Free Ren Yigu


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I suspect that I’m crazy.

Crazy. Insane. Mad. However you want to put it. And I mean the type where there’s really something wrong with me, something uncontrollable and life-ruining and in my brain, in my blood, and not just that I’m a little weird or have an overdramatic, rash personality. I suspect I have schizophrenia, OCD, depression and other mental illnesses.

But there’s a gangster stutterbug that won’t even take mercy on a crazy person, oh my god. Where are his morals?


Ever since I first met Xue Yaozu at the karaoke parlour where I work part-time, I started seeing him all the time. This self-proclaimed ‘old classmate’ definitely has some hidden, nefarious motive up his sleeves!

Why else would he ask about my job, where I live, and even if he can help me??? Not to mention the fact that he keeps trying to assure me that he’s not a bad guy! Sus! So sus!!!! Red alarms blaring type of sus!!

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39 Reviews sorted by

SukaraSorrows999 rated it
December 21, 2020
Status: Completed
I'm probably biased, since I'm the translator, but this is a really great story. I love love love love love! this author (and that her name can be a pun on your way). And while I love all her works, this one is my favourite.

The author does this type of genre/writing that I love, the comedic heartbreaker. If I had to give an example, it would be like some anime that start out funny and ridiculous (and stay funny), but then stab you in the heart every now and then.... more>> And after stabbing you, they then throw another hilarious scene at you and you're laughing through your tears now and wow. What a wild ride that was.

This author doesn't do too much dog blood angst though, a lot of it's to do with self hatred and low esteem, or other individual problems.

Hope I bring this story justice, and hope everyone enjoys it as much as I did!

And, people who can, you should check the raws out, as this and a few of her other novels are free! (unfortunately one of the other free ones about another stutterbug has been locked....)

P.S Comment and interact if you can, she's not one of the really 'huge' authors, though she has a fair following.

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Efu-sama rated it
April 13, 2021
Status: Completed
Oh Wow, This gotta be the best novel dealing with mental illness here!

Mental sickness can't go away in just a few chapters among 100 chapters. It is hard to brush it off either with just "finding true love". And this novel nailed it. It didn't beautify or romanticize a trauma or depression. It's not angst for the sake of angst. The knife in this novel came from how deep our understanding and how immersed are we in this story, told from the first perspective of MC.

It's scary, but it's realistic.... more>> Depressed people, most of them didn't look like they have a problem. Most of them didn't think they have a problem. Most of them realize they might have a problem but afraid they thought too much or exaggerating it too much. Most of them realize they have "freaky" thoughts and even understand those thought are wrong despite they didn't want to have those thoughts either. Most of them realize they might have some problem but are afraid to trouble others, or are afraid to be shunned out, or are afraid to be laughed at. Most of them are sceptical to seek help from others, didn't think others can help or actually truly willing to help them. Most of them despite having a mental problem they are also unwilling and afraid to die.... hence all of their feelings just piled up and suffocate them instead. Not all depressed or mentally sick people desire or willing to commit su*cide despite having such a thought... Some of them really wanted to live forth and cherish life.

I understand it, that's why I really can relate to MC's feelings, and felt scared because this story felt realistic, and the suffocation felt real from the piled up subconscious trauma MC had.

That's right. What many novels think about trauma is some kind of raping experience, kidnapping experience, domestic abuse experience etc. But trauma didn't always come from those direct causes. The feeling of guilt, the feeling of fear, the paranoia can come from indirect causes.

For example, the MC here have a mother who is a mistress who caused a legal wife died of anger. Then, his mother also died of anger because of another mistress from her husband. This kind of happening didn't directly involve the MC, but it still can inflict a trauma. Having such a mother is a shame, but you can't help it because in the end she's your mother. You are ashamed, you are sorry for the dead of the legal wife and her young son, but you can't do anything. Neither can you chide your mother nor can you do anything to apologize. This kind of helplessness is suffocating and trauma inducing. And there are a lot of "indirect causes" that makes our MC here have trauma, mental sickness or depression in his life.

