(letter from Lanzhou to Ce'an) Days have passed since we parted, I know you yearn for me.

So here's a little gift to comfort you with.

Touching it is akin to touching me.

It's hard to sleep by my lonesome self. When will you return?

A good night's sleep is only possible when you hold me in your arms.

Xiao Chiye's ferocity caused Shen Zechuan to lift his head and gasp for breath. Shen Zechuan pressed down on Xiao Chiye's chest and attempted to make him stop this aggressive invasion. But he was also looking down at Xiao Chiye with tears in his eyes, seducing Xiao Chiye with his gaze into continuing with the fierceness, into keeping up with the meanness.

'Do all you want.'

it's mentioned repeatedly that after zhongbo was invaded and laid waste to, it never recovered. There's a period of more than 5 years between when it was invaded and when SZC and XCY returned and yet other than one bandit army that seemingly terrorizes the counties but doesn't hold any control, the other areas are still under the control of the government. But that's a long ass period for the masses to be poor and starving and that's more than enough time for more unrest and for warlords to just take over, simply because they don't have any alternative and there doesn't seem to be any standing army to defend against this (like how cizhou was super helpless and didn't have any army).

like how XCY and SZC ran off with TWENTY THOUSAND men all the way from the capital to the border and the army they faced was basically another army from the capital itself. There's no other force in between to defend against in the case of emergency. That seems weirdly unrealistic. Especially since all 3 border armies supposedly have close ties and get mistreated alot in terms of receiving insufficient food and funds... wouldn't the central government need more forces to balance this out to keep authority. They're suspicious enough to keep XCY in the capital as protection against libei but don't think of raising other forces in other areas for emergency defense (like against bandits... or in case the biansha breaks through the border) or as a balancing tool against the 3 border armies?

first hai Liang yi took over. This actually made sense to me because he was already a senior official, he had the full support of the emperor, he had other senior officials that supported him and he kept to a more stable and less aggressive path to not upset the 8 clans. But then after that it was Han cheng a mere head of the imperial body guards and then I guess it was XXZ? Feels abit too easy for one family to just take control of the government. If it were the full 8 clans then fine, but it clearly wasn't since Han cheng was taken over by XXZ. Since there's in fighting, they clearly weren't one united force taking control.

like XCY's dream was that he wanted to go back to libei and he wanted to fight... but the way he behaved in the capital was pretty counter productive. Like... the emperor and sundry is keeping you in the capital because they're wary of the xiao family and libei's military forces, but his way of trying to go back is to... show how capable he is at plotting and fighting? Like he is able to without any support and without anyone being aware, train up the imperial army and he's completely in control of them? And based on this, he wants them to release him back to libei? Sounds about right for a really intelligent guy who clearly knows why he's being kept in the capital in the first place.

with SZC, did he want revenge? Did he have some higher calling? Don't really know what he wanted to achieve. Like it was stated he was trying to investigate the zhongbo invasion and like secretly manipulate the 8 clans to be in friction but I don't really see his purpose in the second one. What was he trying to achieve? Did he want to support hai liang yi and the emperor? Help the people? Revenge? No idea what his ultimate purpose was. The 8 clans were clearly problematic, but if he wanted to... protect the masses or take revenge or help the 'good officials', this really wasn't reflected when he was in the capital. He only took revenge on ji lei and he seemed to be trying to weaken the 8 clans for the sake of it.

Suspicious of each other -> suspicious of each other but crazy s*x and they both share the same feeling of being trapped -> still plotting against each other -> cautious allies who have crazy s*x -> love eternal.

MC: "CeAn, I can't go with you to Libei. One day we will ride together under the skies of Libei, but it will be when I'm strong enough. 2 million silvers isn't enough to marry the young wolf; it's not worthy of my Xiao CeAn. With me in ZhongBo, I will one day be your invincible shield."

ML: "I'll trust you with my back. You'll trust me with your front. We won't be one without the other. I'll select the best horse in Libei for you, we will set up at the border and see each other every month. If you want to marry me, 2 million won't be enough. I want LanZhou's priceless smile."

