Waiting Until 35 Years Old


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The diary of Nan Kang of his relationship with his ex-boyfriend, expressing that he was willing to wait for him until 35 years old.

From morning to night, from the moment of love, the ending should have been predicted. The world praises love, but never admits love. Why is it wrong? Nan Kang, 35 years old is too long, and the waters in Xiangjiang is too cold. For fear that you are alone in the distant heavens, and he, with a woman and maybe a child, in the paradise at home. Nan Kang, do you regret waiting?

(It is said that this is a real story of a real person, Nan Kang, who has written other stories in his life. He had a loving boyfriend who, unable to withstand pressure from family and society, married a woman. In between March 9th and March 12th in 2008, Nan Kang jumped into the waters of Xiangjiang and ended his life. People found his body in the river on March 27th, after 15 long days drifting in the cold water. In 2016, readers commemorated his would-be 35th birthday.)

Associated Names
One entry per line
Wo Deng Ni Dao San Shi Wu Sui
Related Series
Six Records of a Floating Life (Prequel)
Six Records of a Floating Life (3)
Ten Years (2)
Gaze at the Scenes of Debauchery (2)
When an Angst Writer Meets a Doting Writer (1)
Recommendation Lists
  1. Best Bl I've read so far(the best according to me)
  2. Wistful reads
  3. list pt 4
  4. No Hope for the Future
  5. If youre looking for crippling depression

Latest Release

Date Group Release
07/27/21 Apple Translations c1-30 (end)
06/16/19 silentFish c21-30
06/16/19 silentFish c11-20
06/16/19 silentFish c2-10
06/16/19 silentFish c1
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40 Reviews sorted by

RoseAmethyst remembrance
RoseAmethyst remembrance rated it
November 5, 2019
Status: Completed
Update 10-20-21: I'm thrilled that someone translated the prequel "Six Chapters of a Floating Life" which covers a 7 year period (starting from when they met). In that novel, we get to see what the ML and their relationship was like.

The prequel really hits you differently. The sequel is compiled of the fragmented thoughts of the MC coping with his losses, while the prequel is a collection of flashbacks of their relationship. As you learn more of their relationship, it is only then can readers see just how much... more>> the MC lost. By the start of the sequel, the CP had already broken up and the two are having their very last meeting in which the MC declares his intention to wait until they turn age 35 (9-10 years), hence the title.

The MC has set himself up for failure when he decided to set a definite deadline. The problem is that the ML never agreed to it and even discouraged it which left a huge level of uncertainty for the MC who was just desperate for a miracle. The MC's mental state had already deteriorated when he made that ultimatum. There's no way he could've handled the sheer agony of waiting.

The author completely skips over the fallout in both novels (it must have been too painful to write). Although we don't get to see how the fallout transpired, we can get a strong sense of it based on how drastically mood changes between the two novel. Both novels are written in the MC's POV and tone reflects his state of mind and the shifting mood reveals just how much the MC's mental state deteriorated over a such a short time.

On JJWXC, the final chapter of "Six Chapters of a Floating Life" was published on 2-20-2005. According to a summary I found online, the ML got married on 1-1-2006 which is when the novel "Waiting Until 35 Years Old" ends.

Below is the full summary and the full timeline. (Note that it was MTL-ed from a pirate site called "sto. cx" that uploaded it on 2016. In the first chapter, there's a note saying that the date of submission is 6-4-2006).


The writer Bai Qi is also called Nankang. He once had a boyfriend who had been with him for seven years, but he finally separated.

He left a post on Tianya and said: "I will never be thirty-five years old, so I will always wait for you..."

Nankang Baiqi went to Changsha to study in 1999.   

In the spring of 2000, the relationship with her boyfriend "husband" was unknown, she deliberately avoided, and later met with a girlfriend, and soon broke up.  
 From 2000 to 2001, as a sophomore, rented a house and stayed out. He suffered a minor illness but did not heal for a long time and moved back to the dormitory.  
 From 2001 to 2002, junior year, the relationship with her later husband remained the same.
He established a relationship with his "husband" on the night of his birthday in 2002. After falling in love until 2006, he lived together near his alma mater. His work "Six Chapters of a Floating Life" is peaceful and lively, and the writing is fresh and warm.   
On January 1, 2006, her boyfriend got married and wrote an article "I'm Waiting for You to Thirty-Five Years Old" to express love. At this time, the style of writing has turned dark, and the melancholy between the lines is full of it. Suspected of depression.
On March 9, 2008, he contacted a friend for the last time and disappeared. He was cast into the Xiangjiang River in Changsha, and his body drifted along the river for fifteen days. On March 27, he was found and salvaged in Yueyang.   
He was not even 28 years old.