Able to deliver a good story, making the readers hover in between crying and laughing, didn't give an unnecessary angst, this novel is truly worth it.

I really love it! <<less
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shuulys rated it
March 30, 2021
Status: Completed
i cried. So many times throughout everything

i kept thinking why would something like that happen to ryg but I can't seem to find an answer. He's great, kind and caring. But how did he end up like this. Just thinking about it makes me tear up. Then thinking about the ML knowing how the ryg from the past was, it must have been a blow to him. Like from the MLs pov, ryg was a cheerful person that loves to smile and laugh. But the next time he sees him,... more>> ryg became someone with paranoia and other illness. Just by thinking about it makes my heart hurt for ryg. Like I just want to wrap him up in soft cotton and place him in my pocket so he could be safe and free from all those people.

and all those internal dialogues of ryg is so heart wrenching. Can you imagine needing to live like this for the rest of your life because I can't. So honestly, I find ryg very strong. And it's also why I really like him as a character. Makes me just want to hug him, protect him and love him.

i am honestly not very satisfied with his brother. Like I feel that he love ryg but the way he treats him is really unacceptable. I felt so bad for ryg.

honestly speaking, I would have loved to read about ryg being cured after some time and him being with the ML after being cited as well as him reuniting with his 2 younger siblings. But it didn't happen so I'm quite disappointed.

*but nonetheless, it's a great novel* <<less
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crops rated it
February 14, 2022
Status: Completed
I don't know man. I can see why people liked this, but also there's so much in here that I wasn't 100% on board with. Yigu's illness was by far the most interesting thing in here, maybe not that elaborated on, but you could easily recognize this was an actually ill person. In fact it was the romance that took away the enjoyment out of this. Maybe since it's such a short novel it makes sense for the romance to be so fast paced, but in such a story as... more>> this it's not a good look... at all. From the beginning the MC, who's severely mentally ill and very paranoid, has this guy he doesn't remember following him around and having people waiting at his house, and even after the love interest becomes aware of his illness... he just moves in with him. From then on, everything else just feels like a taking advantage of the situation type of relationship, and even the MC says at one point that he doubts it is okay for them to have gotten together this fast. The most this guy truly does asides from telling him to calm down is telling him to go see a doctor (which is good since nobody around the protagonist believes he's sick or wants him to get help)... but to me that's doing the bare minimum after contributing to his worries for a good chunk of chapters.


Not counting the instance where his random ass ex shows up for exactly one scene that's set up exactly like one of MC's paranoias to threaten him and almost give him a panic attack


I was almost relieved when the MC was on path to taking his life back on track, and it seemed like this'd end up with a "don't need a relationship I can get well and manage by my own" conclusion which would have been very freeing considering everything MC has had to endure...


But somehow this guy shows up again and tells a recovering on meds patient to date him again or else he'd kill himself? And it's told as a joke that he would do that more than once thereafter? Are you serious?


And somehow all of this is okay because we get three extras of how the guy fell in love with him in middle school?

There were also many instances of him telling the MC that he wanted to protect him (which thankfully MC called bullsh*t on), which is just... no. You don't "save" a mentally ill person, you HELP them get better.

Like I said, I can understand why many people liked it, I can see that maybe this is all due to the small amount of chapters, maybe I'm just a dumb idiot who doesn't understand the author or didn't get the point they were trying to make idk... but I don't understand how an author can portray this well the pain of this kind of illness while just butchering the end result with such a careless love plotline.

Also it kinda pisses me off that people dismiss Yigu as a reliable narrator... because sure he does spout a bunch of nonsensical bordering sh*t at times, but like he said himself, he's paranoid, not naive. And I found myself agreeing with a whole lot of stuff he questioned (not the clearly paranoid parts, mind you). <<less
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Zianthus rated it
February 17, 2021
Status: Completed
It's a good short novel, and you could really feel the inner struggle of MC about his illness. Some scenes are very touching, while the other will make you laugh. You could also feel the care of ML to MC evwn though it is a bit awkward sometimes.
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1Sami rated it
August 25, 2021
Status: c15
This is really sweet. I like the way the POV switches at the end especially. It gives a fresh idea of what happened and helps explain why the ML fell for the MC so quickly.
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huaisangs.idk rated it
April 2, 2022
Status: Completed

A very nice short novel, very enjoyable reading.

