I Don’t Want to Be Loved

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Rihannan Alessin, a queen rotting in prison.

Despaired and without hope, she drank poison and died. But… unbeknownst to her, the deity gave her a second chance at life. She was twelve again. And this time, she would live life differently.

Six years later, she chooses to become Arundell’s queen…

“If you’re asking me to step down from the marriage proposal, I can’t.”

“Marry me and let us divorce after a year.”

And this time, the time limit of their marriage would last a year.

A husband she knew who was different than before… she tried not to love him again, but each time, her heart kept shaking.

Associated Names
One entry per line
IDWTBL
Sarangbadgi Wonhaji Anhneunda
사랑받기 원하지 않는다
Related Series
Please Answer Me (Shared Universe)
Recommendations
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Predatory Marriage (8)
Shadowless Night (8)
The Duke’s Imposter Sister (8)
Your Majesty, I Want You (7)
Recommendation Lists
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07/16/23 Hades House c64
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138 Reviews sorted by


ketchupblood
ketchupblood rated it
June 28, 2020
Status: c84
Interesting concept and good execution of the main plot twist is why this is two stars and not one star.

Igor is a classic abuser. Yes, there were other things going on and yes, he was being manipulated by the people around him at the time; none of that changes the fact that he definitely abused Rihannan.

In fact, I think this is actually reinforced by their second timeline. He goes to extreme lengths to make sure that she'll belong to him; if he actually wanted to repent for what he had... more>> done he would have wanted her to be happy but instead what he wants is to own her. All of his thoughts regarding her center around how he much he loves her and how much he feels regrets. Like I said, classic abuser.

This is, of course, portrayed as Good and Romantic. I do not recommend this series. <<less
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Mikanonatsume
Mikanonatsume
May 8, 2020
Status: c57
I liked it in the beginning. She kicked out her step sister and father and ran away to her mother's family. I could understand that. When you are afraid of everything around you, you go to the only place where you feel safe. Until this point the story was good, realistic and in accordance to our mc's mental state. After that..... it just went down. She spent so much time with her family in another kingdom. There was no one to hurt her there. Shouldn't she have already opened her... more>> heart to someone there. I would've liked this story a lot more if she had started a new life in this other kingdom. She had plenty of time, 6 years. We could've seen her interacting with the nobles of that country. We could've seen her fight to build her place there. We could've seen her fall in love with someone there and we could've seen accept that place as her own. We could've seen her change into a strong powerful MC because of the support from her family. But no. We get a story where MC does nothing in the 6 years. We get a story where she doesnt change. We get a story that wants to force her down the path of a tr*sh ml. I dont like the ml. I dont think I ever will. And that's why I'll never be able t ok read this story. This is the kind of story where someone should get reincarnated in to fix the mc's head. To teach her what someone's love actually means.

Great start to a story. Wasted potential. <<less
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coldokayyy
coldokayyy
May 2, 2020
Status: c60
I started reading the book because the summary got me hooked. Like many isekai novels, the main character desperately tries not to maintain any connection with the life they previously had or with the 'main story', but pitifully fails. Personally, I find it hilarious.

The r*pe tag

        • It happens in the beginning of the story to a 'side character', but does happen between the main leads later in the story. It was more like a sense of obligation between a king and queen, but I did consider dropping it after it happened. It's sad.
  • edit
    Spoiler

    I got bored, and I decided to mtl some korean spoilers. Rhia sorta turned out like a Japanese character in a manga who strings along the two male leads. Indecisive, s*upidly naive, and white lotus-ish. If she was gonna be like this, Igor should've just stayed away. I have the same opinion about Igor (actions are viewed through a tinted glass), but now it's also transferred over to Rhia. In the beginning, she wasn't this indecisive, my god, seriously.

    [collapse]
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Reita_360
Reita_360 rated it
April 18, 2020
Status: --
This is a difficult novel to review. At times, I hate it. Often times, I like it. Overall, I am obsessed. This is about a girl who killed herself by drinking poison. Mind you, her life was not glams and sunshine. It was just pure angst and sorrow. The story is quite complex.

The translation is really good. However, I find the short chapters really off-putting at times. However, the translation is well-written. I really enjoyed it.
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hemiura
hemiura rated it
March 30, 2020
Status: c45
The translation is great and the story has great potential as well. It's a bit typical rebirth plot but the starting was unique and the MC had a strong start.

