I've been looking for something like this, I'm so happy I found it! It's sad that there's not that many chapters out, but so far I really like this. If anyone could recommend me some other novels where the MC is depressed/suicidal like this pls do :)

Significantly mixed feelings.

On the one hand: great depiction of the lingering apathy of depression. I like that, once she does finally crawl out of it, she then turns to helping others who are similarly stuck living for others.

On the other: her "kind and loving" family are actually pretty garbage. The main source of their daughter's depression and futile rage is that she has nothing to do. She wants to be useful, she wants to achieve, she wants to do meaningful work and have purpose to her life.

They don't even get... more>> her a tutor.

Here is a girl with so much drive she spies on her brother's reading and tries to teach herself at night. Then they mock her and pat her head condescendingly that she's just not that good (compared with her older brother who was sent to academy, received heir lessons, and had many tutors)

Why is she being considered "evil" for putting in the work?? And they are very, VERY aware she wants to have purpose, her mom blatantly says so. Yet they do nothing. They don't send her to school, they don't give her a property to run, they don't train her in business, nothing. They want her to be happy as a demure, decorative girl, and basically watch her break her spirit bashing herself against the glass ceiling they didn't need to put in place until they get that.

Everyone only winds up happy once she became so apathetic that she contentedly lays in bed all day, or goes viewing flowers. They NEVER acknowledge that their inability to give her help that was helpful or willingness to just *not parent* and not give her what she they knew she needed, was the cause of her becoming suicidal.

• None of this was necessary. None of it. And it is infuriating her family is being labeled as "good" since they can buy her expensive stuff now that she's essentially a lobotomized pet and broken of her ambitions. I hate them a lot.

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Provisional 4 stars.

Not enough chapters to give it a proper review.... But so far, I'm loving it!

This is not fluffy.

Yet.

Fluff may happen with character development. Right now, it's pure angst though.

And the angst is just the right amount of heart rending sadness. But all the true tragedy seems to have happened in the beginning, so there's nowhere to go but up! :)

... more>>

Spoiler

the transmigrator FL is suicidal due to her previous life and doesn't feel connected to her new life (as she reasonably pointed out, it really isn't hers) so her suicidal thoughts continue on. This distresses the rest of the characters, who aren't quite sure what to do with their previously spoiled brat who suddenly seems like another person and disturbingly tries to throw themselves off high locations at seemingly random moments.

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The translation isn't great, but for English not being their first language, the translator is doing a bang-up job. :) I've read a ton worse and it's nothing an editor couldn't fix.

Worth a read if you like a bit of pathos in your isekai. <<less

There is many su*cide attempts. MC is calm and apathetic, she spent her entire previous life taking care of her sick sister cuz she was forced by her parents. That was her only purpose and never had time for herself, so when the sister dies her parents throw her away. She thinks there is no more purpose for her life. So she commits su*cide but is reincarnated in the body of other Lady and she just wants to rest and die. As you could guess from the title, she has... more>> no desire to live life. <<less

It’s nice to see MC I can relate to, not really to her life experience but feelings. I appreciate that her character is consistent and she doesn’t suddenly stop being suicidal because she gained a loving family, the pain and trauma you went through will never disappear. With time It gets better but It’s still a constant fight

At the beginning of the 1st chapter ud be kinda disapointed by the lifeless and quick description of the MC's previous life. But the more you read the more u get to see that this was intentional, and it works!

The MC is actually really depressed and has no desire to live however she wants, she finds everything bothersome. This novel deals with ... more>>

Spoiler

su*cide and suicidal thoughts, so if ur sensitive to these kind of topics just prepare

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But to me, the way these serious topics ddnt come off as serious or as urgent as it might should (?) Like the novel is mostly written in the MC's pov, and since the MC is super chill and nonchalant about it, I am too, even though I know that it shouldnt be... But I do feel that the MC's condition is wrong whenever other characters are in the novel, like on how sensitive and on edge they are on the MC's actions.

