The Hero Wants to Die

Description

Links are NOT allowed. Format your description nicely so people can easily read them. Please use proper spacing and paragraphs.

Nineteen-year-old Kim Geonho was physically enhanced and time-warped into the 23rd century. For fifty painful years, he devoted himself to stop the apocalypse in the future before returning to the present as his nineteen-year-old self. The dangerous future was prevented, and no one knew of the suffering he endured. No one knew about the hero he had become. Now, the hero just wanted to rest.

The hero wanted to die.

It would take a hundred days for his enhanced cells to fully die. Kim Geonho, given this hundred-day grace period before his death, decided to spend it in boredom and peace. But then, the boy he had a crush on before he left for the future appeared before him: Yeo Haejung. His first love from when he was nineteen.

***

“When you keep thinking about someone, curious about them and feel awful because that person seems so unreachable… that’s a sign you like them.”

“…”

“If this assumption is correct, then that means I like you.”

My heart. It feels like it’s about to stop.

“It’s a bit confusing, though. This is the first time I’ve felt this way about a guy. What about you? Do you not like guys?”

“…”

“No, wait. Let me ask again. Do you not like me?”

There’s no way I could dislike him. But I wanted to run away. The idea that Yeo Haejung liked me—this was something I had never anticipated. The one thing I had been most worried about in our relationship was the possibility of him finding out about my feelings. This was an unexpected development.

Kim Geonho likes Yeo Haejung. That’s a fact. But the other way around? It wasn’t supposed to work like that. It shouldn’t work like that. I wanted to run away from the feeling and from the weight of his intangible gaze pinning me down. I am someone who will disappear, and Yeo Haejung is someone who will remain. If I could just quietly let go of my feelings and fade away, this relationship would have ended with no complications. But why…

“Geonho…”

Why do you… like me?

“Do you not like me?”

Why are you trying to pull me into your world?

Associated Names
One entry per line
영웅은 죽고 싶다
Related Series
N/A
Recommendations
I Delayed My Death Because Of a Will (3)
Recommendation Lists
  1. Sacrificial Bastard named KIM
  2. TBR (GL/BL) 7
  3. Apocalipsis BL
  4. fav BL's
  5. want to read

Latest Release

Date Group Release
07/04/25 Novelib c41
06/27/25 Novelib c40
06/20/25 Novelib c39
06/20/25 Novelib c38
06/13/25 Novelib c37
06/06/25 Novelib c36
05/30/25 Novelib c35
05/23/25 Novelib c34
05/16/25 Novelib c33
05/09/25 Novelib c32
05/02/25 Novelib c31
04/25/25 Novelib c30
04/18/25 Novelib c29
04/11/25 Novelib c28
04/01/25 Novelib c27
Go to Page...
Go to Page...
Review
4 Reviews


marmore
marmore
Sep 15, 2024
Status: Completed
Crying and throwing up over this novel.

This novel is both heart-wrenching and heartwarming at the same time.

On one hand, there is our MC (Kim Geonho), who has severe PTSD and depression after suffering and saving the world in the future. He is sweet, shy, and innocent, which makes it even more heartbreaking to see him suffer from a mental illness. He is so mature, but at the same time you can see that he is still a child throughout the story (initially, I was concerned with the age gap, but... more>> then as I read this story I sighed with relief).
Spoiler

Kim Geonho went to the future with few people, and they all died, leaving him completely alone for many years. Because all he did was to survive, stay relatively sane and complete his mission, he did not have time to actually mature. Yes, he is technically 69 (nice) years old, but he didn't mature mentally and physically. Only emotionally due to unspeakable trauma he experienced. In the story, you can see how emotionally mature he is, but he still acts like a child sometimes because he still IS a child (even though he keeps telling himself and his father's friend that he is old). But that's my personal opinion and I could be wrong.

[collapse]
I love him so much and want to protect him with everything I have.

On the other hand, there is our ML (Yeo Haejung), who is a sunshine incarnate. He is bright, passionate and is not afraid to express his feelings. He has so much energy and overwhelming emotions, making him completely the opposite of Geonho. But it is a good thing. He loves Geonho so passionately and sincerely (and possesively), that it made me scream into my pillow more than a couple of times. He is the part that represents the "heartwarming" side.