The thing that puts me off is that the chapters are really short and I do realised the translator has other story in works as well but just when the chapter get exciting I have to wait like two to four days so i'll get satisfied in reading it all through instead of waiting.

but this is a great story overall. If... more>> you want to pick it up, maybe wait another month (?) before start to read it? So you won't feel unsatisfied when a chapter ends. <<less
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Shiori72
Shiori72 rated it
December 23, 2019
Status: c11
Wowww I just love the rihannan. Of course this one started with typical betrayal revenge story.. WHICH I TOTALLY LOVE IT! I love the flow of the story. I just very furious with the father-no he's not worth to be called his father. Bring his illegitimate child just after his wife death? Really? I can see from the earlier chapter that he is a greedy garbage. Uuuu I can't wait to see how she gonna give her revenge fufufu and of course, the lavu lavu development fufufufuufufu The translator also... more>> do a very good job with the translation! Thumbs up to the translator and the mass updates! <<less
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bumblethunderbeast
bumblethunderbeast
February 19, 2023
Status: Completed
After reading a few engrossing epic-length novels recently, I'm glad that I picked this one up. It was definitely more than a simple change of pace. Overall I had mixed feelings [hence the 4 as opposed to 5 ranking] but they were mostly positive:

  • story didn't end abruptly as soon as the major conflict was resolved; I got to follow the main characters as they settled into their relationship with each other and the surrounding community/countries
  • decent character development/growth [albeit painfully slow at times]. Chronologically,
    • the FL starts as a tentative, victimized, isolated young woman who then bitterly resolves to protect herself emotionally no matter how extreme. By the end she begins to explore what it might be like to live fully with love and forgiveness-without the blinding self-pity and blaming.
    • the ML begins as a deeply scarred young man embroiled in a struggle for control with his Queen Mother. He can't see past his own pain and indignation to understand anyone else and assumes everyone around him is equally manipulative. This leads to disaster when combined with pride, serious emotional detachment and an inability to communicate. He learns a bit from his tragic mistake, but takes an incredibly long time to shift from trying to control everything to trying to overcome obstacles together.
What I liked less was the

  • lack of character depth or development from any of the other characters. Regardless of context or opportunity, the 'antagonists' remained single-faceted and self-absorbed. I know, this really isn't unusual for the genre or the tropes.
  • the inconsistent connectivity between segments from other viewpoints. Managing "real" timeline's past and flashbacks along with the "replacement" timeline can get confusing when bouncing between ML and FL perspectives. At one point we immediately re-viewed the same scene from another perspective; it felt like reading a rerun with only a few minute changes. It was an anomaly rather something used again. That made it jarring.
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hyldrklein
hyldrklein rated it
February 8, 2023
Status: Completed
It started out strong. I initially took notice of this novel because of the similarity with Abandoned Empress. (Maltreated royalty who ended up getting executed/killed and was given a second chance by going back to the past after death)

I will say, while the arrangements are similar at first glance, it is very different. Specially the characters. The first quarter or third of the novel, I was very hooked. I could not stop reading. But sadly, it goes downhill from there. Rihannan (Female Lead) has 0 character development. This was... more>> the first time I've ended up siding more with the Male lead than the actual FL (and wth this was supposed to be Josei).

FL had 0 character development, very passive to everything and took close to 0 accountability for her own actions both in the past and present timeline. She's the perfect epitome of a damsel in distress.

As for the ML, he really needs to learn how to talk. People around him aren't mind readers. How tf are you gonna be an effective king if you can't even speak your mind out to anyone, not even your closest aide. <<less
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yumigination
yumigination
September 22, 2022
Status: --
I'm not gonna vote but ill leave a review.

the TLDR is- ... more>>
Spoiler

both are toxic af. but rhia (fl) is a villainess in disguise. childish, immature, dumb. she's all bark no bite. Igor isn't in the good either, but he's way better. frankly, Igor >>> Rhia

[collapse]

It started with the current hot cliche of miserable life, then dying, and being sent to the past with all the memories.

Sounds cool right? She literally has a kind of ultimate weapon in her hand. HAHA no.

Idk but there might be spoilers so imma just putting up a tag. pretty sure there aren't any so feel free to read.

Spoiler

After the return, the only agreeable thing she did was when she bye-byed her daddy and left the country. I was genuinely proud at that moment.

But from the beginning, we can see her unhealthy 'victimised' mentality. It is often hinted at how she firmly believes that she is 'the miserable' and everyone else is at fault. You yourself are saying that you 'don't like it or that you think it's weird or suspicious, obviously knowing the blatant lies, but despite that jumping into the traps, waiting for others to clean up after her, and then proceeding to blame them.

