Unspeakable

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In the purest days of early springtime, my selfish love was given to you.
Time passes and my heart has never changed, but my feelings have become completely unspeakable.

Shen Kanyu had chased after Gu Yansheng from the moment they met and all years following. He has been married to him for 3 years, has birthed a daughter for him, and now lives at this house he hates to return to, cooking for him even on days he doesn’t return. Still, he is content to continue on as long as their days pass like this. In a place where their hands touch the same bowl, where Gu Yansheng comes to linger in his daughter’s grip, and where warmth softly ghosts him. Easing the ache in his bones, a home that belongs to him, a place he can watch a beautiful little girl and the man he loves happily till the day he dies. A piece of paper at the bottom of a drawer, a rough sketch of a family of three as they walk hand in hand and a dark smear staining the corner of the page. Yet all this still feels sweet.

Associated Names
One entry per line
不堪言
Related Series
N/A
Recommendations
Muted (2)
No One Saved Me (2)
Gaze at the Scenes of Debauchery (1)
If Only Time Stopped at the Moment We First Met (1)
The Decade of Deep Love (1)
Like Love But Not (1)
Recommendation Lists
  1. Bl with shy MC and scum gong
  2. Wistful reads
  3. To be read
  4. BL collection [GOOD, WHATEVER & BAD] #2
  5. Luvvv

Latest Release

Date Group Release
03/27/24 Kotranslation c47 part8
03/20/24 Kotranslation c47 part7
03/14/24 Kotranslation c47 part6
03/13/24 Kotranslation c47 part5
03/07/24 Kotranslation c47 part4
03/06/24 Kotranslation c47 part3
02/29/24 Kotranslation c47 part2
02/28/24 Kotranslation c47 part1
02/22/24 Kotranslation c46 part3
02/21/24 Kotranslation c46 part2
02/15/24 Kotranslation c46 part1
02/14/24 Kotranslation c45 part6
02/08/24 Kotranslation c45 part5
02/07/24 Kotranslation c45 part4
02/01/24 Kotranslation c45 part3
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35 Reviews sorted by


character-Peachy
New character-Peachy
March 5, 2024
Status: --
Gu Yansheng, you don't deserve him at all. Dude deserve to live alone. A true mother's child tbh. A tree log is more useful than you, a supposed husband and father. All these late compassion, you still don't deserve him. Read to be sad for Shen Kanyu? Yes. But every chapter I want to bring Shen Kanyu away from this idiot please. Away from the family, away from the husband, away from. The daughter. I'm sorry 😔
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Alliee
New Alliee rated it
March 2, 2024
Status: Completed
I am crying so bad... the ending was not bad but my heart is still very broken for xiao Yu.

Extras were good :

Spoiler

at least by ML's reborn to when xiao Yu is still a child, finaly our little Yu can grew up without being beaten, being starved, feeling cold, and this time he can learn what it means to be loved QAQ

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Rin717
Rin717 rated it
September 13, 2020
Status: Completed
The first two chapters were really interesting so I MTLed the rest of the story-- it's rather easy to understand if you're thinking of doing so as well.

The story is really rather heart-breaking, but it does end with an optimistic note.

... more>>
Spoiler

Normal end: A seemingly implied HEA with the MC+ML+2 kids living a fulfilled family life in the future. That is, "seemingly" because the 1st extra will reveal that the MC really did not believe that he was loved by the ML, and in his dying moments, chose to leave his family to die by himself as was his original plan.

Extra (True) end: ML's re-incarnation to a parallel (?) world, where the ML is a successful businessman and the MC is still a child, giving him a chance to give the MC all the love and care he did not receive in the original world... which might be an iffy subject for some, since the ML seems to be raising the minor-MC to become his future spouse, albeit saving him early from his abusive house.

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I finished reading this in 2 days, and found myself crying at every chapter. So yeah, prepare lots of tissues and an ice pack if you don't want swollen eyes.