Surprisingly, this novel goes in very deep to show the struggles of depression and how it affects the relationships with others.
Spoiler

For example, in chapter 22 Kim Geonho was very mature and rational about potential relationship with Haejung, explaining that their relationship would be toxic and unhealthy because of him, which surprised me. It is very rare to find a novel that talks about boundaries, what's healthy and unhealthy and relationship etc. It was heartbreaking, but true.


"If I become Yeo Haejung's lover, it will be perfect, almost fantastical. As long as Yeo Haejung stays by my side, I'll forget loneliness and pain. Even nightmares won't scare me because I'll just need to find Yeo Haejung, and he'll quickly turn my fears into happiness.

I believe in that fantastical happiness in the future.

But Yeo Haejung can't always be with me.

For two people to be happy together, they each need to be happy on their own. Can I do that? Can I live when Yeo Haejung isn't around? Can I stand on my own two feet in 2010, without relying on him?

No.

No, I can't.

Amid the dizziness, sadness creeps in. I feel like I might cry.

I can't do that. I just can't.

To live properly, a person needs several things to lean on—family, friends, a lover, work that brings fulfillment, hobbies that spark joy. You can't support a roof with just one pillar.

A life clinging to just one thing is no different from surviving on life support.

Yeo Haejung would willingly become my life support, I'm sure.

But if Yeo Haejung leaves, or if he turns his attention elsewhere to live his own life, I'll slowly suffocate. The voices of "them" will return. I'll feel the urge to cry, and one day, I might even weep like a child, begging for Yeo Haejung to come back.

Of course, he'll run to me again.

But I can't ask him to stay with me forever, to sacrifice his whole life to heal me, to save me. I can't make that demand. That's not love.

I like Yeo Haejung. I only want to give him good things. But being with me will drain him.

So, I can't give myself to him." — quote from chapter 22

[collapse]

The plot is very interesting: the whole mystery with what exactly happens in the future (in the beginning, MC is vague about it, but when the plot thickens - he starts to introduce details), plot twists and the touching romance moments. <<less
44 Likes · Like Permalink | Report
Da3r3
Da3r3
Dec 11, 2024
Status: Completed
This is one of my favourite stories. The MC wants to die, and he has only a few months before it can happen. The background story is fascinating. Both perspectives come into play by the end of the story, which just adds to the richness of it all. The 'action' parts about the mission are a small part of what is essentially a coming of age romance (the MC has been put in a kind of developmental limbo from the procedures he underwent, so he's not as old as he... more>> literally is).

CW: su*cide <<less
9 Likes · Like Permalink | Report
lemonchizu
lemonchizu
Jan 16, 2025
Status: Completed
I might've cried a little.

Setting-wise, it's one of the most unique sci-fi BL plots I've read. However, the story is more of a teenage romance drama than it is action (not in a bad way).

The story is mostly told in the perspective of Geonho, our MC. Geonho has a quiet and tired kind of melancholy to him. He's lived for decades and yet still stuck at the age of 19. It's not just that his body is young but his emotions also seem to have been frozen in time. Cue,... more>> the sunny and bright ML-- Haejung-- the one who will thaw the ice. Their personalities are complete opposites but both give off the feeling of youth. Geonho has a youthful innocence--clumsy, naive & awkward. Haejung has a youthful spirit-- upbeat, persistent & straightforward.

The thing I love the most about this story is how the respective problems of Geonho and Haejung are presented in equal weight to the plot. Haejung's personal problems were never made to look trivial in comparison to Geonho's dilemmas involving the whole of humanity. Geonho himself puts just the same amount--if not more--importance to Haejung's present. Ultimately, it's Haejung's present that helped Geonho ground himself to life and hope for a future.

Beautifully-written story. 5 stars! <<less
7 Likes · Like Permalink | Report
revveli
revveli
Jun 03, 2025
Status: Completed
This novel deserves more love. There's quite a few bl stories that try to address trauma, depression and suicidal ideation but I think this is my favourite depiction of it yet. It takes such interesting perspectives on a heavy topic that I even hesitate to call these perspectives unique- cause reading this made me feel like I was seeing into the mind of many real people with such thoughts.
1 Likes · Like Permalink | Report
Leave a Review (Guidelines)
You must be logged in to rate and post a review. Register an account to get started.