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Living together with an inarticulate old classmate for three years and suddenly discovering that he had been secretly loved by him for over ten years.

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Related Series
Gaze at the Scenes of Debauchery (1)
Waiting Until 35 Years Old (1)
My Wife Always Thought I Did Not Love Him (1)
Spring Trees and Sunset Clouds (1)
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  1. Chinese Danmei Seme POV
  2. Novels that I've finish reading
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Latest Release

Date Group Release
10/03/19 Chrysanthemum Garden c25
10/03/19 Chrysanthemum Garden c24
10/02/19 Chrysanthemum Garden c23
09/26/19 Chrysanthemum Garden c22
09/25/19 Chrysanthemum Garden c21
09/19/19 Chrysanthemum Garden c20
09/18/19 Chrysanthemum Garden c19
09/12/19 Chrysanthemum Garden c18
09/11/19 Chrysanthemum Garden c17
09/05/19 Chrysanthemum Garden c16
09/04/19 Chrysanthemum Garden c15
08/29/19 Chrysanthemum Garden c14
08/28/19 Chrysanthemum Garden c13
08/22/19 Chrysanthemum Garden c12
08/21/19 Chrysanthemum Garden c11
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19 Reviews sorted by

Rustle silver butterflies
New Rustle silver butterflies rated it
July 25, 2020
Status: Completed
Non-popular opinion, but it was boring.I just forced yourself read for the end.

Honestly exist really interesting slice of life novels (I don't hate this genre), but it's so dull writing and characters, relationship and even nsfw scenes really didn't hooked me at all. I tried, I waited, but I can't say nothing good.

ML too pitiful and lifeless. I have sociol phobia and all this, but I still was annoyed his belittling and neglect yourself.

MC in general didn't consider ML as love interest more than half of novel. And when he... more>> discovered ML's love he after couple days started date with him. Relationship with parents such strange and unnatural.

It's didn't touch me and indeed nothing special or fun. It's doesn't worth for me. <<less
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BeanieRoro rated it
August 20, 2019
Status: c10
Personally, I very much like this kind of story. It's super fluffy, but due to the gong/seme+shou/uke failing to communicate properly, there's also a lot of angst. It's a really fun read if you enjoy a shou/uke who makes you coo at his socially awkward cuteness and cry at his pitiful heartache. Also a gong/seme who bullies him into taking better care off himself. (... so mean but so necessary.) I'm enjoying it a lot. (#torturedprotagonist #theangstisreal #yespls)

Not really a spoiler, but it does heavily analyze one of the... more>> characters. Unless you're insistent upon going into a story blind, I hope this helps you understand the character before judging:


The shou/uke (CDL) is a very lonely person, as the title would imply. As the story progresses, we find that his lonliness is so terrible that he doesn't have much care for himself. What seems so far to be a very clear case of depression. His low self-esteem is quite heartbreaking at times. The gong/seme (YY) is someone he has liked for a long while, and seems to give him some measure of happiness and comfort. However, because YY is basically his only real source of happiness, CDL is arguably far too dependant on him. He will do anything to stay by YY's side, and kind of falls apart without him. Though it isn't wrong to criticize CDL for his dangerously obsessive infatuation with YY, it's important to understand that he doesn't really have anyone else. Most people have a network of people (good friends etc) and a reliable support (family), but CDL is very isolated. Even if you might say it's his fault for not reaching out, that doesn't change his loneliness, and it's very difficult for people with his level of depression and low self-esteem to reach out. This isn't an entirely unrealistic situation. The thing is, in the real world, people like this usually don't have happy endings. Depression doesn't magically go away, and relying on a single person for your happy is dangerous and often unfulfilling. I don't know whether or not the author intented to write a depressed character, but that's how it reads.


The gong/seme is also an interesting character, but pretty straightforward so I won't explain. <<less
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izayaYY rated it
October 16, 2019
Status: --
"Loneliness" is actually a happy and fluffy read. The first half is sad because it describes CDL's depression, isolation and his unrequited love of a decade for YY. But the second half is full of warmth, fluff and love. YY is not your typical OP ML but just a regular modern career-minded lawyer, with common looks and life but an uncommon approach to emotions and relationships. YY's peculiar emotional detachment and mindset that makes him distance himself from others and his natural workaholic tendency are possibly the reasons why he... more>> missed all the obvious signs of CDL's deep feelings for him, despite being roomates for 3yrs and despite his very own indulgence towards CDL that he does not realise.