Mostly told in the POV of the MC (Shen Kanyu), we do get a significant amount of POV from the ML (Gu Yansheng). The background story of most incidents which took place is also well-hashed, but it did not really go into full specifics of what the MC did to the ML, leaving that portion implied. On that note, the story was rather distressing because the misunderstandings are plenteous, and especially because there was almost no one truly siding with the MC, and those that do are not really able to make a timely, significant impact on the MC's situation.

Although one might consider why the MC does not seem to want to fight for himself, but he in fact does so. Just not in the way one who grew up in a normal family setting would.
Spoiler

The continued abuse the MC is experiencing truly left an indelible mark on his mindset and way of being. The novel mentioned it to be autism which resulted from abuse, but possibly it's a form of PTSD instead?

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He sincerely believes that everything that is happening to him is what he deserves, which is a rather disastrous combination with our immature ML.

That said,
Spoiler

although I do not condone r*pe of any form, inclusive of marital r*pe (yes this does exist)

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it has been a treat witnessing how the ML grows into maturity and better realization of how he should have been treating the MC, and how much he actually does love and value the MC.

In the end, the novel felt like a prequel to a main story, but with more details than is usually given. If this does get a 'sequel' of some sort, I will definitely look forward to reading that as well! <<less
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hy-d-ra
hy-d-ra rated it
April 13, 2021
Status: Completed
I do like angsty novels, but sometimes authors just go overboard with how they treat their MC's and the novel becomes a ground for emotionally torturing readers. But going overboard destroyes the balance between logic and "let's just make MC so miserable, like no one else".

Author drew a world where basically no one leves our MC, starting from his cold-feeling family where MC was nothing more but a blood-bank or potential organ donor, thats why you can't treat well this unwanted child, ending with his unfeeling husband.

To me several parts... more>> were described as dramatic, but if you think logically about it, it feels strange. Probably because author never gave much detail on it. But what they did give created a specific image in my head. I shall talk about them in no particular order:

  • Do I believe in MC's love actually? Tbh, I'm not sure. At first it felt like a puppy love x attractive appearance. There were several weird moments with MC overreacting physically and description sounded more otaku-ish than a loving person. Later it was like obsession, especially considering his parents not giving him any love, Shen Kanyu s very easily satisfied, so who knows.
  • Actually, I find it peculiar how Shen parents never got a backlash for their behavior. I can understand within their family, but you really can't keep these things from people. Also, it was way too overdramatized, like his parents did all the wrong choices. Surely because they cared for the older one they ended up neglecting the youngest, but seeing no neighbors scold them for being shitty, waste potential. Readers need satisfaction in their prolonged remorse. His brother too, I can understand parents were nto satisfied if he paid attention to MC, but you effing grew up and you don't contact your brother at all, what type of bullsh*t gentle personality.
  • I can understand why ML was disdainful and immature. After all you were forced to marry. But when he says he wants to know and live comfortably with MC, two and two don't end up. He had no idea what he spouse eats, never cared for his clothes, necessities, just anything. I can understand not knowing the family situation, but if your spouse doesn't visit their family, what then? And surprisingly, just when his white moonlight sends him a wedding invitation and he gets drunk, tw: drunk raping MC who couldn't run away due to physical condition due to old grievances that resurfaced. So author wants to sell me the love pie afterwards. Also him being really irresponsible when it came to the heart problem. Even if it's an archenemy, won't you send ppl to hospital, but he totally skipped the checkup.
  • MC's condition required therapy, I hope they got him it, I'm not reading extras. But in general it's like a severe PTSD. He surely was cut off from outside world and didn't develop well emotionally. Entire period of school was probably the only one. But later you get the cold-faced ML who only added to the inferiority complex. And MC basically had the habit of Q&A with himself which shows he usually is very lonely. His condition was made so broken that it's hard to believe anything after reading.
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Doileeko
Doileeko rated it
November 17, 2020
Status: Completed
More of a 3.75 stars than 4

Plotwise, it was nothing remarkable. I have read these types of stories before with the same scheme of events. If you have a bit of time in your hands, then you can read it. But otherwise it's just your standard angsty plot.

