Lost You Forever

Description

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Life is the encounter and separation, is the starting time and oblivion, but there are always things that once happened, will leave traces, and always have a person, once appeared, will be unforgettable.

The fated meeting at the town of Qing Shui has changed the destiny of everyone, even change the destiny of Da Huang. The desire for a little warmth, a little of company, at some point decided a shattered heart. It is similar to a cup of poisoned wine, when it gets to the throat, it becomes sweet, melting hearts broken bone, and until it reaches the heart and lungs, no medicine can cure. The poison is discovered and it is paralyzing the heart and lungs. Only the smile of one’s beloved can eliminate it. If it can’t, the only thing left is the engraving of missing. It won’t stop even after death.

If everything is destined, when Xiao Yao and Tu Shan Jing meet, they are fated to be parted one day, fated they cannot love, and also cannot forget. Although they can’t hold on to one another, at least to make themselves be unforgettable, bury everything deeply inside the heart. That gentle imprint will forever be indelible.

Associated Names
One entry per line
Chang Xiang Si
Eternally Yearning For You
長相思
Related Series
Once Promised (Prequel)
Recommendations
The Memory Lost in Space (2)
Mulberry Song (1)
One Life, One Incarnation – Beautiful Bones (1)
Refusing to Serve Me? Then Off With Your Head! (1)
The Probability I Can Kill My Wife Without Being Found Out (1)
The Youthful You Who Was So Beautiful (1)
Recommendation Lists
  1. My absolute faves
  2. My favorite novel
  3. Novels with Clever Strong Female Protagonist
  4. Fave.
  5. Amazing writers

Latest Release

Date Group Release
02/12/20 A Koala’s... epilogue
02/12/20 A Koala’s... c51
06/03/16 A Koala’s... c50
03/23/16 A Koala’s... c49
02/27/16 A Koala’s... c48
01/16/16 A Koala’s... c47
12/16/15 A Koala’s... c46
12/08/15 A Koala’s... c45
10/28/15 A Koala’s... c44
10/16/15 A Koala’s... c43
10/08/15 A Koala’s... c42
09/28/15 A Koala’s... c41
09/17/15 A Koala’s... c40
02/21/15 A Koala’s... c39
02/04/15 A Koala’s... c38
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Review
42 Reviews


Heliconia1
New Heliconia1
Mar 23, 2024
Status: c51
1. Beautiful writing. I firmly believe some authors have the gift of writing. And this author has that gift.

2. Gets you immersed in the story! Love the story weaving, characters, settings and the pace of progress

Spoiler point below

... more>>
Spoiler

3. Just wish XY at least gets to know (even later in life) all the things XL did for her throughout... It breaks my heart. I am the kind of reader who wants the protagonist to at least realise what has been done for them.....

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4. I am going to read all the works by this author - I am convinced that I have found a great author <<less
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08phamann
08phamann
Jan 20, 2018
Status: c50
This novel is a b*tch. You have been warned. At first, it lures you in with sweet candy, promising cute and sweet and happy. And then from then on proceeds to continuously and calmly stab you in the heart with a candy cane. Playing with your emotions as easily as a butcher cutting meat: with precision and no emotion. Like a little kid playing with his new yoyo. He just doesn't know when to stop. That b*stard.

My thoughts about the shipping and the ending:

... more>>
Spoiler

I knew a lot of people shipped the Xiao Yao with Xiang Liu, but he wasn't for me. XL was too mean to XY. He didn't appreciate her. Didn't treat her well. I liked Jing the best, and I thought that he was the best suited for her. And till the very end I still think that this is the case. In those circumstances, in that time, he was the best choice for Xiao Yao. However, this does not lessen my heartbreak for XL. To be honest, for most of the novel, I still clung to Jing as my favourite ML. There was one time when he had thoroughly disappointing me (when he fell for someone's scheme and got his evil fiance pregnant), however, it was proven that he stayed true to XY and didn't actually betray her. BUT towards the end of the novel is where I really noticed XL's love and devotion. His love is the type that does not act for the sake of recieving anything in return. In fact, he goes through extra lengths to ensure that XY and other people don't realise that he did anything. He did not do it for the recognition. He simply did it because he loves her and wants her to live, and live happily at that. The epilogue gutted me. The MC and ML got their HE, but I was not happy. XL was selfless in his actions towards XY, however, he chose to remain true to his promise and fight with the rebel army to the very end, despite the hopelessness of the situation. If he had given that up, I believe he would have been able to be with XY. But he couldn't. But that didn't mean that he didn't love and help XY. There was one line that really killed me in the epilogue. When they first met, XY said that she didn't know how to protect herself, didn't have anyone to depend on, and didn't have anywhere to go. And XL thinks to himself:

After several decades of archery, you have the ability to protect yourself; in a desperate situation you no longer need to use your body to shield the person you want to protect. An adoring lover, you already have a person to depend on, you no longer need to be by yourself. The sky and ocean are so large, you have a place to stay and will no longer be chased by people with no place to stay.

Xiao Yao, from today on, I can no longer protect you. You have to take care of yourself well, I wish you an eternity of peace and happiness!

And the killer is that, ultimately, he made all these things possible for her. He personally taught her archery to protect herself, even if he disguised his motives to her. He saved Jing by sending out mer-people to look and rescue him from certain death. He is the reason XY and Jing can reunite to love happily ever after. He have XY his blood so she feels as comfortable in the ocean as she does on land, opening up a world of opportunities for her. He did all this, and it kills me inside that he didn't get his happily ever after. Someone in the comments on Sushengbar said that this really spoiled her worldview, because the belief is that if there are soulmates, then the two will naturally find each other and be together. However, this novel did not do that. When Jing (fake) died, I thought to myself, I will be satisfied if the ending of this novel was similar to the ending of Hamlet: wherein everyone of importance dies. And after real ending, I think I still would have preferred everyone to die, because the character who never made his feelings known, but acted his love out in secret, died, while everyone else still is alive. And that just hurts because he deserved such a better ending. I wasn't a fan of XL in the beginning. To harsh and bullies XY like she's a servant. However, by the time the novel ended, I really wish he was the one she choose to give her heart to. But it could never be. And now I'm depressed.

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s0ng9
s0ng9
Feb 21, 2018
Status: c52
Epilogue: wish you a world of happiness and worry free

[spoiler alert : Epilogue]

Undulating mountains, forests.

... more>> In a place near water within the valley lays rows and rows of tents. The night has fallen, the bonfire should be raging, with a thousand light lighting the camp. But in order to conceal trail in the dark valley, not a little light nor sound, only one team of looked tired soldiers with dirty clothes patrol back and forth.

Xiang Liu quietly walk past the tents, his snow white clothes are like a gentle wind, slowly floating across the camp. He is the only light that stifles the darkness, every soldier who sees him feels his spirit relax a little and their expressions cheer up a little.

Many years ago, there was dissatisfaction of recruits veterans who complained: "why is the nine-headed demon showing off? We are going to war, not on blind dates, must he dress so loudly?"

Those who have experienced life and death, personally burned corpse of their fellow officers, veterans have experienced many vicissitudes of life, smiled indifferently: "After a few tough battles, you will understand!"

