Now for the later half of the novel. What the f*ck.

I cannot begin to express how f*cked up that was.

Throughout the novel, MC is described as "lovable" "sociable" "good looking" etc. To the point where nobody even recognizes his flaws - including himself, ml, and ml's circle of friends.

(Can I quickly comment - why does the cold and aloof trope ML have more friends than the "sunshine" trope mc? Interesting)

MC let's all this get to his head reaaal quick. When getting together, the main problem was "ML has a traumatizing past - he was in a mentally tiring relationship, verbally ab*sed by his past lover and his ex even went so far as to traumatize him for life by killing himself on top of him while he was asleep". Why is this a conflict? Who knows, novel logic. But the way ml's trauma is handled is outright outrageous. What MC has to say Abt this, when he hears the full story, is NOTHING. Literally MOMENTS ago he promised ML to stay by his side no matter what, and now what??

Honestly this really confused me until a few chapters later, when I found out the reason for this - MC was SALTY BECAUSE ML WOULD ALWAYS REMEMBER HIS EX. No shit??? ML is traumatized the f*ck out of his mind, can't even sleep at night from nightmares, and this is what comes to your mind?

Perhaps beibei described this best, "Our Lord Xiao can't stand to be second best to anyone", literally MC just doesn't want ML to remember his ex. What?? Meanwhile, throughout the entire novel, he maintains a wishy-washy relationship with his OWN ex. "I've already done the best I can to block him, why won't he leave me alone?" Is MC's attitude here. No, you haven't!!! MC went on night walks with this guy, had a drink with him, accepted fruit that he gifted his parents? Hello??

Back to MC's response to ml's trauma. Only after a few chapters do we understand his shallow ass reasons, but then MC goes and "accepts" ML anyways, acting like he has to settle for ml? Like he has to bring his own standards down so he can be with ml? What?

Only LATER is this going to be actually addressed. MC learns that ML can't sleep on the same bed as him and PRETENDS NOT TO KNOW ABT IT (You're both adults - just confront him about it, for f*ck's sake). ML feels horrible about it and tries his best to hide it, but in the end he's too truthful and ends up telling MC anyway. He feels like "he's wronged the MC and his pure intentions" by not sleeping with him.

ML says that he'll go to a therapist about it. MC asks him if he already has. ML confirms that he has tried it, but to no avail. MC just straight up tells him not to try again.

I'm sorry, what? Can u ask ML if HE wants to, rather than make the decision for him? Also, therapists are super helpful. You should tell ur bf to go get PROFESSIONAL HELP! But nooo, MC basically goes "it's okay, don't go to a therapist, I can fix you :D". What...?

And the fact that it even WORKS is astonishing to me. Yet another work that believes love solves all. Trauma doesn't go away just because u love someone, get it through your thick skulls, authors !

What a disappointment. It ends with MC getting a tattoo from ML and basically promising him forever, which, ok.

And then they have the audacity to continue past the ending, and develop a NEW CP. Oh yeah, side stories with the new side CP cuz your main ain't interesting enough.

To make matters worse, to make this work, they make one of the best side charas super OOC and uncool. But in the end, I liked the side pairing more, so what am I even complaining about?

Throw in a random side plot story of the cat dying, beibei getting not together with the rainbow boy that came out of literally nowhere, no context on rainbow boy's cool sister or insinuated abusive mother, what's with that? Way to leave us hanging.

All in all the extra chaps were the best thing in this novel and still were kinda meh.

alright. This author has been obsessed with emphasizing the maturity of this writing when in fact it lacks maturity in one of the most vital topics and themes in this novel: mental health. Sigh. I can’t tell you how much that disappointed and frustrated me to the point of irritation. Author, what happened? MC, what happened?

