Incurable Pain


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Bai Xunyin was inadvertently traumatized by stress during the year she graduated from Middle School. She became a “little mute” who couldn’t speak. In her first year of high school, she spent her days listening to the cynicism and discriminatory bullying of people around her until her second year of high school. Bai Xunyin met Yu Luoyin. He was clear, elegant, with straight eyebrows and star like eyes. He was the most handsome boy in school, and was the dream boyfriend of all girls in school. But for Bai Xunyin, Yu Luoyin was the first to protect her, smile at her, discuss topics with her, and the person who had lunch with her. The onset of her crush was turbulent and confusing in her teenage years.

Bai Xunyin’s diary during the second year of high school was filled with the name ‘Yu Luoyin’. Bai Xunyin did not extravagantly ask for Yu Luoyin to like her, but she didn’t expect that in the third year of high school, she would inadvertently see his “true personality” in the corner of a corridor. Under Yu Luoyin’s gentle, elegant and handsome appearance was a scumbag. He faced his two tr*shy friends, smiled and said-“The little mute started to like me. Our bet ends here, I’m bored of staying with her.” Bai Xunyin could not speak, but her eyes knew how to cry. Since then, she never looked directly at Yu Luoyin again.

Afterwards Young Master Yu ridiculed her, mocked her, broke a table, apologized, and even hurt himself, he used various methods but it was still useless. He could only kneel in front of Bai Xunyin, his eyes red, and his voice hoarse, begging—”Yinyin, forgive me once. For the rest of my life, I will never dare to do this again.” *You are my unspeakable incurable pain. It hurts when I think of you, but it hurts even more when I can’t think of you.

Associated Names
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Related Series
Loving You Dearly (1)
I Was Admitted To The Villain School (1)
Isn’t Being A Wicked Woman Much Better? (1)
Legend of Concubine’s Daughter Minglan (1)
My Mister Ostrich (1)
Returning (1)
Recommendation Lists
  1. Physical Disability
  2. Abandonns
  3. The imperfect you
  5. I'll reread it sometime

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07/21/24 KnoxT c69
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07/15/24 KnoxT c63
07/14/24 KnoxT c62
07/13/24 KnoxT c61
06/30/24 KnoxT c50
06/29/24 KnoxT c49 part3
06/28/24 KnoxT c49 part2
06/27/24 KnoxT c49 part1
06/26/24 KnoxT c48
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18 Reviews

Jul 01, 2021
Status: Completed
I MTLed this novel.

This was a really well written novel. It's obvious from the synopsis that this novel is not a light read. However, the author has a way of balancing the angst so that it doesn't drag too long for readers. MC is a very rare character who is honest, upright and strong, yet balanced with fragility and high psychological walls.

About the MC

To answer the question of why I described MC as strong, I can speak from personal experience from having been bullied in school for longer than MC... more>> has experienced and dealt with more violence. People are very complex. Why I mention both strong and fragile is that humans are filled with contradictions. We can be many opposing things at once. MC is strong in sticking to honesty both with herself and others. I empathize and also share the same values. It's what held my sanity together in the darkest days to always be honest to myself. That is a strength. However just like MC we both shared the super high psychological walls. I've also suffered betrayal before. Walls may seem like a sign of strength but in fact they are there to hide the fragility inside. This is what I've worked many years to overcome in my life and I appreciate the author being very real in describing MC's growth. MC and ML are still flawed characters but they are moving forward with their pain and that is realistic.

I want to share this with everyone, just because someone is bullied and they don't act like some protagonist in a novel and face slap them back with the power of revenge, doesn't mean they are weak. Sometimes, like myself at one point in time, I don't even see the people around me as human beings worth talking to. I know that's messed up. It's not being bullied that makes someone weak. Just because someone is hurt by other people and doesn't react to it or not in the way that you think is fighting back doesn't necessarily mean they are cowards. In my case just like with MC I was afraid of betrayal and set high walls so no one could hurt me. But it was there to hide my fear of being hurt. Human beings are so much more complex than being divided between "strong" or "weak". We all live balancing many contradictions, many strengths and many weaknesses.