After the new recruits are infected with the vicissitudes of life, they understood the veteran words. All the soldiers were afraid of red stained white figure. But in the battlefield, as long as the white figure appeared, it will immediately attract the attention of the enemy and the most powerful attackers will be led away. There will always be more soldiers who can live to the next battle. In the night of the camp, as long as the white figure, regardless of how close to the enemy, soldiers can sleep at ease.

After burning bodies and fighting side by side, the soldiers find themselves to understanding Xiang Liu why always dressed in white -- maybe he just too arrogant to let the enemy will be able to see him at a glance; perhaps he simply a good general to let all bloody taxi soldiers. No matter how dark, one can see at a glance that he. Exactly what the reason is, no one dared to ask Xiang Liu. The reason why Xiang Liu dress in all white will never have an answer, but always be a debated topic.

Xiang Liu had visited the camp, went to the top of the hill, look down from a height overlooking the camp.

The distant mountains have a faint light. That is Ru So setting the mountain on fire, forcing them to battle. Final moment is coming, all the soldiers know their fate, but they still resolutely chose this road. The peace of the world, people live, they have been mercilessly abandoned the time become superfluous, death is the best relief is the best destination.

Xiang Liu sat down on the granite and took out a hibiscus wood log; carefully cut and polish into a naive belly laughing baby doll, facial features is a little.

After carefully carved, Xiang Liu inspect it from head to toe, feel pretty satisfied. His belly laugh doll upside down, upside down in the knee, open the base, hollow stomach exposed and come up with a gold ice crystal ball.

The clear exquisite ice crystal, inside was the deep blue sea, and in the water was colorful little fishes swimming and beautiful red coral. There was an all-white giant clam shell like a blooming flower and inside a beautiful mermaid sat on the clam shell. Her hair flowed like seaweed and her beautiful tail was half on the clam shell and half in the water. There's a man standing beside her, holding the mermaid's outstretched hand, smiling at the mermaid. In a corner, a merman floating in the waves, seemingly not far from the shell, his detached attitude felt like he was actually in another world and not in the world of the peaceful isolated ocean with the mermaid.

Xiang Liu quietly stare for a while, using his finger as a blade, quickly wrote two lines of words on the ice crystal ball. At this moment, a ray of bright moonlight shine through the branches onto the ice crystal ball, reflecting the 2 lines beside the merman: you are able to protect yourself now, you have dependent on, and you have a place to go to; wishing you a life happiness and no sorrows!

A white gold condor dive down from the sky and landed on a cliff, in its mouth was a jade barrel, filled with dark green mulberry juice with abundance spiritual power causing to green fog linger. Fur ball knows the Hibiscus log look unpleasantly dull, if it's not careful, it would burn its feathers. It carefully place the jade barrel into the Xiang Liu side and immediately jumped a few steps, not daring to make a sound and looked curiously at the Xiang Liu movements.

Xiang Liu placed the ice ball into the laughing doll hollow stomach, just small enough to hold ice ball and base cover, and sealed ice crystal ball in the laughing baby's belly. Ice as water, hibiscus as fire, water and fire counteracting each other, ice ball is no longer bitterly cold, mulberry wood is no longer scorching hot; anyone can pick up the laughing baby.

Xiang Liu soaked the laughing baby in the mulberry juice. Laughing doll body and the base are made from the same Hibiscus log. With a simple spell, over several months, the base and laughing baby will be joint together. But there isn't much time, one can only use spiritual power to complete the process.

Xiang Liu use his blood as a lineup for the spell, with several extraction of essence of thousands year sun stone to do, urging to work properly with his spiritual power, barrel jade green mulberry juice starts to boil. Gradually, the juice is absorbed slowly by the smiling baby till juice completely dried up, the body of the laughing doll has been completely and the base to grow together, without a trace of cracks, it seems that the whole wood is used to do a solid wood.

Xiang Liu use four-fifth of this power to pry open the laughing baby, it does not open; he drew a weapon to cut into half, there were no cracks on the laughing baby, Xiang Liu finally satisfied nod his head.

Furball stood on one foot, with its head crooked to side, looking at Xiang Liu like a madman.

Xiang Liu stared at Palm's belly laugh dolls, doll eyebrow eye curved smile, grin mouth, smiling at him, Liu lips slowly bend, slightly laugh.

He put laughing doll into a bag, tied to the Fur ball's back and ask the Fur ball and said: "Send to Jade Mountain, tell Ah Bi, this is his wedding gift to Xiao Yao."

Furball stare and wailing scream, do not understand why this is clearly something Nine-headed Demon made, but said its made by the fox, Xiang Liu tapped its head, cold denounced: "don't talk nonsense, just say so!"

Furball grunted its throat; flapped its wings and fly toward the direction of Jade Mountain. Xiang Liu looked upward, watched the Furball flew farther and farther, gradually disappeared in the dark of the night.

I still remember the first meeting in the town of Qingshui, you were grinning mischievously, with a mouthful of lies, only the truth is: I am unable to protect myself, no one depend on, no place to go.

With decades of archery, you can protect yourself, do not have to use your own body to protect the people you want to protect; you have a lover, you have someone to dependent on, do not have to be lonely anymore; sky is high, the ocean is wide, you have a place go to, you do not have to be hunted, nor no place to settle down.

Xiang Liu in the heart silently said: Xiao Yao, henceforth again, I can't protect you, you have to take good care of yourself, wish you a world of happiness and worry free! [/Spoiler] <<less
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tiffyisland
tiffyisland
Dec 04, 2015
Status: --
The novel is good, but the description is horrible in the sense that most people won't read it because of it. It's confusing and doesn't say much about the novel at all. I wish it has some plotline in it. People would be more interested. I read it long ago so I can't describe the plot well but I'll come back to leave a more in-depth review later...
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SilverMist
SilverMist
Mar 11, 2016
Status: --
This is so underrated. You guys, you need to read this. Like, right now. I don't think words are enough to describe the beauty of this novel. (Or at least in my opinion, it's still based on preferences in the end.... BUT STILL THSI IS AMZAING!!)
Ahem

Insstead, I only want to warn you some things:
1. This story is about the daughter of the MC from Once Promised. Even I only found out in the middle of ten chapters. But no worries, you won't get confused at all even... more>> when you read this first. They will explain about the points in the past anyways.
2. The translator/editor's note above each of the chapters have SPOILERS on the corresponding chapter or even future chapters with major spoilers. Be careful of reading it. I warned you.
3. I've CRIED A RIVER because of this novel. Mm. If I have to count, I guess... More or less, six times.... I couldn't help it... I'm now glad and at the same time, have regrets, reading this heartwrenching novel... So be prepared too... I WARNED YOU. Let me repeat, I WARNEEEDDD YOOUUU!!

Good luck reading it, I think you need it.
Additional (more detailed) genres: Female Protagonist, Family, Friendship, Love, Feels, Royalty, Politics (Marriage, War, Fight for the Emperor's throne&Clan leader) Poison/Medicine, Trust, Feels, Gods, Demons, Hidden Identity, Feels, <<less
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acquiesceu
acquiesceu
Jul 31, 2023
Status: Completed
I'm striking while the iron is hot and writing a review a few minutes after finishing the story. It might end up being just a jumble of thoughts, so perhaps this can be considered more as a reflection of the novel than a review. It's going to be a lot of writing so a warning has been made.