I am flabbergasted that some readers consider CDL "pathetic"! Why so heartless and judgemental? CDL is clearly under severe mental stress, doing his best to cope with his repressed emotions and lifelong neglect from his parents. His parents are the pathetic and contemptible bastards, not CDL. CDL's low self-esteem, shyness, introverted character, low EQ and poor communication skills all made his circumstances worse. In my opinion, to be able to go through that much psychological duress for so long and still be able to hold a job and function in society, it actually shows how strong CDL is. I personally know many who breaks down at the least sign of adversity.

Another thing: obsessional love seem to be a common theme in chinese and japanese BL. Many (westerners mostly) inevitably complain this is an unhealthy, unbalanced and abnormal relationship. I don't think so. People with such lofty morals and excellent psychology diplomas should stop reading chinese BL. The human heart is free, free to love just one person or 10 or 100. For me, the person who loves just one is infinitely more interesting than the extrovert who needs an entourage in order to be happy and who is incapable of making decisions without consulting his/her 10-100 buddies. Yes, I am as introverted as CDL, with only one love and only one best friend 🙂 <<less
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Snoring Feline
Snoring Feline rated it
July 17, 2019
Status: Completed
Thank you so much for translating this! This novel is an absolute gem that isn't too long nor too short. Seme is sweet and the uke is absolutely precious.

When the Yuan Yuan promised our precious bean Chen Dong Lan that he will be very good to him even without knowing or having experienced what love is, made my heart melt and waterworks were starting to go at it.

All in all, 10/10 would recommend without a doubt!
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byunnie rated it
August 8, 2019
Status: --
Two stars for the translation.

The uke is the most pathetic character I've read in a while. These kind of " life has no meaning without you" characters just make me so mad especially when they're so bland and have no other personality other than being shy, doing EVERYTHING for their significant other, and revolving their entire life around them. There are characters that devote their entire beings to their SO while still maintaining their own sense of agency/character but the author didn't want that she wanted a robot maid for... more>> yuanyuan

There's this fool who's aim in life is to be the best maid in the world for his crush and the other fool who thinks that someone wanting to dedicate their life to serving his needs is a cutie not a depressed man who needs help

Yuan Yuan is slightly more interesting than Chen dong lan that piece of dried wood with nothing to do other than be the model example of the "As A Woman, I Live To Serve My Husband And That's it. I Will ALWAYS Put Him And His Needs First. I Will Cook And Clean For Him Everyday Without Any Complaints. Yes He Cheats On Me Everyday But At The End Of The Day He Comes Back To ME" meme (man version). <<less
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Shadowdrop rated it
December 22, 2019
Status: Completed
This story is not like the common sweet and fluffy story. There are many aspect of both leads personalities that are not talked about. Because of that, some readers might not see past clumsy, inarticulate, dull person, who constantly lies about being OK in fear that he will bother his crush, to see a deeply wounded and neglected child who is doing his best to grasp at the last straw that gives meaning to his life, in the only way he knows how to.

But to me, personally, this story is... more>> far more precious than those with strong, smart, witty and charming characters. Because people are not like that in reality. People are a mess - a precious mess of feelings, fears, hopes, scars, dreams, desires. This story reflects that very well, and it's definitely one of the best I've ever read. <<less
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LucianV rated it
December 13, 2019
Status: c11
So I started reading this and was ok at the start but as I went on I began to get really irked and annoyed with the story, so I stopped. My thoughts on it listed one by one below.

    1. Translation- AH-mazing. If I could rate the translators aloneI would give it a 10+
    1. Story- Stopped at ch.11 so I'll be fair and give it a 4. Not great but was a good start.
    1. Characters- Most ok but the protagonist is UTTER CRAP. The uke/bottom/Neko whatever you wanna call him is a freaking pathological liar. Oh. My. God, every chapter where he was involved in a conversation with the ML he had to lie about something to "not bother" the ML. Some lies were about the s*upidEST sh**!! As I was reading I couldn't help but think "Really bro?.... is it necessary to lie even about THIS?!" and in the end he would still get caught with the lie but he would CONTINUE lying.... WHY. If I personally had a friend who would lie like this guy does I would definitelly put distance between myself and them EVEN LESS consider them as a love interest. Because one cant help but think, if he lies about measely crap like this, if it's something serious, who would trust that?! And when one tries to help he's still stubborn and refuses. This is just a person that is overly "heartbreaking" and "pitiful" on purpose just to attract attention and pitty from the ML.
So yeah, that alone made me stop reading it. I personally dont like it and am annoyed with it. But to each their own, this is my personal feeling on it.
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Silver_Lotus_Under_The_Moon rated it
October 8, 2019
Status: Completed
This is a wonderful story.

This is the shortest and simplest sentence that can summarise what I think of this story.

If you're looking for a dramatic but hilarious romance story with three love interests and annoying family members that the MC later faceslaps, then this isn't the story for you.

