mind, the boss of the company she begged at on the first day, the owner of the luxury car – Xie Cheng!

Xie Cheng met a strange beautiful woman.

On the first day, she begged at the door of his company;

On the second day, she staged a car accident scam on him;

On the third day, she blocked him in an alley, with a face of great mercy –

“I really like your money, I hope it becomes mine.”

“So I’ve decided to marry you.”

She coughed –

“Are you going to voluntarily be conquered by me, or be forcibly conquered by me?”

?

[Story background is Earth in 2023 AD]
Associated Names
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地球人征服指南
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01/20/24 akkNovel c60
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9 Reviews sorted by


solivagantsoul
solivagantsoul rated it
November 18, 2023
Status: c57

As the first reviewer I just want to say this was quite the laugh XDDD

comedy GUARANTEED!

It's the kind of novel where you don't use your brain much and just read for the fun of it. It's pretty much a lighthearted brain-dead comedic novel with an alien MC who has skewed ideas of earth/quirky/unpredictable and an ML who misunderstands her for being mentally ill→ autistic and just tries his best to correct her 'tainted' world view and protect her from 'evil'... IDK how to explain it without spoiling it, but... more>> there's just constant cross talk between MC n ML n even other characters that is just so funny and leads to so many misunderstandings (comedic)

if you're bored, can't find something to read or just want a break from complicated plot-lines/tragedy's etc this is the read XD I had to hold in my laugh at 3 am XDD

Now the cons:

I don't want to get your expectations too high only for y'all to be disappointed by its flaws. I have to say, the world building could be a lot better (referring to MC's home planet and life before coming to earth) I'm not sure if it was mentioned in the extras since I couldn't really find them (sadly) but even so the novel could have used some more information here and there just to have better understanding. MTL was easy to read for the most part but ngl it's been less than a day and iv'e forgotten or can't recall if this had a serious plot line bout ML taking over his parent's company from the evil uncle or not... so yh as long as you ignore minor things here n there its a all cool. Eventually tho the MC does get a little frustrating but not much mostly just cuz of the push n pull with ML but it's solved pretty quick...

On another note, IMO the tags are very misleading IDK where the divorce tag comes from and what its use is as well as the marriage of convenience tag (no such things happens????), sealed power (????) I dont think so?? She is travelling worm-holes or whatever and acc to what I understood its energy from food that strengthens her ability (its weaker when she's not full etc), dishonest and distrustful is also inaccurate never purposely was dishonest or trying to overexaggerate (her alien identity doesn't count) ML just misunderstood her words/actions and made up stories on his own XD

so unless some stuff I didn't get to read about happens in the extras those tags make no sense to me.

(if you do know where I can find extras pls msg me!)

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sangmaharani
sangmaharani rated it
March 24, 2024
Status: Completed
This is the perfect dose of Romcom that I need. Every line is pure comedic gold, the situation is hilarious without feeling forced. Like I can totally understand why FL and ML think and act the way they do. However, I can't help rotlf-ing so hard.

FL is no dumb. She's just not knowledgable about this world's morals and social tact. Imagine you just immigrate to other nation, ofc it's natural that you won't easily get people's innuendo.

ML, as green as he is, already dotes on FL even without realizing it.... more>> He picks her up, feed her, and tolerates her absurdity with utmost patient though it comes from a big misunderstanding.

I also love that FL unintentionally never plays by ML's rules, especially when ML intends to lead FL on to confessing to him, but then it's him who ends up confessesing. Lmao. <<less
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AquasVeritem
AquasVeritem rated it
May 13, 2024
Status: c60
This is hilarious. The FL's brain circuits are surely defective, in the most hilarious way possible. This whole story is like a meme romance that just keeps getting funnier and funnier. Read it.
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chande
chande rated it
February 22, 2024
Status: Completed
At first, I think this story was quite hilarious. The combination of clueless FL and the pitiful ML, who accidentally got entangled by FL, really brought me endless laughter. But I got bored after more than half of the story. It's not that this story was bad but I just didn't see the end of their absurd misunderstandings about each other until near the end of the story. Really, I admired ML's patience so much when facing FL because as a reader, I already felt exhausted just reading about FL's... more>> neverending cluelessness. <<less
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amelyn95
amelyn95 rated it
January 20, 2024
Status: c16
Jeez, I've read up to chapter 16, and I really can't stand the FL's beyond s*upid behavior. She's going around making people lose consciousness, breaking their legs, but somehow, she still hasn't noticed how strong she is compared to others and keeps hitting others with full force. She also keeps reading useless guides online. Her actions are akin to those with mental ret*rdation. I feel bad for the ML. The FL is braindead and can't even do one thing normally.