i feel like mc’s reaction to ml’s past was 1) pretty scummy and 2) super uncharacteristic of him. The person you’re about to date reveals his source of trauma and his dark past and your first reaction is to go silent and go ghost for days? I understand him not wanting to have said anything right after receiving such a big amount of information and very loaded information, even, but he could have at least communicated that he needed time to think. In addition to that, I just find it bizarre that everyone seems to treat this as if it’s the ml’s fault. Really? A victim of emotional ab*se and manipulation was at fault for the su*cide his ex threatened him with and used as a reason to act upon? Don’t even mention his friends being the one to say no one will date him because of that, the mere fact that this is treated like a crime ML himself committed made me want to get justice for him. MC has always been reasonable, amicable, and good-tempered. Where did all that go? Why did he react as if ML were a criminal? Why did he react before ML could even explain when the words came from a stranger and not from ml? I thought he wanted to hear everything about ML straight from ML himself first? I feel like the author’s own feelings on this kind of thing caused the mc’s break in character, which is cringe ngl. MC witnessed how that trauma affected ML and he really took his time in thinking like there was something to be pondered when this was his supposed soon-to-be significant other being vulnerable to him. If it weren’t for this, I would have given this novel a higher rating. Come on. We’re not in the 90’s or early 2000’s where this kind of thing was used for drama and excused because of that. It’s not creative and it’s not even a good reason for there to be drama over. If anything, it’s better used to make the feelings and bond between the MC and ML stronger rather than breaking them apart. After reading what happens after that, it gets worse. The MC thinks the ex was badass for leaving a mark like that on ml. What the actual f*ck? THAT’S TRAUMA, a scar, a mental burden he’ll have to live with for the rest of his life just because his ex was sick in the head. Seriously, what’s wrong with you, author? Would a mature person really consider su*cide and manipulation as badass? I want to curse whoever thinks so into the next life. So disappointed. I edited this review after reading more and we have MC making ML “forget” by helping ML sleep better. While that may be a solution, writing it in a way that implies the MC could save the ML because therapy failed sends out such a bad message. Trauma isn’t forgotten just like that so don’t celebrate as if you’ve rid ML of somethings he’s lived with for years already, MC. Am I even surprised the author pulled that kind of thing? I could only continue reading because I wanted to see how other things are handled. Alas, we really have the author writing ml’s trauma as just “still remembering his ex” holy fuuuck. Pissed me off.

also this is more of a personal rant but

and unrelated— idk if maybe it’s the translations or if the author really made the mistake (i’m assuming the latter) but I think “morals” had been used in the place of “principles” a few times. Our MC has strong morals and principles. What he keeps solidly and never breaks are his principles, which are in line with his morals. Not dating someone who has a “memorable” ex is a principle, and not morals specifically, although part of it. Considering this being a strong part of mc’s characterization, I believe it as significant and important to mention.

The reaction that Xiao Ke had to Zhou Zui revealing his past was just so strange for his character. Throughout the rest of the novel prior to this scene, he had been so understanding and supportive, and then suddenly he just leaves without a word, cutting off all contact and giving no words of comfort to Zhou Zui's pain, or even thanking him for being so vulnerable. I can understand not knowing what to say and needing time to process, but to ghost someone after they reveal something horrific that they have experienced is just unacceptable. He literally didn't say a single word to explain why he needed space. That is not how you treat someone you supposedly love. The selfishness truly astounds me. After that point, I just could not feel the same way about their relationship, and I was both disappointed in Xiao Ke and sad for Zhou Zui, who deserved so much better.

I was expecting a novel just as good as some of the other novels I've read with mature romances, but this just didn't hit the spot for me. I feel like the author spent too much time emphasizing how mature Xiao Ke was being 30 and all, but didn't actually give him the emotional maturity to deal with hard emotional conversations, at least in a consistent way. At the point where Zhou Zui opened up about his traumatic past, they both were clearly ready to start a real relationship and both liked each other, so there really is no excuse. Even though Zhou Zui had been evasive before and took a while to open up, the fact that he even revealed his trauma says enough about his sincerity. I was just so frustrated with Xiao Ke for his reaction, because it made all his words and affection before so half hearted. What exactly does he need to process about this situation?? It just makes no sense that he would up and leave with no explanation.