About the ML (Minor spoilers)

ML starts trying to get the MC to like him on a bet. That is pretty messed up. However as he gets to know MC, he starts feeling genuinely for her and wants to turn a lie into truth. This obviously does not end well. For the whole novel, the ML goes through a tremendous amount of personal growth. This isn't one of those ridiculous scum ML is forgiven easily by MC novels. The ML really goes through a lot of meaningful change and it's heartbreaking yet so touching to read his growth. To the comment before about ML changing for the MC as if it's something wrong, it's actually really hard to be motivated to make a change and seek help. Sometimes the basis of that change maybe because someone knows how destructive they are towards their family or their loved ones and they draw from that courage to take the first step. There's nothing pure about it's bullsh*t if you don't make a change for yourself alone. People need to have something to motivate themselves and can achieve tremendous growth with the idea in mind to continue working hard for those around them. This can be like people battling addiction and mental health. There is nothing wrong with ML seeking to change themselves and acknowledging the pain he has caused MC. For all we know in real life, someone going through this might never get together with MC again. However, that he did the best he could to try is still a testament to his growth.

The author could have been more realistic and included some therapist sessions but I'm assuming that would probably not fly well with the audience. Mental health is a very frowned upon topic in China and I speak of this being Chinese myself and knowing even family members around me who need help but would rather die than seek a therapist.

A word of caution, if you find yourself unable to accept an ML who has hurt the MC by deceiving her, I wouldn't recommend you to read this novel. However if you can accept the possibility of an ML who works hard to improve himself and change his ways, you may find this a good read. About the story (Minor spoilers)

MC at the start of the novel is mute due to experiencing a traumatic event. She is changed by her disability and in her silence endures the prejudice and challenges of not having a voice. As she encounters the ML, her world opens back up only to suffer again. She perseveres amidst it all to overcome her past fears and to move forward with her life. Everything is beautifully paced and makes so much sense. Read this if you like realistic characters and romance. The characters all are very mature and honestly have a much healthier mentality than a lot of romance novel characters I've read. While each have to deal with their own shortcomings, that growth is gradual and believable. MC is really wonderful to read. I highly recommend this for anyone who would like to explore a romance that delves into psychological themes well. <<less
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Jul 03, 2021
Status: Completed
Well the summary puts it lightly.

The Male Lead is a total entitled scumbag who simply wants to possess the MC and in the end quite easily succeeds.

This romance was absolute manipulative garbage from the start.

... more>> ML is scum and MC is mostly socially crippled for the entire novel. Even late into the story you only feel sick that MC is even close to Ml.

ML also magically becomes nice to MC after he acquires her, so there's that.

By the way, it took barely any time for ML to chase MC (as if taking a short trip for fun for himself was somehow suffering), with the author heavily trying to make it seem as if ML is suffering (the entitled guy is absolutely not. Story would have been 1000x better if MC had kicked this tr*sh ML out of her life), but it all falls extremely flat.

Hybridiris didn't appear to be reading the same novel? MC is weak the entire novel and ML only changed so that he could get the MC. His turning point is entirely BS contrived and he's just a stereotypical Pyscho maniac ML.

-10, 000 don't read unless you enjoy the suffering. <<less
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Mar 27, 2022
Status: --
This is such a twisted story. The manipulative ML is very "romanticized" in this novel. When he couldn't get the MC, he staged a plan to get the girl to trust him again, through sheer manipulation. He claims he wants to help the MC heal her past trauma, but manipulates her in every way he can. A manipulative, obsessive ML no less, don't be blindsided by the fact that the author seems to make it look like he "loves" the MC. No he doesn't. He is a spoiled, young master... more>> who is used to getting what he wants in life. Don't be convinced by a certain reviewer's attempt to justify his behavior just because he grew up with very busy parents who can't give him the attention he needs, I call that bullsh*t. It's like a person who can't get his love and instead of respecting the other party's decision, resorts to psychological manipulation because his feelings aren't reciprocated. It may seem cute and interesting to a person with an immature idea of love, but in real life, a guy like this is dangerous and often violent. Bravo to the author for succesfully downplaying the typical rich, young and manipulative (almost psycho) ML and making it look like he has the MC's best interest at heart. Anyone with a discerning eye can tell the ML's character is twisted. No amount of sweet storytelling can change that. <<less
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Jun 09, 2022
Status: --
okay, I love me some groveling male lead but this one... is just not.

what suffering? this is suffering? huh? maybe for his entitled tushy he is

regardless of the female lead's home life and school life... you have to have such low eq to not realize that dating someone for a bet is never okay. it's not cute. he has such low eq to not realize that of course she's not going to forgive you with your defensive ass rhetoric. you've seen her get bullied. you know she's mute. are you... more>> braindead?

even if she wasn't bullied or wasn't mute and had never experienced trauma, it's a f*cking cruel joke! he's not sorry he did it.. he's sorry bc she didn't want him anymore. I can't.

gah! a shitty romcom from the 90's did this trope better!

also, the f*ck is wrong with the fl? kissing to end their relationship? huh? it may be meaningless to her but that's just sending mix signals.

