and even then, he faints immediately after so you don't get to find out his proper reaction till the next chapter lol

[Gu Hong Jian shook her head and said, "I know that you hate me."

Lin Si Ze sighed, extending his hand to knock against her temple. "What nonsense are you saying."

In that moment when she descended like a Red Shura*, truthfully, Lin Si Ze's anger completely dissipated.

... What's more, he should not have been angry with her in the first place.

Gu Hong Jian felt like Lin Si Ze was plotting against her, and Lin Si Ze felt like he was trying his hardest to retain Gu Hong Jian.

Their thoughts did not match, hence even though Lin Si Ze had knocked her head, as if they had returned to being as intimate as back then, Gu Hong Jian still shook her head and said, "You will hate me."

Lin Si Ze said, "Exactly what nonsense are you spouting."

"You will hate me eventually." Gu Hong Jian stood up, looked at Lin Si Ze, "Not in the present, then in the future. I do not wish to see that day, so distancing myself from you would be better."]

*I actually don't know what a Red Shura is, but I think it's something along the lines of a a female hero dressed entirely in red.

It just felt so sad that she was so rooted in her thinking that she meant nothing to Lin Si Ze that she could only take him trying to keep her with him as him plotting against her to use her in the future. This happens a few more times, and there's a scene where he asks, "Gu Hong Jian, you were always saying that I'm plotting against you, but in reality, who is plotting against who."

[So it turns out that twenty years ago that winter, from when they met for the very first time, they had already missed each other.]

TBH that misunderstanding the very first time really screwed them all over. : (

["Hong Jian." Lin Si Ze suddenly said.

Gu Hong Jian was surprised, then said, "En?"

Of course, Lin Si Ze would not hear, he was only talking to himself. "Gu Hong Jian, are you here?"

"En." Gu Hong Jian nodded lightly.

Lin Si Ze said, " (You) should be here... You were the one who covered me with this cloak, right?"

"Yeah, I've said this so many times." Gu Hong Jian was a little resentful.

Lin Si Ze said, "If you are beside me, why won't you appear? Why did you only write a sentence like that for me... Hong Jian, do you hate me a lot?"

" (I) Hate you. I also want to appear, it's nice to scare you in the middle of the night with nothing to do, unfortunately I'm unable to..." Gu Hong Jian shrugged helplessly.

Lin Si Ze said, "But since you hate me, why did you still dr*pe this for me? Gu Hong Jian... ke (coughing sound)."

"I only draped it in passing, how could I know that I would suddenly be able to touch something then!" Gu Hong Jian said peevishly.

Lin Si Ze said, "This is very likely my last night in the capital."

"En?"

"Ke... I know I'm not fit to travel to Hu prefecture, going would likely have me handing over my life there. But you are there, so I must go." Lin Si Ze lowered his voice and said, "If you are still alive, I will bring you back here, you want to be an chancellor, then continue being your high and powerful Minister Gu, even Imperial Tutor Gu is fine. But if you're tired and only want to be a woman, then enter the palace and be my Empress, if you find even this troublesome, then... then I also won't be the Emperor, and accompany you to be normal civilians, is that okay?"

Gu Hong Jian said lightly, "Okay."

Lin Si Ze continued talking to himself, his voice very soft and also very gentle, "If you are really dead, then... I'll also accompany you. Is that okay?"

In that moment, Gu Hong Jian's guess became reality, Lin Si Ze, already had that kind of intention.

As if a flood had caused countless boulders to beat against Gu Hong Jian's heart, she lightly shook her head and said, "Not okay, not okay at all."

But Lin Si Ze could not hear, so he smiled by himself. "You must be nodding your head now."

Gu Hong Jian could only shake her head non-stop.

However this was the first time Lin Si Ze had showed an appearance of smiling these few days.]

;;;;^;;;;

Some points in the review may be valid, but sadly she is well and truly dead. At a certain point in the story, we get a glimpse of what happens after the battle is over, where her body isn't found after rumors of her death. If she were alive and well, we would have gotten a little time skip somewhere in the story of her living her life. This would have been in her POV sence we follow her as she gets rid of her final attachments to her world as a ghost. Her being a ghost through this whole story essentially tells us that she is infact, dead. The part where she may not be dead is essentially a dream of the emperor's hoping she is out there somewhere. The final dream is to confirm that she has died and moved on from her resentments and wants nothing to do with the emperor in the next life.

