I Will Never Let You Go Even If I Die

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At eighteen, due to his special constitution and his grandfather’s clever manipulation, Jiang Jubai mistakenly recognized a ghost as his father.

This ghost was mysterious and sinister. From that day onward, anyone who bullied him or any ghost that tried to kill him met a tragic end.

However, he began to notice something odd about his ghost father. At night, Jiang Jubai always felt someone clinging to his back; during his baths, he felt someone watching him from the shadows. That gaze was sticky and cold, like being submerged in a deep well.

Jiang Jubai finally realized what it wanted—it wanted to possess him.

Terrified, he tried every possible way to escape. He achieved excellent grades, made new friends, and found a decent job. Just when Jiang Jubai thought that horrifying chapter of his life was behind him, strange things began happening in his apartment at night.

One day, during a nap, he felt like an octopus was squeezing him, making it hard to breathe. As he opened his sleepy eyes, a familiar voice whispered, “Baby, I found you.”

No matter how hard he tried to escape, he couldn’t get away from the clingy, relentless ghost.

Associated Names
One entry per line
他怎么又不是人了?
死都不會放過你
Related Series
N/A
Recommendations
This Damned Thirst for Survival (3)
Falling in Love Inside an Urban Legend (1)
Is My Attacker A Ghost (1)
The Haunted (1)
The Sickly Beauty and The Lord of the Underworld Married First and Then Fell in Love (1)
Recommendation Lists
  1. Already read
  2. BL horror novels
  3. Best BL: not my type
  4. Extremely Possessive and Obsessive Gongs/Seme (BL)
  5. [BL] GREAT NOVELS! (Shou MC only)

Latest Release

Date Group Release
10/08/24 DarkStar Translations c12 part2
10/08/24 DarkStar Translations c12 part1
10/01/24 DarkStar Translations c11 part2
10/01/24 DarkStar Translations c11 part1
09/24/24 DarkStar Translations c10 part2
09/24/24 DarkStar Translations c10 part1
09/17/24 DarkStar Translations c9 part2
09/17/24 DarkStar Translations c9 part1
09/15/24 Chrysanthemum Garden c101
09/15/24 Chrysanthemum Garden c100
09/15/24 Chrysanthemum Garden c99
09/14/24 Chrysanthemum Garden c98
09/14/24 Chrysanthemum Garden c97
09/14/24 Chrysanthemum Garden c96
09/14/24 Chrysanthemum Garden c95
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15 Reviews sorted by


NovelenthusiastIDK
NovelenthusiastIDK rated it
August 17, 2024
Status: Completed
It keeps getting better with each chapter. I really like MC and ML. MC actually became more likeable: he's calm and mentally strong, but he's not callous. ML on the other hand is hard to describe. He's calm but somewhat mischievous, cold to others but later affectionate to MC. The plot is very interesting, everything is shrouded in mystery and characters have depth to them. I'm very grateful for the amazing translation. I will definitely re read it when it catches up. Edit: You know a villain is well written... more>> if you want them to die painfully.

About the ending:

Spoiler

ML will die for some time (theoretically just become a very weak existence) but he comes back later stronger than ever, don't worry it's a happy ending. Even MC's family ends up accepting their relationship.

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yui2345
yui2345 rated it
September 25, 2024
Status: Completed
this was a truly amazing read, each chapter had me at the edge of my seat, and it was sufficiently scary

i love how the author made so that just when u started to think maybe xu luan wasn't all that bad he would do something that reveals his true nature,

it created a sense of constant dread, making you question his every move

and I like how despite everything this was a story about two lonely boys finding solace in each other
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secondthots
secondthots rated it
September 20, 2024
Status: Completed
Y'ALL.

READ THE TAGS FIRST.

If you're looking for spooky, cute romance, IT IS NOT HERE. TURN AWAY NOW! The warnings are in the tags & summary, do not claim that you were blindsided because the dub/noncon are definitely present & well-warned.

