You’ve Got Mail: A Cautionary Tale

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The Peng Society for Gentlemen — a secret friend-making club for the homos*xual men of the Great Xia Dynasty. Its services were designed to help its members along in their quest for their lifelong partners. Upon paying a monthly fee of fifty coins, members could get themselves listed in The Pengornisseur after providing a self-portrait, a mailing address, their age and hobbies, as well as a self-introduction. All members would receive a copy of the monthly publication, and they could communicate with one another in private using the information in The Pengornisseur.

Wu Xingzi, a bachelor about to turn forty, worked as the adviser to the magistrate in Qingcheng County.

Qingcheng County was a place with barely any resources. In other words, it was poor. In the list of counties of the Great Xia Dynasty, it had been ranked at the bottom for the past two hundred years.

Wu Xingzi felt that his life was hopeless: not only was he a homosexual, he was also a virg*n. Even his retirement fund was lacking. Worse still, his looks were… forgettable.

He might as well die.

Hence, Wu Xingzi decided to commit su*cide on his fortieth birthday. However, he was unwilling to remain a virg*n to death! And so, gritting his teeth, he joined the Peng Society for Gentlemen and received The Pengornisseur. It was very painful; after all, fifty coins were the sum of his daily expenditure for ten days! He would only pay it once, and he was determined to succeed on his first try.

Associated Names
One entry per line
YGMCT
You've Got Mail: The Perils of Pigeon Post
คบสหายผ่านพิราบต้องพึงระวัง
飛鴿交友須謹慎
飞鸽交友须谨慎
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150 Reviews sorted by


Kokorama
Kokorama rated it
November 26, 2020
Status: c92
I'm up to date with the translation. Fascinates me. I think it would be necessary to open minds a little more before giving an opinion about ML. At the beginning neither of them are in love, I don't know why they always punish the ML without also seeing what the MC feels. Regarding se*x, the ML is tough but the MC loves it, so why is there protest?
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Urmulus
Urmulus rated it
September 7, 2020
Status: c81
Just wow. The story is hilarious, the author has a talent for smut and the translation is excellent.

I really love the MC. He is quite unlike many other novel characters: middle-aged, not good looking, no great talents and he has such low self-esteem that he can't even imagine that he could be more than a casual fling for somebody. And he is no schemer, that is so refreshing. I think he is the most relatable MC I have come across in a long time...
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King of No Killing
King of No Killing rated it
August 16, 2020
Status: c82
I just want to pour my heart out after reading the latest update. This is so freakng good! I wanna cry. I stayed up till dawn for two nights just to binged this gem. Everything is so satisfying - from the buildup of the story, character development, smut scenes, and especially to the translation! I really love the MC and the ML. All my life I've been looking for this kind of relationship in a story. The possessiveness and the angst! It is very gratifying and hilarious when the ML... more>> spews blood? (Don't get me wrong I'm not an S and I swear you'll love it too after reading this). I just can't get enough of this couple. Must reread this while waiting for the updates. Now, I have a reason to look forward to when Monday comes. And please can someone pleeaasssseeeee recommend something similar to their relationship ?? I've been trying to look for other yaoi novels but I don't think it can be on par with this.

Edited 20 Sept'20: It's already been a month and I still can't find another novel that as good as this. Or at least an uke/shu similar to Wu Zingxi. <<less
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Zeny
Zeny rated it
May 1, 2020
Status: c58
Funny, smutty, the first 30-ish chapters were a joy to read. Some situations were unbelievable hilarious, and the MC & ML's relationship it's pretty ok, consensual and it's evolving little by little, with more tenderness until now.

I have to confess that there is some things that I feel the author has left behind as the story approaches the, ehem, "court politics"-ish part of the plot, which has disappointed me a little:

1) the story has in its title the line "You've got mail" yet the author pretty much abandons that... more>> element as soon as the MC and the ML start their affair/romance.

2) much telling, little showing. Basically there is supposed to be this big political game going on that involves the ML and other side characters, but you only get most of the details through continuous exposition and long dragged explanations. (The ideas are very good, but it feels rather boring when side characters and the narrative are explaining it to the MC and the reader all the time. Smart characters have to explain why they're smart instead of, you know, showing the reader they're smart through their actions)

Overall it's very enjoyable at the beginning with all the funny stuff the MC thinks and does while exploring his sexuality and experimenting s*x for the first time. Yet later on it feels like the MC is in the middle of a tug-of-war between all the "smart" players with him being the rope and almost no agency. <<less
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quivo
quivo rated it
September 2, 2019
Status: c28
This... how do I describe how much I love this? It's such a magnificently frivolous story. I love the MC, and how his main desire up till now has been how to to eat well and how to safeguard his p*rnographic pen*s drawings. I've grown fond of watching the arrogant ML's increasing, irrational jealousy as he unknowingly falls for the silly older MC. I love the fact that though there are scheming third parties and people who want to put down the MC for 'interfering' in the ML's tragic love... more>> situation, 99% of their machinations end up going nowhere because the MC, as I said, only cares about eating good food and protecting his precious p*rn.