MC is sick and pitiful, ML ignores him and loves another. MC gets terminally ill. ML notices it, he feels guilt. Guilt magically turns into love because why not and voila!

Personally, I hate the ML because he is unnecessarily hurtful. Shen Kanyu... more>> is a person with low self-esteem, but I feel that ML is at times excessively rude and mean.

Though this novel does have some moments which hit you in the gut.

The most painful thing was reading the ending where:
Spoiler

Even till the very end, he believes that he will be thrown out. He lives on very thin ice, counting down the days to his death. Even in death he feels that he is a burden.

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I don't like ML because of his insincerity.

Spoiler

He changed his affections to Shen Kanyu only after the other person he loved was about to get married. He only started noticing his spouse after Song Tong was unavailable.

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ML doesn't give two shits about the MC where it actually matters. ML's pov kinda forcefully makes you sympathise with him, because he 'truly loves' MC, and therefore felt a bit unsatisfactory. MC pov was a bit more believable.

The fanwai ending made me uncomfortable because:

Spoiler

ML transmigrates to the past and is met with smol MC. ML decides to raise him and decides to marry him when he's older. Like what?

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LeniSnow
LeniSnow
March 17, 2022
Status: --
It's not sad, it's dumb. Do you have to force yourself to love someone just because they love you? Even if someone treats you nicely, is devoted to you if you dont like the person no one can force you to and that is your freedom of choice. If not then why are there people being rejected even though they are ideal.

Love isn't something you force, and is often unrepaid and that is cruel to ML as even he have feelings too, he needs time as well to move on... more>> to his new reality and accept that his unrequited love won't come true. Most reviewers wants ML pampering MC but reality isnt like that. It takes two stable minded people for relationship to work not what is often portayed in novels where one side is always reluctant.

MC not receiving love as a child makes him yearn for love. Yes, learning love would be hard so it is questionable if what he feels is love, but it certainly is unhealthy and toxic. As an unloved child you may love deeply and unconditionally for someone who shows you even a tiny bit of kindness but not in a healthy ways. It may include narcissism and the clingy co-dependent tendency to your closed ones. Your vision becomes so narrow you can't see anything else. As a matter of fact some people who never felt love or kindness before shuns away when they receive kindness as it is unusual or they're not used to it.

There are people who learn from their experience and not ask love from others but from themselves, so no matter how other people betray or cut them will always know their worth and keep their peace. Author just wants readers to pity MC so much that MC never recovers or finds himself, he always lives for others not even a momentarily realization of raw truth. His mindset is too much that I don't feel anything.

As I said it is not sad but dumb. <<less
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Cianne
Cianne rated it
August 24, 2023
Status: c30
It’s angsty to the point of being overbearing, but after reading 30 chapters I do believe it’s very well written. Despite the focus on the dog blood and how excessive some people find it to be, I think it makes sense because most of the story is told from the perspective of the MC (and he is incredible unwell mentally).

Also some of the genuinely real medical stuff they discuss in the novel is very subtle but pretty genius. It’s a pretty big spoiler so beware.

... more>>
Spoiler

The MC Shen Kanyu often eats sour or very bland things and say they taste sweet. The novel also often remarks that he is incredibly thin and has very bad eating habits.

The symptom of having a sweet taste in the mouth coincides with ketosis, a medical condition in which patients who haven’t consumed carbohydrates in a long time begin to burn fat (and consequently lose weight) and produce ketone bodies. These ketone bodies are further broken down to produce fuel and acetone as a byproduct, and acetone can actually escape from the mouth giving one a sweet taste.

At first I believed this whole sweet taste thing could be metaphorical or even a sign of MC’s unwell mental state, and that it was a coincidence the author happened to make. But later on the novel also drops terms like angina pectoris or human chorionic gonadotropin which indicates that the author does have some knowledge of biochemistry.

