One of my top guke of all time.

Xie Ran (MC, shou) was a hooligan boss who regretted all the miseries that happened and how his life went downhill after raping his brother Xie Qing Ji (ML, gong). He committed su*cide and woke up right at the junction where he was about to r*pe his brother but realising what his actions will bring about, he stopped himself but surprisingly, his brother became the one to r*pe him instead.

Pained by the same fate happening again even though he took a step back,... more>> he sought to die again, only to be stopped by various forces.

To Xie Ran, the rebirth was a painful one. He believe his family would live a better life without him. Every chapter felt heavy and I couldn't breathe. It was really angsty from Xie Ran's POV and later on included Xie Qing Ji's too. Xie Ran is actually a very good person, shouldering his family burdens and putting himself last. There were some chapters which broke my heart totally.

Asides from the main characters, the side characters are also brought to live. Most importantly, I love that it that the author did not give the rebirth MC a golden finger, there were many foreshadowing that lets you feel that the author planned out the whole plot really well. A lot of times in rebirth stories the MC always had the upper hand in already knowing things in advance but this is not the case here.

Definitely is worth the read. It's a HE by the way no matter how bleak the story seems.

By the way, an audio drama for this will be out on Christmas!

Edit: Came from from the climax of the AD. It was superb. I cried so much in the AD more so than reading. Bonus for Meimei and Da Kun who did so well as the VAs! <<less

The story focuses a lot on the interpersonal relationships between the MC's family (his brother, twin sister, and mother) and a few of his acquaintances/friends as a debt collector. The ML is his blood-related brother, so in*est warning.

The MC, at 30 years old, commits su*cide by drowning himself in the sea, and time travels 6 years back in the past, just at the moment where he was going to r*pe his younger brother (ML was accidentally drugged). He tries to backpedal from the situation, but his brother then r*pes him... more>> instead.

MC has a lot of guilt and self-loathing for things he done in the past and his involvement in organized crime/gangs and believes that he is the root of all his family's suffering, seeing as how early in the story we find out that in his first life his mother and sister were both dead. Throughout the story so far, MC returns to the beach where he killed himself in his first life multiple times, whether to attempt again or just think and reflect upon his life.

I can't really say MC's mother was the best in terms of emotional stability, but she does clearly care for MC and his siblings (you'll know how she acts if you've grown up in that kind of asian household iykwim).

At first MC doesn't want this second chance and tries to kill himself, but in thwarted in various ways by the universe. He gradually warms up to the idea of living but still has a lot of regret for a lot of the past and his family. He decides to try and slowly move away from debt collection and make an honest living, although it isn't easy, and MC has spent his whole life working in organized crime-adjacent areas.

I can't really get a good read on him and ML's (his brother) relationship, since ML is a pretty reserved and taciturn person. In his first life, MC inadvertently messed up a lot of his life through multiple circumstances, and I can't tell how much ML cared

We later find out that ML

Spoiler

has also traveled back in time, from some point after the MC killed himself in his first life. MC feigns cluelessness and acts like certain references from their first life have no meaning to him. (Whether ML believes this is a different story)

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The translation is also good, with detailed footnotes clarifying proverbs and important context, such as the technological advancements during the time. (Story takes place around 2013?~) <<less