The only conclusion I've reached after finishing this heart-wrenching piece is that... happy endings aren't always happy. Endings themselves are inherently bittersweet, if it's happy you want it to last and never end,... more>> if it's sad you want the pain to end quickly and find hope in sorrows. Is Xiao Yao and her partner left to happiness now? Most likely so. But the world they left is awashed in so much pain, bitterness, and sacrifice that it's hard to see past the road it took to get there. It lets you cherish Xiao Yao's happiness more, but the cost, in my eyes, was insurmountable. In the end, we see leaves being turned over despite the despair and loss these characters have faced. It's a positive outlook, but I still can't stop thinking about what was sacrificed to reach an end.

I don't consider this a spoiler since it's made clear in the drama description that it's there, but this story is a love square. All Xiao Yao wants in the world is someone who loves her without abandon, let's her be free and explore the world, while living happily without regrets. As other reviews have already mentioned, only one man in this novel fits perfectly into this mold, but that doesn't mean the other two aren't incredible characters in their own right. I don't have many thoughts about Xiao Yao, but I do appreciate her being a breath of fresh air in the fact that she has no ambitions and feels no need to conform to the normality of her society. Sometimes I felt annoyed at how blinded she was in her preconceived notions, but her internal strength and cemented ideals makes her so memorable out of other FLs in this genre.

Now to dedicate my time and thoughts to the MLs of this novel because they certainly deserve it. This spoiler is going to detail each of the MLs, so if you haven't read the novel yet, I highly discourage reading this part. I also might end up being sappy so you've been warned.

Spoiler

Zhuan Xu

When I first started reading about him, my initial impression was that he was like wind. A gentle breeze for Xiao Yao to comfort her, yet a wind that can bite and tear across skin that protects his greater ambition. And at some point, that breeze sharpens to a knife towards Xiao Yao in a place where she's left no ends. To the world he was ruthless, but only with Xiao Yao could he calm into his true self. His ambition for the throne was greater than XY, so it was never meant to be between them. Zhuan Xu having an unrequited love is probably the best case scenario in a case where limited paths were walkable.

Zhuan Xu met all sorts of men but he had never met a man who was willing to give everything up for a woman.

I think this line explains enough as to why Zhuan Xu would never be the one for Xiao Yao. I feel and sympathize for his love, but some actions, although forgiven, cannot be forgotten.

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Spoiler

Jing

He's the calm and sweet ML that you may find in a fluffy romance novel. Devoted to Xiao Yao and loves her without abandon. If we're speaking solely for what XY wants in a partner, it would without a question be Jing. Their relationship isn't full of sparks or fire, but warmth, safety, and reliance. He ends up being the one Xiao Yao chooses in the end. I will say one thing though, I think what they have between them is love, but I don't think Jing is Xiao Yao's true love. To tell you the truth, I think Jing, Zhuan Xu, and Xiang Liu all knew who was the most well "matched" to Xiao Yao. Even Xiao Yao subconsciously knew it, but it's been tamped to the point of exhaustion and death.

Xiao Yao forgot about Jing Ye and asked "Jing, do you really see me as important as your life?"

Jing said "No, I see you as more important than my life. Xiao Yao, you resented me for saying I wasn't good enough for you yet I refused to let go. Actually, I know that you can go on just fine without me. I know that Fang Feng Bei is more suitable for you. But I can't let you go, as long as I am alive then I can't! I'm sorry, I'm sorry..."

Xiao Yao clamped her hands over his mouth "You idiot! All I want is someone who would hold me tightly and never abandon me no matter what!" Xiao Yao's forehead was pressed against Jing's forehead "You can't let me go, I really like that!"

Xiao Yao seeks devotion and Jing is devoted to her, so undoubtedly was he the safest man to love for her. He's willing to abandon everything to be with her, whereas she fears all will abandon her. Not to mention ZX has the throne in his heart and XL has filiality towards his adoptive father and the rebel army, which I'll get into next.

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Spoiler

Xiang Liu

Xiang Liu... I don't think I'm the only one with such intensely mixed feelings of him. By far the most compelling, mysterious, and depth-reaching character in the novel. The special thing about him is that he stays true to his values no matter what ending he spelled out for himself. Every character in the novel from beginning to end, including the MC herself, has faltered in their vision and pondered over regrets. His devotion to his adoptive father and intense silent love towards Xiao Yao makes him unforgettable.

Throughout the novel, even at XY and XL's first meeting, the world tells them that by blood they are enemies. A perfect parallel to XY's parents Ah Heng and Qi Yo. XY and XL are too rational that they, for the majority of the novel, maintain an ambiguous relationship that's electrifying yet hopeless. I respect Xiao Yao for trying to open her heart, take the first step, and give a chance to XL but Xiang Liu had chosen the Shen Nong resistance army. XL was distancing himself because he knew, regardless of how fiery their chemistry is or the brief bouts of happiness between them, that there was no way to have both Xiao Yao and his devotion to General Gong Gong exist on the same plane.

The beginning of the third volume is really when we see the love between the two. The end of the second volume marked FFB's "death" and XL cementing the walls he's put up. Yet in the third volume, although these walls become impenetrable and soon to be forgotten by the world, feelings are fueled to the breaking point. In the third volume, XL is occasionally mentioned in XY's mental monologue without prompt. He's like a fleeting memory throughout the entire volume and she's quite often reminded of him. Always remembered and never forgotten, both lost, loved, and missed forever.

Xiang Liu loves Xiao Yao, there is no question there. You may disagree with me when I say Xiao Yao loves Xiang Liu, but I really do think he is the one for her. Just the wrong time, wrong place, and the world working against them. My thoughts will always be that Xiao Yao initially fell in love with Fang Feng Bei's kindness and similarities to her. FFB didn't have any worldly desires and simply wanted to live life in its freest, just like Xiao Yao. In the end, FFB is XL and XL is FFB. I don't think Xiang Liu was faking the sincerity of FFB's character towards XY. It's just that... everything points to FFB being Xiao Yao's true love. Regardless, I understand why Jing is the ML in the end, it's just too tragic for Xiang Liu. He loved Xiao Yao so silently and protected her so immensely, all the actions he's done behind the scenes to lead her to happiness simply outshined any other ML for me.

Clearly I've written way more for Xiang Liu than the other two so I might as well lock down and just... show you what I mean. Other reviews have already mentioned Jiang Liu's actions towards XY (no amount of words can convey how forlorn I feel about the XL and XY's clam shell and the meaning behind it, especially with how the second time it's used, it's the final time they'll meet and all of XL's connections to her are washed away), so these will just be snippets that stuck with me while reading.

____________

The Grand Emperor said "Xiao Yao, I don't restrict your freedom but as your father I beg of you do not have any relationship with him. He's — exactly on the opposite side of Zhuan Xu and your blood line has already made the choice for you." The Grand Emperor had already seen one tragedy before, he didn't want to see the same tragedy with Xiao Yao.

____________

Xiang Liu was taken aback and said nothing. Xiao Yao pointed to the horizon "What's over there?"

"Endless ocean."

"No land?"

"Scattered islands."

"What kind of islands?"

"Some islands have not even a blade of grass, others as beautiful as a dreamscape."

Xiao Yao sighed "I really want to go see."

Xiang Liu remained silent and then whistled once before Furball arrived. He vaulted on its back and Xiao Yao had no choice but to stand up and climb on. As they got close to Zhi Yi, Xiang Liu switched to his winged horse.

As they reached Little Zhu Rong's residence...

