I Heard Your Heart Is Still Pounding Only for Me


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The first time they met, he reached out to pluck her chin, casually asking, “How old are you?” She replied honestly, “Eighteen.” As a hoyden who used to live on weaving wicker baskets, she had never imagined that Lord Shui, the man with the sheer power of his noble status, would be her man until he came up with a lie on the basis of superstitions of the old society which fooled everyone before taking her as his legal wife. After being doted on by him for a few years light-heartedly, she finally managed to figure out the exact reason for his love, just before she found out that he was about to marry someone else. She watched his new wife in a western wedding dress being kissed by him with a gentle and proud smile. The first lady of the governor had been degraded to a passer-by ever since, with her love that had been turned to ashes.

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    Asha7 rated it
    March 3, 2020
    Status: c72
    This is a short novel with 72 chapters, I read it in one day (since I damn want to know the end). As you know the tag and since is it a story playing during the time of the Chinese revolution, it's about war, love, death and survival.

    Just a warning. This is a rating only for the story, didn't read the translation, so nothing about the translator's work.

    To give you the big spoieler:


    ML will die, so no HE. It's a typical Chinese revolutionary story, in most there is a sad ending either one person dies or both die.


    Don't read, if you not want the whole spoiler


    So beginning with the beginning. ML married FL and later the Japanese army invaded. FL, her Parents- in- law had to escape and lost their money when they hide and it was the fault of a woman. During that time FL found out she was pregnant and had a son. FL and ML reunited. FL wanted to improve herself and worked hard to educate herself. They had a happy time together till her sister, who was a widow from the guy Song in the first chapter came and lived in the military compound approved by the ML because she was the widow of that guy Song who turned out to be his friend, they acted on the first chapter (which FL comes to know earlier). The sister tried to seduce the ML, there was the first misunderstanding between FL and ML and it was solved later with lacking communication. Sister should leave the compound after some drama. The day the sister wanted to leave, she gifted FL's son who was 3 a marble/stone. The cute son died a gruesome death, turned out the sister was a japanese spy and the stone/marble had a strange african virus, which led the body explode from the inside. FL catches it too but survived. FL turned mad, accused ML (since he let her live there and ML was not sad about the death of his son), wanted revenge on the sister and also tried to kill herself because of sadness. FL aged 10 years and had some white hair. ML didn't comfort her much or shared her sadness, she became estranged from him and lived inside her house and keeping her son's memories alive. ML was busy with war and politic and also not cared for her her, there was another war lord who was fighting with him over territories.

    The other war lord had a daughter, who was friend with the ML overseas and she wanted an alliance with him. ML distanced from the FL went on getting close with the daughter (OW), buying OW a house and being with her in public and everyone thought he is going to marry her as a Concubine. And the war lord father wanted the daughter to be equal and so ML married the OW in a christian wedding, it was not a long time since their son died. FL comes to know the OW rumours and went to her and told her not to marry ML because OW was the one who stole the money and the valuable documents when they were on hiding, because of that ML parents had a hard time and she had a hard labour. OW told her ML won't believe FL if she told him. FL get to know about the wedding 2 hours earlier and went to the church and told it to ML, ML told her he known that and went along to marry OW and told FL to clear a room for OW. OW and ML gone on vacation and ML stays with OW when they were back and FL is broken more and more. FL also lost everyones respect, since ML was cold to her and didn't care about her. He was also not token good care. Then OW was pregnant and came to fight with FL and ML was taking care of OW.

    It turned out that the guy Lord Song in the first chapter was still alive and wanted to meet ML and his wife. FL know him. ML took FL and OW to the meeting and there they meet the evil sister she acted as if she was not the killer of the child and told that a japanese look alike acted as her and killed the son. FL took the pistol and shoot around to kill her, hurt the other guy and ML who wanted an alliance with him hit the FL and told her to wait to find out the truth. FL was disappointed with him and ML's men had to take her away. When she was outside ready to drive, they heard ML and the other who they left where attacked and since it was a meeting the ML and Lord Song where not armed. FL asked to be released and went inside to take revenge on the evil sister but she was also worried about ML.

