Gaze at the Scenes of Debauchery

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They’ve been entangled together for 12 years. A gong whose affairs had become second nature, and a shou who was depressed and liked to torment himself. Cracks cannot be mended, one can only intentionally choose to either ignore or endure it.

Associated Names
One entry per line
你看那灯红酒绿
Related Series
N/A
Recommendations
The Decade of Deep Love (11)
Xia Niangniang (5)
Muted (4)
Like Love But Not (PN) (1)
No One Saved Me (1)
Their Long Night of Indulgence (1)
Recommendation Lists
  1. Best Bl I've read so far(the best according to me)
  2. Novelettes
  3. stuff i wanna read :,)
  4. No Hope for the Future
  5. If youre looking for crippling depression

Latest Release

Date Group Release
11/27/18 Exiled Rebels Scanlations extras
10/01/18 Exiled Rebels Scanlations c50-53 (end)
09/23/18 Exiled Rebels Scanlations c47-49
09/16/18 Exiled Rebels Scanlations c43-46
09/05/18 Exiled Rebels Scanlations c38-42
08/31/18 Exiled Rebels Scanlations c34-37
08/23/18 Exiled Rebels Scanlations c32-33
08/17/18 Exiled Rebels Scanlations c29-30
08/13/18 Exiled Rebels Scanlations c25-28
08/08/18 Exiled Rebels Scanlations c21-24
08/04/18 Exiled Rebels Scanlations c18-20
07/30/18 Exiled Rebels Scanlations c14-17
07/26/18 Exiled Rebels Scanlations c11-13
07/21/18 Exiled Rebels Scanlations c7-10
07/17/18 Exiled Rebels Scanlations c4-6
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97 Reviews sorted by


jhana lunas
jhana lunas rated it
December 2, 2023
Status: --
This is one of the angst I really did like even though ML is not even sorry till the end atleast he suffer when MC is gone not some other angst who make the story painful but still make a happy ending even though for me its not happy at all because I feel like the ml's did not suffer enough and it's just really toxic. However this story I think is a happy ending (for the mc) because he can finally be free. For ML I think half happy/sad... more>> end? Happy because he can finally find peace in being alone not always finding someone to bed so he can have more affections and getting he's ego supper big to saying being alone is not actually bad.

Sad the same reason Because he's now all alone he chose to be lonely now maybe because of he's feelings for MC or he doesn't have anyone to trust anymore (like he always says MC is the only one he can trust) and he can't have feelings for anyone even lust anymore he doesn't even have the care for his health anymore

And for the second ML you can choose bad or happy ending to I think so myself.

Happy because you can think second ML finally find (the one) the love life of his life and can finally live a happy ever after with.

Sad because you can think of him being delusional or really think so himself that he can finally forget MC but actually can't forget him and he'll find himself thinking of MC when he's with he's lover finding the similarities in them and maybe even breaking up if he found out they actually have a different personality compared to mc

(Forgive me if I have wrong spelling or grammar this just my second thoung) <<less
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di_immortales
di_immortales rated it
June 7, 2022
Status: Completed
I cried at the end.

It was beautiful.

''In the moment of freedom, he felt as though he embraced the entire world.

... more>> The world he so deeply loved.

He buried himself in a riot of colours, as if he had returned to the gentlest home in his dreams. Beneath the sunlight, a smile spread on his delicate face."

It was a beautiful ending. It made me tear up. The years of mental abuse; more than a decade of insecurity and tiredness... he went through so much. It's not a happy ending, specifically, but to me, it was. Although su*cide wasn't exactly something that I cheered for, his death was. It was a peace for him.

I unconsciously imagined it. The scene of that beautiful man, with weary and dull eyes, finally livening up, freefalling through the air. His eyes would brighten, he'd smile uncontrollably. To the eyes of the observer, it was a smile, yet not a smile. And the air that whistled around him would give him comfort, and he'd finally be free. He'd find peace. He'd never encounter the horrible thing called romance; he'd die, and be in that place where the people who only knew how to love the new things existed. A world, a place, a universe where he would learn to love the world once again.

The ML isn't the ML. There is no ML. Well, I suppose he could be said to be one, but where this story starts, he is long dead to the eyes of the readers. The MC doesn't end up with anyone. Read it. It's quite short; it won't take more than half a day to read if you're a slow reader. I loved it. Beautiful tragedy. <<less
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Mins Cat
Mins Cat rated it
July 10, 2021
Status: --
It's not really review it's just be ranting.