Despite the monotonous feel of the novel in the beggining, I think that by chapter 17, it became more life-like. There isnt much change, the MC is still nonchalant about everything, but she does show some interest in other things by this point. Plus, I think as the novel went on more jokes were being made. And I bet this would be the case as the MC progresses. So I really like this novel for this.

Although I like how the story progresses, I sometimes dont understand some parts. Idk if its the translation, or there are just some bits that would be understood much better or had more impact if lil more info was added. But, at least the translators explain them, and im greatful for that.

The novel isnt the greatest but it isnt mediocre either, so I thinks its a solid 4 for me^^ <<less

This story cuts deep. For someone who is brainwashed to be a tool / to live for someone else, and then suddenly having no purpose in life, being transmigrated is something that can either heal the MC or kill her instead.

This is not for the faint of heart. This is full of angst and should have trigger warnings if you have depression. Actually don't read this at all if you have depression.

But still a good story, the emotions and reactions of the people around MC is just my cup of... more>> tea if I feel like reading angsty stories. <<less

I started reading this and I love it~ she's depressive? Yes, she is. As a person who suffers depression I can say, she's quite amusing. She makes me forget she's looking a way to die. Her thoughts and way of speaking is entertaining to the point you just forget she'll be ending her life- well, she'll try at least.

I have to add this! Translator (the current one since as far as I understand the old translator dropped the novel) stated that her sibling in her previous life WASN'T a boy... more>> but a girl. It's not a spoiler since it's a minor thing, and not at all important but I just wanna say it~

Other than that, ML is quite interesting. I can't sense his struggles, he doesn't like her but at the same time he just doesn't want her to die. He likes the 'new' her but he's afraid she'll change to the 'old' her... SUPER INTERESTING.

Don't let yourself be fooled by those saying she's depressing and annoying- She's such an interesting MC!! <<less

I love the manhwa. Solid 9/10 for the manhwa. It was great read. So, I asked, ¿por que no read la novela? (Idk the word for read lmao)

Why not, right? Wrong.

The novel is horrendous. It's all Lucas, man. It's ALL Lucas. But so far, everything is LUCAS LUCAS LUCAS. It's like the novel is solely written to make the readers love Lucas but NO, most of the readers hate Lucas. He's weird. He's WEIRD! Only a fraction likes Lucas or indifferent to Lucas. Maybe they don't think Lucas is toxic, but I think he is. How is he toxic?

Despite all that, the author kept trying for over 100 chapters. Why suddenly pivot to Aiden, then, Author? Why not keep trying? Nobody likes Lucas, after all, huh? Even after this far? Is that why you pivot to Aiden?

Seriously, the author looked like they have Lucas addiction. They're obsessed with Lucas. Everything is Lucas. When Selena's brother is doing good job, Selena suddenly saw Lucas' face overlapping with him like what??????? Are you joking, author? Give the man credits for his good job, don't credit Lucas out of nowhere what the fu.

It's to the point that every time Lucas comes up, everyone in the comment section be like, "Ugh, Lucas again." I swear to God, man, it's as if the author is addicted.

I'm only giving 2/5 out of respect. The sheer amount of Lucas alone is giving -5 to the whole rating. It should be 0/5, but nah, the Manhwa is good. The manhwa is good, so the novel should be respected with that 2/5. But I ain't finishing the novel. My mate Paul ain't finishing the novel either.

Oh, about the family? They sucks, man. Caring family? Sure. Protective? Sure. But they're NOT actually good family, no. Why not? They knew Selena WANT TO BE USEFUL. She was competitive. She wanted to have purpose. But her family didn't TEACH her to do something. They let her do something and fail, and she got angry, but they did nothing to fix that. It's like a parenting where you let your kid experience pain to discourage them from doing it again, like letting them burn when playing with fire. It's like that what the family is doing. It sucks, man. It sucks, it's not how a good family works. They teach you skill you want to learn. Selena didn't get any of that. She was allowed to try to do something, but not taught the required skills to do that said something. It sucks, I agree with that one review by Skite. Being ignored as someone ignorant of what's happening in the world is what drove her to become evil in the end. Everybody ignored her, even if they protected her.