For those who still tread the waters out of pure curiosity, I bid you welcome. The translations are completed & the TL was phenomenal—already a huge pro. I do like a good romance-horror story every now & then. Just because the ones I gravitate towards are generally more along the lines... more>> of the MC/ML being OP & fluffy, thigh-hugging situations occurring amidst... literal death lol. This novel is not that. I wouldn't say that I read this not expecting the worst, but I definitely wasn't expecting what I read. But I will admit, I was so darn curious about how the plot would play out, so I binged it. Take everything below with a grain of salt. Mild spoilers.

Realistically, if I was ever to be haunted by a malevolent spirit... yikes. I think I would pass away from absolute terror. MC embodies the kind of willpower & strength that I wished I had if I were in the case of being haunted by a ghost. He's been through SHIT. I don't sugarcoat it because it is complete madness. All of his emotions are very valid. The romance was not romancing because fear was such a constant element throughout the story. & That's what really pulled me into this novel. It's a constant battle of conflicting emotions & it was a guessing game of what would happen next.

I don't think MC's reaction was exaggerated. There was a realistic take & experience through him. It's dark, it's gruesome, but it's also not just the spirits that are malicious. This story highlights the reality that humans too can be as equally frightening as ghosts. The mystery had my mind guessing everywhere & if I were in MC's shoes, I'm sure I'd be dead within seconds.

"I'm your neighbor, your partner, your husband, your coffin, and your grave."—c89

DAMN. Talk about an obsessive yandere. If you're into that, then you're gonna enjoy the story. If you like more consensual romance, maybe don't read it? It's not everyone's cup of tea, but I feel like the story excels in what it said it'll serve. It's creepy, crazy, & makes me never ever want to be involved with spirits. <<less
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wxarchive
wxarchive rated it
September 26, 2024
Status: Completed
I don't even know what to say except that this novel was amazing. It's a novel that not everyone will enjoy due to the questionable & horrific themes.. But me? I loved it.

I consumed over 30 chapters of this daily—that's how invested I was. Jiang jubai & Xu luan's relationship was so complex and even problematic in certain aspects.. Yet I couldn't get enough of them. My heart adores them ❤︎.

Despite the fact that this novel had a few obvious plot holes, I still think this is a very well-written... more>> novel. The way the author wrote Xu luan was so incredibly fascinating. He's not a good person at all, and even when you begin to think that he is, he proves you wrong again & again.

The extras were so.. Touching. I rarely read extras, so the fact that I not only read these, but also enjoyed them was very surprising. I really will miss luanbai.. They are the definition of a love that is so immorally beautiful. <<less
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greypoupon
greypoupon rated it
November 2, 2024
Status: Completed
I’m pretty sure the MC has some sort of Stockholm syndrome. ML is true yandere and not your run-of-the-mill one either. He’s a malevolent ghost and he happens to care enough about MC not to kill him. Cant say that about everyone else though.

Read it if you’re ok with dark stuff and dubcon. Because the story itself is pretty interesting. I do agree with the other reviewer that says that there’s not that much character development for the MC. His personality stays relatively the same, the only thing that changes... more>> is he accepts his feelings/being with a ghost. ML also seems like he’s evolved to be more human so that he’d be more accepted by MC and the people around him (even though he’s still evil as hell). <<less
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Lunica
Lunica rated it
September 18, 2024
Status: Completed
Really good if you like yandere male lead and don't mind dub-con with happy ending. But like other reviewer said, take the tags seriously. I realized some novels here on NU with ghostly ML are more sweet but the ML in this truly is an evil ghost. The tags are not for show. The MC is very cute and beautiful.

... more>>
Spoiler

ML is crazy af and kills lots of people because he is an evil ghost in the name of protecting and getting revenge for MC. A lot of deaths because there's a lot of sinister people in the town too.

