Depressing Illusion

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Tae Seong-jae… he’ll take me home.

One day, ‘I’ transmigrated into the character Seo Seung-won in a BL novel given to me by my little sister without warning. As a result of transmigration, I frequently experience nosebleeds and hemoptysis, as well as other forms of pain. Since I realized that the calmer I was, the less pain I felt, so I desperately tried to empty my thoughts and maintain my composure, but I couldn’t stand it when the original memory of “me” faded away day by day. However, in order to escape from this terrible place and return to reality, ‘I’ aim at the end of the novel and do not lose hope. Following the plot of the novel, I become the lover of ‘Tae Seong-je’, get abandoned, and attempt s**c*de. For the sake of getting back home.

Associated Names
One entry per line
Gloomy Delusion
우울한 착각
Related Series
N/A
Recommendations
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I Became a Sick Nobleman (1)
T*ash of the Count’s Family (1)
Recommendation Lists
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  3. Realistic & beautiful looking covers 1
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Latest Release

Date Group Release
11/10/24 Spring Of Romance c226
11/08/24 Spring Of Romance c225
11/04/24 Spring Of Romance c224
11/03/24 Spring Of Romance c223
10/31/24 Spring Of Romance c222
10/28/24 Spring Of Romance c221
10/27/24 Spring Of Romance c220
10/24/24 Spring Of Romance c219
10/21/24 Spring Of Romance c218
10/20/24 Spring Of Romance c217
10/17/24 Spring Of Romance c216
10/14/24 Spring Of Romance c215
10/13/24 Spring Of Romance c214
10/10/24 Spring Of Romance c213
10/10/24 Spring Of Romance c212
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Review
18 Reviews


Hi I am neko
Hi I am neko
Dec 15, 2022
Status: --
This novel made me cry so much aiyoooo. I only read the google- translate version so I am so glad to see it picked up. Thank you to the translators ^^ will keep following it 👍

The summary is pretty accurate. Our MC tries to complete the novel to get back to the real-world while dealing with his novel-problems (his incompatibility with his novel body) and his real -world problems.

If you want angsty then this is definitely it. Storyline is simple, MC is likable and not an a- hole ml.

Will put... more>> up an edited review after I read again.

Guys please give this a read. Y'all won't regret it but keep tissues nearby. 🥲 <<less
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Stagz
Stagz
Oct 16, 2023
Status: c80
Spoiler

Honestly I think this should have a comedy tag I mean I'm on ch.80 right now and though it is a serious chapter, I just can't help laughing because it also isn't lol. ML is saying MC sounds like a mistress the way he's talking to him but the more I read I can't help thinking it's the other way around. The ML seems like a pitiful wife who wants her husbands attention 😂😂honestly I'm laughing so hard I feel a bit sorry for the ML in this chapter he even asked MC if he thought he (ML) was annoying at the end of the chapter😭.

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Changingchangie
Changingchan
May 17, 2023
Status: --
I won't rate it yet since I haven't read the whole novel.

But here are some of my thoughts:

1. The translation is just an edited MTL. There are some parts which is confusing but you would still get the whole idea and understand the flow of the story.

... more>> 2. Once you start reading this you wouldn't stop.

3. The MC might get annoying at times but hey this is tagged with psychological so please bear that in mind while reading this.

All in all it is a novel worth to read.

(I am thankful that this has an MTL but it would be better if a better group translator would pick this up 🥲) <<less
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ChuChubs
ChuChubs
Jul 26, 2024
Status: c180
This is a full 5 stars from me!

I have a weakness for the tag "weak protagonist" and this was one of the novels that fully utilized it. The fact that there is no tragedy tag made me feel like I was scammed in a good way, instead of being in the losing end— I felt like I hit a jackpot. Though there are some parts that made me feel confused, such as:

... more>>
Spoiler

The ML r*pes the MC but MC blames himself? I understand that sometimes people who care too much about a person gets deceived/betrayed may feel violent; there is no explanation however, that excuses that behavior. I understand that the ML feels regretful, but still. It doesn't make sense how despite being cruelly treated by both the parents and ML, he has PTSD from the parents but not ML? Yes, ab*se can give you PTSD, but so can r*pe! He also has PTSD from the drug ab*se he suffered from the kidnappers and also from being stranded in the mountains but suddenly trauma doesn't apply to the actions of the ML?