When I first read this story I cried really hard. I didn't know what & why I was crying but knew that I was really sad while reading this whole novel. Maybe its because of my family situation or my own health issues but I couldn't handle this novel. I saw myself in MC, and I didn't liked that. I felt really bad for MC and really found him frustrating too. I couldn't help but wanting to grab his shirt and say that... more>> there is life beyond all this sh*t, give yourself one chance to live freely like you don't have any past memories. I really wished him happiness but alas it tragedy tag.

And ML, I normally don't like wishing this for anyone but I hope he will have very t*rturing life ahead and will begging for d*ath. As I said I was kind of emotional that time so yeah. ¯\_ (ツ) _/¯ <<less
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sangwoo_444
sangwoo_444 rated it
February 5, 2021
Status: Completed
This novel gave me too many unsettling emotions. I didn't cry or anything, I was just numb throughout the whole story. My mind was not in the best condition and that is probably why I gave it 4 stars and couldn't really get into it. The actual rating is probably a 4.3-4.5 and I might have liked it better if I read it in a better time.
... more>>
Spoiler

In this novel, I somehow felt that the most pitiful character was neither the MC nor the ML but rather the 2nd ML, Wen Bai. I can't explain it, but I felt like he suffered too much for something he didn't do.
He couldn't get the MC's affection and neither could he let go of the MC even after his death and was constantly tormented by the thoughts of MC even though he tried to forget and fall in love with someone else.

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I read another novel just before this (you might've read it, 'The Decade of Deep Love') and since they are both SE, I inevitably ended up comparing it and contrary to most readers, actually liked that one better than this. I'm a sucker for happy endings so it makes sense, I guess?
Spoiler

At least the MC in that book let go and instead spent his last moments with someone who treasured him.
This story was however, was realistic in the sense that yes, sometimes you cannot let go no matter what, because there's nothing left for you if you do. And its not just that, its the love and hope that maybe, just maybe, the person will realize your hurt and come back to you and everything will be okay. It is also realistic in the sense that sometimes, no matter how much someone is willing to suffer for you, you could never give your affections to them.
The MC, Wen Qing, knew that Yan Han would never let him leave and he also knew he himself couldn't bear to, in the beginning. But how long can someone tolerate and go on without losing themselves? How long does a rock need to be watered down till it finally breaks to pieces?
Wen Qing realized that he couldn't go on and thus he ended himself and the relationship that had been tattered and broken beyond repair. But even until the very end, his love for Yan Han didn't dissipate. Despite all of the affairs that Yan Han had, despite having been betrayed and hurt by him time and again, Wen Qing still wanted the person to be beside him to be Yan Han.
That's also probably why I felt dissatisfied, because even till his end, he didn't think of Wen Bai who loved him and couldn't be bothered to give him a chance. But its not my place to judge, and this is also how things go in real life.
I felt that everyone in this story is selfish, even Wen Qing. He knew that Wen Bai wasn't completely sure about his feelings so chose not to bother him, not to drag him down. But at the same time, I felt like his actions just served to make a lasting impression on those around him.
It is revealed in the Wen Bai extra that he couldn't in fact, truly forget about Wen Qing, no matter what he did. The MC did escape but the ones connected with him would probably never be able to leave the past. In a way, it does seem like a twisted form of revenge to me.

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All in all, it was a nice story, the kind that randomly pops into your mind when you're in a dark place. I didn't hate the MC but I did resent him somewhat for not letting go (because I knew I would have done the same and that's what makes me hate myself more.)
Spoiler

I did absolutely despise the ML because even until MC's su*cide and the very end, he didn't seem to regret his actions. He even told MC to 'not be pretentious' after the MC didn't want to have s*x with him (after he came back) which just made me want to hurt him more.
His actions and words leave little to be desired and he seems like the perfect example of a true 'scum gong x yandere' combo (he said he would even tie up the MC to prevent him from leaving and since this is a modern novel, nothing seems more creepy than this).

