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diarrheavomit
diarrheavomit rated it
Onii-chan saimin
October 4, 2017
Status: oneshot
hello,

(irrelevant to the story) ... more>>
Spoiler

In my opinion, a smut-driven novel must be written with a higher standard than a plot-driven novel whether it be action or comedy. Whereas something like a tennis tournament novel may be excused for poor grammar and choice of words because you're on the edge of your seat wondering what will happen next, a smut story *must* be grammatically correct and flow smoothly in order to achieve ~maximum smutness~, otherwise, the story is disrupted, and the reader is left having to redirect blood flow from elsewhere to the brain to understand what the passage is attempting to say. Put it another way; a hentai manga needs to have exceptional art direction even its plot is lackluster to succeed, whilst a heavily plot driven manga such as Hunter × Hunter or ONE's web manga, One Punch Man, do not suffer from popularity losses to such a degree even in the face of sub par art. Perhaps there are some who don't mind it, but the majority will be turned off by bad art and in a novel, bad writing.

Which in turn leads to the quality of writing in the release by Kuso. All I have to say is that its bearable. The style of writing with its short paragraphs remind me of amateurish web novels. There may be many who prefer that style and that's fine, but I would like to point out that it reads like a student dictated the story and wrote it down word for word. Not exactly very eloquent.

There are small mistakes made - triffle is not a word defined by any dictionary. Perhaps the translator meant trifling, as in "Yuika says its's something trifling...". In any case, these small mistakes disrupt the flow and overall polish of the story - a blemish on the page, or an eye drawn on the wrong layer. Not enough to completely take the enjoyment out but enough to be a annoying that's hovering on the edge of your sight. But once again, not too bad. And everyone makes mistakes after all.

Small grammatical mistakes can be excused, but choice of words can not - especially in a novel whose main purpose is to evoke lewd imagery. What kind of imagery does the word slurp evoke? To me, someone would slurp a bowl of noodles, they would slurp jelly. They would *not* slurp a tongue. Which is apparently what this main character does. Okay. Perhaps others would become hot and bothered, but I do not feel hot, only bothered by this imagery. But I will acknowledge that art is subjective, and what others may find pleasing, I might not.

You might be wondering why this is in spoiler tags. Like I stated before, I believe in lewd novels such as this, the role of a translator is much more important than the author of the original work. So much so to the point that my review will largely be a review of the quality of translation. But since this site is a site for novels and not translations, it would a disservice to focus solely on the translation.

[collapse]
(/irrelevant to the story)

The story, like the title implies is about the brother being hypnotised. He gets hypnotised and proceeds to do lewd things with his sister. That's about the gist of it. It's very vanilla and the action is consensual.

The jump in point of view is very jarring and although the translator attempts to soften it up, it does interfere with the pacing and flow of the story. It makes sense (somewhat), as the point of view switch happens when the main character is unconscious. But there is no lead up to the switch and this leaves the reader confused as they might continue reading with the previous point of view in mind.

The flow of the story itself is questionable too. I don't know if its because of Japanese grammatical structure or if it was written that way but as stated in before, the quality of the novel seems rather amateurish (which is itself not a bad thing - there are some who prefer stories written this way; without excessively drawn out flowery passages detailing a single action). Every sentence seems really snappy, as if the novel was a set of instructions on how to act out a scene - case in point:

Spoiler

The charm in Yuika's voice gradually increases.

The vulva rubbed by my finger became a bit wet.

The vulva became wet and soaked the pure white panties.

I take off the panties forcefully.

When I stroke the puffing up, beautiful vulva with my finger, a transparent liquid sticks to it.

Then, my tongue crawls into her vulva, as if to lick away that liquid.

[collapse]

But this is my first novel of its genre that I have read and I may have come in with a few prejudices in mind. In any case, it was enjoyable enough.

1/1 this is great. <<less
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diarrheavomit
diarrheavomit rated it
My Sister Never Called Me Brother
October 4, 2017
Status: c1
hello,

I don't know if it's due to the translation or if it's because of how it was originally written but the comedic moments of the first chapter don't really appeal to me and the point of view switches around a lot (there's be a paragraph written in first person then it'd suddenly jump to third person and then back again).

Since it's the first chapter, I don't know much about the characters yet but so far;

... more>>
  • Main character lacks self-awareness. Perhaps it's to build the comedic atmosphere of the main character but so far all I feel is cringe at his antics. He's very focused on girls but I suppose that's normal in a comedic incest harem comedy harem story novel.
  • Sister, unlike the main character, is Japanese for some reason. I don't really care but a heads up if for whatever reason you don't like Japanese (some of the Chinese people I've met don't like the Japanese). I doubt you would thought since you're filth enough to read a comedic incest harem comedy harem story novel. So far there hasn't been much in the way of character building but that's expected for the first chapter. Seems like a haughty person. Tsundere?
Story is nothing at the moment so I can't say anything about anything.

I suppose I can get used to the style of writing later on but there isn't a lot of content at the moment and the scenes don't really draw me in so I'm not very hopeful for this series.