This story deals with serious issues, such as mental illness, in a very human way. The main character's illness isn't there for comedic effect, on the contrary, it is the main focus of the plot and the author does not cross boundaries. It's only 15 chapters so don't expect a highly detailed story but I feel like how short it is just contributes to its charm.

The story is told from the main character's point of view, using first person - almost as if... more>> it is Ren Yigu's diary. It's really interesting to see his behaviour and how he reacts to things - he's also really funny most of the time.

The ML is super charming and sweet, it's obvious how much he cares about Yigu and how much he's willing to do to help him. His stuttering is adorable, it adds to his charm.


I experienced shock right away on the first chapter, as I did not expect his sweet boyfriend and loving big brother to be lies. The portrayal of Yigu's condition was well done at times like these, when he himself was aware that some things were products of his imagination while being unable to escape such delusions. Another specific point was the time when he kept thinking Xu Yaozu was another halucination of his despite various proof he wasn't - it was a clear symptom of his mental illness.



My favorite part of the novel is definitely when we see a clear improvement in Ren Yigu's mental health. When he thinks about crossing that bridge as something that no one should fear, when in the beginning of the novel he was scared of stepping a foot outside his house. It is also pointed out how he had done it fearlessly in early teens, which really warmed my heart as that era of his life is considered by himself as his 'primetime' as a person.


I'm not usually a big fan of works where a mental illness is the main part of the plot, usually because it leaves my heart feeling heavy and sad. I'm much a bigger fan of happy fluffy stuff. I was interested in this novel due to its sinopsis and the short amount of chapters but the fact a mental illness was the main plot point had me thinking it over for a while before eventually deciding to give it a try. But oh. I loved it. I loved the way it was written. It's not overbearing, not heavy enough for me to be heartbroken, it just the right amount of bittersweet!! I'm gonna recommend this to everyone I see ahaha <<less
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Mochibite rated it
February 19, 2021
Status: Completed
This is a very touching short story, highly recommend! I'm not an expert by any means but based on the story and more informed comments the author does a great job portraying mental illness through the MC Ren Yigu. He is a cinnamon roll and you will want to wrap him up and hug him because he deserves the world T_T. His self-awareness that he's ill and needs help yet is unable to take that first step just breaks your heart. Being trapped in your own mind is a scary... more>> thing. The story is written so that readers are seeing everything from his biased and unreliable POV, and this view also allows us to see how people with disorders such as paranoia and OCD may think. Topics are handled gently with sensitivity, and I really do believe the author does a better job portraying disorders compared to a lot of writers out there (not trying to diss anyone).

Story and character background are revealed in layers and no one is written as a purely "bad" character -- everyone has shades of gray and feel like real people. MC's family/life situation comes straight out of a dog blood drama, but his sarcasm and dry humor keeps everything grounded and ironic.
ML Xue Yaozu is also a cinnamon roll and it's heartwarming to see two genuinely good people help and find comfort in each other. ML has a stutter but it's not shamed and is simply a part of who he is. Ren Yigu's younger brother and sister are also so adorable and mature shout out to them <3. The writing is quite nice and there are many poetic and quotable lines throughout the novel that just tug your heartstrings. Some of the lines put into words the hidden emotions of thoughts and dialogue.