And what is even the use of having past memories where you just think but don't use/act upon it? All bark no bite.

Up till one point, I pitied her and felt sympathy for her, but girl- it's getting way too out of hand, it's getting toxic to you and to others.

Igor is clearly way better than Rhia, however, I do not agree with his actions either.

First of all, if she has finally left for her mental piece, why tf would you call her back, just because you love her and want to fix mistakes? IMO, leaving her alone would have been way better.

But at least he made an effort to fix all that. Even in their previous lives, he tried. He is extremely temperamental and sucks at communication, but rhia can't use her words either can she?

While Rhia spent the whole 300~ so chapters victimizing herself, Igor spent the time blaming himself.

Things that didn't even remotely relate to Igor were smh his fault. even in the first life, she didn't support her husband. as she stated she "hung on to" the marriage desperately for her love. but did she ever do anything for that love? again, all bark no bite.

Okay. let's consider how the queen mommy was like a real mommy to her. but darling... didn't you just say you love your husband oh-so-much. You could have supported your husband without ruining your relationship with the queen mommy. But nooooo. the "neutral" but not-so-neutral stance is the best option even if it practically ruins your husband's standing. Girl you're fking selfish, but you don't see how your standing is linked to your hubby's right now??? If you downgrade him with your action in court, making him lose face AND his power/ standing, how tf can you expect him to "protect" you??? action and reaction? consequences? know of them at all?

Igor made a lot of s*upid decisions. he never gave her the mental support, and care in their first life. He acted on impulse and often lost his cool. despite that he still cleaned up after her, behind the scenes.

AT LEAST HE TRIED.

He showed with his actions that the FL was his priority over everything. it's annoyingly pitiful to see everyone hate on him. The numerous times he jumped into sh*t to clean up for and protect rhia, most of his problems were because of the stage set y Rhia's self-pity.

Rhia's wrong thought process was pointed out even by the 'villains' sometimes but because she is the main lead, in the end, all her so-called sacrifices and selfishly selfless acts made her a priestess. Do you not see how she is now blatantly sacrificing, ignoring their lives, just to satisfy her "self-love"?

[collapse]

There are so many situations I could go on and on about but frankly, I'm tired, and thinking of them is giving me a headache.

TLDR- they both toxic af, but despite that-

Igor >>> Rhia <<less
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Elfstress
Elfstress
June 23, 2021
Status: extras
I’ve finished reading the novel and the extras.

I enjoyed the FL willingness to say f’ this and walk away. She wasn’t looking for revenge or love. She just wanted to go enjoy her life far away from danger. I enjoyed the beginning where she was like “nope” and drastically changed her life from the start. I wish her character had stayed true to that instead of becoming the woe-is-me heroine we saw near the end, suffering from misunderstanding after misunderstanding.

I also liked the ML. I think it’s easy to misunderstand... more>> him if you haven’t read the novel all the way through.
Spoiler

I enjoyed that he also experienced the past life and is responsible for the do-over. He was so upset over her mu*der (yeah, he had nothing to do with her death besides being an idiot who couldn’t protect her). He was trying his best to win her over, but he knew the emotional damage he had caused her in the past life. And he was very vicious towards those who had ruined their relationship in the past life.

[collapse]
<<less
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mociig
mociig
February 26, 2021
Status: --
The story is quite like the abandon empress, but it's more deep and cruel. Coz its involve adultery. And if you wanted to read this, please don't hope for a 'comedy situations'. From the starting, the story is heavy & dragged.

... more>>
Spoiler

This is just my personal opinion :)

Well, Igor is still s*upid in both timelines. He knows the truth, he should just confess the truth about his mother & all. All this happen bcos of him, in both timelines. Before he was a king, he's a husband. He's weak, he just got to stay strong coz Rhia was there. And Basil is the one who does all the work 🤷‍♀️ The sacrifices that Rhia made in both timelines is hard & cruel. Who wanted to marry a man that made her child killed? If he wants to make her stay, he should open up. If he can't comply & learn from past mistakes, why bother to become the king and make her the queen?

About the affair, he should just capture Leticia and interrogate her. A wise king should make a move that doesn't involve their personal affairs, not pleasure her more and make misunderstanding getting bigger. He's at fault, for Rhia suffering & their dead child.

[collapse]
<<less
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Nao Otosaka
Nao Otosaka rated it
July 17, 2020
Status: Completed
Spoiler

I just skimmed through a few reviews before rereading it again. Previously I stopped reading this after knowing the spoilers. Well, the FL ended up with the ML despite the "atrocities" he committed to her in the previous life. But....I wouldn't be giving this one a full 5-stars review right now if I hadn't at the very least gone through it.

