Loneliness

Description

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Living together with an inarticulate old classmate for three years and suddenly discovering that he had been secretly loved by him for over ten years.

Associated Names
One entry per line
《茕茕》
Related Series
N/A
Recommendations
Heart of Glass (4)
Gaze at the Scenes of Debauchery (1)
Waiting Until 35 Years Old (1)
My Wife Always Thought I Did Not Love Him (1)
Spring Trees and Sunset Clouds (1)
After Our Divorce, I Still Wore Your Jacket (1)
Recommendation Lists
  1. Must read BL
  2. Finished and loved
  3. shou falls in love first
  4. BL: Top Picks- Short Stories
  5. Completed

Latest Release

Date Group Release
10/03/19 Chrysanthemum Garden c25
10/03/19 Chrysanthemum Garden c24
10/02/19 Chrysanthemum Garden c23
09/26/19 Chrysanthemum Garden c22
09/25/19 Chrysanthemum Garden c21
09/19/19 Chrysanthemum Garden c20
09/18/19 Chrysanthemum Garden c19
09/12/19 Chrysanthemum Garden c18
09/11/19 Chrysanthemum Garden c17
09/05/19 Chrysanthemum Garden c16
09/04/19 Chrysanthemum Garden c15
08/29/19 Chrysanthemum Garden c14
08/28/19 Chrysanthemum Garden c13
08/22/19 Chrysanthemum Garden c12
08/21/19 Chrysanthemum Garden c11
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Review
37 Reviews


izayaYY
izayaYY
Oct 16, 2019
Status: --
"Loneliness" is actually a happy and fluffy read. The first half is sad because it describes CDL's depression, isolation and his unrequited love of a decade for YY. But the second half is full of warmth, fluff and love. YY is not your typical OP ML but just a regular modern career-minded lawyer, with common looks and life but an uncommon approach to emotions and relationships. YY's peculiar emotional detachment and mindset that makes him distance himself from others and his natural workaholic tendency are possibly the reasons why he... more>> missed all the obvious signs of CDL's deep feelings for him, despite being roomates for 3yrs and despite his very own indulgence towards CDL that he does not realise.

I am flabbergasted that some readers consider CDL "pathetic"! Why so heartless and judgemental? CDL is clearly under severe mental stress, doing his best to cope with his repressed emotions and lifelong neglect from his parents. His parents are the pathetic and contemptible bastards, not CDL. CDL's low self-esteem, shyness, introverted character, low EQ and poor communication skills all made his circumstances worse. In my opinion, to be able to go through that much psychological duress for so long and still be able to hold a job and function in society, it actually shows how strong CDL is. I personally know many who breaks down at the least sign of adversity.

Another thing: obsessional love seem to be a common theme in chinese and japanese BL. Many (westerners mostly) inevitably complain this is an unhealthy, unbalanced and abnormal relationship. I don't think so. People with such lofty morals and excellent psychology diplomas should stop reading chinese BL. The human heart is free, free to love just one person or 10 or 100. For me, the person who loves just one is infinitely more interesting than the extrovert who needs an entourage in order to be happy and who is incapable of making decisions without consulting his/her 10-100 buddies. Yes, I am as introverted as CDL, with only one love and only one best friend ? <<less
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BeanieRoro
BeanieRoro
Aug 20, 2019
Status: c10
Personally, I very much like this kind of story. It's super fluffy, but due to the gong/seme+shou/uke failing to communicate properly, there's also a lot of angst. It's a really fun read if you enjoy a shou/uke who makes you coo at his socially awkward cuteness and cry at his pitiful heartache. Also a gong/seme who bullies him into taking better care off himself. (... so mean but so necessary.) I'm enjoying it a lot. (#torturedprotagonist #theangstisreal #yespls)

Not really a spoiler, but it does heavily analyze one of the... more>> characters. Unless you're insistent upon going into a story blind, I hope this helps you understand the character before judging:

Spoiler

The shou/uke (CDL) is a very lonely person, as the title would imply. As the story progresses, we find that his lonliness is so terrible that he doesn't have much care for himself. What seems so far to be a very clear case of depression. His low self-esteem is quite heartbreaking at times. The gong/seme (YY) is someone he has liked for a long while, and seems to give him some measure of happiness and comfort. However, because YY is basically his only real source of happiness, CDL is arguably far too dependant on him. He will do anything to stay by YY's side, and kind of falls apart without him. Though it isn't wrong to criticize CDL for his dangerously obsessive infatuation with YY, it's important to understand that he doesn't really have anyone else. Most people have a network of people (good friends etc) and a reliable support (family), but CDL is very isolated. Even if you might say it's his fault for not reaching out, that doesn't change his loneliness, and it's very difficult for people with his level of depression and low self-esteem to reach out. This isn't an entirely unrealistic situation. The thing is, in the real world, people like this usually don't have happy endings. Depression doesn't magically go away, and relying on a single person for your happy is dangerous and often unfulfilling. I don't know whether or not the author intented to write a depressed character, but that's how it reads.

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The gong/seme is also an interesting character, but pretty straightforward so I won't explain. <<less
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Snoring Feline
Snoring Feli
Jul 17, 2019
Status: Completed
Thank you so much for translating this! This novel is an absolute gem that isn't too long nor too short. Seme is sweet and the uke is absolutely precious.
Spoiler

When the Yuan Yuan promised our precious bean Chen Dong Lan that he will be very good to him even without knowing or having experienced what love is, made my heart melt and waterworks were starting to go at it.

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All in all, 10/10 would recommend without a doubt!
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byunnie
byunnie
Aug 08, 2019
Status: --
Two stars for the translation.

The uke is the most pathetic character I've read in a while. These kind of " life has no meaning without you" characters just make me so mad especially when they're so bland and have no other personality other than being shy, doing EVERYTHING for their significant other, and revolving their entire life around them. There are characters that devote their entire beings to their SO while still maintaining their own sense of agency/character but the author didn't want that she wanted a robot maid for... more>> yuanyuan

There's this fool who's aim in life is to be the best maid in the world for his crush and the other fool who thinks that someone wanting to dedicate their life to serving his needs is a cutie not a depressed man who needs help

Yuan Yuan is slightly more interesting than Chen dong lan that piece of dried wood with nothing to do other than be the model example of the "As A Woman, I Live To Serve My Husband And That's it. I Will ALWAYS Put Him And His Needs First. I Will Cook And Clean For Him Everyday Without Any Complaints. Yes He Cheats On Me Everyday But At The End Of The Day He Comes Back To ME" meme (man version). <<less
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Shadowdrop
Shadowdrop
Dec 22, 2019
Status: Completed
This story is not like the common sweet and fluffy story. There are many aspect of both leads personalities that are not talked about. Because of that, some readers might not see past clumsy, inarticulate, dull person, who constantly lies about being OK in fear that he will bother his crush, to see a deeply wounded and neglected child who is doing his best to grasp at the last straw that gives meaning to his life, in the only way he knows how to.

But to me, personally, this story is... more>> far more precious than those with strong, smart, witty and charming characters. Because people are not like that in reality. People are a mess - a precious mess of feelings, fears, hopes, scars, dreams, desires. This story reflects that very well, and it's definitely one of the best I've ever read. <<less
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btsdynamiteAUG21
btsdynamiteA
Sep 06, 2020
Status: Completed
What an amazing heartfelt novel!

CDL is so cute but simetimes, lacks common sense. But it's okay, he's cuter that way.

The progression between the main coouple seemed to be too rushed (?).
Spoiler

It's just that CDL's love os ongoing for 10 yrs and the apathetic YY suddenly knew about it and then suddenyl got together (?)... nvm

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LucianV
LucianV
Dec 13, 2019
Status: c11
So I started reading this and was ok at the start but as I went on I began to get really irked and annoyed with the story, so I stopped. My thoughts on it listed one by one below.