Original 11/5/19:

When you read this novel, it's like you're reading someone's diary rather than storytelling novel that usually have multiple POVs and general narration. Because you only get to know one person's perspective, we don't ever get to know the other person's side of the story which makes it sad.

The whole thing is written in the perspective of the MC who only gives a brief and vague account of his experiences and thoughts leading up to the end of the novel.

After I read the novel, it actually peaked my interested to verify out if this was actually based off a true story. Check out the spoiler box below if you want to know what I found. (it's not an actual spoiler, I just put it there since it's not actual review and just a side thing I got into)


I searched "南康白起新闻" and I came across a forum (南康白起的事情到底是真的么?) that also discussed about the authenticity. I MLT-ed the forum and from what I understand, NanKang Baiqi (the author and MC of this novel) does has a webpage on Baidu Encyclopedia that outlines his background and timeline. Supposedly, it was confirmed that NanKang Baiqi did exist and did pass away. However, one person pointed out that there's no news report about NanKang drowning himself in Xiangjiang River.

It seemed like the responder to the question concluded that the author/MC was a real person and has passed away, but it is unknown if this novel is a genuine auto-biography or if it's just fictional. Since I don't know Chinese, I couldn't lookup the sites that the responder referenced like Xiaoxiang Morning News, the studio that published NanKing's works, and Baidu Encyclopedia.


But regardless if this is a true story or not, it doesn't make it any less tear jerking. Because this is a diary, the flow of events described are sporadic and disorganized. There's unknown time gaps between the entries as the only talks about whatever is on his mind rather than retelling the full story.

I like this writing style because it seems so much more personal and human. It's a short, but it is worth reading :) <<less
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MeineMeow rated it
March 12, 2021
Status: Completed
I just torture myself by reading a decade of love (10 years that I loved you the most) and rebirth: degenerate s*ave abuse the tyrant. Since I cried so much reading those two, I didn’t cry reading this, just feel the pain.

This is based on true story. As someone who stay in same s*x relationship, and my partner was not someone who brave enough to face the stigma, I experience the same thing with nan kang. The differences was, both of us meet and stay together when we’re 32 yo.... more>> My GF was told to marry, and she consider it. But when I steel my heart and break up with her, she didn’t dare to say she want to marry a man anymore.

Nan Kang was being with his BF since college, so yeah, maybe that’s a different story for them.

The saddest part was, I search for his short collection mentioned in this novel, six records of a floating life. It contains his diary with his BF when they’re still together, clearly written before separation, before the idea of separation itself formed. That one, makes me cry. When they’re in college, Nan Kang already show depression state and symptoms when he realize he loved his BF but the BF still not sure to have relationship with him. It was painful. I cried a lot to read their sweet and real moments. And it hurts me when in college he still have friends (in the dorm) to help him going through his depression. But when he graduate and working, he might live alone, and lead to his death.

RIP bro, I honestly grieve for your decision of ending your life. Life is beautiful, if only you give it a chance, i’m sure you’ll find the beauty within it even without someone who loved you. I just hope you find your peace there.

And for people who have same trouble with depression as Nan Kang, seek for help. Don’t swallow your grieve alone. Don’t let them conquer and haunt you. Life is beautiful, no matter what. <<less
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Acidelia rated it
June 17, 2019
Status: Completed
Warning! This is a very moving piece, where every word the author writes depicts the pain and melancholy behind not being able to move on, and to love someone everyone says you shouldn’t.

I 100% agree with what translator said, if you treat this more as a story, maybe then the blow will soften. But as someone who cried through it all regardless, sending virtual hugs in advance to those who need it.
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wistful rated it
July 17, 2020
Status: Completed
I truly hope this was a fictional story and not an actual excerpt from someone's life. It's truly hard to be gay in China. Absolutely heartbreaking.
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dday0425 rated it
July 27, 2021
Status: Completed
what can I say besides sighing?

It's a pity.

Seeing how the world now are more acceptable towards homos*xual (not that they even need anyone's acceptance at all), I wonder whether it'd be better for him to wait. Maybe, like he said, maybe he can have someone else in his heart or maybe his ex would actually return. I don't know. His gone was so abrupt. That 2 years period is too short, yet I can imagine living in pain for 2 years was maybe too long for him. I just feel... more>> so sad he didn't give himself a chance to find his own happiness and live. Hopefully, he can find his happiness in his afterlife and the lifes after.

