he has antisocial disorder

wei shi ends up with shen xiaoshi, noice

MC did not kill Qi yang unlike what toleroid's reviews says!

So the moment he finds out that the ML isn't totally indifferent toward him (Chapter 45), his view on how the ML is behaving changes. Before it was like "oh, the ML doesn't even care that I'm here, his expression hasn't changed the slightest, he must be so revolted talking to me" and now the MC starts to pick up on the strange inconsistencies, like "huh, he should at least be surprised that I show up on this occasion that I had no right to be in, is his faking it?". Another example is that there's one time they meet in the bathroom and the ML leaves his watch behind, making the MC (who up to this point was doing exactly what the ML ""wanted"" him to do and ignoring him) have to catch up and give it to him. It's up to interpretation but I would think that this genius, calculating ML would never do something as foolish as leave his luxury watch on the sink counter of a public bathroom.

- both of which are done by the ML. MC gets drugged and the ML takes advantage of him, and in general the ML is pretty physically abusive/violent with the MC (lots and lots of choking here, "beating" him up during a sparring session, etc.) but the MC doesn't seem to mind....

"You asked me before if I would be sad if you died. I won't. Everyone is going to die someday, there is nothing to be sad about." His breath gently blew across my neck. "But I will be angry."

"While I'm still alive, how dare you die?"

"I have been enduring this boring world, so you must endure it with me."

their psych are not normal? I'm even inclined to say they have psychological issues hahaha but the story and how the two are intertwined is exhilarating. The summary ain't wrong, MC is obsessed and so is ML. And they are both utterly devoted.

MC's mother who, to a certain extent, was super biased against ML. She loved MC for sure but she saw ML as an unwanted burden. Poor thing. And I really liked MC's father who was like the good side that prevented ML from spiraling downwards.

MC genuinely understands ML and is probably the only one that can see and accept him so they are probably a match made in heaven.

For all the good things, the sudden jump in getting together and the fluff felt a tad abrupt at the end. It went from negative 50 to 180. Under the circumstances, in life and death, it was probably understandable but I still felt it to be a little too abrupt since for 90% of the time, ML was actively pushing MC away.

He was just that way when it came to SMO, and I started finding it cute. Especially the tiny version of Lu Feng peeling an orange for SMO.

enjoys gore and ab*se, both self-inflicted, and inflicted on others.

ML absolutely hates himself. He longs to be 'normal'. He hates that he is the way he is, and spends every day trying to suppress himself and fit into society. He sees himself as inhuman, and hence never considers himself a part of society.

is the one thing he can actually feel something about. The one thing that makes the 'human mask' he wears, crack. Empathy, sadness, jealousy, happiness, amusement, pride... and he's so damn afraid that he'll destroy his one precious thing because of his own 'abnormality.' And so, he does everything to try and push MC away. Anything, anything to make sure he doesn't destroy the one thing he loves with his own 'depraved' hands.

The whole 'MC almost dies and his lover finally shows how much he cares' is a bit overused. It wasn't badly written here, I just felt it didn't add much to the story since the main conflict had already been resolved and the MC already knew that the ML cared. Also the incident didn't really make the ML open up (which would have been nice, since he's such a block of ice/wood), although he did become more indulgent towards the MC afterwards. But maybe he would have anyway since he had already given in to the MC?

that never happened. His big, dark secret that he kept locked in a separate room was just kind of ban*l and slightly clichéd. Turned out that he was as obsessively in love with the MC as the MC was with him, but unlike the MC he was apparently ashamed/scared of his desires/feelings and kept them locked away. It was just kind of predictable and could not compare to the flashback reveals where he seemingly almost killed a cat, kept photos of dismembered bodies and was attracted to blood. It was honestly pretty tame.

It really is a dark secret that shows how much of a psychopath mastermind the ML is. Maybe that's why the 'secret room' in this novel was a bit of a letdown for me.