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Despite my opinion given above, I really love the story. I found reviews that rated the story unfairly and drove me to write my own. Yes it might be boring some times, but the story should have some normalcy. It IS a fiction novel, but it doesn't change the fact that if the story was more wild and out of this world— I would have become s*upid reading it. When I saw the reviews, I assumed it was because the novels you've read were probably not normal. And that's what's great about this novel, it shows the complex emotions of humans. You might belittle the MC for having such depressing/wandering thoughts but that's what some people experience.

Spoiler

I am still figuring out what illness causes MC to vomit/spew blood from certain orifices as well as amnesia/dementia but I suspect he has both? From what I've read, he has short term memory and frequently drinks alcohol while sometimes smoking.

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Honestly, I think both MC and ML should go to therapy. And I want that b@stard ji-min's stalker de-d. The MC clearly just wants the best for ji-min and wholeheartedly tried to help him achieve his dream, he wants happiness for the other and nothing more. While the weirdo genuinely is something. I dare not say crazy because even crazy people are better than he is, it would be a dishonor to the people if I compared them to him. If I had to compare him to something? He would be those ugly worms with itchy fur that irritates people to the extreme.

Spoiler

I am not sure about the brother (sister) and their girlfriend, but I surely don't like them. If possible, I don't want them to have an appearance later on in the story. They did not do something extreme but the fact that they wrote the novel thinking of him in a degrading manner irritates me. What if my sister wrote a story where I was a lovesick and jealous man whose only purpose was to kneel for another and then killing me off despite protecting her from ab*se and took on many hits for her? Dare I say I would hate that person with my whole being. What do you mean I wanted to save you despite there being a huge chance of me dead and wanting to return to protect you only for you to betray me, write me off as some dog, and then call me crazy? Wow. What kind of person would do that??

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I really pity MC and Ji-min, they have such pitying lives, of course the ML also lived a difficult life but can I really pity him if his actions border on black flag? Anyways, the story is not too toxic in my opinion.. I love it and hope the writer does not rush the ending. Thank you so much to the translator and author! <<less
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JaimeL
JaimeL
Sep 17, 2024
Status: c202
The premise of the story is unique in that we get to see a different perspective of transmigration and what it does to the mental health of the MC. Most stories I have read show the MC adjusting quickly and taking over someone else’s body and living their lives as if that was common. It always made me wonder how they could do that without guilt or conscience. This was a more realistic story.

• MC is a 19 year old high school student that transmigrates to a bl novel he... more>> read. He can’t adapt to the new situation and feels guilty towards the original owner (of the body) so he tells his family and friends he lost his memories and distances himself from everyone. He wants to go back to his real world/reality and believes he has to follow the novel’s plot in order to do that. His memories are fading as time goes by and to make matters worse, his body is weak and prone to nosebleeds/seizures when he is stressed or has any negative emotion.

• ML is MC’s lover in the bl novel. They meet and MC falls in love with him and they start a relationship really fast. There’s no much said about the ML’s background other than he is a gangster. Their relationship progresses really fast.

• I liked that there were some interesting side characters at the beginning and the MC had a purpose but whenever I thought there would be an interesting development, they would get sidetracked and the story would just focus on the MC and ML’s relationship. Did the author give up on all the other characters midway?

• We don’t get any real answers until about chapter 168 and what was also frustrating is that MC could have learned the truth much sooner but takes forever to find out. And some things just “happens” but there are no explanations.

Spoiler

• MC gets kidnapped but there’s nothing said afterwards about the kidnappers and why they did that to him?!

• One of the MC’s friend and his sibling know something but never helped him but WHY?!

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• I liked the MC at the beginning. However, after reading more than 200 chapters centered around his weak physical condition and their obsessive, unhealthy relationship, it was more than I could handle. <<less
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silvermoon310306
silvermoon31
Feb 28, 2024
Status: c123
Despite being quite a toxic novel, it's one of my favourites.

I just can't help but to wonder what's going to happen next, as this story always manages to take me by suprise. Besides there is the ML who slowly but steadily falls for our MC. (Though it starts as (violent) obsession, he becomes as sweet as honey later on.) Then there is also the MC struggling not only with his health but also meantaly, as he gets closer to the other characters.