Even now reaching chapter 95, she only got to know about what is happening only because she accidentally saw Lucas (LUCAS AGAIN????) going around with important documents on his hand, and she saw that document by accident. She still lamented that only she knew nothing.

So? Her family sucks. What's the reason for not telling her? To not worry her. BUT SHE WANTS PURPOSE, AND THEY KNEW IT, IT'S MORE AN INSULT TO HER THIS WAY. FHSJBXYRJSBFOSJD WHAT A SH*££¥ FAMILY

They're a bit better in the manhwa, but essentially the same. They're a bit more attentive to her, especially after the attempts at su*cide, but still didn't teach her anything anyway. Novel version is sh*ttier.

The family doesn't make me feel any less about the novel in itself, but I seriously question the Author's mindset. Like, is that what a good family is like to them? It's seriously worrying.

Although, the story starts off as the typical death in the modern world heroine who gets stuck in a Novel transmigration as a villain, the story is very different from the stereotypical Novel Transmigration story.

The FL is apathetic, depresses, pessimistic, and very suicidal. She's seriously got many emotional scars and a huge mental issue. Coming from such a dark original life, when she gets thrown into a novel as a villain who didn't originally appreciate her life and family, there's a serious disconnect between the FL and the Novel world... more>> characters.

The FL's su*cide attempts and her apathetic thoughts are written very well. If you know you're going to die anyway, why waste the energy in living life. It's too much of a chore for the FL.

Because of original sad and tortured previous life, she doesn't understand happiness, love, friendship, care, warmth or even what she likes to eat. She's been so beaten down emotionally and physically that it's easier to just roll over and follow other's commands to stay useful to them. It's a very sad and well characterized character.

As for the romance in the story. The FL is so emotionally stunted, she doesn't understand any sort of emotion. She doesn't even know how to even feel liked or like others. As of chapter 58, it's still not clear who she may end up with. It's even possible she may not end up with anyone. For now, it's a toss up between the original novel's ML, and the original side character who killed her.

She's truly an interesting character, and I really look forward to reading more about her coming to terms with her mental state and her efforts at trying to temporarily give life a try.

The translations are fairly understandable, however, the lack of periods is something that takes getting used to. Even though the beginning of sentences start with a capital letter, the lack of periods makes it seem like they are all run-on sentences. <<less

I'd actually have the disagree with the multidude of people who are surprised by the fact that Aiden is the ML, not Lucas.

Ever since the very beginning you can see the fact that the MC really doesn't feel like she belongs in the world, and she always sees Lucas as the male protagonist of the story, thats it. She never really accepts his friendship nor understands his actinos past her shallow understanding of him from what she has read.

On the other hand, Aiden is someone that we continously see she... more>> grows with. She starts with coldness, ignoring him, eventually actually learning his name, to constantly being with him and actually being curious about his past and whereabouts.

Just because Lucas is the first we get a pov of doesn't mean that he gets dibs on her. We get our fair share of povs from Aiden, but they're more raw and real, they're about himself rather than Lucas's povs which are all opinoins about the MC. So I guess readers too see Lucas as the "male protagonist" the same way MC does, in a very shallow way, and tend to forget that Aiden has always been the more geniune one with actual character growth. <<less

Begining kinda good when the focus is on Selena's inner turmoil. But then it began to focus on Lucas.

Everything is about Lucas, Lucas and Lucas, it's getting annoying. I get to the point of feeling so done when reading the chapter. Aiden is the ML but Lucas get much more screen time. Whatever is happening, Lucas is there... (@Nurahahaha's review encapsulate very well all my feelings toward Lucas)

Also kind of frustrating is that Selena knows absolutely nothing. Nobody also inform her of anything. She does nothing too. I get... more>> that she's still depressed, but it feels like her family just put her inside an isolated bubble. Also she looks lonely, her family could have give some private lesson or anything to acclimate her "amnesiac" mind to the new environment, but they do nothing.