[collapse]
It was sad, yes, but rather than being a 'cry-till-your-tears-have-dried', I felt it was more like 'contemplate-your-life-and-feel-a-bone-deep-sadness' type novel because it was like a glimpse into the real life. <<less
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CapriciousMe
CapriciousMe
January 29, 2023
Status: Completed
"DEATH GLORIFIED"

... more>>
Spoiler

Yes, mastersh*t had only one goal in its existence and it's that you can k*ll yourself over love and it's fine and beautiful

There's no character in the story, the puppet known as MC has only one job and is to change its characteristics whenever the author needs a turn in their drive,....

the theme of the story is that MC was tired after a 12 years old love and had decided to end this tiring but beautiful (!) Love by dying at the edge of it... so tell me where is the love? Was love the moments ML decides he prefers MC's body odor and shape over his mistresses? Or was the love MC was mourning for, those flashbacks he had of himself destroying his career and social life like a heroic and elegant sacrifice for their love? No, wait, was Love that 0.0001 second where 2nd ML decided he loves MC knowing nothing about him and running this ever-lasting love without a source of power over 3 years?

The writing so amateur and organized, funny! Two grown ass men discussing about MC mentioning su*c*de to 2nd ML yet their ending result was that "I won't touch it, you don't touch it so it won't get shattered", like instead of getting some professional help, they decided by themselves that if they let him be alone for a while, so then he won't think about su*c*de ??..

Don't people get what's wrong with this novel? It has no story, no character, no pace, no logic, no sympathy, no romance... but such a dangerous message all over the novel : that su*c*de can be glorified

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keighlysays
keighlysays rated it
April 7, 2022
Status: Completed
Gaze at the Scenes of Debauchery.

Scenes.

Aka Multiple instances of debauchery.

This is not a novel for those looking for an MC who will enact revenge and leave the ML after finding out the ML cheated. This is 12 years of the MC’s commitment and unwavering love to a selfish philanderer. It is MC subjecting himself to the emotional turmoil and abuse, of knowing that the ML was unfaithful, and yet still stuck to him because of that one word, love. It is the MC deluding himself into believing the... more>> ML would one day change his ways to devote himself to the MC and the MC alone. The ML had an insatiable appetite and his desires was one that the MC’s profound love could not satisfy, thus the ML cheated without regard for the MC’s feelings. This is a novel of the MC coming to terms with the reality of what cheating entailed (a loss of love and respect, and everything that the MC was desperately clinging to) and what it means to accept a world without the ML. Even if it means the MC had to hurt himself time and time again as he plotted to escape the ML’s clutches, such that even when he succeeded and achieved his liberation, his freedom was gained through everything he lost.

MC: Wen Qing

Spoiler

I felt for him as much as I was frustrated by him. The number of chances he gave the ML, the way he turned a blind eye to his affairs, the way he could look at the homewreckers with so much calm, and the way he stubbornly held on until he was broken. My heart ached for him, and yet I was also extremely livid and pissed off at him. I was finally happy for him during his three years living independently of the ML, but pissed off because he never even gave himself the chance to truly be free. He’s truly one unlucky character to meet one Yan Han and one Wen Bai.

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ML: Yan Han

Spoiler

Selfish philanderer, extremely possessive, and does not deserve Wen Qing’s love. Almost caught a glimpse of character development when he let Wen Qing go, but then it’s like screw character development and let’s possess Wen Qing’s body, even though Wen Qing is clearly too broken to love again.

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Wen Bai

Spoiler

Didn’t stand a chance the moment Wen Qing said he reminded him of a young Yan Han. Young, reckless, impulsive, and extremely curious. Curious about the way Wen Qing made him feel, curious about his attraction to Wen Qing, and what became of that? His hesitance and uncertainty were his only flaws. And Wen Qing caught on to that and was aware that Wen Bai didn’t love him, and he couldn’t bare to spend another 12 years waiting for Wen Bai to figure it out.

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fudanshii18
fudanshii18
December 12, 2021
Status: --
The ending is pretty much explained in the beginning of the novel. MC got what he wanted, FREEDOM. He is too tired to love ML. As for the ML, at the point where the novel started, there was affection but it's not love. It is dependence. Why do you have to do all of those things just to see how he will react? You are so full of yourself.

I think there is some plot hole here, at the beginning, ML sleep around with those young boys because it was his... more>> own decision and bored of MC but at the latter part it is explained that he did all of that unforgiveable sins because he was testing MC? How? I think the author is confused?

Did 2nd ML love MC? Hm? Yes and No. I actually don't know anymore but it's more of possessiveness towards MC. I've read too much BL novels that I don't what truly love is in terms of BL standard. But I can definitely say that it is worth a shot if MC had given him a chance.