    She found ML and was disappointed again because he ask her to take OW and told her OW is caring a son. FL told him she won't because she want to kill the evil sister. The ML's men came and have to bring out both women. There were lots of other political fight where ML went out to fight. On on of them ML whereabout was unknown and the wife had to take over and make a decision to fight the intruder who was OW dad or give in to him, since OW has ML heir and the grandfather won't harm them. OW wanted to demonstrate her position but was put into place by ML messenger, which was a trick from FL and her adopted brother Jin who also fight for ML (ML' men), FL did it for the people than ML came and later went on to fight again another war, the FL and ML were like strangers, OW was grounded, because after the last incident ML and OW had a fight. ML killed the father of OW and also the Clan of OW. ML was on the way back, people talked he wants to execute OW. OW begged FL to let her child life and so FL let her escape. It turned out ML wanted revenge and the marriage was planned and he worked with Lord Song together for their aim to take down OW father.

    When ML was back he and FL talk and ML was relieved that FL didn't kill OW and let her escape. FL told ML that OW doesn't deserve death and that OW still has his child in her belly.

    ML and FL where still estranged, ML told FL they still could have children together, she declined. ML had other politic on the way and the evil sister intruded ML office with a gun and wanted him to have an alliance with him to turn him to the head of the nation, ML killed her and told the evil sister that he always loved FL.

    At the evil sisters funeral, FL wanted a divorce and they divorced. She bought a little house and was working at a church library (she was educated and could speak english, it was still hard to find a job, since nobody wanted to anger ML), ML fought his war, the FL adopted brother died. Than another intruder came into ML territory and took FL captive since she was the ex-wife and killed ML father. They tortured FL and her face was destroyed. ML saved her secretly and took his area back, FL know it was ML. ML come to her house and wanted her to assist to open a school for children and woman, like the westerners. FL took the position, she also opened a fabric.

    Years went on and FL has become a president of the school and fabric. ML was single, he and Song guy, who lost an arm were ready to establish the Republic of China, ML should be president of the party. At ML speech where he announced the birth of Republic China, he was shoot during during the speech by an enemy spy. Everyone followed the speech on radio, also FL with her fabric workers. FL was not touched. Song guy came and wanted her to go to ML grave (FL didn't attend his funeral), she went there and saw that the photo was that from their divorce book (the wedding book was broke in two and they kept the half picture, that was divorce at that time), she wondered why he had still that picture of himself. Turned out he took the divorce book always with him and she was still married to him, her divorce certificate was fake and she was able to get his pension as the president of Republic china, since she could have been the first lady, Song gave her also the wedding band, which FL gave back to ML when they divorced. FL also read that there was a small inscription on the grave stone, her name as wife and their son's name with the death date. FL was very confused with her feelings and was on her way back, the encountered a dirty mother and a child may be 10 lying on the road. FL stopped the car to help them, the woman turned out to be OW and her child. OW recognised FL despite the wounds on her face and reached out for her. FL took both to the hospital, OW was critical woke up and wanted FL to save her child. FL told it she would do it since it was ML child, heir and last blood line. OW told her that the child was not ML and that ML only slept on the bedtime other day and on the wedding night he shut off the light and used a replacement (a war captive) and that was happening each time she thought male lead slept with OW. This was told be the guy to OW who wanted to sell her and her son (the guy was ML man or the guy who slept with her or who guarded her ?). FL asked her why she was telling her now and wasn't believing it. OW told FL has kindness and told her the first time she asked ML to marry her a long time ago, ML told her, he loved a girl, who lived in the mountain and could fold willow rods into a lifelike butterfly. OW died FL and the child cry and it ends with a butterfly near the window.


    So now my ranting.


