The existence of the FL suddenly came to the ML’s life was purely fate. ML has to suffer from his biological mother who used him to be a ‘test subject’ for her witchcraft (in order to revive her lover since the King did not gaf about her.) ML’s first encounter with the FL was just like meeting some sunshine in his dark and depressing life (he also joined the military when he was young)

she has a character development arc. From a young child that being neglected by her own parents. Suffers from a mother that is obsessed with the ML just because she is his babysitter. FL’s mother degraded her own child and inflicted trauma upon her (she hates her appearance and has low self esteem.) Some people born with a hairless body or no pubic hair. This is a real condition, search it up yourself. It is not a way to infantilize the FL. She cries a lot, SO WHAT. She has suffered enough from her own parents without crying or whining. Why can’t she cry?

You need to read the story and understand the characters’ traumas and mental state to be able to understand why FL and ML are the way they are. FL in the beginning was a low self-esteem person. She hates her face dues to her mother’s hatred. Her father ab*sed her for being born as a woman. Her father said that she is only ‘worth it’ if he can sells her off. Which he tried to sell her but got punished by the ML. FL later on did cut ties with her father. She had a good character development in a slow pace.

With the helps of the ML, she becomes more brave and outspoken. She stands up for herself even though she can stuttering sometimes. She fell in love with the ML at first sight. But in her first life, she was never brave enough to confess. She did everything she can in her power to help the ML. She thought of the ML as someone who is too ‘high’ in status for her to even consider herself worthy.

Come to the ML, he is too perfect. In their first life, he got back from the war and received the new that the kid that he had been taking care of got executed by committing an experimental procedure that involved with hardcore drug. He went out and massacred the people that hung the FL’s body and mistreated her. (FL is 17-18 & ML is 24-25 around this time)

After that he went to the FL’s house, which he found out her diary that contained all her secret admiration for him and a dysfunctional pocket watch. He keeps reading the diary as a way to mourn her death.

A year of her passing and ML lost his only source of ‘real emotion’, he went batshyt crazy. He killed all of the noblemen. From the person who doesn’t believe in gods or witchcrafts due to his crazy mother, he went against from his moral to revive the FL (witchcraft, spells,...). But he ended up using the last method of the previous King; offering human sacrifices to God.

The ML’s first sacrificial was his twin brother; The King who failed to protect the FL and su*cide by hanging himself due to his guilt (he leaked the news of ML’s weakness is the FL which leads to the enemy targeting FL). The ML reads his brother’s last words that wanted to be sacrificed for the ML’s plan. ML offers the King’s body to the Fire but doesn’t receive any response from God. So he promised to bring 10 sacrifices in the next day.

The next day ML killed 10 civilians and offered them to the Fire. But he received no words from God. So he promised to offer 100 humans next day.

The ML and his subordinates massacred 100 civilians and offered them to God. This time God responded to the ML. Which he sacrificed himself to receive God’s miracle. And his only wish is to revive Eileen.

The ML now has to face 7 trials from the God. He didn’t know what will the trials include. God keeps giving him flashbacks throughout the years of FL and ML’s meetings. ML thought the answer was to kill himself, so he asked the FL to cover her eyes and close her eyes, he shot himself. Endless suicidal endings but no sign of success.

He then realized, killing himself js not the answer. Killing Eileen is the answer. Each time he kills FL, the clock ticks by one. (Everything in this novel involves number 7). The first time was easy. Second time was easy. But then around 5th & 6th time he was losing his mind over the ‘guilt’ of killing the FL.

On the last time, the 7th time, the ML cannot stand there to watch the FL’s execution. He knew that once the FL dies, he can go back to reality again. But he didn’t let it happen. The guilt of watching her die over and over again was too great. He rushed up to the execution spot to used the ‘Amnesty’ card for the FL, and claimed her as his wife.

He gave up his title and his military status to live in FL’s small house. His love for her grew much stronger from this time. Which is harder for him to kill her. In the end, FL, the delusion of the trial begging ML to kill her. ML realizes this is not the reality where he claims to be ‘perfect ending’. He realizes that Eileen is a lifeless delusional doll that has no soul and not the person he loves. ML regconized his emotions for the FL. He loves to hear her talking about apothecary and her hobbies. In the end, he killed her and ended the trial.

God gave the ML a condition which he himself will die at any moment in reality exchange for the FL’s life. ML accepts it. This is where he travels back in time to the beginning of the story. He rushes all his plans of creating a perfect safe world for his beloved wife and secretly planning for her future without him in it.

The ML wants the FL to find out everything by herself. He doesn’t want to harm her or force her into anything. He always asks for her consent later on. He cares A LOT for her. His feeling in the beginning was unrecognizable due to his own nature. He just thinks of her as a kid that is lovable and wants to take care of her. He didn’t recognize his feelings until later on in the God’s trial.

SPOILERS AHEAD

i realised one more thing while reading this novel, this ML especially gives me pe*o vibes, when I read s*x scenes the author unnecessarily focuses on the fact that FL behaves like a child, her body has few body hairs (like a child) and ML getting turned on by that fact.

It is difficult to read s*x scenes where the author hasn't mentioned the word "like- child".

And I didn't understand why the male lead had to choke her? Like u reversed the time for her and now that she is alive u wanna kill her and what's more messed up is how she is okay with that fact? Girl needs therapy more than him fr