... the ending was a happy ending. I wouldn't have minded a bad ending, but I liked how Xiao Heng got his happiness. He definitely deserved it! And, yes, for those wondering, it was a "person is actually in a coma instead of dead" ending, which is cliche but all right.

What I didn't like was how while the narrative keeps telling us that Xiao Heng changes throughout the course of the story, it didn't really feel like he did? Like, I still felt like he was wayyy too hard on himself at the end and wayyy too soft on Luo Yuchen, who, lest we forget, abused him for ten years!! I was able to take this self-deprecating, "I made a mistake" personality when he was hanging around Luo Yuchen as a spirit, because, yeah, su*cide is something you should regret! (And I'm glad the narrative is firm in the camp of "living is always worth it".)

But once Xiao Heng gets out of his coma, I felt he forgives Luo Yuchen wayyy too easily, and he constantly goes "oh, Luo Yuchen is also a victim because he suffered for the sixth months I was in a coma." But, uh, boy, you suffered for ten years!! I know, I know, I shouldn't be putting a price on suffering. But no matter how much I look at it, Luo Yuchen just gets off wayyy too easily, and the narrative even kind of supports that?

Then the author tried to gloss over all the abuse by saying that half-way through the time they spent together the ML realised he was starting to fall in love with the MC so he intensified his abuse because he was embarrassed to have fallen in love with someone he hated.

MC was unethical in getting ML to agree to date him in the first place. But that makes no sense to me because here is all the “crimes” that MC has committed:

1. He took a knife for ML, and got injured badly enough that he could no longer play football. As a result of this ML also stops playing (but I think this is by ML’s own choice), even though he really loves football. I truly do not understand how this is MC’s fault in any way.

2. ML begged MC to promote his love rival, and MC agreed on the condition that ML date him for ten years. This is obviously wrong, but it does not in any way excuse the fact that ML BEAT MC SO BADLY FOR TEN YEARS THAT MC HAD TO BE SENT TO THE HOSPITAL. I cannot emphasise this enough: MC WAS HORRIFICALLY ABUSED BY THE ML FOR TEN YEARS. THERE IS NO AMOUNT OF GROVELLING IN THIS WORLD THAT CAN MAKE UP FOR THAT!!!!!

What makes me want to rip my hair out in anger is that the other characters, the MC, even the freaking author with the extras, try to rationalise and make light of ML’s horrific behaviour. “He just couldn’t express his thoughts well, it’s not his fault!” Need I remind you that ML put MC in the hospital because of domestic abuse??? I cannot explain how badly you would have to abuse someone to send them to the hospital. ML’s actions are absolutely inexcusable and he does not deserve this happy ending.

I cant really accept how it ended that way. I know that there were 2 versions of this story but ultimately MC forgave ML in the end of both stories and eventually got together AGAIN. Lemme give you a piece of my mind from the 3 central characters.

MC- MC is a cinnamon roll. I want to cry for MC because he's both tragic and s*upid. Why tragic? Because of the scum Gong and the white moonlight. Why s*upid? Because he rationalizes ML's and some of White moonlight (WM) actions throughout the novel. MC admits that he has wrongs during their relationship but nevertheless he still loved ML so deeply to the point where MC doesnt even have an ounce of self love and self respect left in him. He loved ML so much ML became his whole world.

Throughout this novel I wish MC had a poured a little bit of love and respect towards himself. Because all he did was guilt trip himself that he wronged both ML and WM but he doesnt acknowledged and accept that both of them wronged him too, albeit he is aware of the wrongs ML did to him. I wish that he didnt forgive ML or at least broke up with ML for good and have closure. Because although ML repented it doesnt change the fact that he was the main person who drove MC into a point of no return.

ML- f*ck, this guy is f*cking unbelieveable. I cant even with him. This guy literally bullied, ignored and neglected MC throughout their relationship because what? Because he was unsure what he felt about MC back then. He didnt know if he was in love with MC. That's why he continued bullying, neglecting, ignoring and abusing MC throughout their relationship. Because he wanted to test how far MC's feelings would go for him. He didnt even bother to hide the blatant affection he held for WM when he was in a relationship with MC. Ok I get that he was 'forced' into this 10 year relationship. Btw the reason why they were together in the first place is because ML asked MC to help WM in the entertainment industry and MC asked that in exchange they would be together for 10 years and ML agreed to it. MC helped ML during ML's rise as a top singer by eliminating hidden dangers in ML's career. During their relationship MC treated him like he would an ancestor. And what did ML do? He spat on MCs love and efforts. MC gathered friends and WM for ML when it's his (ML) birthdays and what did ML do in return? He was busy during MCs birthdays leaving MC to celebrate it alone. MC suffered from his emotional and physical abuse, he doesnt deserve MC nor WM. I thought he would at least be a lil lighter on MC considering the fact that they were best friends even before they became lovers but nah he just became a piece of shit.

WM- he's a good person and also a victim in this fcked up love triangle. But he isnt without fault either. I get that he genuinely liked MC as a friend and ML as a man but if he should have respected MC. If he truly is MCs friend he shouldnt have got together with ML, knowing that he was aware of both of their feelings (ML isnt aware tho) for each other. I get that he's in love ok? But he should've respected MC by putting a line between him and ML. But what did he do? He didnt do that. He didnt stop ML from his advances. He moved into the house after MC moved out. He's a good person but also a hypocrite tbh. He deserves a guy who can treat him better but I think he should've also got his own karma