    1. Translation- AH-mazing. If I could rate the translators aloneI would give it a 10+
    1. Story- Stopped at ch.11 so I'll be fair and give it a 4. Not great but was a good start.
    1. Characters- Most ok but the protagonist is UTTER CRAP. The uke/bottom/Neko whatever you wanna call him is a freaking pathological liar. Oh. My. God, every chapter where he was involved in a conversation with the ML he had to lie about something to "not bother" the ML. Some lies were about the s*upidEST sh**!! As I was reading I couldn't help but think "Really bro?.... is it necessary to lie even about THIS?!" and in the end he would still get caught with the lie but he would CONTINUE lying.... WHY. If I personally had a friend who would lie like this guy does I would definitelly put distance between myself and them EVEN LESS consider them as a love interest. Because one cant help but think, if he lies about measely crap like this, if it's something serious, who would trust that?! And when one tries to help he's still stubborn and refuses. This is just a person that is overly "heartbreaking" and "pitiful" on purpose just to attract attention and pitty from the ML.
So yeah, that alone made me stop reading it. I personally dont like it and am annoyed with it. But to each their own, this is my personal feeling on it.
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wistful
wistful
Jan 19, 2020
Status: c20
The shou basically has no personality. If MC isn't around, he won't eat. If MC isn't around, he won't do anything but sit there and watch TV. If MC is moving on with his life, he just curls up into a pathetic ball and does nothing.

He has no friends, no hobbies, no real career, and this is all by choice. He doesn't go to events when invited, but would rather just sit and vegetate at home watching TV. He doesn't even enjoy cooking for himself, and only cooks for MC.... more>> If MC doesn't eat the food, he throws it away instead of eating it himself. Instead of having his own life, he just builds his entire life and identity around the MC. Gross. That's not romantic, that's pathological and unhealthy.

Given all that, the MC has no logical reason to be attracted to this vegetable roommate. However, for plot reason he just loves his cooking, finds him inexplicably cute, and realizes he actually loves him this whole time.

Yeah, don't we all wish we had an ultra-rich, career-oriented lawyer boyfriend who just inexplicably adores you despite having nothing to contribute aside from a stalker-like obsession (sorry, *persistence*) that lasts for years. <<less
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Staringatastar
Staringatast
Dec 27, 2019
Status: Completed
This story is remarkably sweet, about how a couple learns to open themselves to someone else rather than live in loneliness. For a short novel, there is a lot of character development with the characters, friends, and of course the two main characters.
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Silver_Lotus_Under_The_Moon
Silver_Lotus
Oct 08, 2019
Status: Completed
This is a wonderful story.

This is the shortest and simplest sentence that can summarise what I think of this story.

If you're looking for a dramatic but hilarious romance story with three love interests and annoying family members that the MC later faceslaps, then this isn't the story for you.

This is a story that involves one love interest and one entirely devoted MC, although there will be a few chapters starring annoying family members ... more>>
Spoiler

that are unfortunately, not slapped in the face by the MC or the ML

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. There will be quite a lot of angst in the beginning of the story however, later on, there will be plenty of 'fluff' in the story to balance out the angst.

As you read the story, you might lose track of time. Minutes, hours, days or weeks could go by, depending on how fast or slow you are at reading and I personally didn't notice the hours drift pass as I was scrolling down the page.

I contemplated rushing through the chapters just to see CDL and YY's relationship bloom, but then I would slow down and take my time, savouring the Translator's work and just taking the chapter in as a whole.

The dynamic between CDL and YY are smooth, there's an understanding between them that comes with years of pure companionship friendship and living together.

The beginning of Loneliness showcases the utter adoration and devotion CDL has for YY. The pure love that CDL has for YY has me incredibly envious, just imagining someone loving you with their all, heart and soul had me thinking, 'Wow, how lucky are they?'. It might be the dog food that was being fed to me, a single dog but I was jealous in a 'give-me-someone-like-XXX' way and in a strange sense, I enjoyed that feeling of jealousy.

Now others might find CDL, the shou and main character of Loneliness as pathetic. For someone to depend and worship this one person their whole life? Why would that someone do this? Can't they just move on from A or B and be independent like X?

I think differently.

Spoiler

CDL loved YY for ten years and I doubt just leaving that love behind wouldn't impact CDL. One cannot love and expect to forget that love in just a moment's time.

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Love is something that others perceive differently. If one describes someone loving like the burning fire, compassionate and swallowing one whole until they're nothing but a crisped log, still able to burn if helped, then CDL's love is the exact opposite. CDL loves like the sea. Suffocating under the deep weight of loneliness, silent and calm on the surface but heavy and dark in the bottom of his soul.