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spod
spod
September 16, 2024
Status: Completed
I really enjoyed this novel, I ended up staying up till 4AM to finish this lol

I warn you to read through the tags before reading, especially the human experimentation and r*pe tags. As they are VERY present in this novel. Also lots of mentions of brain matter.

I personally like enemies to lovers-ish novels so this really hit the spot.

In the first few chapters, I grew kind of impatient because of how much time the cast had spent in the warehouse, but later on, I was engrossed and couldn't put my... more>> phone down.

The MC (Jiang Jubai) is a stubborn rebellious-turned good kid who's infact pretty smart. He's not really crazy like the ML but I love his character and character development.

The ML (Xu Luan) is literally a psychopath. He kills anyone who messes with MC, be it an enemy, or a potential love interest.
Spoiler

except for Ning Yu, Xia Si, and Xiang sheng, who he spares for some reason

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One thing I didn't expect is

Spoiler

the reason for MCs smartness and similarity to ML

Spoiler

ML fed MC some of his brain when they were little 🤢

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Honestly that part was kinda disgusting

Now, back to the couple. I personally really like novels with this kind of tension between the protagonists, but please remember that there's a blaring red r*pe tag. When the MC and ML get together

Spoiler

both before and after MLs 'rebirth'

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ML r*pes MC multiple times. There's alot alot of dub-con and non-con in this.

Oh and MC and ML are also kind of

Spoiler

child sweethearts, or maybe just friends

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Spoiler

Basically when MC was around 9yo he was going blind for some reason and he made friends with the MLs ghost (this sounds confusing because ML dies at the beginning of the novel and becomes a ghost but I'll explain in the next spoiler thread) MCs grandpa and his senior brother found out and tried to exorcise the ML. They weren't strong enough so they just sealed ML away at a cemetery and erased MCs memories.

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Now as for the reason why there seems to be

Spoiler

multiple versions

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of ML. Also spoilers on ML and his parents

Spoiler

MLs parents wanted the perfect heir for their family and had multiple kids who they killed and experimented with and eventually created MLs brain, which was basically a combination of the best parts of all the dead kids' brains

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So yeah this was actually more complicated than I expected.

For the people who are curious, Xu Luan's killer is Xu Wenxing

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I honestly enjoyed this novel alot. Although it did get quite gorey at certain times.

I recommend you read this novel. You'll definitely enjoy it if you prefer darker themes and a possessive/obsessive ML!

Rating: 4.6/5 <<less
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holachica
holachica rated it
January 21, 2025
Status: Completed
... not for me. I'd rate it three stars but it's my fault. What can I say... I read the tags and still chose to read. And disliked it.

If you want yandere, without respect for human bodily autonomy... this is your book.

All tags are accurate... MC basically develops Stockholm Syndrome through the course of the story. In the final chapters, the author literally writes that MC's resistance finally shattered into longing attachment and "a sense of peace where something that was once lost was found". There's no mention of love,... more>> except for the moment
Spoiler

before the 10 year time skip, where MC "killed" ML. Where, right before ML lets MC kill him (knowing he won't actually die), MC has a realization that he's "fallen in love"--but this is literally never revisited.

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True love on MC's part could never have risen out of his circumstances, i.e. relentless s*xual assault, coercion, r*pe, etc. MC moves between wanting to kill ML and feeling guilty for being "ungrateful". There's no "falling in love" behavior or moment... but maybe that's the point.

This wasn't meant to be a cute, romantic story.

Every tag is accurate. Period. And for those wondering...
Spoiler

how the novel starts is how it ends. MC's situation doesn't get much better. But for his credit... ML is an evil ghost so he doesn't operate by human morals or standards... even if he was once human, those feelings and sentiments were gone upon dying and becoming a ghost. Within those constraints, I guess he treats MC well? Better than all the other non-ghost, human, r*pe-prone, tr*shy MLs. Because ML does love MC, he really does. But he's not bound by human code so he just does what he wants, and that involves having his way with MC as he desires (choking, sexually assaulting, etc.) ; and except one instance, he always (apparently) "pleasures" the MC, and is kind to him and caring to him enough.