I don't understand where the author was trying to go with this. Just such a weird decision on their part. And then he comes back, with no apology for his behavior, just asking to make things official like nothing ever happened. Had he apologized maybe I'd be less pissed off, but alas, he probably thinks nothing's wrong with his behavior. Author why?? Having someone walk away like that would have literally given me trauma about ever opening up again in the future.

Also why were Zhou Zui's friends pressuring him to reach out first? Xiao Ke literally ghosted him after he basically bared his soul. If I were Zhou Zui's friend, I would be on the "f*ck that guy" train so fast. And then his friends continuously saying that Xiao Ke was the more innocent one between the two when it comes to Zhou Zui's trauma? Excuse me but how is Zhou Zui not entirely innocent as well? If anything, he's the one who's been suffering! What suffering does Xiao Ke have to go through? And furthermore putting his "lover" through a whole month of no contact with no explanation no less? It would be over for me at that point.

Xiao Ke definitely deserved time to process, but he went about it the wrong way, and I just can't forgive the author for this decision. Shitty friends, shitty lover. Xiao Ke even says that before he wouldn't have accepted someone with such a traumatic past. Ridiculous. This isn't even going into how Xiao Ke basically pretended afterwards that the trauma didn't exist and avoided hard conversations such as Zhou Zui not feeling comfortable sleeping in the same bed. Are you really going to say you're mature? What the hell kind of maturity is this??

The more I think about the last half of the novel the more annoyed I get. Xiao Ke turned into this selfish, immature, controlling character almost out of nowhere, but looking back I guess he's always been self absorbed and image obsessed. I feel similarly about this story as the novel Very Happy- maybe it's just because mental health awareness in China is still lacking so the novels that go into deep trauma just piss me off with their handling of it. Also for someone who doesn't want their lover to be thinking about their ex, Xiao Ke does a lot of interacting and thinking about his ex in this novel. Hypocritical ass behavior in my opinion. Maybe it's because people are complex and can have loved others in the past and still choose to be with you? Just a thought Xiao Ke, maybe grow up in your thinking a little.

Later too when they discuss therapy and Zhou Zui admits it didn't work, Xiao Ke tells him not to go and that he will be Zhou Zui's therapy. Which I personally find repulsive, sorry. You're going to tell me that you, as someone who avoids conversations, judges your lover for his past trauma, ignores said trauma, and has literally ghosted him, are going to help heal him? Give me a break. The lack of self awareness. When things end up blowing up, I wasn't even surprised. But what did piss me off, was Xiao Ke getting angry at Zhou Zui and Zhou Zui blaming himself! What the hell? He's just not comfortable sleeping next to you and needs some space, what exactly is so horrendous about this situation? You know his trauma!! Stop ignoring it!! Obviously you can't handle being his therapist and that's okay! Stop pretending you can be then.

author definitely baited me into thinking they could be a reversible couple. Will say that I love how they communicated, and how they were both open to both positions though!

Lin An may thought that XiaoKe is too carefree after their breakup but it's not. I mean XiaoKe's the one who chased you and lead the relationship for many years and you just thought of marrying a woman to placate your family's wishes. Mf even said that he would divorce after 1yr... Bruh I salute XiaoKe's resolute "NO" to him and broke off the relationship. 💯✌️

My favorite part was that ML printed his own name's meaning to MC's ankle. What a profound yet longing ending. 👏🏼👏🏼👏🏼

Xiao Ke is amazing in his own way. He just need to be himself, then people will start liking him for his own self. How beautiful. Like, I learned a lot by how he cope with problems. He is not perfect per se.. But he just have this charisma that mature people with experience have. His forbearance, observation, and judgment is top notch. But, he still can be angry, can be sad, can cry, etc. He is not perfect. But imperfection is a part of his poignance. If that even makes sense.

Zhou zui is a block of ice and cinnamon roll at the same time. He knows he has baggage, that's why even though he likes MC, he is not overly cold, nor is he overly warm. He just care. Oh, how do I even explain.. You will know if you read it..

It's HE. They got together. Yay