As for the s*x, it is unrealistic and kinky as hell. I.e. exactly what the doctor ordered, for me at least. You'll know if it works for you by the time MC and ML meet up to bone for the first time. 10/10 would read again. <<less
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1dumbho1
1dumbho1 rated it
November 23, 2023
Status: Completed
Mid. Lots of repetitive s!x scenes. The ML is scum, he uses people to satisfy himself and then drops his lovers once they fall in love with him. He consistantly sees other people as toys and playthings. He only likes MC because he was different and didn't fall in love with ML right away and it hurt ML's ego. MC is also willing to drop ML at any given moment cause he has super low self esteem and doesnt fight for anything. ML is constantly lying to MC and MC... more>> doesnt care. Typical scum ML and doormat MC. Only reason its getting 3 stars is because all the characters were well written including side characters and anyone mentioned a little bit will have a bigger role later on. Also the MC's hobby of loving d!ck is unique lol. <<less
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Sleepy_sheepy
Sleepy_sheepy rated it
November 23, 2023
Status: Completed
SO FUNNY - I really enjoyed this.

MC is straightforward and pure-hearted, unintentionally slays others when they try to hurt him.

MC is not smart, attractive or rich but he is incredibly self-aware, treats others well and is earnest.

ML digs himself into many pits and spits blood out of anger due to MC - I couldn’t stop laughing at his misfortune: ... more>>
Spoiler
  • pissed that MC leaves after a one-night-stand
  • pissed that MC doesn’t seem to miss him after doting on MC for one month
  • pissed that MC is alright with breaking off their relationship amicably
  • pissed after discovering MC’s treasured pegornis collection
  • pissed that MC is not jealous over being a substitute lover
  • pissed that MC secretly runs away and leaves him
  • pissed that MC has seemingly fallen for bootleg version of ML in disguise (chapter 76 - so funny)
  • pissed that MC confessed to ML’s mother (‘what do u like about ML’) that he likes ML’s Pengornis the most... and when confronted by ML also states that he likes ML’s face which resembles ML’s mother. Cue ML getting jealous over himself, and even jealous over his mother
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While funny, the story is not without heart. There were times where I truly empathised with MC and felt heartache for him.
Spoiler

Super feels moment: when ML rips up MC’s pegornis pics, and MC cries bitterly as he believes those drawings are the only thing that will accompany him after the tryst is over... shows deep down his loneliness despite being so goofy and blasé at times

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Some very satisfying moments
Spoiler

ENDING SPOILERS - Satisfying moment: MC, who is constantly underestimated, manages to convince Bai Shaochang to confess and testify against Yan Wen Xin by exposing YWX’s lies about the romantic perfume sachet. MC had helped the merchant who sold the perfume sachets and gained a promise in return 20 years ago, and managed to capitalise on the promise many years later.

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<<less
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nanzhuist
nanzhuist rated it
August 28, 2023
Status: Completed
Read if you like d*ck and smut and d*ck and smut and pengornises... grindr but make it historical / ancient. Took me almost a year to finish, the smut becomes too boring on the latter part, but regardless of smut, the plot is ok.
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Tsuren
Tsuren
March 3, 2023
Status: --
This novel has alot of sm*t. A little too much of it but I honestly shed tears while reading it. Especially in chapter 22 and 23. ML was using the MC as a replacement as the MC kind of looks like his tutor he likes. Twist is, the ML begins falling to the MC for real, so much that he vomits blood due to internal bleeding. MC is often described as indifferent and too detached, he didn't chase after the ML and decided to leave (ML vomited blood) Its refreshing... more>> to see an MC that doesn't chase after the love interest. Great story. <<less
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pyschoconstruct
pyschoconstruct
November 30, 2022
Status: c70
it’s not a bad novel. i’d say it well paced. but this novel is inherently p*rn with a plot. as a person who appreciates well written s*x scenes, I got bothered by the smut at a certain point because it was repetitive (in the context of the writing style) and didn’t add to the plot. having 2 or so s*x scenes is understandable but with the amount of s*x scenes (that sometimes occupies 2 chapters) you’d think that the explicitly written s*x is actively driving the plot. also the way... more>> some s*x scenes are written are (sorry to say) cringy.