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One thing I hated was the "my mind hates it but my body can't help but submit" trope. <<less
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karwasama
karwasama rated it
October 23, 2024
Status: Completed
This is one of those novels where I personally enjoyed it, because it was exactly what I was looking for (noncon/dubcon creepy horror vibes), but objectively there were flaws and plot-holes. I wouldn't say these flaws were bad enough to disrupt my reading experience, but they were... there, if you thought too long about the plot. So, in summary, I would recommend this novel if you want to read about a yandere, ghost ML who creeps on and bullies a seemingly cold and apathetic MC into loving him (or just... more>> Stockholm Syndromes him, if we're being honest). If you're reading for extensive plot/world building/character development/horror or mystery elements, I would proceed with caution.

Oh, also the NSFW scenes were immaculate lol (but as a heads up, read the content/trigger warnings. I'm sure it's obvious as per the summary, but things aren't consensual until much later on in the novel).

I would rate it a 3.5/5.0 stars.

(Below is just the biggest gripe I have about the novel, so feel free to ignore) :

Spoiler

I wish the "ghostly" elements were more subtle and that there was more to the horror than just killing people gruesomely. I don't know how big the village is, but it's definitely abnormal to have like ten people (who all know each other) die within the span of a year and like... it just wasn't realistic, if you know what I mean. If people started dropping like that (especially because in this case, there were no clues to these deaths due to them being caused by the ghost ML), I feel like the police/government would have become more heavily involved or something. Hell, if I lived in that village, I would have gotten the hell out of dodge, you know? And if I'm recalling this correctly, three/four of those people literally die at the MC's school (like literally at the school) and in horrific ways, and you're telling me the school didn't shut down?

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Shelse
Shelse
February 19, 2025
Status: --
A story with a complicated relationship and a plot that could be much more interesting if MC was more interesting.

My personal opinion is that MC is extremely boring. I'm sure someone can write an essay about his traumatic life and how it influenced his personality, but in short, he's just boring. In the first part of the story, MC just lets himself be influenced by everyone, be it his family or ML, which could be justified by his age and all the supernatural stuff, after all he's not an overpowered... more>> character.

But 10 years later, when I expected a lot precisely because of his traumas, he just becomes an even more boring person. Even before being dragged back into his complicated relationship with ML, or having three other men wanting him. Not much to say about ML, he fulfilled his role as an obsessive ghost/spirit very well.

Spoiler

His "death" shone brighter than all the events in the story for me, MC made his choice to kill him, his life was at stake, but all the "betrayal" and "death" of ML made me lose interest in them as a couple in the main story.

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It's the proposal of an ill-fated relationship, so there you have it. <<less
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kuronalover
kuronalover rated it
October 25, 2024
Status: Completed
SO GOOD.

definitely recommend reading this if you’re into horror, mystery, psychological, and gore sort of genres. Took me about 3 days to complete reading it..? The chapters are nice and long, which I really enjoy.

despite being the first arc, I think the basement scene was the part that scared me the most. Looking at all the tags and other reviews I thought it would be more intense, but to me it wasn’t that bad.

the details, the characters, the plot, - all amazing. But I don’t think this would ever become... more>> popular due to the relationship being real toxic at first, and A LOT of people don’t like that. I would love to see a fanart of them though! Also, the only photo of any of the characters I have found is just the cover for the novel. I have only looked on pinterest and google, but if anyone has anymore please tell me <<less
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Yayayoi
Yayayoi rated it
October 23, 2024
Status: Completed
I really enjoyed this novel, take me about 5-6 days to finished since I just read during my free time (and sometimes I just cannot stop reading).

I really like how the story flow naturally, and kudos to translation make my reading more enjoyable.

Usually I despise yandere ML and ab*se story, but for this novel I cannot bring myself to hate ml.