Through the novels entire course we get to know why the ML chose to act the way he did in his previous life and how he ruined the FL's life by not only doubting her actions but also ruining her entire life by driving her to su*cide. Basically, he made her lose her child (by getting on with her step-sister), abandoned her, secluded her from the political affairs by keeping her locked up in her chambers, falsely accused her of poisoning and finally drove an innocent character to su*cide. I know these are all the negativities I listed here and.... you might just believe it's not worth giving a try.

But take this entire thing with a pinch of salt. Haven't you wondered why a political figure would uptake such actions against his female counterpart to drive her to commuting such a felony as 'su*cide' (It's a European setting and back in the day 'people/aristocrats' saw this action as a 'sin' which could bring an entire family's downfall). I believe he's an emperor and though he can kill/massacre his wives but that could increase political instability n unrest amongst other noble households (since from her insight of the past we can come to know that the previous empress held considerable amount of power in her hands even after her son's ascent to the throne). That already arises doubt whether he was some puppet emperor and was trying to grasp power within the inner courts. AND this should explain his previous conduct towards the empress. The empress was someone appointed by the previous one and at a tender age and.... she seemed to get along very well with her mother-in-law who held supreme power within the court. That must hv arose suspicions within the mind of the young emperor but that doesn't excuse him for his actions. Let's just suppose he wished to befriend his fiance back in the day. But after seeing the interactions b/w his mother n her he definitely wouldn't take this step since she (his mom) was his biggest contender for the throne n she must hv replaced most of the palace employees with her people which would hv led to his trust issues (since u don't know whether the other person is ur friend or foe n u might get backstabbed... not to mention u r being continuously monitored 24/7). This part is the end of the excuses I can come up with for the crown prince.

Now onto the next part of the story where all the curtains are raised n the veils of each character revealed aka we get to see the 'dirt' smeared on each character. First thing is the empress. It's revealed later on through the Crown prince's POV that she's a thorough manipulator who has made extensive plans to never let her son enjoy a power higher than her. Though her position is the highest in the empire, the power shall lie in the hands of the hands of the empress. Next thing is the step-sister. Well thesthe really does deserve the prefix 'step' since she's thoroughly jealous over the FL's legitimacy n power that she has within the household. She yearns for a glass castle n dream n 'schemes' every possible means to rise to power, taking away opportunities from the FL (or more-like FL sacrificing all of her opportunities). She tries to seduces him, using every possible way to bare him a heir yet actually the ML is very loyal to his queen. He doesn't fall for her schemes yet the FL seems like she had a very strong tendency to fall into these 'gameplay of life n death' within the walls of the castle. The FL... she had been driven to a corner by her own s*upidity... she couldn't see through the schemes of her sister n father, blindly trusted the empress with her marriage, blindly entrusted the crown prince with their night time n even believing the 'illusion' of her husband having an affair with her sister... for a queen she had minimum power to herself n made herself bound to resign to her fate. She was a 'flawed character but those flaws get corrected in her second chance at life. As a child though she wasn't aware of the politics of nobility but as she grew up to be an adult n the queen candidate she was bound to learn these. She used her previous knowledge to drive the count n her illegitimate daughter out of the estates, took off to a foreign land to avoid having any interactions with the crown prince n 'tried' to live a peaceful life there. But fate was bound to play it's game n she was forced to remarry the ML in her current lifetime too... Well there's a catch.. the ML had also gotten himself reincarnated n from hisPOV we could see how much he regretted her death n their lack of communication n how he had transcended to a tyrant while doing so n begged to return back to her once more. That was a really sad scene though he deserved that n more for being a jerk to her n not being the bigger person to make her understand the palace politics. Maybe if they cooperated things wouldn't hv turned as such. But maybe it was due to both characters wallowing in their worries in their previous lives that they failed to see each other for who they are... well anyways the FL who used to be gullible had turned to a stronger character... though still flawed she now knows she's 'his' equal half n has the right to stand up to him... if she wants to reject his advances he has the right to do so...n the ML seems to hv changed too... he is respectful to her n listens to her, acquiesces to her requests n even accomodates to her wishes... he tries to rectify his previous actions to the best of his abilities n I think that's a 'plus' improvement within him n great character growth. Despite it having a tragic progress it's a good novel...