i have few qualms about the characterisations. I like mc’s simple-mindness which tends to make him stand out among other pretentious and conniving characters. there’s no mind-games between him and other characters because he’s too oblivious to read between the lines. it’s makes sense for a country-bumpkin like him but a lil less sense for someone approaching their 40s

the ml’s character a somewhat overbearing. but I still appreciate the fact he got a lil bit more multi-dimensional as the story progressed. I truly feel like if he had a clown-like or theatrically funny trait it would make his overbearingness seem less annoying (to me as a reader) eg. he’s always threatening someone with his sword as if he doesn’t have the capacity to talk without violence. this gets better throughout the novel (mc’s influence or sth) so it’s a minor qualm. I like that he’s doting and caring towards the MC.

****also if I see the word pengornis one more time to refer to their pen*s or a man MC is attracted to from the pengonisseur...i will kill myself my stabbing my carotid artery with broken glass. **** <<less
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Klimintina
Klimintina
September 23, 2022
Status: c105
Frankly, I don't have much attachment with this novel. In my opinion, I don't like it that much. Throughout the first half of the novel, I was so angry. I was frustrated with the ML. I will not filter my words so I'll say that he's a sn of a btch!!! He's an as*hole! A scumbag!!! I really want to curse him!! Reading the first half of the novel, I want to slap him with my middle finger!!!

I was so annoyed!!! I hate him. This is the first time I... more>> disliked a ML far! Like I've read a lot of novels but dayum! He really disappoints me!

MC was so fvckin nice, pure, and easy going. But the ML was so freakin' manipulative and I couldn't even enjoy the smut in this novel. I just skimmed through it. Who could enjoy when they had sx he would always think about Mr. Lu (whitemoonlight) ????

He would frankly thought in his mind that the MC is just a subtitute, a shadow and all that stuff. It's soooo annoying!!! Curse him!!!

Although I understand that the MC still enjoyed their love making but in my heart and soul, I couldn't accept a man like the ML!!!

(I'm ranting. I.K. IDC)

ML would even like boldly show his affection and desire with Mr. Lu in front of the MC and he was so manipulative that he brought the MC from his hometown to another city coz he can't let him escape coz he was a subtitute of Mr. Lu. He would fvck the MC with Mr. Lu in his mind!!!! Damnnn, if I were in MC's situation, I would fvcking cry!

Although MC just wants to have fun before he die, still it's so freaking annoying seeing him being played and considered as a toy by the ML!

I'm sorry, I finished this novel but I still can't love this novel. So much frustration. I hate third party, harem, and some such the most.

Although they really ended up together, ML learned his true feelings with the MC, for me, it isn't enough!

I want him to fvckn suffer more! I want him to be frustrated and to be wanting to unable to live without the MC! He deserves to be punished emotionally.

Idc what other people think but this is my opinion throughout the story.

If you're planning on reading this, be prepare to be frustrated. I wouldn't stop you from reading this coz IMO it was still written well.

It's just the ML puts me off. He's still an okay ML though, just that his method isn't good and his so fvcking idiot when it comes to love! He's so fvckn insensitive with his own feelings and really stupppiddddd.

Sigh. I will stop here. I don't intend to recall the whole novel. Whatever. <<less
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chinguyen
chinguyen
September 2, 2022
Status: Completed
its not a bad read, but I guess I was met with extra disappointment because the high rating really made me had excessive expectation for the MC which then wasnt met.

the MC

... more>>
Spoiler

everyone (and the ML) called him cute and simple and straightforward. I think he has brain issue based on the way he behaves. He's selectively sharp for plot convenience, and he can be selectively dumb and doesnt think like a normal brain function too for the plot. At the last chapters, where they have defeated the main villain, one character tried to get him to speak up for the villain for old time's sake, he was able to shoot this down with very solid logical argument and could see the trap hidden in there like a seasoned and veteran court officer / advisor that he is. But for most of the time, he remains a jittery, unconventional and ignorant guy who cant read between the lines, can't see the malice from the exchanged conversation, or the motive behind a person' actions.

it was actually alright for him to be this simple and unconventional. In fact the reason why ML fell so hard for him was because of this flawed yet unique temperament of his (ML got a crooked but smart brain, so he's very interested in things and people that are clean, simple, honest - the opposite of him) but I guess I was disappointed because of the way the good reviews were praising the MC. People called MC mature and practical in the way he deals with his emotion and that he knows his own disposition - so I really came in expecting a mature MC who is able to handle his affair with ease. But he isnt. He's inconsistent (author's fault), he's vulnerable, and sometimes he really made me feel like hes playing the while lotus part because he has no common sense

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All in all its not a bad read but if you have read BL with more sensible MC and ancient china setting with more complex court politic issue and war, this novel will be a light meal. You may find the MC quite difficult to sympathize with and his narrative and thinking quite unpleasant to follow too. <<less
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taluluday
taluluday
July 22, 2022
Status: Completed
MC - go with the flow (sometime too much) dense, aloof, detached, gentle, VERY h**ny.