    The moral of the story is never love a man with high ambition or power because he won't put family or love first.

    I was annoyed with the writer. At the end I thought, leave the FL alone !!!! Don't give her more emotional baggage.

    The writer wants to leave the story with a bittersweet feeling, but didn't deliver it, because we had to guess everything from the ML even at the end is the OW telling the true, who knows ML is death and there is no way to prove that the child is not his. And till his death, he never come to be clear about that with FL. He left FL do her things and for FL it was like they didn't interfere with each others life and not caring anymore.

    What does everything bring FL in the end ? She is bound to a death man after getting out to be a survivor of the war. She has to face many what if's and I don't think FL will fully believe it, because after all she had all those inferiority complex and she can't understand ML feelings and could also guess if that is true.

    ML left too many years go away more than 10 years, the best time for a woman to live. It looks from the beginning that ML married her because of love to keep her alive during the war by bounding her to his side. FL survived the war and live in the Republic china but is she happy ? The simple and sweet girl educated herself, wanted to be a partner but had to be strong to rely on herself, she lost her son, betrayed by her family and the man she loved. She just gave up her feelings and was observing everything and only revenge was left for her. After the death of the evil sister, she had nothing left, she only turned bitter and cold. She accepted ML deccisions for Marrying OW and the strategy but her love was exhausted, because she always carried the inferiority and the result of ML's actions and speech.

    She really was a simple girl, who always felt inferior to ML but wanted to change and work hard for it. But she still had her inferiority and doesn't know if ML truly loved her. From the start to the end ML never confided in her or took her as his equal, there where lots of time where FL proved that she was strong and could be trusted but ML only hurt her further with every of his decision.

    We never get to know what ML was thinking, the FL and ML just became strangers who could not understand each other. She either was getting a glimpse of his emotion from other peoples at the end or nothing else left for her, not even a letter from the ML to her or his personal diary. There is no direct communication till the end from his side where he explained or told sorry. ML let FL be independent and gave her a new aim and work but FL never lived again, she could not move on and have another live, because she lost her dreams, her dream was simple, to have a family of her own blood, a genuine love and be able to support her husband with his work and aim. ML reached his goals as a man, was a hero and died as a hero. FL became an iron lady who looks like didn't bound with people and was scarred emotionally and physically with a scarred face.

    And now the writer wants to give her a child to raise, which will always let her remember her own child.

    A child who may or may not come to hate or hurt her later since the child will have a grudge, because she is his mother's enemy or the reason why his mother and he suffered a lot (as if people don't want to know their origin and his mother and grandfather were prominent people and he is almost 10 years with memories and even full with his mothers talks) and fill her life with a new aim, so she ist stuck to be single forever and bound to be a death man who never said directly to her, that he loved her. She is a person who had a sweet dream, which turned into a nightmare and now she wakes up to the bitter reality and lives with the bitterness and maybe with her future killer child.

    ML supposed love is only a offered report for her now, as the title said "I Heard Your Heart Is Still Pounding Only for Me". Maybe he acted cold to protect her after their son's death, to keep his enemies away or maybe it is his way of handling everything. Even him telling that he loves her is never directly to her. Love hadn't survived the war. But it is over, she lost, turned older and is scarred and there is only survival and self love left in her to continue to live in the new world.

    Moral of the story, never fall in love with a powerful man with a big ambition, he would never put family and love first and you will be the vulnerable person in the relationship.

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    haruhi91 rated it
    June 8, 2020
    Status: c40
    This is the story of a malleable girl kidpnapped and married to a man who in theory loves her but never shows it. It was clear from the first chapters that it was going to be a story of abuse and tragedy but I hold on to the hope that things would improve until I give up, read the spoilers and concluded that it wasn't worth my time. And it's probably not worth your time too unless you are masochist and enjoy reading about the suffering of a poor woman... more>> at the hands of a man who treats her as an object never explaining his actions. <<less
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