CDL can't stop loving YY because, just like the sea, if one attempts to build a dam with sticks and logs then the dam would break under pressure.

CDL has low self-esteem and he's incredibly inept at expressing how he feels. The raw awkwardness, the social interactions and the pure misunderstandings CDL and YY have, it had just a touch of humour that allowed me to thoroughly savour the story, but there was something so much deeper than just humour, so much more intimate.

I would like to thank the Translator for translating this novel and the editors too, because you just aren't appreciated enough!

Cheers for the good work! <<less
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emiliers
emiliers
Dec 25, 2019
Status: c25
I'm actually surprised myself by how much I liked this novel, though then again, I've always been a sucker for sweet, sweet pining that eventually gets consummated.

For me, what sets this novel apart from others of its ilk is how genuinely both characters love one another. Others have mentioned that Chen Dong Lan is the type to devote everything to his love (which is true, and a valid criticism), but what helps me to overlook this is that Yuan Yuan is the same exact way--it just takes him a bit... more>> longer to realize it.

Also, despite its seemingly trope-y setup (main character realizes his roommate/close friend has been in love with him for the past decade), it neatly skirts most of the usual annoying romance tropes.

Spoiler

For instance, Yuan Yuan actually takes some time to think about his feelings for Chen Dong Lan, and eventually realizes he reciprocates, all on his own. There's no jealousy involved on either side, no sudden out-of-nowhere accident to facilitate a realization. It's gradual (though not too gradual) and the eventual consummation is even sweeter because of it.

And while Chen Dong Lan might fit the trope of "stone-faced boy hopelessly in love with his best friend and unable to express his feelings", I really like how Yuan Yuan is the (relatively) popular kid who's (basically) never even held a girl's (or boy's) hand until he realizes he loves Chen Dong Lan. (Yes, they're both inexperienced in love in this!) So the later descriptions of Yuan Yuan being lovey-dovey with Chen Dong Lan are extra, extra sweet because Yuan Yuan will frequently be just blindsided by his wealth of feelings. Ugh, so good.

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The novel is also pretty good at fleshing Chen Dong Lan's past out to explain why he's the way he is, without resorting to super extreme tragic pasts like some romances do. Though, again, the criticism of Chen Dong Lan basically making Yuan Yuan the center of his world is a valid one, and if you're not into those stories, you should probably skip this one.

Bonus points for having a female character that obviously likes the male lead but is never denigrated for it. (The side characters aren't given much screentime, but they all are written fairly decently, in case you're wondering.)

TLDR; sweet romance novel. If you're into the kind of pining, "you're my one true love" type stories, then you'll probably enjoy this. Little to no consent issues. <<less
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TheLadyWhoLikesBoyLove
TheLadyWhoLi
Jul 21, 2019
Status: Completed
This story is just so heartwarming and fluffy. Both characters has is dynamic, the story is simple and lovable.
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eijun
eijun
May 17, 2021
Status: Completed
Glad I didn’t read the reviews and just dove right in! Lol Some of the reviews are bad because some people are annoyed at the characters, but I think their personalities made sense and that overall this was a good and quick read.

The characters are flawed but these flaws make them very human. MC can be calculative and stingy with his kindness and affection. This is how he behaves with everyone and even to ML, to an extent. ML doesn’t know how to express his feelings well and fears the... more>> person he’s pining for would hate him if he did or said anything beyond their everyday lives. Not to mention, there’s no toxicity here at all. It’s a very pure love and the couple’s dynamic is quite cute.

The pacing is just right for a short story. They dance around each other at the beginning but when the confrontation begins, they don’t hesitate or waste each other’s time.

Spoiler

I don’t understand how people are incredibly annoyed at the MC and/or ML. Yes, the ML does beat around the bush a lot. But, I believe his lies were for a reason. He feared MC’s reaction and has always been a lonely person. Moreover, because of his family situation, he didn’t really grow to be good with words. It’s unsurprising that he turned out that way. And, MC is the last person he’d want to give up. It makes sense. Meanwhile, MC seems to care a lot about ML without really knowing why. After discovering how ML feels about him through a hint, he starts looking more into his own feelings. ML comes clean and MC immediately gives his response.