... more>>
Spoiler

I can't help but to wonder whether the MC realy came from another world or if it has something to do with his mentality

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I hope they have a happy ending ><

... also, thanks a lot for translating! <<less
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Katherr
Katherr
Dec 19, 2023
Status: c81
I absolutely adore this novel it feels so refreshing from your standard BL.

The start is a little bit slow but it's worth the read specially with the soft moments between the MC and ML. The author adding elements of mystery on the MCs past life keep it interesting as well.

Plus love how the author has a really unique take on the isekai genre

... more>>
Spoiler

I really love how the MC is really determined to go home (but is literally struggling due to his unwilling growing affections with the ML) and the fact that the author incorporated his memories from his past life is such nice touch. Specially tons of isekai tend to literally forget or even don't care anymore for the MCs past/real life

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Rue
Rue
Aug 03, 2023
Status: c3
ch58 and I feel like tragedy tag should be there. Honestly I'm a little disappointed I feel like it had potential at first, but it started to gradually deteriorate since the appearance of ML.

... more>>
Spoiler

First comment here I hope it works well. It's kind of a brief summary of the released chapters and a note to myself to NOT pick this back up. If you want to read it I hope you enjoy. Also EN in not my first language pls bear with me.

At first the MC is pleasant to read ab, he is trying to cope with the transmigration, illness and missing memories in his own way. It's rare for a transmigration novel to include the internal conflict of the MC so it was a good start. The world which normally I would call childishly flat and unreal was working here too, bc it was a world from the novel - so it strangely clicked together - it made it easier to understand MC feeling out of place there.

What ruined it all was the ML. Their relationship was toxic and too unpleasant to read ab. At the same time it was MC's plan to finish this "novel" and go back home. He tried unrealistically hard for something that was in no way confirmed. It was 58 chapters of almost constant emotional ab*se, it was too much for me. ML became the main reason MC was miserable and I feel like author sometimes forgets about MC's illness and only uses it when it's convenient for the plot.

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Keikey
Keikey
May 12, 2023
Status: c4
Honestly, I just read 4 chapters and it's boring.. The narrator, I don't know if he's going to be the MC, is laying his depressed thoughts and honestly, I don't know if it's the original works or the translation that's not good enough because it's hard to understand some parts. He's saying he's losing his memory of his life before transmigration but at the same time, be still narrates his ''past'' life big points.... And the main plot is not advancing much... Maybe if I find the courage to read... more>> more, I would change my rating. <<less
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ScarletCat
ScarletCat
Feb 20, 2024
Status: c112
My score is more of a 4.5, but we have to round somewhere. I can't give it a full 5 because sometimes the translation brings me out of the story feeling like I missed something, and I end up rereading several times to figure out what is going on.

Even with the translation hindering it I can see it's well written. To the degree I wonder if the author has personal experience with somethings.

This is the first time I have felt sympathetic to characters in what to an outsider is a... more>> terrible relationship. But I do appreciate that the relationship is mix of sunshine and stormclouds. It feels more realistic, and you can see they are trying without knowing how to have a good relationship. Honestly with how the past of the MC has affected him, I don't know how he could have a relationship that isn't messed up. He has.... so many issues, I could spend all day listing them and the evidence.

The ML isn't a good person, he never pretended to be. But he's trying to help the MC as the MC pushes his crazy button. <<less
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Ezo
Ezo
Nov 10, 2024
Status: c226
This novel started with an interesting premise of "playing by the rules of the novel and getting the best out of it" but the name "Depressing illusion" perfectly describes my experience. The more I read, the more dull and boring it became. The good third of the novel is dedicated to various depictions of eating, food, feeding, meals and so on, which is just an empty read? The remainder is split between nosebleeds, how sickly MC is and actual plot, which was moving at a snail pace.

Could I drop it?... more>> Probably. Did I stick to the end to see whether MC actually follows the end of the novel (just in case) ? Yep. Would I recommend it? Nope. <<less
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Brainless0612
Brainless061
Dec 19, 2024
Status: Completed
Like reading chap 1 to 50, I feel so confused. What is the details that author want to readers to understand. Besides the narration seems too long and unnecessary in some part. But it just described how unstable the MC mental are.