It's heartbreaking to read in later chapters of Ren Yigu's descent especially when you find out how much of a ray of sunshine he was. It's just as heartwarming, however, when you see how good of a person he is and how much of an impact he had on Xue Yaozu. Sometimes one person can make all the difference *sniffles


Thank you Your唯 for this amazing short story and some truly beautiful writing. Thank you thank you Rinrin for your wonderful translation! Your notes were so helpful and some of your comments were so sweet and funny :) <<less
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nctzen rated it
February 14, 2021
Status: Completed
I actually like this story a lot. I like how they portrayed how the MC feels and how hard it is to become better. NGL some novels have the character become better from mental health issues in only a few chapters like tf?? So I really appreciate how the author portrayed how they slowly change. It's only a short read so I think you should rea;;y try and read this.
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kellinaimuetz rated it
February 8, 2021
Status: c1
perhaps, this judgment is too much. But it's a touching story. I like stories full of anxiety but in bright shades without any despair. I want to know the world has a sad story but at the same time the world is still trying to rotate. Good story. Actually I was sick with stories of the president who was ruling and arrogant. I like seme in this story. Seme knows how to love. Forgive my bad language
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Michelle-08 rated it
April 29, 2022
Status: Completed
A very short heartwarming story, about a guy who's suffering from mental illness and a stutterer. It's poignant and yet so beautiful. I still see hope for our MC to live a normal life with the ML.

I am so in love with how the ML is so patient with the MC and he was trying his best to help him in different ways. The MC's inner thought breaks my heart, to the point I can't even laugh even once. His struggle is real, he knows that he's sick and trying... more>> his best to fight it. He's so loving to his siblings and good thing that the twins loves him so much as well.

I don't know anyone around me who's struggling from mental illness-or maybe I just didn't kow that they are, so this is new to me, so my heart hurts reading this one so much. It's so sad that he's a happy child and then this happens to him probably because of the trauma he experienced with his family.

I also love the extra chapters as well, it explains why the ML loves our MC although our MC totally forgot everything-well most of the things about the ML.

Overall, this is highly recommended but please be sure to read the tags and the trigger warning before reading. Enjoy!! <<less
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JaniePup rated it
March 20, 2022
Status: Completed
I absolutely love this author. Their books have such a raw quality to them that I haven't been able to find anywhere else. Usually I'm turned off by first person, but it becomes so immersive and really adds to the story in this case. The MC's crazy ramblings become your own and you feel just as confused as he always is.

The ending was great. I don't really care about it technically ending where it started, but it was incredibly satisfying to read a moment of subtle healing. If you know... more>> what I mean, you know what I mean ;D <<less
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Golex9000K rated it
November 17, 2021
Status: Completed
Aaak.. my head... what is real and what is fake...

My brain is try to make sense of all this but I do have hard time follow it sometimes.

This story is interesting. You can't predict where this story is going but I do feel that MC get "heal" bit by bit when story progress.

What a ride, I do really love the extra because it clear thing up ❤
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Mndnd rated it
June 3, 2021
Status: Completed
As someone who has difficulty dealing with my mental health, some of the stuff in this novel hit too close to home. One minute I'm laughing at the ridiculousness of Ren Yigu's jumps in logic, and in another there's a thought process that Ren Yigu has that I've had before, and all of a sudden I'm somber and thinking about my own past experiences. I think the translator says it best, it's a comedy filled with glass shards.

As for Ren Yigu... how can I say this, his character is complicated.... more>> You can see that he has quite a few problems, from paranoia, OCD, and possibly schizophrenia. Reading from his point of view is like riding a rollercoaster. The way he goes from positively thinking about himself to the sudden downward spiral, even to the point of hinting at thinking about su*cide, is very realistic. Even the slightest disparaging comment can turn his world view around.

Xue Yaozu's (ml) story unfurled wonderfully. At first, like Ren Yigu, I also had no clue why on earth he liked him. It seemed so out of the blue. But as the story went on, I realized why and the extent of his feelings. Especially after reading the extras, which are from Xue Yaozu's POV, I can see how lovable Ren Yigu really is, which I couldn't see from the main storyline because Ren Yigu is quite an unreliable narrator (which you'll understand very well in the first chapter).

