Years of Intoxication


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Unrequited love is like a pot of strong wine. You know perfectly well that it will make you dizzy, let you lose yourself, and that it will be painful. Yet like moths to a flame, it is gladly endured.

You take care not to overdo it, but I will not stop until I get thoroughly drunk.

However, for any amount of drunkenness, one day I’ll have to sober up.

Associated Names
One entry per line
Drunk in Love
Related Series
Professional Body Double (Shared Universe)
Beloved Enemy (Shared Universe)
Blazing Armour (Shared Universe)
Alpha Predator (Shared Universe)
The Decade of Deep Love (3)
Gaze at the Scenes of Debauchery (2)
Love, Expired (2)
Sissy (2)
Professional Body Double (1)
15P 7H 6SM (1)
Recommendation Lists
  1. Scum gong at its finest
  2. Favourite novel
  3. Angst (BL)
  4. BL [kr jpn cn] #3
  5. Terminados

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30 Reviews sorted by

Wolvelyn rated it
September 18, 2018
Status: Completed
This novel started off with the toxic relationship of He Gu (MC) and Song Ju Han (ML) who is a very famous singer.

He Gu has loved Song Ju Han since 7 years ago. He basically live, sleep, and breathe for him. But, it seems like Song Ju Han only takes him as a f*ck-buddy, as someone who always be there for him no matter what. Thus, he took He Gu for granted.

It doesn't matter whether Song Ju Han fooled around with other people, as long he comes back to He... more>> Gu, He Gu would always wait for him and swallowed his bitterness quietly. (Which is kinda s*upid, but hey, I'm a sucker for stories like this).

Song Ju Han was HORRIBLE to He Gu at the beginning of the story, and it will slowly get worse. He basically abused He Gu physically and mentally.

Eventually, He Gu's love is replace by a sense of helplesness and tiredness. He's basically saying 'f*ck it', then he began to treat Song Ju Han with indifference.

Song Ju Han cannot stand it and gets more aggressive (he's a f*cking bastard, I don't know what He Gu sees in him tbh). It makes their relationship more sour and drives He Gu away.

I think after he got away from Song Ju Han, He Gu becomes more like himself and slowly bloom, which attracts bees and butterflies (other guys). But of course, Song He Jun always be there to ruin it.

The situation is now reversed (OOHH MY FAVORITE PART, THIS IS WHY I READ THIS NOVEL). Song Ju Han realized that he is obssessively in love with He Gu.

But He Gu was like, 'Nah, I don't want your love anymore. I just want you get the f*ck off, so that I can carry my life in peace. b*tch, you have more drama than the Kardashians, and I want none of that.'

Isn't funny that you have to lose something first to understand how important it is to your life. (IM GLARING AT YOU SONG JU HAN)

And isn't funny that you have to go through all the abuse just to realize you worth more than a whiny b*tchy singer. (YES, IM LOOKING AT YOU HE GU)

This story is basically about that.


oh, but unfortunately they end up together.... which is why I reduce 4 stars to 3 stars, BECAUSE I THINK HE GU IS MUCH MORE SUITABLE AND HAPPIER WITH THAT GUY HE f*ckED IN EUROPE (sorry I forgot the name)

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24vsrv rated it
August 12, 2021
Status: Completed
So, Years of Intoxication is part of a shared universe of other melodramatic dog-blood like novels, '188' but it's not very involved with the other novels (Beloved Enemy, Professional Body Double) so it still holds up as a standalone novel. From what I know, it's not very popular in the english speaking community, but it's quite popular in the Chinese fandom? So what I'm saying is, Don't read this novel if you are averse to melodramatic plots and irrational love from the MC's side

The title 'Years of Intoxication'... more>> fits this novel perfectly, because it basically sums up our MC's feelings (He Gu; HG for short) towards the ML (Song Juhan; SJH for short). And that's the whole point of the novel. Even though it's irrational, HG can't help but stay close to SJH because he is 'intoxicated' with him. Despite SJH's negligence and overall a**holery.

A lot of people are frustrated by HG's insistence on staying with SJH even if it hurts keeps hurting himself in the long run (because SJH is an a**hole) but I never felt that. I guess it's because I understood HG's loneliness and the fact that the only thing he had in his life was his work and SJH (no friends and very distant parent) so he could only keep on clinging to SJH. I also think that HG's character is very mature and soothing even though his irrationality keeps chaining him to SJH.

