it's hentai plot. A wholesome ones that doesn't writen by phychopath. It is definitely not typical yuri. It's "protaganist's suffering is my enjoyment" type of story. At least that's what it started of as.

then it try to be deep. Characterization, background building. The trade off from that is protaganist no longer suffering. The sole interesting thing about this novel is lost.

they says that boring movies is worst than bad movies.

It deserves a read. But you should be able to overlook writing mistakes, that makes the reading experience a bit better.

Kudos for the translator for the work you gave us. I believe it's very hard to re-read again and again the novel for mistakes without a proofreader. You did well.