1/1 should wait until more chapters are released before giving a final opinion <<less
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diarrheavomit
diarrheavomit rated it
Martial King’s Retired Life
October 4, 2017
Status: v2c23
hello,

First things first: I like this novel. This novel is a good novel. I was not paid for this review. I was not coerced to write this review. I like this novel. Please read this novel and leave a review and support the translate thanks.

It's a lighthearted novel as expected and is nice to read while wasting time during long commutes. The main character is the most powerful character we have been introduced to so far in terms of fighting power and the story is a sol that... more>> follows his shenanigans as he attempts to stay low and live a comfortable life in the employment of a sort of policing force. Supporting characters have some sort of backstory to them most of the time and are exactly like what they seem like. Some people might call this 1D flat characters without personality but I think this fits rather well into this sort of light-hearted comedy. Some characters do die which is something that usually turns me away from reading a series, but the ones that do die don't have a lot of impact and I didn't really feel anything at their deaths so it's all good.

The setting: main character, Ming Feizhen, was raised while subject to various martial art techniques and that resulted in him becoming strong. Some things happen which we don't know the specifics about yet and now he wants to retire from the world of fighting and live a lazy life. He somehow joins Liu Shan Men, one of the three main policing forces in the country and is forced to go through troublesome things against his will. This is a story about those things.

I feel like there's 4 main characters so far;

  • The main character, Ming Feizhen, is overpowered and somewhat silly. He's impervious to nearly all status ailments - a poison that has a 100% fatality rate only made the affected areas swell on his body and there was no pain. He likes girls so you'll see a of scenes where he's thinking lewd things about the girls he encounters and heck even a girl-like boy (who may be a girl but is probably a boy). in essence, he's a sleazeball. He's also well versed in various martial arts and is capable enough to use them to their limits. Basically, the main character is a 14 year old self insert fantasy. So far there's no character growth but then again, its a comedy.
  • Tang Ye, one of the main character's squad buddies, a typical main character person - fights for honor or to regain his family's honor or to win against some opponent who defeated him in the past or maybe it was his family idk. He's strong and powers up like a main character in a typical battle shounen. Written like one too, doesn't have any dark sides to him and is pretty straight-laced. All he does is train and justice and train and justice and yeah.
  • Su Xiao, the trap type character. Written like a girl who's cross-dressing in order to be accepted without the prejudices that come with being a girl in a male dominated workplace. Pretty law-abiding, if a bit dull (in term of the novel's world's standards of intelligence). Haven't seen much of his backstory but the atmosphere surrounding him feels ripe for it, so you can expect a lot from him some time in the future. He gets touchy about being girl-like or underestimated. Since the main character *likes* girls, Su Xiao gets some comedic moments where Ming Feizhen is lusting after him...
  • Shen Yiren is the vice captain of Liu Shan Men, which in the past was pretty strong but is now a shadow of its former self. She wants to regain its former glory is a hard worker. Some circumstances surrounding her, which ties in the plot so far and has some character progression (if you call being tsun for the main then somewhat dere but with a lot of tsun still remaining character progression). The dynamic between her and the main character feels quite natural to me but to be honest I have no idea how boss-employee relationships are supposed to work. She works him hard, he lusts after her, that's how it goes.
There's a bunch of other characters, but they currently aren't as heavily explored as these four. In fact, the first girl we're introduced to, who is written to be the main heroine, appears briefly for the first few chapters then disappears. Perhaps she'll reappear later on but right now, I feel like these are the four main characters that drive the narrative.

So far none of the characters have shown any growth but I think they're fine being exactly as they were introduced - they're well defined enough to be unique and not bore (me) as plot happens.

The writing itself is very well done - the translator Lord Obsidian is has a very good grasp on how to write entertaining sequences and I feel like the flow of the story is paced quite naturally. For the most part, there are no lengthy expositions that are unrelated to whatever is currently happening. Sometimes I'll find a passage where the main character will get sidetracked and talk about a girl, but I suppose that's in line with his personality.

A great aspect about this novel are the rare moments when the main character shows his true power. Trumping interpersonal interactions and comedic moments, I feel like this novel (actually, the author I guess) may be very well suited to writing more dramatic action stories. The smattering of action scenes punctuate the various interactions between the characters so I'm almost never bored. But personally, the thing I find the most appealing about Martial King's Retired Life is the lightheartedness of it. If you happen to be down or in a dark place in your life or even just bored while stuffed in a train full of commuters, this is a great novel to read. It's not exactly a fluffy novel but it unwinds my stress and I feel like I am looking through its world through the eyes of Ming Feizhan, laughing where he's laughing and lusting where he's lusting. I suppose it may be because I am an easily influenced person because if I look at it objectively, there are certainly mistakes and areas which could be improved - harder and more detailed descriptions whether it be events or persons are severely lacking in my opinion.

All in all, if you're simply looking for a comedy where the main character is OP doing slice of life-like things, then this is one of the best novels to read.

2.23/2.23 very recommend <<less
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