And yes, he did get better eventually as he builds better relationships with people other than SJH, but it sure did take a while. It might be a frustrating journey, but that's what dog blood is for, right? So, overall, I think I like HG's character, as he's actually more amazing than he and the people around him think.

As for our ML, Song Juhan, well.....

I can say that this guy is very dense and in denial about his feelings towards HG. This guy stayed with HG for years and years but still doesn't really understand why, even though it's actually very obvious. And this dense-ness and overall arrogance is what leads him to hurt HG in many ways, intentionally or unintentionally. I think SJH is actually a little bit dumb (maybe more than a little bit) and he acts very immaturely which contradicts our MC's maturity and stability.

I also think that it's important to distinguish that this novel is a work of fiction that is intentionally made to be melodramatic and abusive and to turn away if you hate these kinds of novels. Though I do think this novel has its flaws, that doesn't stop me from enjoying the experience of reading it. In real life, I would absolutely abhor SJH's actions and would advise anyone to stay away from someone the likes of him. But since this is fiction, you can just lay back and enjoy the angst, if you want to.

As for the ending,

they do end up together and I think the 'redemption' of SJH was written well and even though HG can move on and is not so dependent on him now, he still wants to give their relationship a chance but in a healthier way


Overall, I enjoyed reading this novel and hope others will too. <<less
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btsdynamiteAUG21 rated it
September 20, 2020
Status: Completed
Wow. Just wow. The emotions I had for this story is just unbelievable. Plot, smut, and characters are great. ... more>>

Except the part that ML r*ped MC on the bathroom behalf of anger. It's a sad scene that both of them were hurting but ML chose the wrong way to hide it.


At the first parts of the story, the lonely MC was in "friendswithbenefits" with slag ML. The angst I feel towards ML is so strong I wished MC to be with anyone other than him. I really thought ML was beyond repair, nothing can solve his shamelesness.

What I love about MC was his calm yet calculating temperament. He only yearned ML's love for 7 years and do you know how it hurts how he repeatedly himself everytime ML sleep with anyone that his 7yr worth of feelings is just nothing to ML.??! HG knows that yet he still throws himself willingly into the pit. I was srsly wanting him to wake up from a nightmare and find himself a caring man. I was disappointed with MC in some chapters on how he just let himself be used my slag ML. 😞

What I finally expected happened. ML finally got his karma, ofc I felt satisfied but idk I also pity him from the oncoming chapters. He even became a lowkey yandere LMAO. I know that he himself lowkey loves MC inbetween those 7yrs but didnt know that it was already LOVE... HG said that even if SJH himself is 27 urs old, he stil had that childish and unknowing attitude.

It just hits me so hard how can their love be so full of wrong timings. Miscommumications happened then BOOM.

I really love that their final mutual love were made to avoid miscommunications.. even SJH initiated it. From slag gong to yandere gong to caring gong. 💜✌🏼

Still, thank you for the translation! This was a very awesome novel and damn the emotions in this one, my braincells are flushed.

The story is so great. It shows that life with love is very unpredictable...a rollercoaster. I hoped to see He Gu's friends' (Jie yu, fengzhang, he yi) individual lives after but its okay. I dont know how much tears I just shed for this story... Thank you very much it was a wonderful reading experience. 💜 <<less
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hiryukaede rated it
September 4, 2019
Status: Completed
This story... Sigh...

Excually I want give it 5 start, but, when the MC starting to give his forgiveness to ML... Sigh, I take back the rating...

7 years, the ML treat the MC like a tr*sh bottom, and also, the MC so naive, and still stick around and hope The ML Will falling in love?! Sigh, love really is blind,.. even im the reader feel so sick just look at the ML,...

And then, the MC finnally tired, and want to run away, forget the ML, is then, this novel starting go... more>> to a good story, and the MC also starting go around with other man, its good, really,.. finnaly he move on!!!

....... And then, the ML go crazy yandere mode search the MC, and force him to comeback,.... Sigh, really, if only the MC go with another guy, and move on completely,.. maybe this novel can be a Jewel,.. but, the ending, dissapointed me a lot...