ML - Used to be a player, self-interested, possessive, don’t know whether to laugh or cry at MC sometimes, VERY h**ny.

**WARNING! contain some spoilers**

Tbh, I agree with the comment LukeLukeru that gave 2/5 stars, that the ML is actually not that likable. He has white moonlight (first love), and he somewhat force MC to be his s*x friend, or a substitute to his white moonlight. Communications or deal was never made, and it was just ML... more>> “I want sex”.

The reason that the story is still fun to read (and that I still give 4 stars despite problematic ML character) are because:

1. MC always go with the flow, doesn’t give sh*t about ML love and just LOVE ML pen*s AND s*x so much (which will give ML heart and headache later). So the atmosphere of the story was like MC: this is mutual benefit, free s*x with f*cking hot guy. ML: I’m just using you as a substitute, but.. shouldn’t you feel sad even a bit?

2. ML personality is not THAT bad (still bad) considering the his very high position, environment, and culture at that time (Very powerful and handsome, able to get everything he wants, but he’s not the yandare type that would chain up or beat up MC, but he was an ASS when he didn’t realize his feeling).

3. The s*x scene... damn. The s*x almost drives the whole story, the s*x scenes were creative and vey graphic. Even though ML personality was an ass before he realize his feeling, he always take care of MC well in terms of foreplay and aftercare
Spoiler

toys, squirting, peeing, urethra insertion, outdoor,

[collapse]

Personally, I think ML personality is kinda better after ch.70+? And after they declared love, ML was just helplessly pampering and f*cking MC lol.

Would I recommended this story? If you love smut, YES! I think you should try to read like maybe first 10 chapters and see if you are okay with ML personality, as his personality and the plot will get kinda better later. <<less
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Medeakg
Medeakg rated it
April 26, 2022
Status: c1
Love this novel. Are some of the s*x scenes unrealistic? Yes but the smut is good. What I enjoyed about this work was that the MC isn't your typical BL character who is 100% amazing and wonderful and everyone wants a piece of him. No our MC is an ordinary meek man living in a small rural town who doesn't have much of anything going for him who is lonely and wanting to be loved. It's refreshing to have a MC like this and watching how he deals with the... more>> ML and their situation together. <<less
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stellaries
stellaries rated it
April 15, 2022
Status: Completed
while I do love danmei with sarcastic, confident, strong, beautiful MC it is refreshing to see a shy, awkward, average-looking MC even though he is passive he is really strong willed and still always does what he wants and he is also really cute I love the MC SO much this is maybe the first time where I've not been annoyed at the MC throughout the chapters, its the other characters that i’m annoyed at lmao

i really do love how the MC handle things and rarely misunderstood it made me... more>> want to read another danmeis with MC like him

i love the story, the dramas, and especially the ✨smut✨. The revenge also made me satisfied <<less
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thebadgirl05
thebadgirl05 rated it
March 18, 2022
Status: Completed
I've actually got mixed feelings about this one. Bruh, the amount of frustration I felt about ML's insufferable blindness at around the beginning and the middle made me want to curse up a storm. MC was actually somewhat of an interesting character and I did enjoy the story but somehow felt also torn to put it off for a bit.

Thankfully, the latter parts of the story redeemed it as a whole. It was a fun ride but the amount of pengornises caught me between laughter and annoyance. Also, the f*cking... more>> ending gift made me not know whether to laugh or cry.

Also, I'm not reconciled with the Bai whatever. God damn fool is love stricken alright but to be too muddleheaded that much is way beyond being young. Choosing one single man who didn't even cherish you and even feeling as if he had the inclination to exchange the life of a scum for the whole of his kingdom is just so messed up. <<less
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missred
missred rated it
March 15, 2022
Status: Completed
Considering I finished reading this novel, I'd say it's a nice story - though I won't exaggerate it much.