ML is not the shittiest ML I ever know. But he's on par with them that I want to cut his d*ck. I know that he's a scum but I just can't control my anger when they do it with others on the house where they live together with MC. He is so f*ck*ng dirty!

MC deserves to rest in peace, while ML deserves to feel excruciating pain in his heart until the last of his breath. ML did change for the better in the latter part of the novel, but it was too late that I can't even sympathize with him. <<less
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Vanlatte
Vanlatte rated it
October 31, 2021
Status: Completed
I love how short each chapter is. There's no unnecessary plot or prolong drama. And I love how everything turns out in the end.

*** below contains major spoilers ***

... more>>
Spoiler

This kind of tragedy is something that I always want to read but rarely found. Usually tragedy is two people who love EACH OTHER, but reality or circumstamces doesn't allow it.

This one is not.

I kind of hope he would choose second ML or someone else, anyone. But it was his choice and a wise choice it is. His choice is not selfish, although it's a little bit s*upid.

MC loves (or used to love) ML so much that being with other person is not an option at all. It's s*upid because there's this one person who (I think) actually loves him. But if he chose the other option, then he would be a selfish person as he wouldn't love this person as much and on top of that I'm sure ML would not let it happens.

I think MC's choice to die is not because he want to take revenge to ML, but he just want to free himself.

Until the end I don't understand ML. I kinda know why he cheat and sleep around. It's like some kind of male's dominance or something as the author mentioned. ML being with MC in my opinion is like, "He happens to be there and I also happens to be with him for years."

So I always thought his feeling is not love, but a familiarity. A dependence. A possesiveness.

But why should he feel sad for so long after MC's death if that's so? He might be angry and sad for awhile, but not years.

But, then again, even though he looks like he is in love with MC, the ending of extra 1 kinda confused me. Has he finally given up?

My perception of ML is contradictory until the end. I don't even know if he regrets sleeping around before.

[collapse]

I considered this novel to have happy ending, although a tragedy.

And if some of you wonder, ML is a scum. He is a perfect definition of someone who always thinks he is right. Whether he wants to give it or not is based on his whims - his gentleness, his love, his patience.

By the way,

This novel is very open to your own interpretation.

So don't take others' review as a whole, that include the things I wrote, because my view and yours might differ.

This novel goes to my re-read list ❤ <<less
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StarPhia
StarPhia rated it
August 7, 2021
Status: Completed
I am going to cry, this book is so sad. I mean sad in a good way but still. Gotta say, this book is very well written. It is short and sweet, but that all you really need to write something like this. You start at when the MC has pretty much given up on the relationship and is ready to give the ML one last chance. Obviously the ML fails because he is the worst. MC leaves and tries to be happy but the ML won't let him go.... more>> Most people would be really bothered that the MC went back to the ML at the end, but I think it was justified. He had already given up on himself and he didn't want to drag anyone else down with him. I think that the MC is just afraid the ML will keep chasing him if he tries to run, so it is easier to just stay. MC honestly just doesn't care about himself anymore at the end and although he acts spirited around others, he is actually broken. But I wish the MC had a happier ending, I can see how this could be a HE, but to me it is more of a BE because when the turning point for the MC getting a happy ending would have been when the MC first caught ML cheating. I understood why he stayed then, he had just given up everything for this man and loved him enough to forgive him if he changed. But if MC wanted a happy ending, I think this would be when he had to leave. He could try to reinvent his life, he is a very capable person so I believe this wouldn't have been impossible. But then the author kinda shows how it isn't easy for everyone to be brave and do something like that. In addition, once you have been with someone for 12 years, it is hard to throw away what basically was the MC's entire young adult life. He put 12 years of his life into that relationship, so it is hard to simply let go. However I do think it is a little unrealistic to stay for 12 years, maybe 6, but 12 seems like a lot. Not sure, I've never been in a relationship for that long. But I mean even trying to date someone else is hard because you have all this time of being with someone else that it follows you everywhere. Not only was the MC afraid of the same thing happening, he was afraid of what the ML would do, and he didn't necessarily think himself worthy. Although the second ML may love him, the MC has so much baggage that he can't simply forget.

Spoiler

At least the second ML got closure in the end. I don't believe he was particularly in the wrong for anything in the story, and he isn't really portrayed as such either so I am happy the author gave him a happier ending.