Anyway, the ML was bastard int beginning until the end,.. force someone to stay beside you, r*pe him, the obsession,.. nah, if someone want to read the so masocist feeling, here, the novel for you,... <<less
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King of No Killing
King of No Killing rated it
August 23, 2020
Status: Completed
I don't know where to start. Hmmm... I started reading this right after reading the Gaze at the Scenes of Debauchery, which I cried a bucket, of course, hoping that I can find the satisfaction of karma that the ML will receive. So yeah. I did find it here - more than what I was hoping for. Finished this in two days. It was a roller coaster ride. I cursed the ML for being such a fckng a-hole and waited when the MC will leave him. I cried. I screamed... more>> and cussed over and over again out of frustration and hatred. Ugh. I thought the miseries were endless. Then when karma came I was like "HA! In your fckng face!" to the ML. But damn. The agony wasn't just one time. Others would think that it was kinda draggy. But MC was very determined of not going back to the ML's side. And the ML was quite insane also ~cough~ which I liked ~ cough~. I can't believe that I pitied the ML. Sigh. I remember in the past I was always hoping to find a very cliche manga stories like this one - f*ckbuddies, uke ran away, seme went mad and chased him down and etc. And after reading YGMCT and this novel.... I still want more. Hahaha

Anyway, despite the lack of proofreading of the translation I still loved it and very grateful to the translator. I would recommend this to those fujoshis and fudanshis who are into possessive and obsessive seme/gong. All the love for this novel.

Edited 04 Oct 2020: And after more than a month I still can't get over this. Must reread. Sigh.


Edited 30 Nov 2021: Woah. I can't believe it's already been more than a year since I finished reading it and damn it! Still can't get over this T_T. I've read more than half of SQC's works so far and trying to finish all but YOI still tops them all. Sigh <<less
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mmem rated it
September 27, 2018
Status: c5
Honestly I'm not sure what to think about this story.

The relationship between the MC & ML is... complicated. On the one hand the ML takes him for granted but also seems possessive of him, not to mention they've been in this toxic relationship for 6 or so years, but on the other hand, the MC is a stalker. I mean I don't think it's okay how the ML treats the MC, but the MC kind of lets him, I feel like they're both responsible for how their relationship turned out.... more>> And while this is titled Intoxicated I think Obsessive fits better. MC is obsessed with ML, to the point I'm not even sure I'd call it love. Sure he's older now and tired, and according to the summary he eventually moves on, which seems much healthier than what's going on now, but can someone so obsessed with another person actually truly move on and let that person go?

Guess I have to keep reading to find out. <<less
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Aspiringbeamoflight rated it
October 15, 2021
Status: c60
Never have I ever read a book that ive wanted to burn so bad. I got through 60 chapters hoping that there would be some progress but no.

The MC with his spineless attitude and his im-strong-ill handle-it-alone attitude really is the cherry on the top. Dont even get me started on the ML that motherf*cker needs to be institutionalized.

I dont know why themes such as this (dog scum?) are so popular in the danmei community, where the MC and the abusive ML always end up together (eg. BLACK LOTUS and... more>> SISSY) how can people even compare that to love. This is one trope ill never get behind. If theres r*pe and assault in a relationship then theres no place for love.

I was rooting for the MC to finally get away from that monster.... but no.

Im just sad I wasted my time reading this novel. Needless to say ill not be completing this novel. Lol someone said this was a happy ending, no its not ending up with a abusive r*pist is not a happy ending; love and obsession arent same. <<less
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cauicii rated it
June 19, 2021
Status: Completed
Dog-blood novel with scum gong and HE is my fav genre. IMO Shui Qian Cheng is the best author of this. I've read all 10 novels of her 188 boys group in my native language, not once but 2-3 for each one. Now I'm reading them again in English to find new feelings (😅 ?) but sadly most of them are uncompleted.

Song Juhan is a bastard but he still ranks second behind Shao Qun in 188 scum brothers. They'll get whats they deserve. The author is a good writer, not... more>> a teen fic girl. So chill out guys

I just say to let you guys know how much I love this story <<less
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FrostyDragon rated it
December 14, 2021
Status: Completed
UPDATE (after completing the novel) :

5/5 stars - one of the best angst and dogblood novels I've ever read.

Seriously good stuff. The ML is scum and the absolute worst for 3/4 of the book - he deserves every bad thing that happens to him and then some. But the author makes him a believable character. He's a narcissistic man-child A-list celebrity who grew up rich and famous and never experienced that the world didn't 100% evolve around him or that anyone didn't desire him. Don't read this is you can't stomach scum gongs, r*pe, dubcon and abuse - physical and emotional. Recommend that you read after Beloved Enemy, since it contains some spoilers for that novel. The MC in that book is a prominent side character here.