ML: "Who is Shen ZeChuan? He is Qi HuiLian's student. He is Ji Gang's disciple. He is an official of JinYiWei. And he is the future head of my household. No other name has anything to do with him."

"By wearing the earring that CeAn gave him, Shen ZeChuan was also announcing his possessiveness. Amidst his pain and hatred there was warmth. This was his tenderness, and he only gave it to Xiao CeAn."

The first ten chapters are a chore to get through, because you just have no idea what's going on. So many characters are thrown at you, and so many events alluded to but not explained. But after you get through that, it's just page after page of suspense (imo, at least).

Psychological warfare and cycles of betrayal make up the first third of the story, and reading it is a complete high. Intense, chemistry-filled scenes between the two leads are balanced by anxiety-inducing twists as various characters topple each other for political power and a reach to the throne. A++, really.

Arc 2 starts with Shen Zechuan & Xiao Chiye's escape from Qudu, and that's where the story begins to fall apart a bit. Some bits and pieces are rushed through, and you get tangled from the complicated and dense monologues told through a few characters to provide key context. But the logic is more or less there, and it's no small feat for the author to create an entire economic system for her story, on top of all sorts of battle scenes and war strategies. So yeah, I didn't mind re-reading the same paragraph twice or three times to understand what the heck is going on.

Is SZC reclaiming all of Zhongbo within a year realistic? No. But did the story create enough tension and wager in high stakes? Hell yes. Never once did I think "Wow, that is some plot armor". (Okay, to be fair, maybe some padding here and there).

Chapter 200 (ish) and onwards can be counted as the final stretch, and from here the story becomes even looser. I'm currently on chapter 232, and I've no idea how it's going to wrap up in 50 more chapters. If the author could've explored a few certain key events fully, then the story would've stretched to at least 300 chapters. But it is what it is, and it's already pretty damn good.

I actually really enjoy the storylines that are outside of the protagonists, and that's the first time a danmei's made me feel that way.

The hill I die on is that this novel's greatest strength is in its characters.

The author is dedicated to giving dimension to even cannon fodder. Over fifty characters, and all of them had a chapter's worth of backstory. Each antagonist has a valid cause, and each protagonist has a questionable moment.

The useless Emperor Li Jianheng is an annoying yes-man because he suffers from crippling loneliness through a life of ostracization. Xi Hongxuan is detestable, yet his final moments also reveal how his beloved money is a double-edged sword that kept him away from genuine relationships. Even Amu'er and Hasen only want the best for their tribes, driven by lack of natural resources to invade Dazhou.

On the flip side, XCY only sees his own pain and turns a blind eye to others (whether that's projecting on SZC in the beginning, or killing enemy soldiers one after another and going 'Oh no! How dare you want revenge for that!'). SZC's ambition for the throne is a selfish one, and one that involves innocent people dying and eradicating other factions of equally justified people.

Like sure, they're still decent people, they want to clean the system and build anti-corruption measures. But they're definitely not saints (which makes me love them more).

Interestingly enough, the characters with strong morals stand against the protagonists. Xue Xizhuo is SZC's archenemy, yet he's defined by his loyalty to virtuous principles. Yeah, XXZ killed SZC's teacher. But don't forget, SZC got at least three innocent people killed to stabilize his career. Qi Zhuyin too, is essentially flawless, but the protagonists work to suppress her because her power challenges their own.

Which brings me to my next point:

If Qi Zhuyin has thousands of fans, then I am one of them.

If Qi Zhuyin has just one fan, then I am that one.

If Qi Zhuyin has no fans, that means I am dead

I ship Qi Zhuyin and Hua Xiangyi so hard, it hurts. I just know the author's feminist. She's got a whole author's note defending her use of strong female characters. Female empowerment, actually, is a central theme in this story. The Empress Dowager, Qi Zhuyin, and Li Jianting appreciates femininity with a sense of resentment as they struggle in a patriarchal world that constantly asks them the question, "Why aren't you born a man?"