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I feel really sad about the MC. I really hope in his next life, he finds true happiness. I honestly see where a lot of his feelings and actions come from and you can't really blame him. Sure he didn't always do the best option, he is only human, he is going to make mistakes. The author does a very good job at making his character very human, he makes very realistic choices that align with his traits of being more depressed and not wanting to hurt others. He used to be such a happy person, and I wish us as readers could have seen it, but it probably would have been too sad when we see his state 12 years later.

I do believe this book could have had a lot more impact if the story delved more into MC and ML meeting and first falling in love and showed throughout the years their progression into what happens at the end, but I also believe that the story is perfect the way it is now. It is short and hits hard. Although we don't get fully invested in their world for more than a few hours, the story will still make you cry.

About the ML. The author did a good job at making me hate the ML more than pretty much I've ever hated anyone ever. He is most noticeably selfish. He didn't really intend to hurt the MC, but he is more focused on pleasing himself that he can't be bothered to see the MC. He didn't even really notice how the MC became such a depressed person despite living with him for 12 years. And it is actually pretty realistic, if someone was this selfish, they would probably treat their partner similarly. The story numerously states about how whenever the ML is worrying or trying to be intimate with the MC, the ML always fails to see how the MC is feeling because he is so wrapped up with himself.

And due to the MC and ML's character traits, their love was bound to fail. It is just a shame that the MC is a stubborn person, if he was willing to let go earlier, he could have had a happy ending. The MC is simply too selfless and not selfish enough, and the ML is too selfish and not selfless enough. But this story goes to show that it doesn't matter how much you love someone if you don't pay attention to not being too selfish and not being too selfless, then there can only be suffering.

I both hate this story and love it. I hate how it makes me sad and how there isn't always happiness. But I love this story because it depicts the sides of romance that most people ignore. I highly suggest reading this if you are willing to feel sad for a bit, it's a quick read and if you can later distract yourself with happy things, then it is a very good story to think about. Because it shows how not every loving relationship lasts and how human feelings and personalities can completely ruin it. It's a very human book and is also very well done. <<less
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MagBlueRoses
MagBlueRoses rated it
June 24, 2021
Status: Completed
I feel compelled to write a review but I really don't know what to say about this piece of work. It's been about five minutes since I finished reading it, it's been less than a minute since I stopped crying, but it isn't even the best work I have read. I have definitely read better. I have clearly cried harder and felt more. So what is it that brings this book to the top of my list?

The characters. Nothing more or less.

I don't like the plot, I don't like the... more>> pacing... but the characters... they are BEAUTIFUL and UGLY at the same time. All three of the mains.

(Minor character-related spoilers ahead)

Wen Qing

Our dear protagonist is so painfully stubborn, it's frustrating. But there's a reason behind that stubbornness that is too complicated to understand unless we've been through what he has (makes me wonder about the author's state of mind as she wrote him). He's been broken since the beginning. The break isn't a small fissure but a full-blown hole that couldn't let the vase hold water anymore with just a bit of mending.
Spoiler

And as the story progresses, the vase struggles to hold the last bit of water before it's finally pushed over and falls off the table.

[collapse]
Wen Qing's love is admirable, but it is also what wrecks him. Despite being sane enough, his endurance was stretched to its limit. He was an amazing character to read, with a poignant and tragic feel that envelops your heart as you begin to understand his origins. Read this book for him.

Yan Han

A total jerk of a character with not much good to bag up to guide him on the road to heaven. But he was so frustratingly interesting to read that it was a pleasant surprise when I kept looking forward to reading what he would do and say further.
Spoiler

Following his path of no return and seeing him destroy the little fragments and shred of warmth he had left was quite exasperating yet engaging.

[collapse]

Wen Bai

Probably the character I empathized the most with and sympathized the most. He is pitiful, mature, and maybe a bit of an idiot.
Spoiler

I want to curse him for throwing away his heart the way he did and destroying someone else towards the end, but I also want to hug him and console him for not being given a chance. He deserved it but Wen Qing didn't deserve to go through the entire ordeal again so I couldn't really wish him happiness with his love.

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Wen Bai is the kind of character one cannot help but thank for being there but 'being there' cost him something that one can't help but ask him to avoid at all costs.