... more>>

His parents are partly to blame, which is acknowledged in the story, but not used as an excuse for his behavior. He's made responsible for his own actions, and when he finally realizes that he's about to lose the one person who matters most to him, his suffering is truly delicious to watch. Yet I still ended up feeling a bit bad for him and being relieved that it was a happy ending. The ML changes and does the work, and while he can never, ever make it up to the MC, the relationship does become healthier in the end.


The MC is such a treat - a well-rounded character who's decade-long love obsession is made very believable. Even if it was frustrating to read about how much he chose to suffer and how he received one blow after another, he was a strong character. He knows that the relationship is unequal and that his lover is a terrible person, but since a young age he has put himself in a situation where he is completely isolated, so he has only had the ML to rely on, and on top of that he's deeply, fatally in love.

Yet the MC also has a sense of self-worth, even though he is insecure, and he has a bottom line that he won't allow even the scummy ML to cross. He's also a somewhat shy, introverted person who struggles with social interactions. The novel is also about his journey to become more self-assured and open his life up to other people - friends and family - and try to find a better balance in his life. He also has some flaws that makes the situation worse, such as his inability to communicate his emotions or seek help when he needs it.

The relationship between the MC and ML isn't a clear case of 'friends with benefits' as they both think in the beginning. The ML is extremely emotionally immature and spoiled (not unrealistic for a young man who's been a big celebrity his entire life, and hasn't been taught about healthy relationships by his family). He throws a tantrum every time the MC doesn't conform to his wishes and treat the MC like his personal plaything. He's extremely dense when it comes to his own feelings. Yet from the beginning it's obvious that he loves the MC, and part of the reason why he sleeps around and acts like a scum is because he doesn't know that the MC loves him. The MC puts up an indifferent attitude and pretends not to care because he thinks this is the only way the ML would tolerate him, but in reality the ML wants him to care, he wants him to be jealous of his other flings. If the MC had openly communicated his feelings and needs and left the ML, the ML would likely have changed sooner and maybe not have become half as toxic (that's a big maybe though!). They're both fools in love.

The story is beautifully written with lots of angst.

Oh, and there's also a manhua with amazing artwork, really recommend it.



Normally wouldn't rate a book after just reading a few chapters, but wanted to counter some of the low ratings and encourage the translator, who's doing an excellent job. Too few of the 188 books have been translated so far, and too many reviewers of NU tr*sh a book simply because they dislike the tropes.

This is my third book in the 188 series, and so far it seems really good.

I'm all for the scummy gong and pitiful shou, and I'm sure the upcoming dog blood is going to be good.

In the first few chapters we learn that the MC is obsessively in love with the ML. He basically allows the ML to treat him like tr*sh, so while the ML is already an a**hole, this one is kind of on the MC for acting like a doormat. Also we already get a hint that the ML obviously likes the MC, but is too much of an egomaniac and dense as*hole to realize his own feelings.

The writing is quite good, don't know if it's the quality of the translation, but so far it's a bit better than the writing style in Professional Body Double and Beloved Enemy (both of which are also good, but a bit more simple).

What to expect from a 188 book:

    • A dense scum gong who can't figure out his feelings in the beginning, but thinks he's just using the MC for s*x - abusive a**hole, but fights for the MC when he finally does realize his love
    • A shou who's a calm, adult person with a relaxed attitude to s*x (so no virgin flower or silly and weak little boy) and who knows fully well what kind of situation that he has put himself in (even if he's too in love with the ML at first to break it off) - and a person who doesn't immediate forgive the ML when he gets chased by him
    • Unhealthy relationships, but abuse isn't romanticized
    • The gong will eff up big time, get broken up with by the MC, and then relentlessly chase him. The MC will eventually give in because no matter what he still loves the ML.
These are my expectations to this book, and I'm 100% okay with the dog blood, abuse and the ML doing some delicious grovelling to win the MC back. This writer is good at creating interesting relationship dynamics and relatable shous who aren't sweet and blushing little idiots, but actual adults (complete with terrible life choices and everything). Also there's no nonsense about people being clueless virgins well into their late 20s or 30s for no good reason except not having met "the one" (I see this trope so often in BL and it gets annoying sometimes). <<less
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White Sky Translations
White Sky Translations rated it
October 11, 2021
Status: Completed
I really enjoyed this story. It’s actually not as “dog blood” as some other Chinese novels with similar themes, but at the same time more realistic and kinda more depressing...