It may have flown under the radar, but Xiang Liu's flight to Little Zhu Rhong's residence was a refusal to see the islands with Xiao Yao. Honestly I'm not sure why this particular scene stayed with me. Maybe it's because later in the story, Xiang Liu gives Xiao Yao a map of the ocean and tells her if she is unwelcome on land, she is always welcomed to the sea. This scene is just a subtle way of Xiang Liu saying that no, I cannot take you to see these islands, but perhaps you will be able to see them in your future happiness.

____________

Fang Feng Bei stared at Xiao Yao and under the dim light of the gambling hall his sliver of a smile felt cold.

Xiao Yao added "Even if the bug is removed, I'll still be good for my promise."

Xiang Liu coolly said "Fine, wait until I have time."

Another scene that may fly under the radar. The kind mask of promises that can't be kept with FFB immediately dissolves into XL snapping back to reality as Xiang Liu, rational to a fault.

____________

"He used to be a subordinate of Qi Yo and one of the survivors in the final battle in Yi Province. Carrying all the memories of those who perished, it's easier just to have died." Xiang Liu smiled "Actually, to a General, the best ending is to die on the battlefield."

____________

This particular Ice Essence that Xiao Yao found happened to have an injured ice worm demon crawl inside so after countless thousands of years underneath Snow Mountain, it had become a piece of extremely rare poisonous ice. It appeared like a beautiful piece of icy jade but actually exuded a poisonous aura that could pierce straight to the heart.

I always feel that last line wasn't only to describe the Ice Essence XY used in her carving to Xiang Liu.

____________

Xiang Liu stared at the ice crystal scene for a long long time.

Slowly he reached out a finger and pressed it on the ice crystal so it looked like he was taking the mermaid's outstretched hand.

At at glance it appeared that they were holding hands but in truth the ice crystal separated them. They were from two completely different worlds, they could never truly be together.

____________

Xiang Liu suddenly asked "Do you want to marry Feng Long?"

Xiao Yao's expression changed, she appeared to try and snap herself alert. Xiang Liu's eyes were piercing bright and his voice tender and soft as he asked "Do you want to marry Ye Shi Qi?"

Xiao Yao murmured "I do."

Another question was right at the tip of Xiang Liu's lips but he was actually torn until a moment later he asked "Who do you most want to spend your entire life with?"

Xiao Yao opened her mouth to answer but her expression showed her internal struggle as her mind refused to let her say what her heart felt.

After multiple struggles she became more and more pained and her body began to shake as she clutched her head "Hurt... hurt..." Xiang Liu had used his power to try and see into Xiao Yao's heart but Xiao Yao's mind was too strong willed. If she encountered something that even she refused to think about, then she would unexpectedly oppose answering it and the headache was the result of her refusal to answer the question.

I think this was one of the most pivotal events in their relationship. Asking if she wanted to marry Jing is a leading question. The person she wants to be with the most is buried in her heart because she knows that the world and fate will be against her. It would be a repeat of the past, perhaps a relationship of burning passion but an incinerated end. And here I think XL knows too and that's why he begins to distance from her, because he knows that a part of her heart is him.

____________

Xiao Yao couldn't help but admit that Hou was a very attractive man. He was handsome, strong, hardworking, interesting, serious when working but carefree when playing. His carefree was different than Fang Feng Bei's similar attitude. Fang Feng Bei really didn't care about anything so he wanted nothing. Hou's passion was because he wanted to dominate it all. His daring was not the same fearless as Fang Feng Bei who really wasn't afraid of anything.

____________

With just one vault she could jump into the ocean and swim happily. But Xiao Yao refused, she tightly clenched her fist and warred with herself.

____________

Left Ear's impassive face flashed across a pout but he said "I understand." Xiao Yao didn't know why she would suddenly thought of Xiang Liu pouting, which made her want to laugh and want to comfort him...

____________

Xiao Yao was starting to see things and before her flashed Xiang Liu and she murmured "One day you will become very smart and powerful, and won't need me anymore. I'm just upset that your transformation won't have my involvement, which is why I'm going to teach you as much as I can now."

Left Ear was indeed truly intuitive and asked "I will become like Xiang Liu?"

Xiao Yao drowsily said "I hope it's more like Bei... but it's all the same! No matter what you become, I will accompany you to walk the entire path..."

Xiao Yao passed out and Left Ear kept going until stopping right before dawn. He saw Xiao Yao's face turn red hot and called "Xiao Yao... Xiao Yao..."

Maybe I'm too deep in my delusions of how much Xiang Liu is held in her heart. But if she sees him before near death, even voicing her subconscious thoughts of XL, that must mean something..?

____________

After Xiao Yao tired from walking, she sat underneath a tree to relax in the shade and also teach Left Ear to read and write. He easily memorized a character but had trouble understanding meaning in phrases. Like, he couldn't understand what it meant to be "angry but unable to express." He thought "angry then kill", leaving Xiao Yao explaining until her throat was parched. She thought about General Gong Gong having a headache dealing with Xiang Liu like this and felt it so funny.

____________

If she wished Feng Long luck, then where was she putting Xiang Liu? Xiao Yao grew silent and then shook her head "This is your men stuff and doesn't involve me. I can't stop you so I won't say anything about it."

...

Tomorrow Feng Long would depart with a great army and Xiao Yao kept reminding herself over and over again — It had nothing to do with her! But why did it still hurt so much!

____________

Sir Bi stared at Xiang Liu and looked truly conflicted, like he was looking at Xiang Liu but seeing another great man from long ago "It's not that you're not good... it's just that... for Xiao Yao..." Sir Bi sighed loudly "Even if Tu Shan Jing is dead, I'm still relieved that the guy Xiao Yao picked was him."

Xiang Liu smiled and appeared not to take offense to what Sir Bi said and asked "I have one favor to ask of you."

Qi Yo and Xiang Liu... the parallels between the two are uncanny yet so tragic.

____________

This time, everything having to do with him was well and truly erased, no sign left whatsoever. Just like the most beautiful of snow, after it falls it melts once the sun rises, vanishing without a trace.

Xiang Liu looked over at Xiao Yao one last time before flying East towards the rising sun.

As the light rose over the horizon, he left like the wind with his white robe billowing, as magical as an otherworldly being. Sir Bi wanted to tell him farewell, but such a simple parting phrase felt as heavy as the weight of a mountain and he couldn't bring himself to say it. This parting, it was likely going to be blood spilled, bones, buried, ashes scattered, a parting without a gathering to come.

After a moment, Sir Bi suddenly remembered a very ancient ballad, and he glanced at Xiao Yao in the raft before looking up at Xiang Liu with tears in his eyes.

Sir Bi started to sing in the most melodic sorrowful voice.

Oh hey oh hey

Please cut my eyes out

So my blood splashes on your robe

Like the blossoms of peaches

Just so I am in your eyes

Oh hey oh hey

Please take my heart out

So my blood spills on the plains

Like the peach blossom on the mountains

Just so I am in your heart

..................................

No matter if it's his eyes or heart being spilled, Xiang Liu will never let Xiao Yao know how much he loves her. I find the song to be so contradictory yet complimentary to the actions XL has made over the years for XY. Xiang Liu truly is a character to sympathize and feel for. Fated to fall in love, destined to never be together.