She is supposed to be a well-educated alien princess too! Once... more>> or twice, her s*upid actions might be funny, but the tenth time? Again and again, the way she brings chaos and damages to the ML. I would kick her ass back outside the atmosphere. Translation is good, but don't read this if you can't stand s*upid antics <<less
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otakuluv
otakuluv
August 13, 2024
Status: c60
LMAO

Starting reading this during working hours and had to stifle some laughs. It's a good thing I have my own office lol. FL, while it gets frustrating a bit at the end, is quite endearingly s*upid. I wish we had some extra chapters to see if they ever got married.

I also wished we got to see a chapter of uh, different sleeping positions, *wink wink.
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Lily.rose
Lily.rose rated it
February 15, 2024
Status: c1
Spoiler

it was so fluffy and cute. I love the development of the characters. And the greenest ML ever in Chinese Novel History! He respects her boundaries, asks for consent, and doesn't make her feel less than anything despite his misunderstandings of her being a s*x worker. Can you say GREEN?!?! The FL was also so adorable and absolutely hilarious! I love her character development the most. While the concept was of her being a extraterrestrial being, if it was a non fantasy novel, she would have actual been a neurodivergent character—and I think the author was very realistic of her characterization of a neurodivergent character without being disrespectful (even though she's not a neurodivergent person but alien).

I also love the villains! Reminded me of 90s comedy villains-you could not take them seriously. But my favorite twist was the non toxic other women drama. I loved that the author did not villainize the second female lead but instead gave her a realistic side story (basically a side female lead with a brain). This was an amazing read! 10/10 recommend for anyone looking for laughs and romance!

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updatesnovela
updatesnovela rated it
January 23, 2024
Status: Completed
This is a super funny story. MC has really low EQ, which makes her super dumb and silly. But the way it is written does not seem like one of the weak female MCs. She is actually super strong. Multiple attempts of others bullying her end up as funny instances either because of her naivety or her assumptions 😂

MC's silliness and her interactions with ML are super funny. ML has some major funny misunderstandings about MC. He assumes she is an improvised and weak girl, while it is the opposite.... more>> I laughed out loud for the first 20 chapters or so.

I must admit, it got a bit boring for few chapters in between. And I did not laugh out loud anymore, except for some instances. But not boring enough for me to drop it. Because the story is short, I also wanted to watch the leads get together and finish reading.

Anyways, it is worth the read if you are into silly, funny interactions. It is a total stress buster. But you may need to leave your brain behind. <<less
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Fisukisuki
Fisukisuki rated it
January 21, 2024
Status: Completed
Absolutely Fun, Absolutely Epic, and So Many Unexpected Moments!

Truly one of the Epicness. 80% part of this novel bring laughter to me, and the rest was some Emotional Good scene. (Nothing that would brought you to cry or anger or anything though. But definitely Exciting)

I laughed sooooooo hard I wheeze and coughed so bad many times literally from the start. It's Great! Lmao 🤣

... more>> Epic Misunderstanding. It's not an Angst misunderstanding whatsoever. Many Absurd out of the world but absolutely Hilariously Fun!

My main questions of how MC can be so Absurd and Lack of Common sense does get explained brief but clearly in the end. So I would say the story doesn't leave a big Hole out of the story.
Spoiler

My only big question is; I do still wondering what kind of transportation she had used to be stranded on Earth.


If it by some private Space ship thing, where did she and many people hid it???
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Trust me, it's Super Fun story that you better read it not on Public because it could create explosive laughter out of you!

Absolutely Fun Naive Lack of Common Sense MC and Lovable with Surprisingly Great Patient and Caring after all the Anger/Shock/Dumbfounded he been through ML.

I'M ABSOLUTELY LOOOOOOOVING IT!!! IT'S WORTH IT!!! <<less
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