As a person that loves angst and reads a lot of dog blood novels, how it normally goes is cheap MC chases after scum ML->gets betrayed->gives up on ML->ML realizes his mistake->chases MC back->HE.

However this one is a bit more realistic. The MC is not super cheap and has a lot of pride. He doesn’t actually chase the ML much... more>> and ML usually contacts him of his own accord. And it’s obvious from the beginning that ML is into MC, but the problem is he really doesn’t know how to treat/treasure someone he loves. MC also has some self esteem issues and never told ML how he feels or what kind of relationship he wants.

And unlike most dog blood novel, there’s no “feel good” sudden clean break where MC all of a sudden wakes up and breaks it off cleanly with ML. Like in reality when you’ve invested too much time and emotion in someone, even if you logically know you should break up, it takes some time and some back and forth.

Both ML and MC realize gradually in stages what they want/need and so this might be a thunder point for those who will get frustrated with MC for not just kicking ML to the curb at the earliest opportunity. But for me I think MC’s actions were quite logical and realistic.

And I actually think author did a too good job fleshing out ML, he really struck me as a guy who really just doesn’t know how to treat someone he loves. It actually made me think many actual celebrities must be like this, so focused on themselves that they can’t think for others. Being their lover might seem like a dream but in reality it’s a nightmare.

But for those that want feel good moments of ML chasing MC to death, that definitely still does happen. But I almost couldn’t believe it after how realistic the earlier parts were, and now the ML suddenly just learnt how to love someone? That part was the only unrealistic part for me. But it was still welcome I suppose after all the bitterness, the author had to give us some sugar.

Anyway a great read. Recommended. <<less
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pimni rated it
December 30, 2020
Status: c78
This is one of the best romance novels I have read. I won't say BL because love is love; the emotion, the pain, the happiness couples feel in a relationship does not and should not be defined by gender.

The ML is a scum no doubt but he does genuinely change for the MC. The MC is one of the most clear-headed ones I have read in a long time, and he does not come back easily. He does not forgive the ML just because he repented, but also gives him... more>> a chance to repent and really grow in a relationship. The book reminded me of the MC from How to deal with a Tsundere Gong; they both make sure that the ML is truly repenting their act before taking them back.

As for the book being a part of a trilogy, the crossover is more with Beloved Enemy and not that much with Professional Body double. But all three are great books; now I need a fan-made chapter where all these three pairs meet. <<less
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Achiless rated it
December 15, 2020
Status: c53
So this started good. I don't care about the toxicity and the as*hole ML, cause it's an angst novel so that doesn't matter. Instead, the more toxicity and the more of an as*hole the ML is, the more angst we'll be treated with later uwu.

But honestly, unlike what most reviewers say, I don't think that the ML is that hard to bear. If you put such a character in real life, then I'll find it hard to bear. But prob either due to the author's writing or the translation, the... more>> graveness of his behaviour is somehow lessened. You can also sense from the beginning that he actually does love the MC (not that that justifies anything, but its easier to bear for the reader).
[edit: Read further in the story, and the ML finally sadly did become absolutely unbearable. Because he didn't know what he did wrong, and doesn't change his toxic behaviour. The only thing he changed is that he is in love with the MC. Also, the ppl around them keep justifying the ML's behaviour, or giving the ML the chance to be toxic. Smh.]

So the angst was going well, but then it got way too repetitive. Angst is often about going in circles. It's therefore pretty hard, if not impossible, to completely avoid repitition. So if you're going to write a cliché angst novel, you either finish it quickly, or you keep adding new stuff to be angsty about. This way you can avoid boring your reader. The problem with Intoxination is that at the middle part, nothing more was added. At a certain point, the relationship between the two just kept going in circles too much. The ML also had few to none (depends on your standards) character development (yet). As I said before, you could already see his real feelings for the MC at the start, so even after he finally came to terms with them, there's still not really a change for the reader. I'm not saying that his toxic traits should just randomly dissapear since that would be unrealistic. It's that there's just honestly no change and nothing interesting about the ML towards the middle-end.