He gave in relatively quickly as soon as the MC exposed his lies and proved that the ML couldn't control himself around the MC. I get that he partly pushed the MC away because the MC made him lose control and stray from his orderly, uptight lifestyle, but it was never revealed exactly why it was so important for the ML to have this kind of control. In the past it seems like he wanted to protect the MC, since he wanted to go so far as letting the MC witness him mu*der Qi Yang just to scare the MC away from himself for good, but why did he think the MC needed to be protected from him?

raping the drugged MC. But this was one time I felt iffy about it because of how he did it (blindfolding and tying up the MC, and how he handled it afterwards (trying to keep the MC in the dark about it).

how the author first spent a lot of time on the case of the rapist actor and how a romantic connection between two people doesn't excuse one person raping/coercing their partner. By first pointing out how traumatizing it is to be forced by someone you love, and then in the next second showing the ML forcing the unconscious MC, who's clearly not okay with the situation - but later on sweeps the whole r*pe under the rug as soon as he finds out that the perpetrator was the ML - this just undermines the whole point about the problem with r*pe/noncon. Just because the MC loves the ML, it doesn't make it okay for the ML to literally tie up and unconscious MC, thereby completely robbing him of consent and raping him.

What made me lose all respect for the ML was when afterwards he 1) concealed the fact that he was the rapist - since he knew about the MC's feelings he would have known that the MC would have accepted having interc**rse with the ML if only he knew that the ML was the one 'doing' him when he woke up - getting r*ped and not even knowing who did it is hugely traumatizing, 2) outright lying about his own desire/love for the MC and instead victim blaming the MC for the r*pe. That's such a horrible behavior that it felt worse to me that the actual r*pe. The fact that the MC just accepts it and can deal with it, because all he cares about is getting close to the ML, doesn't make it okay. I wish the author had bothered to properly explore what it means to be r*ped by a love interest and the psychological consequences of this.

the fact that the dad and the MC clearly cared for him and treated him with affection, while the mom was antagonistic and downright cruel to him sometimes. The scene with the dad's death also shows that the ML is severely affected by his own internal struggles (that sadly are never made clear to the reader) as well as the dad dying.

The reveal about the ML standing outside the prison for years was heart wrenching. Besides this, I understand why the mom blamed the ML for the mu*der. While he miscalculated and couldn't have known the extent of Qi Yang's insanity, he did put the MC in harm's way since he knew that QY was a pure psychopath.

I suspect (but this is never confirmed) that the ML partly became a court lawyer because of the MC's prison sentence. The MC's incident is later mirrored in Sheng Xiao Shi's mother's trial, which is why the ML gets upset and walks out when SXS makes a comparison between his mom's case and the MC. It's pretty clear that the MC would have walked free if he had had a better lawyer, since it was a case of self defense.

Dont trust anyone even if its the MC or the ML. Both of them hold something in them, if you are used to think novel MC must be a "good" person, nah not here, honey

side couple: wei shi x shen xiaoshi has their own story in the extras!

Despite so many bad vibes in the story, it has HAPPY ENDING!

I don't think that any of the characters in this novel are morally good, they're all gray areas, and that's why I think it's so beautiful. Lu Feng isn't a stalker and he isn't a yandere. He killed Qi Yang when he was merely a kid, which could also be seen as self-defense. In addition to this, Qi Yang himself was egging Lu Feng along and he was jealous. Again, I am not fully justifying Lu Feng's actions, because in no aspect do I think Lu Feng is all good, however, the entire blame cannot be put on his shoulders.

Furthermore, in one of the arcs, Lu Feng purposely goes out of his way to save a classmate he barely knew and put himself in danger in order to help the other. You can see that he is clearly someone with a good heart.

Lu Feng's love itself also goes a lot deeper than just looking for attention. Originally, it starts as jealousy, then Lu Feng sticks onto someone older than him. However, as he progresses his love slowly starts to delve into the want to help Sheng Min Ou with his ASPD and feeling empathetic. He recognizes Sheng Min Ou beyond just his disorder.

Sheng Min Ou is a bit more complicated in terms of his actions. It is important to note that Sheng Min Ou has always loved Lu Feng. He pushed away Lu Feng because he believed himself to be a "monster" due to his disorder. Sheng Min Ou didn't want to involve himself with Lu Feng because he didn't want to ruin him.

I do not agree with his actions, and I absolutely hated the non-con scenes. Again, this is what puts him in the gray area. Some of these actions are also due to his ASPD. However, he genuinely does care for Lu Feng, even if he cannot express in what is the "normal" way.

Personally, I loved the author's way of depicting mental illness. Despite all of the issues and unfortunate things, they were still able to find love. Sheng Min Ou, who always believed he deserved to be alone, found someone that understood and accepted him.

specially the hitting scenes, ughhh... those scared me for a while

Another paticular thing I liked about this was that they didn't change. I mean they did, their characters progressed and developed but like they didn't have this major character upheavel when they got together. No rainbows and sunshines. Just them expressing their love in their own way.