And I just adore MC, like always, for some reason I think that this is the most normal MC, and even though the setting is fantasy, overall setting is the... more>> most normal. The character behavior, parents and friend. Except for crazy rich asian ML.

It felt so sad to part with this amazing story. <<less
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PhoenixPlume320
PhoenixPlume320 rated it
October 21, 2024
Status: c101
First off, lemme mention that I didn't think I'd be able to finish reading this (many times, I had to stop and pause) for various reasons.

I don't particularly like the stubborn/rebellious/tries-to-act-cool MC, even though he mellowed out later... He was dipicted as somewhat endearing and even cute at times, but I just didn't see it.

The ML. Holy f*ck, the ML. He makes all the tags here relevant. (Rape, r*pe victim becomes lover, male yandere, s*xual ab*se...) ML kills/harms anyone who bothers MC and before you start thinking "awww that's so... more>> sweet" (🚩) lemme tell you, he's also threatened MC with killing everyone he holds dear and everyone who holds MC dear, including his family at one point. He's forced MC with r*pe (even though it's later said ML always pleasures MC) and MC always seems EXTREMELY depressed after each instance. MC spends the first 70-ish chapters being afraid and disgusted with ML. Even towards the very end of the novel, I never thought MC loved ML. He just has a very servere case of Stockholm Syndrome. "Oh, but ML only haunted MC for a year and MC couldn't forget ML even after 10 years 🥺" Shut up, yes, that 1 year was so bad that his trauma didn't heal even after 10 years.
Spoiler

it literally starts with all his friends dying from a freshly dead ML

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MC is definitely afraid of ML, even though it lessens later, after the timeskip. I'm guessing a big reason he became so dependent on ML is because ML helps him with a lot of stuff (killing ppl aside). MC mentions how he can't really take care of himself with basic things (I blame MC's mom, who's a typical asian mom that favors and loves her son but also raises him to be kinda incompetent with household stuff). Lowkey, it was kinda funny reading how ML helped MC wash his laundry (and cute/sad how ML's lil sis picks up after MC when ML isn't there)

Anyways, why does this get 4 stars? Especially from me, who rarely finishes/write reviews?

The writing is actually really good. I couldn't put the story down, even with all the negativity/gore and forced stuff. The ending is sweet-ish and there are definitely some funny parts in the story.

My fave lil tidbit is when
Spoiler

7 people literally died in the school but they didn't close down. They only mention "The focus had shifted to maintaining a healthy mindset, ensuring physical well-being, and, more importantly, making sure no one died at school.

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😂 I'm so glad they have their priorities straight.

Anyways, if you can stomach all the tags (please make sure you read them) then it's a medium-short story that's actually pretty good. <<less
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The Toast Man
The Toast Man rated it
October 13, 2024
Status: Completed
Really underrated novel. If you like the niche of yanderes, horror, and BL combined together, this is a really good read you shouldn't miss out on.

The story's flow and pacing was well-written, and there aren't any obvious plot holes.

Mild spoiler below.

... more>>
Spoiler

There is a 10-year timeskip towards the end of the novel, which I normally find quite trope-y and cliche, but it didn't seem to disrupt the flow of the story and it was believable.

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The only criticism that I have is that I'm not sure if the MC underwent any character development throughout his 28 years of living. He seemed pretty steadfastly the same and I felt that it was a tiny bit unnatural, as people definitely act differently and more complex from being 18 to being 28, but I can still give this criticism some leeway and chalk that up to his stubborn nature. It's not really a big deal anyway, and I do prefer him remaining the same as opposed to doing a complete 180 and acting extremely different, which a lot of other novels have done unnecessarily. <<less
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pipe_dream
pipe_dream rated it
December 6, 2024
Status: Completed
Really like the horror, the suspense, the yandere ML and the pacing of the novel. Some novels just rush the romance too fast, here it's just perfect. Read it in one sitting without sleep, it keeps getting better and better. To people trying to read this novel, keep in mind of the TAGS. I am searching to read similar kinds of novel but couldn't find it.
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