I can count on one hands the amount of danmei I've read that didn't use female characters as a plot device or a foil to glorify male leads, and this novel is one of them.

I wish I could wipe my memories and re-read the beginning stages of XYC & SZC's relationship again. It just has so much hatred mixed with attraction. Each line of their banter is coated with chemistry, and their subsequent sweet relationship wringed my heart.

When SZC said, "Ce'an, ce'an- All of Libei's hopes lies in these two words", I died. I ascended to the next realm.

Maybe a hot take, but SZC's character got drowned out by the end of the story. As a reader, I was much more captivated by Yao Wenyu & Qiao Tianya, Qi Zhuyin & Hua Xiangyi, as well as Li Jianting, whose character development went crazy in the last few dozen chapters. In fact, I even wished that she remained the emperor, because to me, she was the most tragic figure in this story (Qiao Tianya comes a close second place though). Her demise was heartbreaking, and it was beautiful.

That's not to say I'm not happy for SZC & XCY, but the profound complexities of the characters around them and their unfortunate fates left me feeling so bittersweet. That's the beauty of this author's storytelling, I guess. The major antagonists weren't villains, they were simply humans struggling to curve a path for themselves amidst unforgiving circumstances.

Shen Zechuan first, and then the Xiao clan.

f*cking on the throne.

- I was able to guess what they (I don't remember their name exactly LOL) were doing when they adopted that group of children, because I remember in a previous chapter there was a subtle hint that the emperor may have had another child. I really enjoy stuff like this, where the reader is given the same amount of information as the characters and thus are able to come to the same conclusions on their own and not have to be spoonfed answers.

This was mutual loathing.

Tainting the other party with the filthy stain that was their own. Letting hatred turn into a bond that could not be torn apart. It was too much of an agony to live like this, being the only ones who could hear their own howls in the night. So why not come together and tear each other bloody? Let this visceral intimacy metamorphose into a form of solace they could rely on.

This life was already rotten enough.

(Chapter 40)

Shen Wei and Bai Cha (MC's neglectful parents) did not matter.

Xiao Chiye lowered his head and pressed up against Shen Zechuan’s cheek as he stared, with deep hostility, at the sunlight which was attempting to cloak Shen Zechuan.

Shen Lanzhou was his—Xiao Ce’an’s.

(Chapter 112)

That kick that had never once turned a hair during all the years in Qudu had, along with the passage of time, cunningly turned into pangs of pain after Xiao Chiye fell into the clutches of love. The turbidness that was love and hatred went through a cleansing by the heavy downpour to become a crystal clear lake. Xiao Chiye drew in his claws, bowing his head in submission to the word “love”.

Shen Zechuan released his hand and held hands again with Xiao Chiye with interlocking fingers. He tilted his head to bump gently against Xiao Chiye’s unmoving head and said, “Have you fallen asleep?”

Xiao Chiye raised his head and said in a hoarse voice, “Oh, how I love you so.”

(Chapter 119)

“Lanzhou has lived in Zhongbo for a long time, and it’s inevitable that there will be someone bringing up old affairs. But, he, Shen Zechuan... ” Xiao Chiye raised the horsewhip and pointed in the direction of Qudu, “... is the student of Qi Huilian, the Grand Mentor of the Crown Prince in the Eastern Palace; the last disciple of Ji Gang of Duanzhou; the former Northern Judge-cum-Vice Commander of the Imperial Bodyguards; and the head of household of my – Xiao Ce’an’s – future residence. He has nothing to do with any other names.” - ML, about the MC

(Chapter 112)

although she was mu*dered in the end, she spent decades holding on to power - and she achieved the highest "accepted" title for a woman in China.

MC tortures someone by skinning them, and leaving him alive. Poor guy killed himself out of pain - this seems kind of vague in the English translation I read but this is elaborated in later chapters I read in Chinese