very rare people act sensibly in this novel.

like, her friend had said that she had to shake off her walls to accept the ML in her heart but the dude barely did anything?? this is why her still being kinda into him had not sold me. dude really just did the bare minimum and she's like whoops there goes all my so called walls that I use to protect my heart.

yeah, nice try author. not convincing this reader right here. you might fool most of their reviewers but not me. the dude just has pretty priviledge.

what are y'all reading?

the ML only "changed" to get the girl. to me, that's not really true change. bc this kind of scum? after the ending credits roll out will revert back to his scummy ways. it would be more believable if he really decided to let her go and really truly understand that he needs to change not for her. but bc who he is now is tr*sh. <<less
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Jul 03, 2021
Status: Completed
Because the name and summary sound very dog blood drama (no good haha I want to know if it shitty or not) .I'm curious so I mtl it. It happen to be nice one, well writen. I read it till the end.

Story have 2 parts high school arc (around 50 chapters and very hurtful) and grow up arc.

ML is school grass. He look good but scum and 2 face lier. He is immature at frist half of story.

MC is rational and protect her heart well so she look cold... more>> but the true is not.

She is innocent but she not s*upid, she very strong one. Not an emotional type. (Author give her logic and common sense)

They hurt each other badly then author give them a time to grow up. They meet again when 24 years old.

I don't know if you can stand ml, at first 20 chapters (i think it the worst parts) he is scum and his act really ennoyed me and next 20 chapters he is like the mental ill and creepy (stalking etc) orz.

But FL is very likeable. All her act is very good that why I can continue read it. It hard to find this kind of FL in Nc novel.

I recommend it if you can stand ML when he's young. (Waste your time reading, pass 50 chapters) He really grow up to be a better man. <<less
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Sleepy blue
Sleepy blue
Aug 24, 2023
Status: Completed
Hi, I'm Sleepy Blue 🐤, the translator of this novel! I picked up this project because I personally liked the characters' development, the pacing, and how realistic the author's writing was. There's a lot of ups and downs between the two main leads, but throughout the whole process, you'll see them grow not just as a couple. You'll also see how Bai Xunyin, our lovable female lead, gradually grow out of her comfort zone and become more confident in herself.

I'm not that good in expressing myself, but please give this... more>> novel a chance. I'm sure you'll grow to love it! 🙇 <<less
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Apr 13, 2022
Status: Completed
It's actually a pretty good novel. I'm a very picky reader and drop anything in a heartbeat, I actually wanted to drop it for the first arc (aka budding manipulative romance) not only because of the scum bag ML but also the white lotus MC whose ego boosters almost made her reach the sky, so I skimmed most part. However, after MC learns of the bet, it becomes good. It's just so wow.

MC is smart and stands for herself. ML hurt MC, so MC hurt him back. Such petty revenge... more>> but I like it so much. She's very decisive in cutting ML off, and while some circumstances forced them to be together (dw, only a short part), I like how her mentality was 'he doesn't exist'. One more thing I like about her is she knows ML is scheming abt her and she took complete advantage of that. So to say ML is one up above MC is wrong, in their relationship, it's MC who's above ML.

ML is a scumbag, he's very manipulative, it's true. My heart was burning for MC because he technically didn't know what he did wrong when he first apologized. I don't know if the author did a good job of whitewashing him or it was my mind, but he's completely whitewashed for me. In the end, I also like him very much.

ML and MC's character development is very wow. In the latter half of the novel, you can see how much they changed and even their back story was explained well. Both of them made up for their wrongs to the other.

It isn't actually that much tragedy, just some mid angst since the novel is kinda light-hearted as well.

I don't really agree much with user 7starkiller99's review, in the contrary, I feel they're reading a very much different story because MC is strong and ML's change was his character development (and not to get MC) because he didn't hold much hope MC would come back to him (it was the MC who took the initiative to come back to him). The chasing part was short because MC is as fickle as ML, her heart still holds him even though he did many wrong things, ML was the same. In short, both of them hurt each other very much (PS: not a contest of who hurt the other the most) but still longed for each other.

Even after they became together, there's some guilt on both parties because they know very well what they did wrong to the other but, as I said above, they made up for their own fault in their own way. It's a very cute novel, psycho main cp maybe but it was very enjoyable. (The extras were a bit too long though lol)

5/5! <<less
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Sep 21, 2021
Status: c33 part2
Haven’t reviewed in a while but I wanted to help this interesting story out of a low rating hole.