At this poin I'm just reading to finish the story and to see if Aiden will really be the end game, because again, up until this point, it's all about Lucas.

God even my review can't escape having his name all over it, I'm crying 😭 <<less

I'm near the end of the novel, and I can say it's generally well written.

The depiction of a incredibly depressed and apathetic MC is great, she has no real reason to do anything, and this confuses everyone because they have only dealt with her previous personality.

Even the parts about Lucas that everybody hates are good since they are there to contrast with Aiden. Lucas loves her but his feelings are selfish, and all about himself while Aiden's feelings are about what's better for her.

The family is a mixed bag, like... more>> some other people pointed out, they are the cause for the MC's original personality lashing out at everyone due to feeling useless. The only one that is a bit better is the brother. The mother and father are caring but in a very narrow way. The servants who help her find a hobby she can enjoy are far better.

Overall, I enjoyed the more realistic depiction of someone who is both clueless and not a perfect go-getter being reincarnated. <<less

The main character is suicidal because of past trauma. She does not really care for other, she only slightly care about the original MC. I heard from other review that her family is good, but I don't think so. The whole family know that MC is suicidal but, do you know what the family arrangement is? They ask lucas to protect her. Only one person is asked to protect her. Suicidal person will randomly choose time to kill themself but they only ask one person to stop her. The MC... more>> father asked the doctor if the solution exist, the doctor said there is not. Guess what they did later. They are f#cking let her alone. They do not even bother to find the cure or medicine from the first doctor. The family only care about the son engagement ceremony. Those family clearly a garbage family, there is nothing good about them. <<less

I love the way it was written and the way the author showed us the readers the in-depth of the MC. I feel soo sad for the MC that a part of me kinda supports the MC wanting to commit su*cide

This is so good (for me because I like reading angst) but if you don't like angst or it might trigger something in you please don't read this !

She is very suicidal and lifeless and at this point already tried to do it twice so yes please do read it with caution

About her su*cide tries (there might be more but these are the ones we got for now) :

... more>>

Spoiler

the first one we got is actually like at the very beginning of the novel, she tries to jump of a tower but was saved by lucas (who I thought was the ML 💀). And at that point her family got suspicious so they went to get a doctor who diagnosed her with depression... I think, or just someone with a mental illness she was also labeled as someone with amnesia (she played along with it because it was kind of true she doesn't have any memories of the original selina), and at that point they were kind of very protective of her because incase she tries to do su*cide again. /so fast forward/ her second attempt was to do su*cide at the clock tower, that's why she picked at the moment where her brother and lucas was gone. But lucas was suspicious of her so he sent aiden to keep on eye on her, she also knew about it that's why she tried to distract aiden, and blah blah blah they went to a store with some people and those people started arguing, and she sent aiden to get something somewhere so therefore it's the perfect chance to escape. She escaped thru a back door and was on her way to the tower, when aiden came back he was confused on where she is and started looking for her when he found out she was gone, he went to the tower with his magic (because pretty much everybody knew that's where she'll go because she wants to try to die at the quickest and less painful) they meet and talk blah blah blah of course he can't stop her with some talk no jutsu so she jumped I saw someone says that he actually kind of saved her but she wtill went into a coma. And that's when she met selina.

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About/Who is the ml:

Spoiler

I just found out in some of the spoiler that aiden (the magician) is the ml

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About the original selina:

Spoiler

I also read somewhere that the real selina wants the MC to live and find happiness on her body (maybe it's why she shows up in her dream)

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P/s if you want more spoilers just go to the novelupdates forum. Also I just found out this has manhwa! <<less

I love this story. Rather more realistic than I like from time to time. It's a bit slow in some arcs but that only serves to show how dramatic the challenges she has to cope with feels. A very emotive story, absorbing and has just enough frivolity to keep it from being too heavy.

I rate is 4 star because its not finished yet but the story is amazing the translation is also good and last is because this is my cup of tea. You guys should read it🤗