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MC and ML are well-matched and naturally together. The story is sweet and unhurried, just like them. This is something you’d enjoy if you like a quick but heartwarming read! <<less
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Azi Aira
Azi Aira
May 11, 2020
Status: Completed
This story was full of feels. I enjoyed how thorough the feelings of both ML and MC were worded. It was short, simple and sweet.

Thumbs up!
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SockPuppet
SockPuppet
Oct 06, 2019
Status: Completed
A short, sweet few-hour-read with not much substance. Everything was just sort of OK, but it didn't really touch my heart. The main couple was pretty bland and kinda meh.

The ending was
Spoiler

happy.

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Tazberry
Tazberry
Sep 22, 2021
Status: Completed
This really suits my tastes, I like both the characters and the romance plot a lot. Definitely something I’d love to read again.
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Stray
Stray
Aug 21, 2021
Status: c1
Considering it's a short story, I'll give it 10/10.

When I started reading the story, I actually thought that CDL is a shy gong/seme. There's a "seme protagonist" tag, and since the focus was more on CDL (who is, I'd say, MC) instead of YY (ML), I just assumed it'll be shy seme x outgoing uke type of relationship. I have a soft spot for timid gongs, so I was hoping for that kind of story. But even though CDL turned out to be shou/uke, I wasn't disappointed. I really loved... more>> the story. A bonus for me was that CDL is described as tall and slim, and not (typical) tiny and short bottom.

There's as much development as can happen in 23 chapters (2 chapters are extras).

Some people complained about CDL in their reviews, saying he has no personality, so here's the warning: CDL (the shou) is dealing with depression and loneliness. He is also insecure and, as stated in description, inarticulate (personally, I think this only made him more cute). Due to his depression, there's a lack of interest in doing anything and the only times where he actually feels like doing something is when YY (his gong/seme) is there. Because of this, I think that their relationship didn't end up being very healthy, as CDL is too dependent on YY, and basically has no will for living without him there. Realistically speaking, a person with depression should probably seek professional help instead on being so heavily dependent on their partner.

Even so, as I got to know CDL's past and loneliness he's been dealing with since he was a kid, I was just so happy that he finally found his happiness with YY. The author did a great job in making me care about characters.

This is a sweet, heartwarming story with a bit of angst, but with happy ending. Neither of the two main characters have ever been in relationship, and their "firsts" were really so touching and full of fluff. There's more focus on CDL, so it might seem like YY falling for CDL is a bit unnatural and rushed, but I feel like it's clear enough that CDL was the only person with whom YY was able to be his true self, while he always put on a different (forced) face with other people. He doesn't care much about others and always keeps them at arm's length, but he can't help but notice CDL and slowly fall for him. Considering that there wasn't much focus on YY, I think that the process of him falling in love with CDL was expressed well enough. A big plus for YY being mature and reliable ML.

It was definitely worth my time. <<less
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Rukz123
Rukz123
Apr 04, 2021
Status: Completed
If someone says it's purely light read and fluff, I really don't agree with them but I agree with them that it was so beautiful, heartwarming and at the same time it will give you tears.

I really liked the way how author has described their characters (YuanYuan and Dong Lan). No one is perfect and because they know that they are not perfect they hesitate.

However they won't hesitate or give up in the most important thing in their life, love. I wanted more but then I thought no this is... more>> just right way to end. (It's a veryyyy happy ending) Thank you. <<less
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Kurakurami
Kurakurami
Feb 25, 2021
Status: Completed
I registered just to rate and review this novel!! Seriously this is such a good read I swear it’s so sweetly angsty. The story ends smoothly and im all awwww MC and ML are both calm and sooo decisive!! Its so realistic and I never read one like this, this is soooo satisfying haih im sad it’s kinda short but alas that’s what makes it sweeter 💕
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FrmTUrabbithole
FrmTUrabbith
Jan 01, 2021
Status: Completed
Very hard for short stories to come out this good. The author painted a backdrop that literally made me feel the novel title irl. Luckily, the more painful it was it the beginning, the sweeter the end reward. We even get a bit of smut to round out an impactful story.

This is one cp I wish I could read more about their growing relationship. Still, an excellent read that left me satisfied.
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