[collapse]
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Dashaanov Winter
Dashaanov Winter rated it
June 29, 2020
Status: v1c11
The story is good. I like how Rihannan face her father in her second life. I hope she'll stay strong untill the very end ??
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anye11
anye11 rated it
June 29, 2020
Status: c121
Only at 121

OK so here's the thing. I THINK EVERYONE KEEPS ON FORGETTING THAT THE FL HAS ... more>>
Spoiler

PTSD AND DEPRESSION

[collapse]
. So read this if it's OK for you to see the world in a perspective of someone who chose to hide in her darkness because she doesn't know how to reach out. It's true that this isn't a revenge story. The FL is not the type to plot revenge but the type to want to live away from the problem and live a peaceful life if she can.

Spoiler

BUT THAT DOESN'T HAPPEN BECAUSE SOMEONE WAGES A FCKING WAR TO HAVE HER AS A WIFE

[collapse]

If you want a revenge story then dont read this. If you want a story where the ML redeems himself
Spoiler

because he had the opportunity to learn of what the FL went through but take note that the FL is still in the dark about everything except her own abuse because she was always hidden in the dark

[collapse]
.

I'm sick of all the reviews that kept on calling the FL infuriating or s*upid. Here's the thing. She doesn't have the info the readers have. She has troubles communicating because she grew up in a household that did nothing but abuse her. Then on the next life, she lived in the darkness, waking up to nightmares every chance her darkness comes back to haunt her. Yes the ML did a better job at their 2nd life but that's
Spoiler

because he was strong in his will and knew all if not most of what happened in the previous life while FL is, I repeat, still in the dark

[collapse]
. <<less
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YarfYarfDDS
YarfYarfDDS rated it
June 18, 2020
Status: c114
I like the story so far. I read the reviews and got spoiled a bit. But the main consensus is that the Main character, Rihannan, was not properly developed and everyone’s feeling aggrieved and robbed of a better story. All the reviews show a deep lovely of emotion for the characters. It shows the magnetic writing of the author.
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seleneilene
seleneilene rated it
June 3, 2020
Status: c102
yeah, both ML and FL suck in this one!! ML takes the rebirth opportunity to manipulate FL into marrying him and is supposedly this great guy who will never hurt her again and I guess it's supposed to make up for the fact that he treated her like complete garbage in the first life?? Ok whatever!! Also the fact that this is just another example of a weak FL who puts up with a guy controlling her and ends up getting back together with the dude who hurt and r*ped... more>> her in her past life?? HOW CAN YOU FALL IN LOVE WITH THIS GUY??? <<less
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Miriam4334
Miriam4334 rated it
May 12, 2020
Status: --
my English is not very good sorry but I want to write my review

1. He r*ped her it’s not debatable and he confessed. He’s angry at the queen against the spectators but it’s the body of the FL that suffered it’s not excusable. After it was their duty as king and queen to have a child, I can’t judge. We live a different era and mentality

2. He cheated on her with her SISTER when she was pregnant. End of the story nothing to say even a lobotomy can’t excuse it

3.... more>> Ok for lack of communication but they do not have the same personality, so less excusable for the ML for the Fl

Because

The FL = Shy / abused by his father and sister leading to a self-confidence / scared because everyone who loved or protected her was forced to leave her / the queen was the only one left / she did not have a strong character/ and she didn’t know the true character of queen

So yes if you are broken and you have only one person left at your side, you have trouble communicating

The ML = even if it is false he had the love of his mother. Of appearance but it helps / he has a strong character. Proof : proof he resists his mother / he does not hesitate to say what he thinks impossible for the FL, so for me it’s less excusable

the story of his su*cide. I suspected it was false that his sister was lying but which bothers me. She started a good life again, quiet with her family and he had the audacity to come and get her <<less
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Ireadb4ijudge
Ireadb4ijudge rated it
April 20, 2020
Status: c65
Story is good. Characters are good. Alot of potential. And the translation is good. I would read this next month to prevent myself from buying the chapters since Im broke but if I could, I would.

And do not read the spoilers and some people comparing this to other novels. Ive read alot, as in ALOT of novels, this one is good even though its not yet done.

Read first.
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Miss_piki
Miss_piki rated it
April 15, 2020
Status: c59
Omggggg I love it!!!! I cried while reading this and tried to have a little break but I couldn’t stop thinking about what would happen next!!!!
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sagastile
sagastile rated it
April 14, 2020
Status: c59
O man has angst in it. Cried 3 times till this ch.

A good read. Has a interesting and fresh look.

Hope will have more dog food in the future. What I understand the Tragedy tag is for her past. Really hope it will not be in the new future.
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