This is a story that involves one love interest and one entirely devoted MC, although there will be a few chapters starring annoying family members ... more>>

that are unfortunately, not slapped in the face by the MC or the ML

. There will be quite a lot of angst in the beginning of the story however, later on, there will be plenty of 'fluff' in the story to balance out the angst.

As you read the story, you might lose track of time. Minutes, hours, days or weeks could go by, depending on how fast or slow you are at reading and I personally didn't notice the hours drift pass as I was scrolling down the page.

I contemplated rushing through the chapters just to see CDL and YY's relationship bloom, but then I would slow down and take my time, savouring the Translator's work and just taking the chapter in as a whole.

The dynamic between CDL and YY are smooth, there's an understanding between them that comes with years of pure companionship friendship and living together.

The beginning of Loneliness showcases the utter adoration and devotion CDL has for YY. The pure love that CDL has for YY has me incredibly envious, just imagining someone loving you with their all, heart and soul had me thinking, 'Wow, how lucky are they?'. It might be the dog food that was being fed to me, a single dog but I was jealous in a 'give-me-someone-like-XXX' way and in a strange sense, I enjoyed that feeling of jealousy.

Now others might find CDL, the shou and main character of Loneliness as pathetic. For someone to depend and worship this one person their whole life? Why would that someone do this? Can't they just move on from A or B and be independent like X?

I think differently.


CDL loved YY for ten years and I doubt just leaving that love behind wouldn't impact CDL. One cannot love and expect to forget that love in just a moment's time.


Love is something that others perceive differently. If one describes someone loving like the burning fire, compassionate and swallowing one whole until they're nothing but a crisped log, still able to burn if helped, then CDL's love is the exact opposite. CDL loves like the sea. Suffocating under the deep weight of loneliness, silent and calm on the surface but heavy and dark in the bottom of his soul.

CDL can't stop loving YY because, just like the sea, if one attempts to build a dam with sticks and logs then the dam would break under pressure.

CDL has low self-esteem and he's incredibly inept at expressing how he feels. The raw awkwardness, the social interactions and the pure misunderstandings CDL and YY have, it had just a touch of humour that allowed me to thoroughly savour the story, but there was something so much deeper than just humour, so much more intimate.

I would like to thank the Translator for translating this novel and the editors too, because you just aren't appreciated enough!

Cheers for the good work! <<less
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TheLadyWhoLikesBoyLove rated it
July 21, 2019
Status: Completed
This story is just so heartwarming and fluffy. Both characters has is dynamic, the story is simple and lovable.
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wistful rated it
January 19, 2020
Status: c20
The shou basically has no personality. If MC isn't around, he won't eat. If MC isn't around, he won't do anything but sit there and watch TV. If MC is moving on with his life, he just curls up into a pathetic ball and does nothing.

He has no friends, no hobbies, no real career, and this is all by choice. He doesn't go to events when invited, but would rather just sit and vegetate at home watching TV. He doesn't even enjoy cooking for himself, and only cooks for MC.... more>> If MC doesn't eat the food, he throws it away instead of eating it himself. Instead of having his own life, he just builds his entire life and identity around the MC. Gross. That's not romantic, that's pathological and unhealthy.

Given all that, the MC has no logical reason to be attracted to this vegetable roommate. However, for plot reason he just loves his cooking, finds him inexplicably cute, and realizes he actually loves him this whole time.

Yeah, don't we all wish we had an ultra-rich, career-oriented lawyer boyfriend who just inexplicably adores you despite having nothing to contribute aside from a stalker-like obsession (sorry, *persistence*) that lasts for years. <<less
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Staringatastar rated it
December 27, 2019
Status: Completed
This story is remarkably sweet, about how a couple learns to open themselves to someone else rather than live in loneliness. For a short novel, there is a lot of character development with the characters, friends, and of course the two main characters.
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Azi Aira
Azi Aira rated it
May 11, 2020
Status: Completed
This story was full of feels. I enjoyed how thorough the feelings of both ML and MC were worded. It was short, simple and sweet.

Thumbs up!
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emiliers rated it
December 25, 2019
Status: c25
I'm actually surprised myself by how much I liked this novel, though then again, I've always been a sucker for sweet, sweet pining that eventually gets consummated.

For me, what sets this novel apart from others of its ilk is how genuinely both characters love one another. Others have mentioned that Chen Dong Lan is the type to devote everything to his love (which is true, and a valid criticism), but what helps me to overlook this is that Yuan Yuan is the same exact way--it just takes him a bit... more>> longer to realize it.

Also, despite its seemingly trope-y setup (main character realizes his roommate/close friend has been in love with him for the past decade), it neatly skirts most of the usual annoying romance tropes.