Nonetheless, the other areas are done well. I don't get why reviewers would complain about the toxicity itself since this is about romance found in pain (aka angst), not some sweettouth romance. The author wrote this toxicity to be dark and depressing. The audience is different, and I think (hope) we all think that the ML is moraly wrong. Nobody is romantisising the ML or his behaviour, but romantisising angst and tragedy (in fiction). There's a huge difference. If you can't get the difference, then geuss what, you're just not into angst and tragedy. And that's oké. You do you. <<less
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fudanshii18 rated it
August 30, 2021
Status: Completed

I know that ML's attitude to MC is not good. However, let us take to the account that ML has set a barrier in their relationship in the first place. ML treats MC as his f*ck buddy but that wasn't the same for MC towards ML. He wants more than that of being a F Buddy. He stayed because of YEARS of INTOXICATION towards the ML hoping he can have a good romantic relationship with ML.

I'm actually confused whether the ML is jealous of MC being with Feng Zheng or is he jealous of Feng Zheng being with the MC? You know ML and Feng Zheng used to have a thing. It is the reason why he tried to get close the MC. I have so many question regarding this. I feel really bad for the MC to get caught up between these two.

You know, it's really easy to scold MC in the perspective of an outsider. You don't understand anything at all. I really want to cut ML's cucumber. He even f*ck*d someone after doing his concert. Is he that shameless? Even after the novel ended, this scene where MC heard someone mo*ning and er*tically calling ML's name in the backstage lounge really bothered and disgusted me alot.

Ugh. I don't really know how a person could like someone while having s*x with others behind their back. Truly disgusting. Your love/liking is so cheap, motherf*ck*r!

I commend MC for not being so intoxicated again with ML when they tried to be in a serious relationship. He was like "You wanna stay, okay you stay. You don't wanna stay, please go."

I know this is a shared universe but I was surprised when Yan Mingxiu's name appeared 😂

The first time I actually smiled while reading the novel was when MC went to Europe and met Zhou Heyi. I had hoped they end up together) :

For me, the damage ML did to MC is irreversible. No matter the effort, it doesn't change the fact ML is a filthy scumbag. I'm gonna vomit. The only way to satiate my hatred for him is for him to be castrated and be a bottom for MC. Don't misunderstand me, being a bottom is a very respectable role, because it means that you are willing and really love that person. I know being p*netrated by someone is painful but worth it if it's someone you love.

When MC was kidnapped, ML saved him. He was seriously injured and in life and death situation. My heart wavered a bit for him and thought that a second chance is deserved by ML. Though he was really dirty and did all those sh*ts maybe after all of those downs, they can live happily ever after.

ML has changed 360° so he is not as hateful as other ML scumbags. What he did in the past, will always stay in the past but never forgotten.

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totoroteddy rated it
October 22, 2020
Status: Completed
This novel is the best example of a toxic relationship. My conclusion from the novel: ML and MC need urgent therapy. ML is the definition of a selfish psychopath son of bit*h. MC is the definition of moronic and spineless. Readers will get their patience tested throughout the novel. So better skip this and read some good once.
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Jay0 rated it
June 4, 2020
Status: Completed
Half of the story was me growing an aneurysm at Song Ju Han's a**holery, getting blue balls waiting for him to get smashed down from his high horse. Each chapter compounded my anger until I even wanted to slap He Gu for his 'this can't be the end' self-deprecating mentality.

... more>>

After 800 years they finally breakup in Ch. 32, but it's only in Ch. 46 that I can get some sweet satisfaction from a suffering a**hole.


The characterisation of SJH is well-done; he's absolutely an arrogant egotistical douchebag, and that doesn't flip 180 when he realises his faults. The arrogance and hot-headedness is still there but you can tell he tries to restrain it, and he grows to realise gradually how his past actions were wrong and what it means to cherish someone. He talks to his mother, and clearly reflects on his actions before making efforts to change his ways. That's pretty beautiful right there.

I liked HG after he decided to cut SJH from his life. He matures and learns to enjoy life and let go. He isn't wishy-washy in forgiving SJH either...


... until they get back together at the end, but I don't mind this time since SJH really changes for the better. (He'll still have to make it up to HG for the rest of his life tho *I got my eyes on you*).


The translation is slightly difficult to understand at times, but I'm grateful for it. <<less
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Eden rated it
May 16, 2019
Status: c51
I actually gave it 5 stars in the first half.


It looked promising. I thought the ML would rebuild a sane relationship with the MC, but he just changed from a slag to a yandere. And when He Gu finally looked liberated, it turned out it wasn't entirely the case. He never got his dignity back. It was so frustating to read the second half.