____________

After over tens years of teaching you archery, you now have the ability to take care of yourself. You don't need to use your own body to protect someone you treasure when danger is around. The right man for you, you now have someone to rely on, you don't have to be all alone anymore with solitude as your companion. The sky is vast and oceans deep, you now have a place to go and don't need to be chased by people and be without a place to call home.

Xiang Liu thought to himself: Xiao Yao, from now on I can no longer stand watch to protect over you, you have to take good care of yourself, wishing you a lifetime of worry free happiness.

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Eclat123
Eclat123
May 26, 2019
Status: Completed
Why is it that it's ranked so low??? ??? This is not a novel for the faint-hearted. Every few chapters you will be faced with a heartache, sobbing with buckets full of tears. For me this is Tong Hua's best work yet. Her intricate world-building based on ancient Chinese legends, complex character-building, great pacing with thoroughly planned story climaxes, and of course heart-rendering emotional explorations through narratives really brought the best of this novel. Not to mention translator-sama did a very good job as well.
Spoiler

A lot of people are pissed at how MC ended up with Jing in the end, but honestly he is the only option that makes sense. The other guys, abeit no doubt love and cherish her, still love to manipulate and use her for their own personal gain. The ML is clearly foreshadowed from the very beginning, as MC always said that she wants a guy who will put her first no matter what, and Jing is undoubtedly the only one to do so. It's nice that the author build up MC's character so consistently since the very first beginning and does not falter in the tempatations of cute bad boy and big brother route, which would be a very cliche route in a tragedy-romance novel.

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Kimchi759
Kimchi759
Dec 07, 2021
Status: --
Y’all... I am seriously concerned with some of your standards for MLs.

I wanted to give myself a good idea of How Much Tragedy is Too Much by reading the reviews & saw so many people saying ... more>>
Spoiler

they wished Xiang Liu

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was endgame & that he was their favorite. But??? Ok.

This is his first impression:

Spoiler

1. There’s a small mythical beast that can be lured out by a young woman singing bc it’ll want to offer comfort. It’s basically an emotional support animal, but magically healing. She protects it from a huge beast of prey. The beast turns out to be XiangLiu’s pet, & when he captures her & she asks him to at least let the tiny beast go, he has his pet tear the poor thing apart. ಥ_ಥ
2. Her impression of him is that he’s terrifying & he has the merciless eyes of someone who’s killed countless people.
3. Then he tells her the only way she can live is if she’s of use to him. & when she takes too long to decide he has her whipped??? (/ꐦ°᷄д°᷅) /

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I’m just... concerned. Are you guys okay? Why is someone so vile considered your ideal love interest???

I’m going to drop here, bc I don’t wanna see how the author will justify his cruelty to make him a “good ML” candidate & drag out his sob stories/self-inflicted pain to excuse his brutality. <<less
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SHIPPER
SHIPPER
Apr 09, 2017
Status: Completed
This is a grogeous and well translated novel that will take you through various adventures with the endearing main character and her love interests that will make your heart ache for each of them. Drama, romance, adventure, political intrigue, a bit of mischief and magic is all here! MY crude summary full of spoilers :
Dont click if u dont want MAJOR SPOLERS.
Spoiler

The beginning starts with the heroine pretending to be a human guy (wearing a male skin through magic) living in a dinky town.


Anyway, she somehow caught the interest of some powerful forces and soon even the Emperor wanted 'him' captured. They captured 'him' and tortured him, but soon realized he was not a 'he' but is actually a she and--- dun dun dunnnn was also the long lost eldest princess who has been believed to be dead for 300+ years.
(Characters here are like immortal deities or 'gods' in this world who lives for hundreds and hundreds of years and very much different from humans. Some time skips go for as long as 30+ years in this novel.)

The Emperor is her father and then insert drama and tear jerking back story and reunion scenes here. *Cries*

She then lives in the palace being an unconventional princess who'd rather learn medicine (more like candy looking poison) instead of dressing pretty and being a girly girl. (She did live as a guy before.)

ANYWAY, she then becomes stuck in the middle of a political turmoil between two Kingdoms because her cousin wants to be the Emperor of a rival kingdom from her father's.


I didnt include the love interest plots here and it is really in a different pace than regular xianxia. The characters and plot makes it interesting.
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You dont need to read the prequel to start this one as this is pretty much a stand alone and the translator will elaborately explain events that might confuse readers. (A Koala's Playground's translation is the best of the best though she puts her inputs and spoilers in the beginning of each chapter. It might be too wordy for some who are trying to get in the story so just scroll down and read the Chapter then read her insights after you read the chapter.)

In this novel, there are three main love interest and all of them are equally deserving to be with the heroine to the point you really dont know WHO the heroine will chose. They all get screen time, like, your heart will be invested in someone and then the next chapter you will be rooting for a different guy. Romance, while present in this story is not the main focus but rather the MC's experience and the political turmoil that erupts around her. While she is present in the events, she also distances herself from the political intrigue and gives us this third person point of view on her surroundings. This is a story that invites you to go on a journey with the main character accross the years from when the story started to the time she found happiness in the end. Her life and circumstances flowed beautifully in the translation while she faced political intrigue from both sides of her family. The plot is beautiful full of twists and turns and not to mention the love interests all vying for her attention (not necessarily affections, just her attention is enough for them since she follows her head instead of her heart.)

The translation is eloquent and one of the best out there to the point you can feel the poetry from the original text flow through seamlessly through the translation. I cannot express my love for this enough! Give it a chance at least for 10 chapters or so! This novel will give more that it receives. Get your tissues ready too. Im rereading it again!
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ilovethevillains
ilovethevill
Mar 22, 2021
Status: Completed
As there are already many reviews talking about everything of this novel, I will only talk about my precious Xiang Liu.

In my opinion, Xiang Liu's character is the contrast of Zhuan Xu's while Jing's is somewhere in between them

... more>>
Spoiler

Zhuan Xu went as far as trying to kill Jing because he can't bear to marry Xiao Yao off. While Xiang Liu, this precious boy, concealed everything he did for Xiao Yao. The epilogue is an exclusive chapter dedicated to this boy cause he really deserves it. Let me list this boy's good deeds to Xiao Yao

    • He's willing to get the Lover's Bug planted inside him while he knew really well what it means
    • He taught archery to Xiao Yao so she can defend herself
    • He spent 37 years nursing Xiao Yao back to life
    • He saved Xiao Yao's life again when she tried to kill herself
    • Remember when he asked for as many blood as Xiao Yao can give then gave the compressed blood to a merman? Alright, now try remember who saved Jing? Merman! He collected her blood, making her severed the ties between them, just to save her man! Oh my god
    • And even before his last moment he still used a big sum of his power to make a wedding gift for Xiao Yao but won't let anyone know

Can you see that? This boy's love is so selfless! He knew really well that they will never be able to be together thus he only loved her silently. If only he wasn't Gong Gong's adopted son, he would be the best male lead out of the three.

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ai19
ai19
Sep 13, 2020
Status: epilogue
I blame myself for reading the reviews and being super expectant. I love tragedy novels and was looking forward to a heart-wrenching storyline that would get me weeping. But I didn't. Well I did tear up a bit on the earlier chapters when the FL was trapped and feeling hopeless. I thought the story would go sadder than that but it didn't. Frankly I don't even know what most of these reviewers are talking about.

But despite that I think this novel is pretty good. The storyline is told beautifully (for... more>> me at least), and rather than revolving around tragedies for me it's more about healing. It's about how loved the female lead is, although not everything about love is good.