It’s half action/dialogue and half psychological with a lot of really good insights into why the MC and ML are the way they are at the start of the story and what they think and what drives them as the story moves.

Yes the ML starts as entitled arrogant b@stard but not actually evil. I think his character development is a key viewpoint in this story. He deserves a lot of growth by... more>> suffering 😈 The MC seems weak but is actually fiercely strong. She wants to live well, risks hurt, and deals with reality. Hopefully the MCs development out of her trauma is her part of this story.

I’m looking forward to more chapters to see how this works out (dear TN, frequent feedings please😁) <<less
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Jan 04, 2022
Status: --

The FL, besides having a few wishy-washy moments, is smart and thinks for herself. She stands up for herself well and doesn't give in to peer pressure.

The ML is scum in the first half of his life and mellows out later after recognizing his wrongs.

The novel is insightful and doesn't depend on trending topics like r*pe and "domineering cold CEO" to become popular. There is proper communication regarding relationships and we get good peeks at each character's mindsets. The writing is pretty consistent, unlike other novels with MCs whose personalities... more>> change every other sentence.

It's a sweet, cathartic read. I recommend! <<less
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Apr 15, 2022
Status: c100 part2
First love story starting in high school between an arrogant neglected rich boy and a traumatised smart beautiful girl. She developed mutism due to PTSD, he pursued her for a bet. Her back story and the pains she went through after finding out he lied was heartbreaking.

But the way he was able to redeem himself as well as mature from his thoughtless actions over the years was well written. The FL also developed herself well to step out of her brittle shell.

The good quality translation really helped in the enjoyment... more>> of the story. <<less
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Mar 10, 2022
Status: Completed
Should be 3.5 stars. Oops. This is a psychological coming of age story framed by an obsessive love on both sides of the pair. Both of our characters are taught by their families or life to be very rationale in choices. Which means when they have a highly emotional response or desire they rationalize it into something else. Their love story feels far more realistic than is usual because neither of them know how to be in a relationship with another person. The ML especially reminds me of teenagers who date for their own self esteem more than because they like the person. They don't know how to like a person yet. They are still learning.

This novel shows how a first love can help you grow and change into the kind of person who can be in a real relationship. The world building is good. The secondary characters are fairly thin with a few standouts in complexity like ML's mother or FL's friend. There are some obvious canon fodders. And if it weren't for the fact the author made the FL's appearance part and parcel of some of the challenges she faces, I'd want to gouge my owns eyes out for having to read so many descriptions of her beauty.

Many people will have a hard time finishing this because of the idea that this is a scum ML novel. I disagree. Scum ML's are usually psychopaths with delusions of ownership and a tendency to equate s*x with control. Thus the r*pe tropes so prevalent in romantic fiction. They also don't really change even if the story is suppose to be about that because they still treat everyone else in the world as nothing and hold the FL up as some kind of perfect being they are "ens*aved" to.

Spoilers incoming


Our ML does have a huge disconnect from other people with a lack of basic empathy. He's not a psychopath but it reads like he has borderline personality disorder. This stems from a severe lack of socialization to form healthy bonds with his parents and other people. He can and does through the course of this story see other people as separate worthwhile entities deserving of respect. He becomes a doctor literally because he wants to be a better person. At first it's for the FL but later on it's for himself.

Our FL is scarred by a very traumatizing experience but she is capable of seeing and connecting with people because she had a very healthy relationship with her parents and friends. However, she's not perfect. Aside from the beauty issue I mentioned above the weakest part of this story is the canon fodder and plot armor that surrounds our FL in adulthood. There are also quite a few tropey interrupt what would have been a final break up they couldn't come back from scenes.


I enjoyed this story. I may not read it as often due to the criticisms listed above, but I will reread it because it was an engaging story of coming of age through pain, separation, growth and luck. Also the way the title covers both Leads is brilliant.
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ani ianna
ani ianna
Nov 23, 2023
Status: Completed
Well it's hard to comment on story very widely because like how other people have reviewed they have totally contrast opinion against mine like calling ML utter sh*t scumbag bla bla and that's completely justified because he treated his initial of relationship with FL as a bet which is totally a tr*shy thing to do which he already got retribution for not once but twice.... FL too also had great character development throughout the novel she's not like forcing herself on the stable beliefs if once the relationship didn't workout... more>> then it won't work out in future too she is true to herself and opinions and straightforward she is not like easily accepting the apology of ML and the grievances she totally made the f*ck out of him for doing that to her which is just so awesome she tried had taken time for herself became career oriented but also true to her feeling towards ml......

Though sometimes I don't know why I didn't read any scene or situation or act in novel where we can say ML or FL is yandere or possessive and obsessive sort of stuff like the tags says.....