I just think it’s such a neat and subtle aspect of the novel that many people overlook and it’s actually great to see a novel with so many details like these.

Also it’s worth noting that Tang Xiu, one of the characters that actually has a medical background, seems to be much nicer and gentle to MC, it seems to imply that he was able to see through the smiles of the MC to realize he was actually enduring great pain all the time and its such a great detail, I really love the attention they paid to the character’s backgrounds and how this would affect their interactions.

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Nah
Nah
April 4, 2022
Status: Completed
Is it possible to love someone this badly?

MC was raised in cruel household. Then he fall in love with a man that drains his soul and body. Yet, he still blind with everything. Why yearn love when he knows he can't get it?? The only answer I can think through these hurtful chapters was: he doesn't understand if he, himself need to be cherished. He was raised as burdensome addition in family. This make him thinks he deserves nothing. He become s*upidly blind and lack of self respect. MC is... more>> hopeless, he can't help himself. So when he was faced with little care and kindness, he hold it dearly.

ML. Yes, he doesn't have responsibility to return MC's feeling sincerely. So, instead of caged MC by marriage, why can't he just let go for the start?? Sure he can blame the fate that he himself was trapped in situation he can't handle. Instead of solving it, he let his disappointment drain other's life. Find a solution, make a clear statement that they together is impossible, then pave the way so everyone can leave and life happily. Since ML is so powerful, what so hard to that?? <<less
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dyknowsaur
dyknowsaur
August 29, 2020
Status: --
So I mtl'ed some chapters, since I was intrigued by the storyline.

I don't know if my heart can handle all this heartache. Just be prepared for the waterworks at anytime.

Shen Fang, our main character is complicated; however he has made some horrible choices before giving birth (crazy obsessive jealous). Like damn, really, please value yourself more. Why do this for just one person, like for real, just stop! Also his background with his family is so sad. The boy just needs love, like tender love.

Yangsheng, the male lead... I dunno...I'm... more>> on the fence. I get why he's the way he is, but the story is mainly told from Shen's view and with all Shen's heartache going on...I just can't fully like the ML. At the beginning his actions are the typical a-hole moves, but is slowly changing, however he can't get over his first love.

While their marriage is horrible, they seem to be great parents to their little girl. <<less
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Zinchimon
Zinchimon rated it
August 10, 2021
Status: c14
Well my fellow readers... If you want to be abused then go ahead and read (;∀;)

From what I have read, I think MC is little mentally unstable (only a little.... don't beat me!) And it's because of the lack of love during his childhood, constantly told by his relatives and parents that it was only a mistake that he was born and if not for his grandparents superstition that it would bring bad luck if they (MC's parents) aborted the child they would have long since killed... more>> him in the belly...

As if it was not enough they (MC's parents) even gave cold shoulder to MC during his tender childhood years.. making him more distant from the familial love and care and I think it was during those times that MC started getting unstable... I mean look even I have a sister with weak constitution but my parents never shun me nor my other siblings! I thoroughly want to cut that little brother of the MC 'Father'....

And don't let me start on this 'Gu Yanshit'.... I can write a long long very long book on how I hate him (╹▽╹)

Anyway..... It's full of abuse and I as a masochist reader (only emotionally) fully enjoyed reading it till chapter 14...

Now off to the MTL's... So adios! <<less
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Passerby Soysauce-sama
Passerby Soysauce-sama rated it
June 10, 2021
Status: Completed
Binged this overnight and my eyes are ugly and puffy. There are 45 chapters and 4 fanwais... they should somehow make you feel a bit better at least after draining your tissue and tearduct supply haha. Drink a glass of water before, during and after reading for extra measures.

I really can't say ah--- reading this is realistically pogging through the pain and anguish, also having the strong urge to beat up certain characters.