I can't give a bad rating but I also won't recommend it to others. I don't know if I'm just heartless that I need so much more than what this novel gave for me to cry, but if what you're looking for is a good cry, go look somewhere else. <<less
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Angryant2021
Angryant2021
Jun 01, 2023
Status: c35
Great translation and I really had high hopes for this one but I'm sorry what is all this convoluted drama? I dislike 1v3 but thought I'd give it a chance seeing the previous works of the author. ML A is a spineless kind-hearted no power but born with special skills guy. ML B is plain creepy but at least he's got courage. ML C has courage but is only suitable as a big bro. Like am I supposed to find it beautiful that they all love FL unconditionally when FL's... more>> main trait is traumatized princess with a sob backstory?

Spoiler

Yi yang tried mu*dering big bro but both ML A and FL are putting on a benevolent act when the truth comes out? Like wtf?

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Seeing the cast list for the drama I'm even more unimpressed. Yang zi usually plays those woman pretend to be man and "always wronged" FL and the three ML are some pretty boys?! Honestly they're going to have to pull out some brilliant acting in order to execute this annoying story well. <<less
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MeineMeow
MeineMeow
Jul 30, 2020
Status: c51
I have to say this is not my cup of tea. I can’t handle the long pain and suffering for all the lead. The MC held those 3 men dear in her heart. Yes from the beginning she love ML the most, but I still can’t handle how the story fold between these character. Not mentioning the long trouble and pain she had to endure.

Tong hua’s writing style is excellent in describing the painful scene. I even can’t read the whole story, I finally jumped to last 10 chapter. And... more>> i’m glad since from these 10 chapter I can avoid the more painful scene.

This is an happy ending with sour and bitter taste. I prefer sweet and warmhearted story like my mister ostrich or ascending, do not disturb. The kind of story with just one pair love each other dearly. If you like complicated painful yet sweet story, this one is your cup of tea. But if you have fragile heart like me, avoid the pain and just read first 10 chapter then last 10 chapter. <<less
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SkyBound
SkyBound
Sep 25, 2017
Status: --
My all time favourite novel. As other reviews have said the description really doesn't do this novel justice. The translation and the writing is absolutely beautiful, each character compelling. All the feelings left unsaid, all the actions the author left unexplained but slowly ties you to the character as the story progress. All the beautiful descriptions and unforgettable analogies really left knot in my heart.

Spoiler

"They appreciated all that was beautiful, but wanted to own none of it."

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haruhi91
haruhi91
Aug 10, 2017
Status: c50
I stumbled for pure luck into this rare gem of heart-gripping romance novel. Since I discovered it, it has become one of my favourite romance novel, I re-read so many times that I wish I could rated 10 stars.

In a magical fantasy setting with gods and demons living for hundreds of years, the story revolves around our female lead, Xiao Yao, who just wants to lead an uneventful and boring life with some companions to her side. This simple dream is interrupted when she meets the three male leads, each... more>> of one sets in motion a series of events which will force her to change and pulls her back to her past.

It is amazing how Tong Hua managed to create such three male characters, each with his distinct personality which makes it hard to pick one to cheer on. Xiao Yao, loves in different ways all the male leads and she probably could spend her life with any of them. Don't think that this is a ban*l triangle or square love relationship, it is Xiao Yao's journey to find someone who can happily share her life with while clashing between dreams and reality. Xiao Yao is a strong heroine with a clear mind and a simple wish: she is scared of loneliness, so she wants a partner or friends who will keep her company forever. At the same time she is really realist and sometimes pessimistic, she doesn't expect anything so she will not be disappointed.
I could talk a lot about all the three male leads, but Xiang Liu soon enough stole my heart and remains the character who, although has the least screen time of the rest, really shines and remains unforgettable.

Spoiler/rant on the male character Jing and parts of the plot:
Spoiler

The more I think about it, the more I am disappointed with the ending and the character Jing, the man that Xiao Yao ends up with. He is the least interesting character, underserving of Xiao Yao's love or maybe they deserve each other as she rationally settles down for the safe, boring, second choice. Many readers find him pitiful and kind, the right choice for XY who only wants a stable, peaceful and eternal relationship, but his "santity" makes him a completely passive character, a pushover, trampled on by anyone without him reacting.

His brother physically tortures him for years and leaves him half-dead on a random street to be mocked and humiliated as a common, dirty homeless. You would think a normal person would reciprocate such horrible acts or at least try to punish somehow the culprit. Instead, kind Jing doesn't want to get revenge because he still loves his brother, despite it all. Are you for real? Let's say that we can accept that he forgives the brother, even if that brother never apologizes or shows any remorse but, still, after Jing recuperates his health, he treats the brother as usual, as nothing has happened, without a hint of hostility or alertness against him. Again, are you for real?

He is unable to break up the engagement with his fiancée, who clearly doesn't love him and just wants the position as wife of a powerful clan, because he is a doormat and it will break his grandma's heart. So, he asks Xiao Yao to wait for him for dozens of years. He can't stand up for himself, always finding excuses saying that he's trying but he can't go against his family.


He falls in his fiancée's trap who drugs him, making him believe that they have slept together and coinceived a child. Obviously, the real father of the fiancée's child is the brother, but Jing doesn't realize it till years later and in the meantime he accepts to marry the fiancée because "he has to", breaking Xiao Yao's heart.
When he doesn't want XY to marry another man, he has to ask help from Xiang Liu because there is nothing he could no. I don't remember a single episode where Jing manages to solve a situation entirely on his own.
Later, Jing falls yet again in his brother's trap who tries to kill him and would have succeeded if not for Xiang Liu's timely rescue. Totally his fault for refusing to deal with his brother for years despite knowing that his brother hated him and coveted Jing's position as heir of the family.

At one point in the novel, XY says something along the lines that she chooses Jing because he is the only one who would be always by her side and has chosen her as his top priority but I don't agree. Just read these examples I wrote where Jing in theory has chosen XY as his top priority but in reality he can't live up to his promises because he is "too kind to act" against the problematic people in his life, at best XY comes second, after his family. He is like a cute, little puppy who always circles around Xiao Yao's feet waiting to be caressed and loved but he hides in a corner when a conflict arises because he doesn't have the guts to deal with it. His happy ending with XY is completely built on Xiang Liu's shoulders who saves his life, who doesn't confess his feelings for XY and always pushes XY towards Jing, otherwise XY would never settle down for Jing.

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The author completely grasps the formula "show, don't tell". The most beautifully written moments are the scenes with Xiao Yao and Xiang Liu. Their time is always full of unspoken words, silences worth more than simple words.

Neither of them says aloud what they truly feel and think while the reader is left wondering if they know that they share the same kind of feelings, reading behind the lines not said. He is the one who knows her better and secretly gives her all she needs to become independent. I am quoting one of my favourite moments: Xiang Liu asks her: "Who do you want most to spend your entire life with?" Xiao Yao opened her mouth to answer but her expression showed her internal struggle as her mind refused to say what her heart felt.

It is painful to see how these two love each other but they are afraid to confess it because their relationship would be doomed. I would recommend this novel to all people looking for an unforgettable romance with relatable characters whose life become untangled creating such magical travel. <<less
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clasicoustic
clasicoustic
Apr 03, 2020
Status: Completed
This story is a gem. Let me tell you why:

The story itself has a good plot. The author took time building up the emotions and all of the characters' background while adding funny things and actions in the chapters, before we getting to the real shit. This book is full of feelings and emotions, in a very good way. We somehow relate to the characters and the author gave justice for all the characters' ending.