The reason I give this a 4 star (maybe a tad bit more) is because of the lack of plot depth and other ignorable reasons such as character familial background, descriptions, setting style, etc. Since it isn't a full-blown novel and is just a novella, it is very understandable why it was written the way it was and why it is so simple, but the way it ended (despite being quite melancholic and beautiful) didn't sit very well with me (not because of how the main characters ended up, but mostly because of where it stopped) and the story itself felt like it could have been portrayed slightly different (but again, each author has their own way of writing and each reader has their own preference of style to read and I admire this author a lot so I am not complaining, just putting my thoughts out there). I am willing to overlook it all because of how much I fell in love reading the characters (not with the characters) in such a short time.

The translation is great and the cover is very meaningful with only one of the hands connected to the red string trying to move away from the other... not me sobbing all over again.

Overall, it was a sad read (maybe even a bit difficult to understand in terms of emotions and character choices) but I am glad I read it. It helped me look at love a different way from what I perceive it to be and now I must mull over what my perspective of this little four-letter word is. <<less
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JustAki
JustAki rated it
April 30, 2021
Status: Completed
Ha.

What in the hell did I just read.

A debauchery novel that rocks your entire world after reading it. Imagine being married to someone, loving them, for 12 years and then the other just cheats on you.

It's a scene and a thing that happens in the real world. It's sad that this still happens.

This novel shows no matter how sweet you are at first, the relationship between couples will still lessen. It shows you how time is on your side and yet not at the same time.

... more>>
Spoiler

I love the ending. Though I hate how MC died. But it shows how f*ck up you can get after ignoring a problem for so long. It shows how a person can get f*cked up and suffer in silence.

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In this story, it made me realize that cheating has no justification. You can't justify it. It made me realize that I should know when to pull away. Made me realize that no matter how much I love one person and how much affection I give, it is worthless if they don't want it. <<less
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chlrxs
chlrxs rated it
March 13, 2021
Status: Completed
The translation is very well done.

The story is short, but it can resonate to those who have experienced toxic love.

At the beginning,

... more>>
Spoiler

MC is tired of his relationship with ML. He feels numb, he wants to let go but he needs a catalyst.

ML keeps on cheating on MC. In my opinion, MC actually holds a special position in ML's heart, maybe it's not love but rather out of possessiveness and a feeling of exclusivity.

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In the end

Spoiler

MC decided to end his life. I think this is a good conclusion to the story, even though it's rather tragic.

He asked ML to let him go, but ML refused to let him go. He felt exhausted, he wanted to be free but he couldn't. He knew that ML will keep on entangling him and interfering with his life regardless.

At the same time, He couldn't continue to pretend that there's no problem in their relationship. MC had scar in his heart, their relationship was rotten, it couldn't go back to how it was in the beginning. So MC decided to end it all.

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In summary, it's a bitter love where you have been in a relationship with someone for so long and gave up a lot of things for the other person, yet he/she doesn't treat you the way you deserve.

You are tired of this relationship, yet you still hold onto hopes in your heart and cannot bring yourself let go. You hate yourself for being such a person, so you keep on seeking an excuses or a catalyst to give yourself the resolve to leave. It's very contradictory yet realistic. <<less
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BoredMonster
BoredMonster rated it
September 27, 2020
Status: Completed
I don't know how to feel about this, I could see where this was going from the first chapter itself, the author left us a lot of clues. The seemingly indifferent way the MC lived his life. The numb pain he felt. Basically,

... more>>
Spoiler

This is a heart breaking story about a lonely, isolated and depressed gay guy whose boyfriend has been cheating on him for 10+ years, who for his boyfriend cut ties with his family and friends, who for him quit his job. All throughout the story we see this smart, too stubborn for his own good guy suffering. From the start of the story, we can already feel how this would turn out. Reading the extras and comparing it to his thoughts, we see that he always knew. He knew what he had to do to be free from his abusive boyfriend that he shouldn't have loved.

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Spoiler

I don't know how to properly describe this story. The author has done a good job with the hurt, the pain, the emotions and the nuisance in the story, the reaction of the MC everytime the ML dismissed his emotions, where he made it so painfully clear that he was only thinking about himself... it was heartbreaking and probably something a lot of people unknowingly suffer. All I can say is that the MC was right, he couldn't escape his emotions, he couldn't depend on the second ml, he was trapped in a hopeless situation where he saw no way out.

[collapse]
Trigger warning:-

Spoiler

He killed himself at the end.