The only thing I wish I could change about this novel is to make it longer. This feels like a teaser of sorts, and I want to see more of Ren Yigu's journey, not only with his mental health but also his family circumstances, which I felt were never truly wrapped up. Now that I've got a taste of a different perspective, I want to go all out and see the perspective from his older brother, younger siblings, and grandpa. How do they view him, and what truly happened in those events that he described? I'm a bit sad that these questions weren't answered, but I still love this novel and all the emotions and introspections it gave me. <<less
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Lea168 rated it
May 21, 2021
Status: Completed

A bit disappointed. It seems that I couldn't really been charmed by this story? I have no issue reading about mental illnesses, depressions etc. Maybe because I'm quite familiar with people close to me that suffer from this, that I'm a bit immune?? Not that I don't understand, but rather that I understand it too well and get used to 'deal' with it. I symphatize, but won't suffer from it kind of feeling. Anyway, I didn't get emotional at all whilst reading this story.

I just thought ML was really sweet, stuttering and so unconditionally loving MC. That warmed my heart. Besides that, this story felt very ordinary and bland to me. Maybe it is the writing style that was quite devoid of emotional scenes or fluff/drama. You read about MC's paranoia and mental illnesses, but not truly his other emotions.

like when MC broke up with ML. It felt as if MC didn't feel anything, no sadness etc. I missed reading about MC's other emotions and feelings besides his paranoia thoughts.


Also, did I totally overlook a paragraph or sentence explaining why MC suffers from mental illness as that was not the case when he was in high school (?). Story feels incomplete.
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break_even rated it
May 16, 2021
Status: Completed
A really entertaining read. Ren Yigu is a very unreliable narrator, but his thoughts are so interesting and funny. I love it. It's just the perfect length, too.

Even the serious parts fit really well. When it's not funny, and Ren Yigu recollects some memories from his past and things about his family situation which were painful to read, it made tears run down my face and it made my heart ache. The scenes with Xue Yaozu are very nice and very sweet, and even with Ren Yigu's unreliableness, I could... more>> still feel that Xue Yaozu reallly cared about Ren Yigu. <<less
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akiraa rated it
April 16, 2021
Status: Completed
i cried my eyes out until I don’t even know what colour is black and what colour is blue. My roommate ended up asking me if I have seafood allergy, because my eyes swollen up real bad :)

there is this saying that goes 还子债父 which basically means the debt of a father is paid by his son. You can apply that in this case, except change the father to mother.

it is heartbreaking to read the thoughts of Ren Yigu, especially when he emphasised the fact that he is aware... more>> that he’s sick somewhere in his head (to the point of mentioning schizophrenia)

my first cry while reading was when he cried alone after having a day out with his friend and avoiding contact or mentions about Xue Yaozu because he thought Xue Yaozu was a hallucination that he made up in order to protect himself (think of something like a imaginary friend, a bodyguard) and from then on I cried at every chapter :)


this is a great read. Be aware that there are no trigger warnings in the actual novel though. T/W there are mentions of

su*cide by jumping off a building


Xue Yaozu stutters, and because of that he was bullied in school. Ren Yigu was very nice to him in high school and the rest you have to read it yourself. I cried a lot because Xue Yaozu is truly the endgame of male leads. So considerate, so caring (and a rich boss too) ; what more to ask?

5/5 totally 5/5. I love how this is one of very few novels that actually mentioned the importance of professional help instead of miraculously healing because of the power of love, or worse, singing :)

no i’m not throwing shade on any novel lol <<less
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RickyTracy rated it
April 5, 2021
Status: Completed
Damn good. Author metioned inner struggle of mentally ill person accurately. I don't even know how to review it. But every chapter I sobbed and feel pity for MC. This's damn good
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Akito_ rated it
March 30, 2021
Status: Completed
This was my first Unreliable Narrator novel story and the story was a true gem the wording of the story made it so unique that I felt on the urge of crying everytime
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Kikiji rated it
February 15, 2021
Status: c3
I dont even know what to freakin say.

By the second chapter I was already caught hook, line, and sinker by the main character. He makes me feel for him. So much. So freakin much. And not even in an angsty way. More like in a tender way. I can't abandon him. I need to see him find his happy ending. He really, really deserves it.

I really dont know how to express this. Like damn.
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