... more>>
Spoiler

The thing I like about this is that the main story didn't "run away" from the heart abuse (eg. MC or ML dying then transmigrating for revenge or redemption all that)... It healed itself right in the same timeline--- a Happy End in the main story. There's that in one of the fanwais tho kukuku

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Suliana
Suliana rated it
December 20, 2020
Status: Completed
Pretty good! Very dramatic and sad. I loved it. If you're really into angsty stories. I'd recommend this one. The mtl is pretty easy to understand, so give it a chance.
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silverrr848
silverrr848 rated it
January 28, 2023
Status: --
Just finished rereading the novel, everything is good, I like it, and it's highly recommended.

I just think it would be more better if the people who made Shen Kanyu suffer, suffer more terribly, like they should suffer to the point that they think it's more better if they died. They should regret everything that they did to Shen Kanyu😭
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captainH23
captainH23 rated it
February 13, 2023
Status: --
Lots of spoiler ahead:

... more>>
Spoiler

This is... yeah no. Honestly, the most frustrating thing about this is the fact that we have glimpses of things like the fact that MC is a successful streamer and that he genuinely have friends that are willing to help him when he asked them to. If he had never fell in love with ML he could have eventually find his way to recovering from his shitty childhood. But he did, and the rest is just a spiral of self-destruction that is unfortunately partly self-inflicted (Not that it excuse the ML though. I'm not expecting him to like and pamper the MC after what the MC did to force them together and to ML's crush, but years of ignoring the MC even after he did everything to help him and not make trouble for him... Yikes)

A hot take: An actual happy AU would be the MC being rejected outright by the ML from the beginning even after the pregnancy, the MC choosing to give birth anyway and then move on from ML before eventually growing some level of self-love through raising the child by himself

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Anyway, the author sets out to write a dramatic angsty story but accidentally wrote an excellent psychological horror about a man being ground down and eventually destroyed by his traumas. A 1/5 as an angsty romance, but 5/5 as a psychological horror. <<less
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Jelly Belly
Jelly Belly rated it
February 27, 2022
Status: Completed
I made an account just to review this masterpiece.

I love angsty novel but I always hated those that ends with BE.

... more>>
Spoiler

But this one, though I woke up with swollen eyes the next day, I loved it.

For me, I find the ending where Kanyu left his family to die alone satisfying, because I'd like to imagine how devastated Yansheng would be when he knew. It's time for you to suffer, boy.

Honestly, this ML isn't as bad as the other out there, he's mostly cold, neglected Kangyu and treated him harshly (except that one time where he drunkenly r*ped Kangyu) but he still deserves every bit of the heartbreak at the end.

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The only point I can't sit with was:

Spoiler

Kanyu's family never paid any retribution for what they did throughout the story. At most, it was implied, his mother was jailed for hitting Kanyu with a beer bottle but that's it. After all the neglect and abuse Kanyu went through, I wanted to see them suffer at the very least.


Nevermind feeling guilty, because I doubt they even have the heart or the humanity left to feel bad, but I wanted to see Yansheng to put Kanyu's parents in their place. If Yansheng did that, I'd consider forgiving him for a bit. Gu Yansheng is a tr*sh in the beginning but Kanyu's family is a whole garbage can.
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I recommend reading this, though if you easily sympathize with characters like I do, do prepare an ice pack because your eyes are guaranteed to be swollen the next day! <<less
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Lokistar
Lokistar rated it
October 16, 2021
Status: Completed
First of all, this was such a breeze to read after that arduous journey with epiphanies of rebirth. It took me less than a week to finish, in comparison to two months! My Chinese must be getting better, though of course the language is simpler, and it’s shorter as well.

This was so agonizing to read during the first part, to the point that I was hoping Shen Kanyu would die just so he could be out of his misery and the gong abuse could start, and even later on, because... more>> the author keeps giving us tortuous flashbacks. And his mother was unusually despicable.
Spoiler

Like really. First you take his liver, and then you slap him because he almost died during the procedure? What is that, a mother or a monster?