The MC is great, she is considerate, she wants nothing but a peaceful life, she sacrifices,... more>> she helps people, and she's carefree and reasonable. Truly a lovable MC.

The male leads, I swear, are really great!!!!!!!! They all love her with their own ways, and she loves them with her own ways too. About who she will end up with, you will have to think about what she wanted: a peaceful life. There, you will have the answer.

These male leads are the best male leads i've ever seen beside Liu Fu Ling from Song in the Clouds. They are incredibly smart, but none of them are cold of with low EQ.

Spoiler

my favorite is xiangliu, although he appears cold but he was the one who loves her unconditionally, sacrifices so much for her (and so are the other male leads), and led her to happiness because he can't give her happiness. She can't protect herself so he taught her archery, he saved her lover, and he did so many things for her. I can't help but cry, they CLICK but the world, fate and destiny are against them.

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This is a very fun read. Fortunately the translator tells us many things that we might not be able to catch on. The translation was great, I enjoyed reading it so much. Honestly, I adore all of the characters and this story remains the best romance i've ever read. I've never seen any male lead gives this much for a woman, and the MC also shows her love in different ways toward the. Ale leads.

No. This is not harem. Im telling once again, this is not harem. That's why I said, all the characters have their own ambitions, and in the end they get their justice. <<less
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DOHere
DOHere
Mar 12, 2020
Status: Completed
I'll start off by saying this to the reviewer above that was angry MC chose someone that "had many flaws such as his lack of self confidence". If you love someone just because he's perfect, then that's not love :). Just as the MC is flawed herself, all the other characters are.

This might be the best book I've ever read. It's not my favorite one, but objectively speaking it's the best written book and best written characters. The ending of most characters just leaves me at a loss. I don't... more>> know how I could've reacted if I were in their place. The characters are all very realistic and I've gone through a range of conflicting feeling for some of them.

This novel left me a bit empty. Although the novel ended in my OTP and MC ended with my favorite ML, it didn't look like a HE to me. Although the 2 ended up with each other, they lost everyone else...
They literally left all their loved ones: mc's family, ml's loyal servants and nephew. I guess to avoid future problems?
Basically not a single character ended up with all they wished for. They either got an incomplete happiness or sacrificed their happiness altogether until it was too late to regret.
I came to love the male leads, to hate them - and there were times when I didn't care abt them at all. Truly roller coasters of emotions.
Spoiler

Xiao Yao - I really liked her and admired how she can give so much love and care to other ppl. Whenever others hurt her she could just turn the other cheek and forgive them. She had a great inner strength and knew what's actually important in life and didn't care abt the little things.
I'm surprised there wasn't another female character who could become her true friend and I really wish I could've been her friend.

Xiang Liu - I really disliked him at the beginning. Ever since he met her, he's been physically hurting her, threatening her, drinking her blood and almost killed her dozens of times. Even the trouble she got into with Xuan, was because she wanted to help him, even tho by that time he's just been using her for free labour, abusing her, lying to her ahh using her to get to others. It's beyond me why she would want to help him even more. After that, he saved her, but let me remind you she was only in trouble because of him. Meanwhile, she's healed him before, saving his life when he had life threatening injuries, no strings attached.

By the end of the book, he made it up to her and I do feel sorry for him, but since he hadn't appeared much and wasn't very nice with Xiao Yao (especially in the beginning), I didn't get that attached to him.

Truthfully, I agree with XY, what was the point of him dying? Since they knew they couldn't win anyway, I still don't agree with this pointless fight. He had a real chance with XY, so I'm disappointed with his choice and don't understand him. I know - he did it for his fallen charades - it's still pointless.

I gotta say an episode that really marked me was when they go to watch s*ave fights to the death and I quote: The two s*aves would fight until one died and there were people cheering all around them at the fight whereas neither Xiao Yao nor Fang Feng Bei seemed affected. Man, I get they went through a lot, but to think they would come to not only watch on coldly, but even bet on people's LIVES like that... that's a bit much. A least Xiao Yao struck me as a very compassionate character (she forgave ppl I wouldn't have ben able to), so how can she be this heartless in this regard?

Jing/Qi Shi - he was the one I loved from the beginning. I came to hate him and cried because of him at one point, but later he won me back!
Jing is the only one she can be willful with. With Zhuang Xu, she's being very understanding and doesn't want to ask anything of him that would inconvenience him. While with Xiang Lu, she thinks the only way for him too do sth for her is through a deal (which was real at the beginning).
Jing is the only one that didn't use her.
What the name Tu Shan Jing represented, Zhuan Xu was fully aware of that. It wasn't just wealth that rivaled a kingdom, it was also power that could influence the world. Zhuan Xu met all sorts of men but he had never met a man who was willing to give everything up for a woman.
The only problem is that he was too kind...

I was really disappointed with him after that pregnancy fake news. And I knew it was fake. Because, isn't he kind? He can't hurt his grandmother, can't hurt Hou, can't hurt Yi Yang. In the end the one that has to suffer is still MC. It wasn't his fault that he slept or didn't with YY, but it was his fault for postponing making a decision. If you keep hesitating, then someone else will do the decision for you and if you don't do anything doesn't mean and other won't either. If no improvements are made when you do nothing, do you think when something bad does happen there's still sth you can do? What if his grandma lived forever and never agreed with their marriage, would he had made XY wait her whole life? That's why it's better to settle such matters as soon as possible. But later I understood that his actual fault was trusting ppl too much. He actually didn't expect this of YY or his grandma - which is why he fell into their scheme.

Their ending... sigh. Yes, they're gonna live the simple life they always wanted. But they just gave up all their happy places where they spent their childhoods and most of their lives with, all the people they knew and shared happy and sad memories with... and just chose to live in seclusion and hiding their faces (which XY we know hated doing)... It definitely doesn't look like a happy ending for me. And I personally think they should've and could've stayed. I think nothing else bad could've happened (fingers crossed lol - but now seriously, they got rid of all obstacles; even if some others pop up, it's not like nothing bad will happen when they roam the world or settle wherever they end up wanting to).
I hope we get another sequel and find out more of how everyone ended up. Atm, I'm not happy with any of their endings.

Zhuan Xu - At the beginning I didn't feel much for him and always found his and XY's interractions very awkward. Like they were very close, but idk maybe because I didn't see the beginning of their relationship, their love for each other just seemed out of the blue and unwarranted for me. I don't know if it would've helped to read the first book. Atm, since I know and read the ending, I'm not interesting in reading the 1st book.
But after he acquired the throne and kept being torn and pining after XY, I couldn't help but start to cheer for him. It helped the fact that he was her most precious person.

That being said, I was actually surprised that he was willing to live on when he thought she was dead?!?!!
Xiao Yao was going to die with Zhuan Xu when she thought their grandfather would kill him. But when she dies back then Jing was the only one who couldn't live without her. Why? ZX said she was the only one he had left, his only precious one. Was it because he wanted to fulfill the goes his parents and aunt left him, to become emperor, even if XY died? Even if he didn't realise at that point that he loved her romantically, did he think he could live on without her?