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September 28, 2021
Status: --
no I really like it... no matter how frustrating. Right now the person I can’t stand the most is the assistant person. he is the only one trying to keep this sh*t show together... it feels like (even if it might not be) he is only doing it to save his job. He knows that ge calms juhan down and makes his job easier. I hate him. I don’t even have the patience with juhan or sympathy. He can go f*ck off. Everyone in this novel is s*upid and messy...... more>> but none the less... i’m still invested. <<less
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Sarah_Jae18 rated it
October 14, 2020
Status: Completed
well there're so much heart wrenching scenes! (but my motto is as long as it has happy ending I dare to read it! bc plain and flat story line is boring, but even so! I also like fluffiness ʕ•ٹ•ʔ)

so... the gong (SJH) is 10% tsundere n 90% real bastard 🙄 ... more>>

when HG wake up from his s*upidity for loving SJH unconditionaly (helpless) then the story reverse for SJH to pursue HG, there is a certain chapter I really believe SJH is a bastard and hopeless bc at that time :

HG remind (confront) SJH about what he did to him in the past, at that time SJH wanted to eat cheesecake in the middle of the night, then HG run out and spend almost 3 hours to find 24 hrs bakery shop, then after he run back unluckily he forgot the key 🙁 the he knock and knock, the bastard SJH didn't open the door, back then HG think SJH is asleep, then he waited in the car until dawn, in the morning SJH said the cake sweet, he didn't eat the cake, so now that he confront SJH, he exposed and said ".... you don't f*cking eat the f*cking cake! actually at that time you're not so sleepy right? but you're just to lazy get up and open the door". and the SJH who currently say he love HG silent... he cannot say a word (which is mean he was a bastard)


but I also pitied SJH, after he pursue HG back, HG give him a very cold shoulder,

until 60 ch or so I'm crying for SJH struggle and pain to get HG back.... 😭 until he make a song for HG (you must read it yourself!) which hurting my nose...


then yeah after so much frustrating chapters at last their reconciled! I actually read this author other novel 'in love with an idiot' which is I suppose the rating deserves get 5 out of 5 👻 <<less
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jojobebing rated it
August 13, 2020
Status: c81
After reading Beloved Enemy since I cant still let go of Gu Qing Pei and Yuan yang I decided to give this novel a chance.. it may not good as Beloved Enemy but it has a unique story about second chance.. half way through novel I got frustrated that I want to drop it but it got me curious of what will Song Jun han going to do so that He Gu will come back to him... suddenly the Concert and The song Ai He Gu omgggg I cried so... more>> hard on that part.. I really glad I read it through.. I know Song Jun Han such an ass but I like how the author explain it through Vanessa points of view.. this is great novel must give this a chance!! <<less
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Ukee rated it
July 7, 2022
Status: Completed
I can't understand why the rating is law and why everyone is complaining when the toxicity and red flags are already tagged up there for people to check and not read if they re snowflakes to start with.

Author is famous for dog blood novels. It's no surprise seeing another story based of love hate relationships.

Again warning to not read for whoever who cannot stand:

1. As$#ole MLs who does the MC dirty and at the end of the story "easily" redeemed ... more>>

from my PoV, I wouldn't say ML got easy redemption, but the process of realisation of his wrongdoings and tryna make up to MC through blood and tears which was satisfactory to justify the ending


2. [email protected], Confinement and Kidnapping. Plus a tit bit of blackmailing. Ya all, tags there for a reason.

Hence, story is pretty much interesting. Especially the characters are well written leaving no room for questioning abt their actions.

But instead makes room for reader to see how two different personalities can be toxic to each other at the same time how they can live with it


people such as SJH are pretty much common n this world. As well as HG, but it is very rare seeing the companionship of two different personalities. Which is what makes this story interesting. Interesting to follow how they will overcome every coming up problems. For instance:

While HG bore all 7 years of its intoxicated companionship and drove himself into emotional drought, at the end leaving the other party, but other party SJH couldn't even stand the day without the affection of HG, ravaging everything that can make HG s leave reality. The aftertaste of their relationship is bitter and emotionally sweet (?!)


And Writing style is so good that makes reader to sit down and finish the novel in one read.

Again, it is very enjoyable story if one knows what they re getting themselves into. Such as being ready for rollercoaster of emotions. <<less
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