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I’m usually inured against angst, but this main character was more likeable 😭 Reallu wasn’t enough gong abuse for my taste... If the author wrote a version where Gu Yansheng went back to when he was a kid and treated Shen Kanyu properly, I’d be happier reading that. <<less
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AriaDith
AriaDith rated it
July 22, 2021
Status: Completed
(ಥ﹏ಥ) (ಥ﹏ಥ)

It's so good. Worthy to be MTL-ed.

This is the first novel that made me go to gtranslate in one day just because there's no mtl on it yet. This is also my very first review.

... more>> Usually I don't like to read novels like this, but don't know why, when I'm looking through some recommendation list, and I read the description and reviews, I just thought I will try read it. But then I got hooked and went to gtranslate ┐ ( ̄∀ ̄) ┌

Shen Kanyu is a very pitiful child. He have never receive love, but he always give love unreservedly. But when he is given love, he cannot believe it (っ˘̩╭╮˘̩) っ

Gu Yansheng, , well. I just can say that he is, , making my heart hurt seeing how he treats Kanyu. Though in the latter half, he is also quite pitiful :v

Just be prepared for the hurt and the tears o (〒﹏〒) o

This made me cry so much that my eyes hurt. <<less
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moon17lover
moon17lover
July 19, 2022
Status: --
My heart was bleeding reading this I didnt expect the BE... more>>
Spoiler

i thought that maybe the MC can be healed and can live a happy life but alas even after the ML turned a new leaf the MC still walked on egg shell around him and finally got tired of his life and commited su*cide I cried alot for him and really hated his unreasonable parents how can a parent not have the instinct to love their child ?! I cant believe this are they not human ?! That was a total tragedy about the destructive power that your closest people betrayal can have on your life really tragic and outrageous

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ariski
ariski rated it
August 11, 2022
Status: Completed
I read this story from 12 pm to 12 noon and my heart ached so much. Thank you for translator team that portrait a pain from this story. This story doesn't even go through 100 chapters but I feel very tortured and read slowly to absorb all the pain.

Shen Kanyu (mc) is someone who has a simple mind but is very extreme for the people he loves. She will not hesitate to sacrifice everything for her husband, children, parents, sister and in-laws. He is a very sad character and needs... more>> affection.

Gu Yansheng (ml) Shen Kanyu's husband didn't like him from the start, thinking Shen Kanyu was a strange and slightly crazy person with an annoying personality. Gu Yansheng was also very indifferent and didn't talk much with Shen Kanyu. Their past was complicated and the reason why he hated Shen Kanyu left me in a dilemma.

This is not a typical dog blood danmei where there will be excessive bloody love struggles. It's more about how we see Shen Kanyu die slowly. I cried so hard it made my body tremble and my eyes swell. Shen Kanyu was a lost child, he did not know how it felt to be loved and treated sincerely. There may be good friends to him but we know that family is our whole world.

Spoiler

Shen Kanyu was not liked by his parents, his extended family had indoctrinated the little boy and said his parents didn't want him. Very sad. The 3-year-old even drinks water with a little scent of milk to make his older sibling drink more and become healthier. He can't even eat properly and always thinks all rude actions are normal because he is a naughty child on everyone perspective

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Also the thing never became much better!

Spoiler

And Gu Yansheng and his Mother were even worse. At home he was always out of the way like a mouse, he couldn't cough or moan in pain because he was afraid it would upset his son and husband. With his body half in the grave, he worked very hard to take care of the house and earn money that he had never enjoyed in his life.

Honestly I really hate everyone even his son, his daughter may be small but he has put the thought that dad is annoying which makes my heart hurt so much.

Even after he underwent many major life-threatening surgeries, he still went to see his husband, parents and child only to be harassed again for his disheveled appearance. I am very distressed that these people in the end have no regrets and grieve for Shen Kanyu's death.