Before she found out abt his betrayal, she found out abt his feelings. At that point, I was surprised she didn't accept him, since she always did anything he needed in the past. She still loved him more than Jing, but maybe because such a kind soul as Jing "died" and she decided to marry him even after his death - maybe she decided to be with no one else after his death? Anyway, we discovered then that she had absolutely no romantic feeling for ZX, which makes me wonder what would've happened if he actaully tried to get her first - would she have been able to fall in love with him?

Sigh... both Xiao Yao and Jing were betrayed by their most beloved brothers. I was a bit angry with him, but was still hoping XY could forgive ZX since he loves her and regretted it. Idk, was I only able to forgive him so easily because I knew Jing would survive?
Every character came up with different reasons, mostly that ZX couldn't give XY to Jing because he didn't think Jing was good enough. But I think he could give her to Feng Long because he knew FL wouldn't love her, and most importantly she didn't love FL.

I find the saddest point in the ending is that these 2 lost each other. Since Jing lived on, I really wish XY could've at least stayed close to ZX, even if they didn't become as close as before. But rather than death, this was the cruelest punishment she could've given him : (. Now ZX is completely alone, he sacrificed the only thing he loved and has gained all the things that don't make him happy.
I really wish Xiao Yao could split herself in 3 equal parts for each of the male leads?.

Ah Nian - tbh, I never liked her and didn't understand how Xiao Yao came to love her with no reason whatsoever like that?!?! Even she came to defend Ah Nian whenever she did something wrong. And everyone is just cleaning her mess and protecting her. Umm, no, you should teach her she did sth wrong. She's not endearing at all, she's just selfish and unreasonable. Like how she was when she first met Xiao Liu and she bullied her friend (the old soldier). She came to like Xiao Yao as well, but only later when Xiao Yao already treated her very well. Overall, it was Xiao Yao that cared and did more for her.
It also looked to me like their father did more for this self absorbed brat, which I found unfair. You've spoiled her till she became useless, it's time to stop now.

Xing Yue - another selfish character. I hope she matured a bit after her brother gave his life for her. She might've had a hard life, but she also never didn't anything for everyone else, but even hurt ppl who never wronged her, like MC.
I really liked her at first. But I thought she liked ZX, who knew she onlye ever thought about herself. She didn't help Zhang Xu when he needed her, but only wanted to marry him after he already became emperor. She didn't deserve to become empress. Xiao Yao suffered way more than her, but still sacrificed herself time and time again for her loved ones. Xing Yue just wants the fruits without any effort.

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Overall, I loved MC and her 3 male leads and I'm sad about all of their endings. And the thing that I'm most sad about is actually that they're not real. It's such a shame that such people that would give so much to their loved ones and care so much for others don't exist in reality. Especially MC and ML, they're so kind and so selfless, they're such beautiful people and it's a shame they're not in our world. Thinking of how disappointing real ppl are in comparison, this world seems very bleak lol. <<less
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dancebaby
dancebaby
Mar 13, 2019
Status: Completed
I came across this novel by accident and started it with no expectations. I was quickly s**ked in and couldn't put it down. Be prepared for a ridiculous roller coaster in terms of ups and downs and relentless pacing. The world building is incredible and the writing is poetic, beautiful and moving. My first Tong Hua novel and finally I understand her well-deserved hype and fame. The quality and richness of the story surpassed anything else I've come across so far in the genre. One of the male leads, Xiang... more>> Liu, is probably one of my most favorite characters of all time... in the beginning I was shocked and confused by him, but overtime he grew on me so so much even though his interactions with the MC were more limited than the rest.

For the first half, I assumed with zero doubt in my mind this would catapult to the top of my list of best novels and I was prepared to reread it over and over again. Then I reached the ending, technically a happily ever after, but I was so heartbroken and so emotionally drained because it was truly not the ending I wanted!!! (TRULY SO UPSET!!! Don't even know how to begin to get over this) The story was going in that direction but I ignored all the signs, hoping the author would find a way to realistically write it differently... it's left me frustrated and quite disappointed actually, but obviously it's subjective what the "ideal" ending is. Personally my heart hurt so much at the end - admittedly, only the most powerful writing has the ability to have this sort of impact (but doesn't mean I'm happy about it haha). For more logical readers, the ending might be more satisfactory as it does come full circle for the most part.

I'm not sure I can bring myself to read it again after such a cruel stab to the heart but I don't regret reading this. Although the ending kind of ruined it for me, I really did love the earlier chapters. In my opinion, book 1 was the absolute best. Overall it was an enchanting and enthralling journey and I would still recommend this to all lovers of romance. <<less
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TASTYGENE5212
TASTYGENE521
Sep 21, 2023
Status: c51
I am so stoked to have found this novel. After watching S1 of LYF, I need to read the book to get more in-depth understanding of the drama as a whole. Thank you Captain K for your effort. It's greatly appreciated. I cannot find words to convey my gratitude for this translation.

For sure I will re-read this novel. This drama is one of the best for me. I'm so into XL, his love and care to XY is so astounding. I cry for him, his death, his unrequited love (though... more>> I believe XY loved him back), his complicated persona. Tan Jian Ci nailed his role as a nine-headed demon. All the actresses and actors (leads and supporting roles) made this drama such a huge success. It touch my heart and for sure for all the LYF fandom.

I will torture myself for awhile pondering on this novel. I hope I can move on from this heartbreak soon enough. <<less
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Puppyluv
Puppyluv
Aug 13, 2023
Status: epilogue
I have never read a Chinese novel before and only came to know of this novel after I started watching the drama of this novel that was released this year! I was so intrigued by the story that I wanted so bad to read the novel. This novel just takes you on a whole roller coaster ride that leaves you so conflicted by the end of it! I get why she ended up with the final man but the emotions that she has for the other man is so real!... more>> And my feelings towards the SML in this drama cannot be extinguished cause he’s such a complex character but I continued wanting the FL to select him! But if you are going to read this book, this is fair warning that you will be in for a very long ride with so many ups and downs. And also have to say, that the politics in this book was so beautifully portrayed cause I generally hate political parts of stories but this book kept me reigned in for all the politics as well. Idk how I’m going to recover after reading this book! I bawled my eyes out during the last few chapters and I’m sure to bawl my eyes out during the last few episodes of the drama too cause so far the drama has not been disappointing at all and I even feel that some emotions which are not portrayed in the book is being perfectly portrayed in the drama. Highly recommend that to any one who is a fan of this book! <<less
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Ppkk85
Ppkk85
Feb 20, 2023
Status: Completed
Another great novel. I can feel the pain and sympathize with all the ML.

ML black emperor: he loves her so much but he has a greater goal for the greater of the world he sacrificed his happiness the one thing he truly love for it. Though he regrets it from time to time he can’t turn back. I wouldn’t mind if she ended up with him bc they have this unshakable relationship from childhood to adulthood. She will always put him first before herself.

ML nine live demon: help/ love without... more>> any demand or expectation from her. It’s unclear of what kind of love he has for her but he does so much for her behind the scenes but never once expresses any affection towards her. So I can’t say I would choose him to be with her bc he’s there for her at critical moments but doesn’t pursue her.

ML Jing: so sweet and so kind. He’s definitely the right one for her. He gives her everything she wishes for a life long & loving partner who would choose to roam the world with her. He’s open minded, forgiving, and is not jealous over unnecessary things. I love him.

I just wish there was more sweet moments of them together. <<less
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