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Boba
Boba rated it
February 14, 2019
Status: Completed
This novel by far is the best that recite a toxic relationship without romanticizing the end. The author use flowery sentences wrapping this tragedy into a bittersweet reality in fiction. Telling this is beautiful is a big blasphemy. This is exteremly beautiful.

Some may think the ending is so unsatisfactory, but imo the ending is superb. Everything come, literally, to end.

As someone said, a happy ending isn't necessarily a good ending.
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kiraikirei
kiraikirei rated it
November 5, 2023
Status: Completed
The translation is pretty good. I actually read this novel a few years ago but only remembered to make a review now. Even tho my heart hurts throughout reading this story, I feel the end is truly fitting. MC is so decisive in his decision in the end. He knew that he can't pretend nothing ever happened even if ML and him got back together, looking at ML's face will always reminds him of the debauchery he saw. Since ML can't let MC go & part ways for good, then... more>> MC decided he will be the one to end it, even at the cost of his life.

Truly a heart wrentching story, it's sad. I cried so hard at the ending, but at the same time I felt so relieved. MC's sui*ide isn't full of screams & cries, the end just feels so serene, if anyone got what I mean <<less
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rnoshi
rnoshi rated it
September 20, 2023
Status: Completed
A short and terrible read. I only finished it because I wanted to see what MC would do to escape the situation. I didn’t shed a single tear because the angst felt so forced. The 2nd ML felt forced too.
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hycave
hycave rated it
May 8, 2023
Status: Completed
It was so annoying that ML was finally able to be loyal only after MC left. I'm so glad MC doesn't simply forgive him and to be honest I totally get why MC decided to do what he did but there are many parts in this novel that makes me feel like huh why? Like ... more>>
Spoiler

why on earth MC decided to get back with ML towards the end and wtf does ML thinks it's a good idea to bring the person he cheated with to talk to MC,

[collapse]
it just doesn't make sense. Even when Wen Bai suddenly make a move on MC at the beginning feels a bit forced for me. So, if you asked me how was the novel, I would be like hmm, it was okay ig. I'd rate it 3.4 but I don't think I would re-read again in the future. <<less
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qucciael
qucciael
August 7, 2022
Status: Completed
I read it out of boredom, but then I finished it as a new person.
The novel is very realistic about love. It makes the concept of eternal love look a bit silly afterwards. It’s not like I now ‘hate love because of this novel’s realism’, but it is certain that my perspectives about love has changed.

It has made me cry a few times reading this. The novel is definitely worth reading.
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rayraybites
rayraybites rated it
November 12, 2021
Status: Completed
I don't feel that this story is very unique and all like some of the reviewers here say. Just go to Archive of our Own and pick up any gay angst there. But well, a good story is still a good story ig, how truly 'unique' can anyone or anything be? Hence my rating.

It felt like all the characters were living in a dream. Partially because of how surreal the mix of characters seemed, partially because of the writing style and the author's choice of writing such short chapters, and... more>> maybe because I could deeply relate to the opening paragraph. It's not a happy ending. If anyone categorizes it as such, they probably don't know what that means. Please go watch some Disney. Even till the end, the ML didn't seem to believe the MC was a real person with real feelings, capable of any decisions for himself although the MC was described to have an extremely strong character. Though it seemed the MC always became weak only around the ML. The ML took their twelve years (these twelve years are quite significant to the story--you'll see this repeated many times) for granted but at the same time, gave them too much credit. In the beginning, it seems the MC wanted to believe these twelve years were not in vain and he could continue holding on just as he had throughout those twelve years. In the end, I guess he had to admit maybe he regretted it after all, and he had already wanted to abandon everything all those years ago, since the very beginning of the story.

Personally, I don't think the second ML genuinely loves the MC either. It was more like interest, then obsession because he couldn't get him, and finally, regret/feeling sorry for himself.

But well, what is love, really?

Honestly, all the characters were shitholes, aside from that waitress (the only female character and also the only straight person in the story) who worked for him.

Anyways, overall, it's a pretty decent book for people into angst and psychological dramas. And if anyone wants a lesson from the story, it's to be not like any of the characters written here. <<less
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Lara Night
Lara Night rated it
October 14, 2021
Status: Completed
first few chapters and I already cried. Reminded me of old things.

The things that MC thought of, wonder of, is the same as the one that I always wonder of. Why is it too hard for human to stay loyal for their love, is forever ever means forever? The writing is simple yet it stabbed me deep. Human could change, still they never change.. You know what I mean.
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