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I know half of this story Gu Yansheng try to fix his attitude and want to love Shen Kanyu dearly. But his mother just make it worst, and he try hard to make it happen.

Spoiler

But The damage that had been inflicted after rejecting, berating and harassing Shen Kanyu for so many years was already imprinted on his bones and it made it clear that the opportunity existed, but in the end the result of the wounds in the past that had festered, even the greatest regret and effort he had put in what he did only ended up in vain because in the end Shen Kanyu always thought everyone hated him and leaving would make everyone's life better.

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I would give it 1000/10 for this one. Perfect way to suffer and question mylife. <<less
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ChuchoterChips
ChuchoterChips rated it
August 3, 2022
Status: Completed
Heart-wrenching and sad. It made me cry even if I don't want to admit that. Thank you to the author and translator for I have reread it again and again (though I mtled the later chapters, I still keep track).

If you're fine with the angst of 'don't know what you have until it's gone' starring a foolishly kind (and just foolish in general), unbelievably hurt MC, you should give it a try.

Not really part of the review but I got a bit inspired by it so I wrote something down—... more>> a semblance to the story's mood. (Dont have to check this out and it's a bit of a long post too, just thought it'd be cool to share it- with vague spoilers)

Spoiler

If only I told you the truth, would you not have threatened to abandon me then?

If only I was kinder, would you have felt home in my arms?

If I changed all parts of myself which you dislike, could you love me a bit more?

Between us, it is perfectly clear what positions we hold. The loved and the lover.

In all the swirls and corners of the universe, would there be a time you come to find me as beautiful as a star? In your memories, will I shine or rust, or worse, turn to a speck of unwanted, harmful dust to lodge in the crevices of your home?

When I showed you the universe I created, you had simply stared and gulped, the movement of your throat parallel to your trapped heartbeat. Had you experienced your drought in what I have watered? So much so that you seek a tree, when I have a pond full of tears?

If spring has come, will we be together still? If winter fades, will your silhouette too? How much more should I wait to even be in your shadow? You walk too fast, dear and I'm still paralyzed by an impossible desire— my daydreams keep me company where your hands can't lay.

When we are old and frail, I wanted to lay beside you and tell you as it is. I love you. And in the fragility of your heart, you will respond the same to me too.

Like a spell, I repeat once again: you will respond the same to me too.

How can I make you hold on? Tell me.

Do you know? Love does not have to exist for you, if I can pour it infinitely into your broken glass.

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Evesneon
Evesneon rated it
August 27, 2021
Status: Completed
Coming here for angst and pain and I got it, even able to have a HE package at the end. I MTL because I couldn't wait for Grim Translation's awesome effort and I fell in love with this.
Will be re-reading again once Grim finishes up.

As the story progressed, you see how the childhood of MC caused him to have this mindset he has today. Initially I thought MC was just a white lotus but I realised, it's because of ignorance and also abuse from young that caused him to... more>> act like this. I feel sad but happy for the future

Edit:

Then I read the extras and
Spoiler

it just crushes my mind 😭😭😭😭😭😭😭

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chibiching
chibiching rated it
July 30, 2021
Status: Completed
This is one novel I would happily re-read. Some might think that the MC is so infatuated with the ML that his actions are almost idiotic, but really, he's just simply so devoted to everything he loves that he's quite literally willing to give his all for their sake.

I don't particularly like nor care for the final chapter -- I think the author might've been trying to appease the readers who thought the MC needed some kind of redemption arc and because of this, it took away from the long,... more>> gut-wrenchingly painful (pun intended, maybe?) heartbreaking life lessons we've invested so much of our time on. I would have loved a written out version of those latter years (the ML described them in like 3 sentences) for a sense of closure (for both the MC and myself :P).

The MTL is not the best, but also not the worst. But it sure darn was worth frying my brain for.

All in all, one of my all time favorites that I will be keeping in my back pocket for those days where I want to remember to never take things for granted. <<less
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