May his world be quiet and his life be peaceful.


holy shit. This story isn't that sad compared to his other story "six chapters of a floating life". I'm dead choking with tears and snots right now. Since there's no translation of floating life in NU, let me scream it all out here. 😭 I'm so so so sad. They're so in love, they're so happy. they even talked about living and dying together when they're old, relying on each other, becoming cute gray hair old man, chatting and arguing with each other someday fifty years later. And now, only a year after the lively and happy "floating life" (his last post is on May 2005), "waiting until 35 years old" was posted (at around june 2006). God, why was his love so miserable... Why did he have to love that man so much? He fall too deep, he can't climb up. His love and those once beautiful memories always haunted him, and finally took away his precious life. I cried soooo hard at this. I really hope he can find his own happiness. Really, no matter whether he is still alive or already reincarnated, I really wish he can find his true happiness.

when I search about the writer and found out that his blog and ID was deleted for some reason, my heart broke. I don't know, somehow I just feel like maybe maybe one day when his ex thinks of him, maybe he can read though his blog again? Since it's literally the only thing the writer has left in this world. After all, It's their memory together in there. God. Tbh, I don't even know whether he know about his death or not. It looks like the writer lived alone in the city faraway from home (and China is super large) and his funeral was likely to be settled in his hometown. The painful thing is that until his last day, he's still living in the same city as his ex. T_T Now I just hope that the last friend he called is mutual, so that atleast the writer can be sent off by someone he loved the most for the last time.



ok, it's me who can't move on and did some digging. This story is quite famous in China, especially in his alumni circle (in the premise that netizens identified his identity correctly. Until this day, there is still no confirmation or conclusive proof that Nankang is that man), so I guess the husband is probably known about his death as well. Just that the reality isn't always beautiful. I read from one post claiming that her teacher is Nankang's classmate, and he said the husband just disappeared after the marriage. So I guess he should be living in other city by then, coupled with the fact that all the story about them circulating around their friend's circle at that time, with his character, it's likely he didn't even showed up at the funeral (I hope I guess wrong this time, just thinking about it makes me feel very sad). I don't want to criticize him anymore, many people scolded him a lot already. The sympathy isn't love, if he didn't love Nankang then he shouldn't be forced to be with him out of sympathy too. I just feel really really bad and sad for the writer, I don't know what made him fall in love so head over heels with this man to be able to abandon his life for him.

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Alessa May
Alessa May rated it
September 10, 2020
Status: Completed
I read this 3 years ago I guess sometime after reading his first novel..... and he was already gone by then....

I wanted to comment this because I'm not in a relationship nor do I want to be in one but I think about is story from time to time out of the blue and it even surprises me most of the time....I just can't sometimes accept that this is the reality I'm living in....

I always wonder too whether his bf knew about this and later regretted leaving him and emotional... more>> stuff like that.....

This is true people. This is our reality. This is the life of a person who lived amongst us in this cruel world..... <<less
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Blackbutterfly1994 rated it
June 18, 2019
Status: Completed
So beautiful, and so sad.

A really good description of the loneliness of a broken heart. Also, there is something really heart-wrecking in how the pain and suffering of the MC are conveyed through so few words.

A good read for sure, if you like to hurt sometimes.
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Yukkie rated it
March 11, 2020
Status: --
This story is so heartbreaking. It's more like a diary of the MC himself actually. I only hope the MC a.k.a Mr. Author, may you rest in peace... in the next life, please meet someone who really really loves you for a lifetime. No matter how hard being pressed by family or society, remember love also a power. Love is a power that can get through anything, you just need to trust yourself and that person. That person will always by your side. RIP Mr. Nan kang Bai qi.
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RAGA rated it
June 17, 2019
Status: --
Oh yeah, definitely read this as a fictional story. Because it was already completed and the chapter were so short, I didn't really bother reading the summary and only took note of the Tragedy tag (I'm not a fan of tragedies but don't mind reading if the story is short and the rating is high). I read through the whole thing in less than 20 minutes. I only read the summary after reading the author's note to read this as a story.

Looking at this as a story alone, this is... more>> a sad introspective piece on how, after finding and getting together with the love of his life, the MC can't stop loving and hoping for the ML despite the fact that the pressures of society just won't let them be together. The loneliness felt throughout the story is heart-wrenching in itself.

It's a quick read if you're not really that into the tragic genre, but a nice one if you are interested in any way.


The summary/backstory does make it 1000x sadder though

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Chenqing rated it
September 25, 2019
Status: Completed
This is so short, and actually the author didn't describe much, but it's heartbreaking. 5/5


I love his friend. Even though it was a bad ending, I'm glad he still had support during a tough time in his life. Thank you nameless friend.. TT

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BlueThunderRuthless rated it
November 2, 2021
Status: --
Nan Kang, why did you leave when I couldn't hug you yet. I really want to hug you and cry together, how can I endure this.

Our story is not exactly the same, because the challenges facing Nan Kang are bigger, this is same-s*x love in a traditional environment, the pressures he and his boyfriend face are many times heavier.