For instance, Yuan Yuan actually takes some time to think about his feelings for Chen Dong Lan, and eventually realizes he reciprocates, all on his own. There's no jealousy involved on either side, no sudden out-of-nowhere accident to facilitate a realization. It's gradual (though not too gradual) and the eventual consummation is even sweeter because of it.

And while Chen Dong Lan might fit the trope of "stone-faced boy hopelessly in love with his best friend and unable to express his feelings", I really like how Yuan Yuan is the (relatively) popular kid who's (basically) never even held a girl's (or boy's) hand until he realizes he loves Chen Dong Lan. (Yes, they're both inexperienced in love in this!) So the later descriptions of Yuan Yuan being lovey-dovey with Chen Dong Lan are extra, extra sweet because Yuan Yuan will frequently be just blindsided by his wealth of feelings. Ugh, so good.


The novel is also pretty good at fleshing Chen Dong Lan's past out to explain why he's the way he is, without resorting to super extreme tragic pasts like some romances do. Though, again, the criticism of Chen Dong Lan basically making Yuan Yuan the center of his world is a valid one, and if you're not into those stories, you should probably skip this one.

Bonus points for having a female character that obviously likes the male lead but is never denigrated for it. (The side characters aren't given much screentime, but they all are written fairly decently, in case you're wondering.)

TLDR; sweet romance novel. If you're into the kind of pining, "you're my one true love" type stories, then you'll probably enjoy this. Little to no consent issues. <<less
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SockPuppet rated it
October 6, 2019
Status: Completed
A short, sweet few-hour-read with not much substance. Everything was just sort of OK, but it didn't really touch my heart. The main couple was pretty bland and kinda meh.

The ending was


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Aria Hime
Aria Hime rated it
March 4, 2020
Status: c25
This review is short and succint like the novel in question.

If what you're looking for is a sweet, happy ending, sappy, and a short read; then this is the perfect novel for you.

There are times when we are just in the mood for pain and/or varied low moods, this novel is perfect for when we are in those times where we want to feel sappy but dare not read a tragedy novel.
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kcNeko rated it
July 5, 2020
Status: Completed
Cute, sad and the length of the story is just right! This is actually a hidden gem, I didn't expect this story to be so good!


Love the CDL's perseverance and how YY realizes his feeling for CDL. Many people may think that CDL is a weak/dead character because he mainly relies on YY, but clearly there's he has psychological problem because of his family.



Prepare some tissues for the nsfw scenes. @20+ chapters


I totally recommend this if you like angst turned fluff.
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mariri 199x_
mariri 199x_ rated it
July 5, 2020
Status: Completed
This is so good. There's no real big drama or villains, just two men working out their relationship.

The MC is meek and insecure, but steadfast in his love. The ML is described as someone who gets along well with other people, but at the same time very closed off and private. He's career-oriented and has never had a gf before. Still, from the getgo, you'll get the feeling that the MC is his exception, even before he understood his feelings.

One of the things that I enjoyed most Bout the story... more>> was that there were very real interactions with their friends and families, but at the same time, everything is still anchored to the two of them. And really, the way their families were described and their interactions with them didn't feel flat. The moms and dads could easily be anyone's moms and dads in real life.

The title, Loneliness, will make sense after finishing the story.

The pacing of this story was great. It never felt dragging or too fast. I think this could get turned in a movie! It's a realistic romance drama about two grown ups navigating their first love. <<less
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hiro14 rated it
June 14, 2020
Status: Completed
It's a pretty cute short novel. Kind of sad in the beginning with how MC's persevered with his one sided love.

I can really feel that anxiety and bitter sweet love of longing someone you can't touch at first. It is pretty weird though that the ML never had any experience before, so they have all their firsts together. This novel really has the real nsfw scenes in chapter 20+, lol.

I wished the novel has a different title though because it wasn't "Loneliness" till the end, it's more like feeling happiness... more>> after persevering loneliness, or like the taste of rain after a long period of drought, lmao.

I highly recommend to read it. More likely if you want a romance novel that went smoothly with no other people involved, lol <<less
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pinkumilkuu rated it
April 13, 2020
Status: Completed
I have a preference for this kind of story. Probably because I read a lot of historical/fantasy/wuxia hence when I read a vanilla one I tend to like it lol.


  • Nothing complicated, just plain old love story with a reluctant shou+ unassuming gong.
  • Story pacing vs total chapters, I don't really feel rushed. It's just the right amount of story details.

  • For something that is tagged as "Seme Protagonist", I thought we'd be hearing more from the gong. The POV def changed and switched to Shou for the most part. I put it on Bad/Meh since the story went against expectations. Also, I feel that we could've traded some Shou parts since it's repetitive, would've loved to know more about the Gong's realization of his love.
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