I keep my patience till it reach chap 143 (maybe) and the angst getting prolonged for nothing. Some parts make me cry, but that's it.

The ML devoted love really make me hard to imagine is that even anyone like him in real world, and again its only novel, author... more>> has every right to write anything.

I do recommend it for you who want a good read, but you need to be more than patience before you can understand everything (or is it just me? Ha ha ha)

Alright, that's my review. Great job translator, and thank you so much for the author.

Happy read everyone. <<less
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Yuen_chan
Yuen_chan
May 27, 2024
Status: c150
I really like this novel. This novel made me cry so hard.

I like the characters MC and ML, they love each other sincerely.

but at the beginning of the chapter, I was so bored reading this novel, because the story development was very slow. But in the next chapter the story plot gets more interesting.

I'm really looking forward to the next chapter
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slushhyyy
slushhyyy
Feb 10, 2025
Status: Completed
I'm going to ramble about this story sorry. The story's angst was good in the first 70 chaps or so but then everything became muddled. Some how the author forgot about the main characters and then at the VERY END mentioned them again???
Spoiler

I have problems with the author, they never gave us a clear explanation for MCs friend Lee hyuk, something like that I forgot, but I was never understood his purpose for the story. Also was the r*pe really needed?? The choices the author made for this novel are very confusing!

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Having said that I found the novel okay, at best, if you are someone that forgets little details then this story could get very confusing as the author likes to explain things much later on in the story. 3 stars
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twillthaw
twillthaw
Feb 02, 2025
Status: c92
It started out nicely - nowadays it's rare to see an isekai with the protagonist regecting the world he transmigrates in.

I also liked how unreliable as a narrator the main character was, especially how his peace of mind was so fragile, given his very poor health (which I sympathised with greatly).

However, I grew tired of it on the hotel vacation "arc" (if you could even call it so), even if it was amusing to follow a crazy and fickle soul. I expected... more action, I guess. It felt that the... more>> time stopped in that hotel room. <<less
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orengreen00
orengreen00
Dec 13, 2024
Status: Completed
4.4 stars

Love the story, overall considered happy ending but I wished it ended happier. Very angst up and down story and the plot is a bit spotty. Bit overall a good read for those who like obsessive mls and BL ****

Oh but I don't think I cried for this story due to the slightly confusing plot lol
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ywnle
ywnle
Apr 10, 2024
Status: c82
at this point, please bring MC to the psychiatrist. Boy needs help 😭

i’m dropping this because I just can’t read it no more. The story was written from MC’s first POV, and it can be very frustrating to read, because he’s basically mentally ill patient. The story itself is very interesting, the ML is like grey flag ML..? Like he’s bad, but not really? He’s a gangster after all, don’t expecthim to be so sweet like every green flag ML out there
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Minixi
Minixi
Sep 14, 2024
Status: c54
This aint a feel good romanticizing novel. At least so far. For some that might not be their taste. But thats not an objective way to criticize the quality of the novel.

I couldnt help but write a review half way while I had these thoughts mid reading. The title seems to really hold through. Everything seems to lean more of a "depressing illusion".

Im very glad they pointed out many times how bad it is that the ML is 28 and the MC despite being 20, is still a "kid". There... more>> are many who would argue 20 is not a kid in real life. And consume fiction with younger ages without retrospect, including myself. Also glad that to me the s*x didnt come off too much as romanticized and a s*xual fantasy.

Ive ready many novels that romanticize and sexualize these age/power dynamics. I always can put it off as fiction. But the overall atmosphere and tone of the novel hits more of a reminder of a depressing reality that this isnt healthy in real life. I appreciate the author for the tone and reminders.

Theres also many similar themes of the "depressing illusions". The reality of how difficult it is on the mental health of actually transmigrating, and the "yandere" trope on the original MC.

I mean im assuming it would end up with the planned couples together, and end up feel good in the end. Thats probably when I switch back to putting it off as just fiction in the end. Realizing this illusion is.. Indeed depressing.

This novel doesnt make me feel good at all. But in fact thats why I appreciate the maturity and message of the author all the more. <<less
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