Long story short, I'd say the ending was very unique and made me laughed so hard

... more>>
Spoiler

because let's be honest, the ML gifted the MC 360 drawings of pergonises (penises, yes, shocking. of other males) really is one of a kind.

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and to think they even gonna look through and enjoy it together. lmao.

About their personalities, well, they're okay I guess.

Spoiler

tho I hate the soft-hearted, forgive-and forget type of MC the most. it's s*upid tbh. in the end, isn't he the same like Mr. Lu (ML's teacher/ex-lover (?)) back when they first know each other. being spoiled and protected etc 🙄

As for the ML, I won't say anything for I'm sure the readers can understand his personality. After all, what happens once, can surely happens twice and so on.

[collapse]

Well, it's a good read to past time if you like reading explicit 'exciting' contents.

Spoiler

Though I just skip it after the first two times cause it was getting redundant. Seriously, 2 chapters just for the explanation... =.='

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<<less
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Tianshi
Tianshi rated it
December 28, 2021
Status: Completed
This one is really good I like it. When I was on maybe chapter 60+ I stop temporarily because I got bored.... more>>
Spoiler

because they still dont lay their feelings open and the ML always wants to make everything complicated

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But continue and finished the novel. The smut is really mmmmm! Haha anyway worth of your time reading.

So I choose to give four star because of some plot holes.
Spoiler

Like one of the "cannon fodder" character's had two version of story. If I am not mistaken on the name he was Huaixiu a fostered son of Yan Wenxin. At first his story was said: he was found by the wife of Yan Wenxin, then Yan Wenxin saw a potential on Huaixiu so instead of making him into a s*ave (his wife original plan) he became the fostered child of Yan family. Then the story was changed in about chapter 100+ on that part. Huaixiu was found by Yan Wenxin dying from hunger in some corner that he was almost become of the snow and Yan Wenxin happened to pass by and save him from dying. Yan Wenxin fed him until he was full that he felt like his tummy would burst.

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Anyway it is still good. Sorry if there are errors on grammar in my review, I dont want to re-edit this anymore. <<less
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FrostyDragon
FrostyDragon rated it
December 1, 2021
Status: Completed
Great premise and the first couple of chapters are hilarious. Then it quickly goes downhill. The smut was fine at first, but then it ends up takes a huge chunk of the story without really contributing much, and it's very repetitive.

The plot could have been fine, but the writing isn't very good, and the character are pretty flat. The ML is the typical perfect gong, the historical version of the cold CEO who only dotes on his lover. The MC is too silly and it got annoying how the writer... more>> kept emphasizing all the time that he was old. Personally I wasn't a fan of how his physique was described. It was refreshing with a shou who's average looking, but he was portrayed a very weak in a very unappealing way. Since he was poor and not that smart, the only reason why the ML fell for him was because he was great in bed. Which doesn't make the love story interesting or compelling. <<less
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_choochun
_choochun rated it
October 17, 2021
Status: c106
HAHAHAHAHhahahahahahahahahahah

what can I say but that I liked this a lot! Hahahhahah ive laughed a lot! This was so ridiculous and I love how ML is trying his best to be That meanie but MC always throws him off his pace LOL fr this was a good read if you want a hurt stomach!

story-wise, er, can't say it's perfect! My interest surely calmed the more I read it, and I had my times when I put it down to do something else/it wasn't a must finish must consume asap read... more>> for me 🤣 does that make sense. But loved the mc's character v much. V understandable how his face may be plain and surrounded by beauties, but he could still capture ur heart. He's not weak, as in the story, he's actually the one who most got his way 😂. He's not a pushover! He's not weak. At least that's how I understood him. I liked him sm! More than ML hahah ML wasnt rlly anything special for me hhahsg but I rlly liked the moments when he literally coughs blood when MC stresses him out beyond his mind!! He's p straightforward and righteous, in a way? He's not mean-hearted. Only with terms of affections is he cruel haha he's a v doting lover ahahh he doesn't treat lovers that cruelly? He spoils them wc is why they cry when he leaves them haha. I rlly liked how he doted on the MC. MC deserves as much!

the concept of the pengornisseur (?) was so novel and cool! And how MC was obsessed with pengornis hahah haha!!

smut was just a bit repetitive for me TT

when I got to the end, I was pushin to finish it before I was sleeping, my thoughts were all about huh it's the end, time for the cheesy ending ig but then bam! HAHAHAHH agh this novel is rlly !!! This really throws u for a loop hahah my stomach hahaha great start! Great ending! Not the most memorable, for sure, but I think it's a nice read! Try it!

4.5/5 <<less
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