Turns out that when the prince (now emperor) was young he was saved from drowning and given something warm afterwards. Not knowing wo saved him, he falls in love with a pretty guest in the estate mistaking her for his savior leaving our MC who actually saved him out to dry. But the women never returns the sentiment. Eventually, we find as they grow up that love never fades for either party. The prince wants to marry this other women whom he thinks saved him and our MC get jealous and comes upon information that the women actually doesn't want to get married to him. Finding that she can kill two birds with one stone, she helps to kill this other women. Our ML is devastated and depressed for a long time and never marries. Here is where our FL comes in and essentially helps him back on his feet, helping him get revenge on those he feels killed his beloved. As time passes he becomes the emperor and they become close confidants. Giving her a title and letting her look at important documents and such.

The now emperor ends up running in to a women who looks eerily similar to his lost love and they get married but he doesn't love her if she is not the real person. Now our FL still holds a torch for him but believes that it is going nowhere and accepts the close 'friendship' she has. This close friendship ends up becoming friends with benefits but nothing more. No confession, even though he knows her feelings her ignores them and even after they sleep together he doesn't end up marrying her. He still loves his dead love. He ends up finding out that she helped kill his love and they have a very big falling out, feeling betrayed and no longer speak to each other. She gets stripped of her titles and demoted. Soon, we find that a war has broken out and an army is sent to defend the territory. She is sent out to battle with no regard from the ML, he hates her at this point.

The battle is long and hard but they win in the end with great casualties. This is where he finds out that the FL has died a whole 3 days after the fact. This whole time he still hated her and their last words to each other were very cruel. He is so devastated that he doesn't believe is at first. He believes that she is still out there but refusing to come home because they fought. He ends up worrying so much he makes himself sick and can't sit still until he sees her body. He ends up traveling to where she was supposed to be killed but is stopped by his concubine before he even leaves. (The one who looked like his first love) Turns out, it is actually her in the flesh! She didn't actually die, at that time she just didn't want to marry and faked her death. He has been well and truly married to her for several years, though all they did was sleep in bed together and never sealing the deal. Again he feels utterly betrayed and now feels guilty about the words he said to the FL before this all went down. He no longer cares about his first love and realizes that the FL was who he loved the entire time. The ML still heads out leaving his first love there alone. Along the way he continues to get more sick and has a dream. This dream is where he finds out that the FL is the one who saved him, was kind to him, did everything for him and even died for him but all he ever did was break her heart.

The dream is where the FL appears to him and he apologizes, telling her that she was the only one her ever loved and in the next life he will do the chasing. She then goes on and apologizes and tells him she hates him but loves him and finally wants nothing to do with him in the next life. He goes in for one last hug but she has disappeared before he could even complete it and he wakes up.

“a bowl of soup only, how could it have counted for more than assistant Gu's companionship for twenty years?” I felt that.

I understand a lot of people hated the ML, and I will not argue that the ML did the MC wrong. So much wrong. Yes, but in the first place despite the MC saying he never loved her, or that he always had loved his first moonlight and such, I felt like the ML had also shown his 'love' and care towards the MC.

Naturally the MC thought this was because the ML wanted to use/manipulate her but does it really?

The main underlying issue was the lack of communication between them that muddled things but neither was without fault. Considering the things the ML did for the MC during all their flashbacks I thought the ML did things he did sincerely for her and blatantly showed his affection for her. When they were fighting and she argued he never cared or only wanted to manipulate her I had to pause for a moment. While it was true the ML might have love and affection for first love (second FL) but for the past decades they had been together was the ML's actions towards her insincere or didn't show enough of his love?

Another point to note is that neither the ML nor FL probably knows what really is love. They are two abandoned children living secluded just the two of them, who would taught them what is love and what is not? In the end they have different idea of what love really means and while the ML did do the MC so so so much wrong, I wouldn't say he didn't love him. He did. He had always always always loved her, he just didn't know how to express it better. He didn't know how to express his emotions better. He didn't know how to admit his emotions better. He didn't know it was called love.

The MC was pitiful. So was the ML. She paid with her life but the ML also paid a hefty price. Between death and being left behind to live a lifetime of sorrow and regret, the ML paid his price. In the end the deep love they share was undeniable, I really hope they would find each other to fulfill a happier fate next lifetime.