Maybe I have read too many yandere stories that's why I am not able to identify a light kind of yandere but atleast there should be at least a dialogue as a bare minimum to confirm the tags on yandere thing..... ML gets jealous which is just okay which is for every ML in the romantic novels.

The plot was 8/10 for but I did get bored after 6 years leap and their reunion because there was not a lot of drama

The angst is 5/10 very balanced but not my cup of tea

The romance is okaish the best scenes come when they start living together

Well overall it is nice <<less
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Apr 10, 2022
Status: Completed
Definitely well written novel telling story about the journey of 2 insecure people from their teens growing up, learning from their mistakes, and embrace the future together. They going through up and down together, united and separated, until they found the answer of their journey.

What makes me like this story : both MC and ML are smart and strong. Some reviews said the ML is scheming and manipulative, But I don’t think so, he learn how to grow up, choose his future, seeking forgiveness, yet still being true to himself.... more>> ML knows what he want, and he try to makes his dream comes true. MC is super cold. She didn’t let anyone easily comes into her life. But once she accept that person, she wholeheartedly love that person in and out. For example, her best friend. She treat her best friend really well. And despite her coldness, I like how bold is she in relationship once she open her heart, unlike other CN novel who like to portray their MC as shy and submissive party in (bed) relationship.

What makes me bite my nails when reading the story : the separation and the angst from their s*upid youth life. Not really s*upid, but just like we reminiscing our own s*upid mistakes in youth, theirs also makes us wanna scream “please just forget and forgive and be together ASAP please!”

Anyway, I don’t think this deserve low rating. But maybe because the character not a popular personality in CN romance novel, thus the reader who seek for fluffy love story become disappointed. Still, the good writing and excellent translation did not deserve rating lower than 4. <<less
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Apr 01, 2022
Status: c100.2
I would recommend this book. Keeping in mind that this is a novel and not a slice of real life, the main leads obsessiveness did not bother me. If this was real life it might be a different story. I enjoyed it most after the two met again after college. I liked that the female lead did not immediately except the male lead and still had reservations about his feelings. She seemed a little cold but I probably would’ve been so as well. All in all, it kept me reading... more>> on my breaks at work and setting up until two in the morning to finish it when I got home that night. I would recommend it. <<less
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Jan 22, 2024
Status: Completed
I kinda remeber reading this long ago but stopped halfway since It's boring lmao, maybe at that time im not in the mood to read but anw I pick it up again anddd It's ok. It's ok to kill some time— It's worth it to read in your meaningless time.

People might find ML annoying and tbh not deserving FL but well— Thats his character, flamboyant, naughty, have big ass ego and basically type of (most) boys in their teenage years.

I'll spoils his chara and a bit of his bg... more>>

he's rich, probly that filthy rich. His mother is some kind big figure in academic, so a lot of pressure were put into him. He has to be perfect— bc his mother want him to be. Yes, It's ur typicall cliche background ML, but anw as he's always praised and no one correct him if he do something bad (well since he's grew up to be the center of all, his relative and friends probly have to botlick him so he will always feel good)

ML honestly doesnt have any clue what he did (betting) is super dumb, and he didnt know he have to apologize to FL since well he's in love with her now so the bet aint the problm anymore💀

But he will learn, what he did was super s*upid and so immature but It's too late to realize it— FL alrdy left him


I really love FL, she's hard stone when it comes to ML asking for forgiveness, she know ML doesnt realize what he did was wrong and he only said it on words without knowing any meaning of it.


FL will left ML for 6 years and he will realize his past doing. He will learn a lot— and they will be backk togetherr 🥰


Honest rating 3.9/5

but I like everyone here (esp FL bff)

4.2/5 <<less
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Nov 14, 2022
Status: Completed
The plot is dealing with a heavy subject but the romance is quite sweet, especially in the 2nd part. I like redemption story and this one is alright. Both leads suffered trauma but I like how both handled it. The FL is brave and decisive.
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Jun 03, 2022
Status: Completed
I gave this high rating bc I really enjoyed this one especially after the time skip wherein I was fed with constant dog foods LMAO

Bai Xunyin (FL) and Yu Luoyin (ML) got flaws but still understandable. FL can be cold and unfeeling but she suffered PTSD that made her mute... meanwhile, ML came to be entitled jerk but later on got character development (still consistent on chasing FL, his jealousy and possessiveness).
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Dec 20, 2021
Status: --
It is very great novel. The FL and ML are real, their feelings, emotions is so real and usual. I recommend it for everyone💘
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