Me and my BF are normal couples. Right now I'm in the same desperation, I don't dare to contact him at all because our breakup was my mistake in taking action. We... more>> separated since 2019, and last year I made the same decision as Nan Kang, no matter what I will wait for him to come to me until the age of 30. Why I dare because we didn't part well. At that time we were in a long distance relationship and for some reason, I decided to block his contact for a month, then we suddenly became strangers.

I understand Nan Kang's pain, how he misses his husband so much but is afraid to interfere with his new life. It's very exactly like that and it's very painful. Being able to endure one more day was a blessing.

I'm not sure if I can make it through because my Beloved isn't getting married yet, and I'll find out more about how painful it will be when he does.

When Nan Kang told how painful the longing was even though he had tried to let it go, I immediately saw myself in this state.

As if he is your soulmate, really can't do without him. I feel this myself and I'm telling you it's very, very painful, you love it deeply, think about it every step of the way, always want him to be the first to know everything about, but he doesn't feel that way for you. Even when he turns his back on you and realizes he won't come back to you, your love for him not only doesn't diminish, you want him more and more.

In 2 years of separation between me and my lover, not a few men have approached me but I can't take their feelings. Don't mention being in a relationship, even when they try to be close like a lover to me, I will feel the turmoil in my stomach, then vomit its contents. This is a direct rejection by my own body, this is exactly what Nan Kang said when he tried to date a woman in university. I ended up rejecting all the men, because I didn't want them to spend time waiting for me to love them, because I was sure I wouldn't be able to do it myself.

I don't know what happened to Nan Kang until he finally decided to commit su*cide, I really wish I could hug him😢.

I will try to become stronger, and continue to live my life, even though I don't know what to do when the person I love marries someone else. I still remember every promise that he will come pick me up later, I hope he still considers that promise exists. I'm so shameless, I know that. But I can't contain my feelings. One thing is for sure, I'm sure Nan Kang doesn't want me to have the same ending as him.

Nan Kang, thank you for the valuable lessons you share in your love story. We love you, peace there❤️ <<less
12 Likes · Like Permalink | Report
August 22, 2020
Status: Completed
Short and powerful.

My heart ache and as am typing, my tears goes out to those who have found love but cannot be together be in the end.
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lettucu rated it
August 28, 2019
Status: Completed
I'm usually not the type to read tragic tags, but this one was an exception. I got moved by the way the author writes and tried to think about it as fictional rather than non-fiction. The thought of this being an actual event in someone's life is heartbreaking.
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Neroann rated it
June 30, 2020
Status: c30
Somehow, I wish I never read this because of how painful it is. But I'm also glad I now know his story.

Rest peacefully. I'm sorry the world isn't more fair.
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June 25, 2019
Status: Completed
More people need to read this story, something about the writing style of the author lets it convey this piece so well. Then you go back and read the summary and let the feels hit you like a truck.
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GoudanCai rated it
February 5, 2021
Status: Completed
The fact that it's a true story (or so they say) is very unsettling. It will be fine in fiction, the angst, the desperation, and heartbreak. Yet, to think that it's true, left me thinking that aside form the author, how many more unknown cases like this have had happened in the past or now.

Love really can be both hurtful and healing at the same time. Love is such a solemn thing which cannot be laughed at.

... more>>
I appreaciate the deed of his friend at the end. Even though they can't fully help the other, at leats he visited him and made him feel like he still had someone who truly cares for him. <<less
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Karine_1999 rated it
November 9, 2020
Status: Completed
It's a very good story, I loved it so much for all the feelings it gave me, I cried all the time, and searched the story that he wrote when he was in the relationship with the ML, and it was worth it, but I don't recommend you to do it if you don't want to suffer more, because if you read this story first and then the other, it literally will feel like a knife covered in sugar, but anyways both are 10/10
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Somavatey rated it
November 2, 2019
Status: Completed
This is short, yet can broke your heart completely.
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EmperorsSmile rated it
January 21, 2022
Status: --
It was extra painful because this is a true story (like a slap from the painful reality of the society) and I'm more hurting for this author himself. I read the prequel first, Six Records of a Floating Life. My tears started spilling from the last sentences of first chapter in this novel. I was sleepless for an entire night, my mind kept repeating the scenes and I could only keep crying. I thought a lot about that fact Nan Kang choosing to address his lover as "husband". I'd... more>> rather have them never met in their lifetime. Nan Kang..... you deserved better, I wish if you'd have been stronger and didn't chose to leave instead.

And yes it was a good read, simple yet meaningful. <<less
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Realvnv rated it
January 2, 2022
Status: Completed
Those 5 1-star votes are from Husband's family's side.

Do you feel like doing nothing but just stare holes in the wall once in a while? I'm about to turn mine into a black hole.

5/5 for translation, the story... I wish it was just a story.
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